Chamari Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Went through a mutual breakup about three and a half weeks ago--both felt like we needed some time, took things too fast--the actual reasons were pretty vague on both sides but basically we just felt like we needed to step back for a while. While the breakup has been painful there's no bad memories/cheating or anything like that associated with the relationship so I guess that's one good thing. Problem is that since the official break up we been trying to stay friends--partially because we hang out with the same group of friends so it's kind of awkward to try to stay away from each other. Even so, it's been pretty awkward ever since because we both still have feelings for each other. I'll admit, most of the awkwardness is probably in my mind--he was my first bf and I've never really had any guy friends before this year so I'm really not sure where the lines are for us to be friends. I actually talked w/him about this a few days back--I know, I probably shouldn't have but I felt like there were a few things I needed to clarify. During the relationship I admited to him that I had a hard time believeing that he really wanted to spend time with me. I've got some self-esteem issues but it was almost worse with him because he's really an extremely nice guy and there's always been this little voice in my head wondering if he only stayed with me and is so nice about everything because he felt/feels sorry for me. I'm actually getting some therapy to help me get past all that and I think it's helping a bit. Anyways, it was stuff like that that I felt like I needed to share with him because I don't want him thinking that he did anything to make me feel that way because he didn't. All in all he's just about the perfect guy--sensitive, great relationships with his family and friends, great career ahead of him, smart, funny, always willing to talk about anything--the only real complaints I can come up with are that he's so nice I wonder if he'd really tell me if he had a problem with something I did or anything, there have been a few times I wish he were a little more romantic, and a few times I wish he'd take a little more initiative--he's a pretty laid back type. The romance and initiative issues are relatively minor in my mind because 1)they only bother me occasionaly and 2) I know that he CAN be decisive and make things happen when they need to and also that he CAN be quite romantic at times. I'm hoping that the therapy will help with my issues with being able to believe/trust him because I know that it's stupid and I should be able to believe him--and I do until the stupid voice in my head starts kicking in. Anyways, didn't mean to make the background so long but here's my real question. We left our relationship kind of open--I think the way he put it was that we just met too soon--and we've both been thinking about whether we should try to get back together and maybe just take things slower this time? Major issue with this is that I've never dated any other guys and I know that both of us are looking for marriage--not necessarily soon but at some point in the future--so if we do get back together that's probably where it will go. He's said that one of his concerns about dating again is that I'll start feeling like he's getting in the way of my getting to know other people. I don't feel like that now but how the heck am I supposed to know if I will feel like that at some point? It makes it kind of hard to argue about it with him because I really can't answer that one. I really think that I need to work it out now because I would feel awful if we did get back together and this all came back to haunt me, but if I go out, date other people and come back I'll regret the wasted time. But I suppose it really wouldn't be wasted, would it? If it helped me to be sure? Hmmm. I don't know. I'm just so confuzzled. I know he likes me but he keeps saying he thinks I need to get to know other guys. Gaahhh! Any thoughts are welcome.
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