Engelskreiger Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Our relationship lasted a year and a half. Early on it started fast, and we had our share of problems. But eventually got past them. Despite our problems we both had a great deal of love. It was spectacular. The last six months or so have been riddled with arguments that escalate and often left us upset or broken up temporarily. And I made a mistake very early, when I was drunk, i left another girl kiss me, ahd it has bothered her alot since then. But over all, we were very much In love but we fought often. About 2 weeks ago, I was started having extreme thoughts of leaving. later, out of noowhere I broke up with her. The next day, i regretted it. I know that I love her, but our relationship needs work. Over the course of the last week, she and I have been talking. At first she didn't want me back. The we started talks of staying apart, finding ourselves then eventually coming back to eachother. But every time we got close to getting back together, she pulled away and told me we just had to end it. We went through that about six times untill last friday. She had plans to hang out with friends. before she left we were set something like We'd hang on to our love yet see other people to make sure we were what we wanted. (Something I had faith in because I know I want her). After they hung out, she stopped at her Ex BF's house and they watched TV. He attempted to cuddle with her. She didn't stop him. The next morning she told me about it, and told me she told him that it was awkward. After some tears and talking we came to the comclusion that we HAD to just be freinds for now. I went out to hang out with a friend of mine to take my mindoff it. While I was out with my friend, i came to the realization that the relationship, no matter how much love we had, had to end, but one day, after we'd grown we might be able to make it work. Well, I came home to tell her that, only to find that she was back at her Ex's house. And because there was going to be a bad snowstorm... She went there knowing full well that she'd not be able to go home and would be forced to sleep over... OUCH. So here I am today, havent talked to her since. deep down I know nothing happened because just yesterday she told me that she doesn't want a new relationship, and that i am the best bf she'd ever had and that if she ahd to be with someone later.. she'd pick me. But I go back and forth between being a mess and being ok. I know that I want a life with her. And I know that... at least two weeks ago, she wanted that same life with me. I am trying No Contact (note trying: i'm having a real hard time) hoping that she'll miss me and come back AND that i'll feel better and be able to move on if she doesn't. But obviously I want her back. Can anyone give me any advice? Do you think she'll come back?
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Sorry to hear about your situation mate. i know its hard, and even tho i know it hurts like mad, the hurt goes away, it really does. Think about why you are doing no contact. You cant' do it as a manipulation tool to try and get her back, because you will probably be disappointed. There is alot on here about NC, and the general consensus is that its for YOU to try and clear your head, and heal. Because right now its about YOU. Its a shame she is seeking support from her ex because that is obviously a bone of contention for you and I can understand why. Give it a month of NC. Then you will have a clearer head, and you will be ablw to think about the situation a bit more logically. You may realise that you don't actually WANT her back....
Author Engelskreiger Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Also, I really wanna know what, if anything happened last night. Not knowing is making this NC extremely hard. If I just knew nothing happened, I'd be able to drop it easier. I wishy washy. I love her, and I want a relationship again with her in the furture. But I am doing this for me, because .. even if she came back to me today and said she made a mistake, I wouldn't be able to jump right back in (i'd be a helluva lot happier tho). Once I move on, and handle my issues and make myself a better person, a new relationship with her (or anyone else for that matter) would have a better chance of success. But, I really hope that one day, it will.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Your last post was really rational and impressive for someone who has just split up with someone! I suggest you try and forget about last night. I know not knowing is tough, but if you ask her she probably won't tell you anyway. harsh but true. You willbe fine, I think you have a good attitude. And each day it will keep getting easier, it really will.
Author Engelskreiger Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Thanks, I am trying really hard. but I am not gonna lie, I am multi tasking. I am moving on, trying to stop the pain, trying to be better. I'm playing my guitar more. Singing more. Singing actually helps when i am overcome with emotions. I started working out again - which will probly make crazy changes to my body, because at least for the time being, I am having trouble eating (i'm just not hungry). And i am going to a therapist because i have issues, like i beat things to death when they bother me and my parents think i have anxiety. I don't want to have lost her because I had anxiety, but I think it had alot to do with my I acted toward her. Alot of problems we had seem to sprout from my insecureties and tendencies. You noticed I am rational. Sometimes, when i have control over my emotions. So anyway, Multitasking. I'm doing some of those things for her as well. is that wrong? .. i mean i'm nor neglecting myself and i am not sitting at home waiting. But I can't be out all the time (which is why i am here - to vent to someone instead of her) is it wrong to hope? and does anyone think theres a chance? take a look at how she was acting, does it look like she's DONE or just confused. I've read a few of these threads and see guys like me being rediculous. I'm trying not to do that, but we made a great couple and she made me truely happy. I want that for her, I want her to be happy. And if that means now I have to let her go, I am ok with that. I just really hope she will come back. And i really hope i can keep myself from talking to her. I've never been good at that.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I can't really talk for her. There is no way of us being able to answer that question mate. But you are doing the right things at the moment. Exercise is good, its good for the mind as well as the body. Everyone overanalyses things and gets wound up about them at some point. Mid twenties was partic bad for me. It gets better.
spinback Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Thought I'd jump in here to emphasise the importance of not talking to her. You've agreed to see other people to make sure you're right for each other, so unfortunately this is what is to be expected. Hypothetically, if anything had happened with her ex, you really don't want to know about it... firstly you'd be breaking NC (and wrecking any progress you may have made so far) and you'd be crushed with the knowledge that she's been with someone else. For now, I'd try to make my peace with the fact that the relationship could be over. Getting (or keeping) your hopes up is probably the worst thing you can do.
