How does ANYONE manage to break up when there are always reasons to stay?

[stockmos]

Would like input on this.

 

Really, how does ANYONE manage to break-up (I have in mind long-term live in relationships/marriages) without going out of their mind?

 

There are always reasons to stay, and how do you get past them?

 

It's one thing to break up with your partner in your head, but then...

 

- how do you break up from the flat/house you shared for xx years, the street it is on and the neighbourhood?

 

- how do you break up from the nice neighbour across the hall?

 

- how do you break up from the friends you made that you know you will now lose?

 

- how do you break up from the view out of the window?

 

- how do you break up from the same morning sounds in the street outside you had for xx years?

 

- how do you break up from the cafe, bar, restaurant you always visited together on a weekend?

 

- how do you break up from his/her's parents' lovely home town you visited and got to know so well?

 

- how do you break up from your favourite holiday destination?

 

- how do you break up from that special wine you discovered together, or that band/piece of music that became "your's"?

 

- and how, how on earth do you bring yourself to physically remove belongings from the shelves in the home you shared and walk out?

[spinback]

All to do with weighing up the reasons to stay against the reasons to go I guess. I was unhappy with my ex, and for me that outweighed everything. Losing everything in that list was a painful but necessary step if I ever want long-term happiness.

[Citizen Erased]

I think that when you get to the point where you are not thinking "how can I not wake up next to this person, hug, kiss, make love etc" but "how can I leave our memories/apartment etc" then you should know that in your heart it is over. Memories are great but do not give your relationship a future.

 

If you stay with anyone other then for the fact that you love them and cannot think of not seeing them everyday, then it is for all the wrong reasons.

[stockmos]

Two excellent replies. But neither answers the question of basically: how one breaks up without going nuts, and/or being sucked in by nostalgia?

[sb129]

Would like input on this.

 

Really, how does ANYONE manage to break-up (I have in mind long-term live in relationships/marriages) without going out of their mind?

 

There are always reasons to stay, and how do you get past them?

 

It's one thing to break up with your partner in your head, but then...

 

- how do you break up from the flat/house you shared for xx years, the street it is on and the neighbourhood?

 

- how do you break up from the nice neighbour across the hall?

 

- how do you break up from the friends you made that you know you will now lose?

 

- how do you break up from the view out of the window?

 

- how do you break up from the same morning sounds in the street outside you had for xx years?

 

- how do you break up from the cafe, bar, restaurant you always visited together on a weekend?

 

- how do you break up from his/her's parents' lovely home town you visited and got to know so well?

 

- how do you break up from your favourite holiday destination?

 

- how do you break up from that special wine you discovered together, or that band/piece of music that became "your's"?

 

- and how, how on earth do you bring yourself to physically remove belongings from the shelves in the home you shared and walk out?

 

You break up from those things when it becomes clear that they are the only reasons why you are staying.

 

But it is VERY hard..

[Trialbyfire]

During this time, it's best to remember the reasons why you're breaking up. Pick the defining reasons why and it will help to downplay the nostalgia.

[suckmykiss]

From listed above.......you're afraid of change not afraid of being without your SO.

 

Now if you said, "How do you get over...."

 

'living without them'

'the way they taste'

'the way they make you feel good'

'the chemistry you have sexually'

'banter between you two'

'their touch'

'their friendship'

 

then I'd say you miss them.

 

You mention none of that.

 

You miss the surroundings. That's all.

 

Now imagine forementioned surroundings with someone with whom you are in love.

 

All you mentioned can be found elsewhere. With someone you love.

[sb129]

Great post suckmykiss.

 

Completely agree

[Guest]

I agree with TBF and SMK,

 

Sometimes it becomes about not "why stay" but "why not leave".

 

Its the same kinda thing as "when the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving".

 

People can convince themselves of anything if they want too.