J.LO Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 My boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 years today. He is in college and iam in grade 11. He has stated to me that he wants to join the army, and iam greatly against it. I dont want to breakup with him, but I told him soo many times that I dont think he should go there because it changes you when you come back. I really want a family, and I dont want him to change because of the things he has to see there. I dont believe in it. I told him and he says he's going because that is his dream since he was little. What do I do? Breakup, or be miserable with him while he is in war?
CaterpillarGirl Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 If you can't support him in this decision for himself, then I think it's probably best you break up. He's made it clear he feels like this is important. Even if he stayed for you, he'd eventually resent you. You are very young still and I'm sure you will be able to find someone new who will have a more similar life plan/view. It takes a lot of fortitude (strength) to be in a relationship with someone in the military, and if you aren't up to it, that's okay. Just be honest with yourself.
kitkat826 Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 First, I'd like to start this post by saying I know how you feel, having dated someone while I was in high school who also eventually joined the army and then went off to Iraq while we were together. My first reaction to your post is that you are way too young to be bothering yourself at this intense level over a relationship. I would right now bet my entire bank account that if you were to break up with him and move on to something different in your life, within a year you would be certain that you had made the right decision and, in addition, your life would not be worse for the wear (assuming that you make good decisions for yourself afterward as well). As an 11th grader in high school you have simply have not had enough experience, nor have developed sufficiently to be able to imagine all the wonderful different paths your life can take from this point on. This situation is merely one small moment in many more years and years and years of experience to come. The problem with your first love and relationship is that it is all you know, and you have nothing else to compare it too. What seems tremendously important and all-encompassig now will change in your eyes as your grow older. Its not that this relationship hasn't been special or that you don't truly love him, but instead that at this age you really are not able to truly understand it in the bigger picture of your life, what you want for yourself, how you will change, and who you will become. Secondly, as you have said in your post, being an army girlfriend is no small thing. I have been there, through basic training, AIT training, a year-long deployment in Iraq (and back in the beginning of war, when there was very little communication), and then the hell that is them coming back and having to re-adjust to normal life. You are 100% right, they do not come back the same. All in all, this is a hell of a lot of pressure, stress, and committment for a young person with so much potential to be put through. I would not recommend if to any young person in their first relationship. I think you should follow your gut and logic on this one. I also don't think that at this point he should be sacrificing his dreams for you, either. It seems like you two are on different paths. I would let yourselves continue on them, because it seems like you both know what you want. If the relationship is truly meant to be, then you'll have the chance to be together in the future if the situation arises. But for now, enjoy your life!!
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