Author Engelskreiger Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Something else that makes this hard is that, this really isn't like her. She gets mad. She's very assertive. But she used to talk a great deal of trash about this guy. I mean, hes about my age. Doesn't drive. Lives with his mom. hasn't had a job for years. I on the other hand am doing pretty well. I live on my own, I have been driving for a long time and am planning on purchasing my first house. Not to mention, despite my flaws, I am an extremely loving and supportive guy with lots to offer. She's told me a million times that she was glad she met me and that she's lucky to have me. She's also told me that she's glad she met me and didn't go back to him, because it would have been terrible for her life. WTF you know? Like , i am a guy who loves her, and willing to work on my problems and she's making herself feel better with someone who was a bullet she dodged? I really don't understand. I mean it's rational that she and i take time off and see whats out there. But for crying out loud, why dive back into a "been there" pool? I'd rather lose to to someone new than to a loser. And because of all that... i really want to know that she's just out having fun to keep her mind off it, not trying to ... you know get what love she's lost with me from him.
Author Engelskreiger Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 I'm pretty sure she hasn't, but i just wanna hear it.*sigh*
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I mean it's rational that she and i take time off and see whats out there. But for crying out loud, why dive back into a "been there" pool? I'd rather lose to to someone new than to a loser. And because of all that... i really want to know that she's just out having fun to keep her mind off it, not trying to ... you know get what love she's lost with me from him. Its not your concern anymore EK. Its her life, and she needs to make her own mistakes and learn from them.
Author Engelskreiger Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Yeah, your right. Hearing you calling them mistakes... lifted a bit of the wieght bearing down on my heart. She'll figure it out, and if I am available when she want's me back, then great. If not, sorry girl, I wanted to work it out, you wanted the break.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Thats better. By the time we have finished with you on loveshack you won't even want her back.
Author Engelskreiger Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Now don't you go getting you hopes up.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Lol. Thats the spirit. I am a happily taken lady, but I will reserve you a space in the queue.
Author Engelskreiger Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 I keep screwing up. This NC is not as easy as it looks. I always try to get a handle on the situation. Geez, i know i am pushing her away further. Now i am starting to feel like one of the guys I read about earlier. whine whine whine. I was doing so good this morning. I didn't even want to try to call her.
spinback Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Does that mean you've contacted her? Try to call to mind how you felt when you ended it with her. Are you sure you've made the wrong decision? You said you were frequently arguing for 6 months (that's a long time) and that you had a strong desire to end it. When I broke up with my girlfriend, I regretted it too -- even if not for a particularly long time. I ended up apologising to her and telling her how much I loved her, even after she'd gone through the entire catalogue of "How to treat a guy badly". Sitting here 2 months later, the only thing I regret is the fact I actually said this stuff after breaking up. All it did was made me look weak and pathetic. I realise your girl may not be the same bitch my ex had been to me, but there must have been some reason for you to argue as much as you say you have... so much so that it brought the relationship to an end. If you go begging now, chances are you'll end up feeling the same way I do. No doubt your head is overloaded with emotion and that is always going to cloud logic, but to an innocent by-stander, your relationship obviously does not sound like it had become a happy one. You said that she talked trash about this ex of hers all the time, and that if there was ever a choice, she'd pick you. With that to go on, it sounds like she's either trying to make you jealous, or testing you to make sure you really care (vaguely the same thing I suppose)... at least that's probably how I'd interpret it. Surely if she has an ounce of intelligence she'll realise this guy is a nobody. Just keep doing things to take your mind off it. And most importantly, don't contact. From experience, it doesn't do any good. Quite the opposite.
Author Engelskreiger Posted February 26, 2007 Author Posted February 26, 2007 Well, yes I did contact her, and It was probly the best thing I could have done. (anyone reading this thread - your situation might be different, i don't suggest ANY contact if you are trying to do NC. but honestly, mines a bit different) She and I had a long talk, she assured me that she wasn't running to him, she was running from all the memories of us that she had in her living space (her bedroom). She told me it was to hard to stay there so she had to go somewhere. Nothing happened with her Ex, he hugged her, but only to console her. (I kinda appriate that on his part, I want her to feel better) We talked about our goals and our futures. and ultimately agreed 100%. She's not one to lie, and she's not one to lead me on. She did none of that. I didn't like everything she had to say, but most of it was good. here what we came to. The future is uncertian. Obviously we love eachother very much, but the relationshp wasn't working. After we take care of ourselves for a while, and spend some time alone and work out our problems and faults, perhaps one day well be able to work. But either way, it is nessicary to move on. Also, we decided, mutually, that if we should decide that we want to be together sooner than later, were going to take it SLOW. That mean no talk about marriage, nothing TOO serious thats going to lead to stress or fighting. Just a relaxed casual relationship. Our phone call ended on a good note. And now my nerves have settled. I can commence not calling her. And I won't. That's something I have decided on myself. Sure, if she trys to talk to me, I'll probly talk to her. But no talk about the relationship. Soon I will feel like a million bucks (in fact, I already feel like $100k) and so will she. And once we complete ourselves as people, alone, then maybe one day we can complete eachother.
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