Fiance's sexual past and current situation

[VinaAmez]

You said this was 3 years ago if I remember rightly. Wow, from this site I get the impression you guys in the US get married really young. The average age to get married in the UK is 36 for men and 33 for women!!

Wow that's a high average.

[sb129]

Yes but there needs to be some element of compromise. If she knows that it upsets him her seeing these people, she shouldn't just be like, "oh get over it", if she loved him she would recognise this and do all she could to not make him feel that way.

 

^Exactly. A relationship is a series of compromises. And if you help contribute to the mess, you must help clean it up. She has to help clean it up.

 

Oh, I agree with that too, its just that SuperRex will probably get better results from his GF if he is reasonable and talks to her rationally. Which he seems perfectly capable of, judging by his responses in this thread.

 

The ideal situation would be that she volunteered to limit or cease contact with the guy in question....

[MoonGirl]

If you want to be with this woman, you can't hold her past against her. Why did she do what she did? Like you said, peer pressure or drugs. I've done many things I am not proud of, but I have learned from them. If someone were to hold my past against me, I would feel very hurt. She didn't do anything to intentionally hurt you; and your past is certainly not perfect either.

 

If she's be totally honest with you, that shows you that she trusts you and wants open communication with you. If you freak out on her about her past, you're going to loose her trust and honesty.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to keep her from seeing her friends. She will resent you for it.

[MoonGirl]

Hardly!! 6 is NOT a lot

 

6 sexual partners? Well, that all depends on your point of view. Most people who meet new partners don't like to hear their new guy or gal has had any more than what can be counted on one hand.

[JamesM]

Hardly!! 6 is NOT a lot

 

It is relative. Six in how many years is a factor.

 

Besides my point was that she may think six women who she needs to be measured against is a concern. While she and her boyfriend did it with another couple, the OP has not been sitting on his hands either. I do not judge him for that. I simply point out that she may have issues as well...if she did not accept him as he is and not who he was.

[DanielMadr]

I agree with MockeryJones. You are not a priest. She gave you her "sins" to cope with. Dont let her emotionally blackmail you. She made mistake. You forgive her. She made mistake to give you the burden. You forgive her. But you want to ease the burden by you two not seeing those two. I cant understand she cant get it.

 

Just insist. Thats only think you ask and it is not much. She cant have all for petes sake. Is she 4 year old or what? Please do insist unless she loose respect for you....and love.

 

I know things are complicated when there is child on the way. And it is the most important thing. But child should grow up in good enviroment. No drama just insist.

 

It does not trouble me that she did that and told you that. It troubles me that she only takes from you (put troubles on your head) and gives nothing (not seeing friends).

 

I dont envy you.

 

In your place....I would probably wait...be proud that you married such adventurous wife and enjoy the baby.

 

If she continues in this path of tormenting you and living her life without respect for you I would put my foot down everytime it happens. And if she doesnt change. Give all your love to the baby and prepare yourself for ejection.

[DanielMadr]

I would like to thank everyone for their feedback, however I have some more questions/issues.

 

Now, I did talk to my fiance about this issue yesterday and I basically communicated it to her that it hurts me to know she is in the presence of this guy and how it hangs over my head when we are hanging out with them and I feel incredible uncomfortable about it. She had told me she doesn't know what to do, that this girl is one of her best friends. I then proceeded to ask her whats most important in her life, she of course said it was us. She told me if I told her she had to stop hanging out with them or I would leave her, she told me she would still be with me but look at me differently...

 

Here are my questions to your everyone..

 

1. Is it selfish of me to want or desire her to stop hanging out with her friend all together so she doesn't have to be in the presence of this guy shes been with sexually? Who's being selfish in this situation? me or her???? and why can't I grasp why the heck her friend is okay with my fiance even hanging out with her and her fiance (the only conclusion I have is that she is just as equally warped in the head)

 

2. Am I acting in a way in which most men would react to such a situation?

 

3. Is it just me or is it insanely awkward and messed up for my fiance wanting to still spend time with these people? Does this look bad on her? Show a lack of commitment to me or love for me???

 

4. What can be done on both my and her behalf to help ease my mind regarding this situation?

 

Thanks everyone...

 

1. Definitely not. Its not your fault and your demands are justified.

2. Yes. Some may say it is about pride but I doubt it. Who hangs out with ex gf/bf/fb while married?

3. Yes it is messed up. There is possibility that you loose some respect if she makes all her way. Insist. Be cool. Dont shout or anything. Easy. Be aware of emotional blackmail...remember - You forgive her but you want this because you dont like them. If she had 3some with Bruce Willis and Carmen Elektra you wouldnt mind. end of story.

4.Take ***itol

 

If there wasnt that kid, I would be packing. Not for that 3some (thats bad)...not for her telling you(thats bad too) but that she make it your problem like little spoiled brat. Had she told you to hurt you? No then participate in cleaning the mess. Grow up. You can tell her this too. It should help.