brightsky000 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 i've posted twice before about my situation with a guy I was dating/best friends with for the last six months. I told him i wanted to be with him exclusively and wasn't going to wait around. The NC thing lasted a few days and he started freaking out and calling and texting non-stop. I eventually called him back and things are slowing moving towards back to normal with our friendship. (He is acting like nothing has happened.) I just want to get over him as fast as possible because he will not change his ways and I deserve to be treated better. But I want to still be friends because we were a really great match in that respect. ANy suggestions on how to NOT get pulled into all the clouding thoughts of all the great times and "the way things were"? Because honestly, there were very few bad times. He just began taking advantage of me and my feelings for him I guess, he got comfortable. Is there a way to get over it without just focusing on how much he hurt my feelings? ALso any suggestions on how to get this guy out of my head and heart asap so I can stop thinking about him?
Author brightsky000 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 please? anyone? this is the first time I've ever been through a break up. =(
kimba Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 oh, we're living in a fast world, and you want a fast getting over a break up fixit plan. You can't escape it. You can fill your life with people and things and work and play and all of that, but breaking up involves a grieving process, like a death, and if you do NOT feel it, or do NOT deal with it, it will catch up with you (take this from someone who knows). there is no quick fix. You pretty much are going to have to keep yourself busy with life , and then realise that, while you are waterskiing, clubbing, stamp collecting, whatever - a memeory of him will seep in, and you are just going to have to deal with it. It sort of comes in waves, getting over someone. You can help yourself by staying active and healthy , and maybe dating someone else. You had a very close friendship with this person. You cannot escape this loss, and you cannot "speed it up". All you can do is live well through this time.
Author brightsky000 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 damn. thats what I thought. but was hoping wasn't true. =)
oppath Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 You don't have to do no contact, but you do need limited contact. You can't force the friendship to happen. If it happens, it really won't be until 6 months to a year down the line. It has to happen naturally. Very few people remain friends with their ex's even when they say the are; what they often mean is friendly acquaintance. You must accept that it will take a long time for this transition to occur and you will likely hurt during that time. There are no fast ways. None. With my ex, what I miss most is the friendship. We weren't really friends first, and normally I don't regret taking the risk, but with her, yeah, I cherished the friendship. I know I can't ever be friends with her. When you become romantically intimate with someone, they know facets of you that no-one else knows. How they relate to you is completely different than a regular friendship. These differences may be subtle, but they are strong. My suggestion would be to cut down on contact (not necessarily no contact, maybe agree to 1 phone call every two weeks and only hang out with mutual friends).
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 It depends on how hung up you are on the guy. If your emotions are intense, N/C is the only way to cure it and only over time. You have to step back from the guy, analyze who he really is and his actions towards you. Right now in keeping your friendship, he's having his cake and eating it too.
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