stace79 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I would like to hear from others about the concept of soul mates or one true love...Is that really how it is? Have you ever broken up with someone or been broken up with by someone you thought was "the one"? I'm feeling that way about this one guy, and that is the most disturbing part about it...thinking that I will never meet a man who's kisses make me melt like his, who's hugs feel like the only place I'm meant to be...who's smile and mannerisms give me butterflies. I've never had a relationship where I felt like this about a man on EVERY level...emotional, physical...we are literally like best friends, but at the same time have the most amazing sexual chemistry, and he agrees. How do you force yourself to realize that he is not the only one who could be like that? I haven't met another person with whom I "clicked" like this except him in my 28 years. Will it take another 28 to find another one like him? Will I ever?
LN99 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Even though its cool to think there is that one soul mate out there for us, I honestly think there is more then one person out there that you can have a wonderful relationship with. I think its what you allow yourself to feel and letting yourself get past a great relationship that didn't work out to find something better. Ever notice how when you date different people you tend to compare them in your mind? Say you dated a guy when you were 20, and everything seemed pretty good. Then you dated another guy a few yrs later and it was even better. Then you dated a few inbetween that were not so great. Then you meet someone else, and its even better then you ever had before. See a pattern here? You might find qualities about someone that you like, and then you find someone else and there is something about them that you like EVEN BETTER that you didn't even REALIZE that you wanted or liked. So, in all honesty, I think dating is just an experiment to see what you want and don't want for the long run(marriage etc.) You can't honestly always say you had the best, because something better can come along. Then again, it may not. I guess its all up to you and being open to experiencing different people. Then you just hope one of the good ones work out for the long haul. But then again, this is just my opinion.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I agree with LN99. I think as you get older you get a bit more discerning. If there is only one out there for everyone thats not very good odds. And sometimes feelings are slow to creep up on you- it doesn't always hit you straightaway.
Audero Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I hate to use the phrase "soul mate", but I think I understand your meaning. IMO, there may be only one who you "truly connect with at every level". The one who seems perfect for you. Does that mean you can't love again, should that relationship not work out? No. I met mine. The one who affected me beyond anything I ever imagined. That didn't work out, for some pretty major reasons. I still love him, and think I always will. But I have moved on, and found a new man who I love very much. It isn't the same, he isn't my ex, but I love him for who he is, and am happy.
Author stace79 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 At the risk of being too risque, I guess my biggest indicator in this particular situation is that he is the most amazing kisser and the most amazing as far as intimacy goes as I've ever known. Our kissing style is almost identical....the first time I kissed him I was absolutely smitten. And it's stayed that way throughout the year I've known him. I have never had a guy so responsive to what I want....and it's almost like he's inside my head and knows exactly what I like and what to do. We both agree that it's like we fit together, physically and as far as what we enjoy and how we react to each other. He says he has never had anyone like that either...and while I know great sex is definitely not the only reason I should stay in a relationship, I feel like it's a pretty big one. I knew that I could be happy never kissing another man in my life...and he says he felt the same about me. I just hope that it's possible to find someone out there like that again. (Yes, there were many many other reasons I love him.) I hate to use the phrase "soul mate", but I think I understand your meaning. IMO, there may be only one who you "truly connect with at every level". The one who seems perfect for you. Does that mean you can't love again, should that relationship not work out? No. I met mine. The one who affected me beyond anything I ever imagined. That didn't work out, for some pretty major reasons. I still love him, and think I always will. But I have moved on, and found a new man who I love very much. It isn't the same, he isn't my ex, but I love him for who he is, and am happy.
Author stace79 Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Yes...at the risk of starting a completely new topic, we are doing the "trying to be friends" thing. He still had feelings for an ex-gf. We aren't intimate like that anymore...we make a really valiant attempt at not doing ANYTHING physical if/when we do see each other. We didn't see each other for a few weeks until this past week, and Friday we decided kissing and cuddling would be okay for one night. But the sexual chemistry between the two of us is mind-blowing. We have decided after Friday night that it's good to go another few weeks without physically seeing each other at all. Have you broken up?
magichands Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 At the risk of being too risque, Risky. I guess my biggest indicator in this particular situation is that he is the most amazing kisser and the most amazing as far as intimacy goes as I've ever known. Our kissing style is almost identical.... One notices that most when in the act of rimming.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I am pretty sure Magichands could be my soulmate, but he is too damn easy with that trunk of his. He says that to all the girls. Stace79- I am pretty sure you can reach amazing physical levels with more than one person. I have anyway... but I am a slapper.
magichands Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Stace79- I am pretty sure you can reach amazing physical levels with more than one person. Took the words right out of my mouth. I was just about to suggest a threesome. I have anyway... but I am a slapper.Don't be silly... spanking is the best way to bring all your senses to a crescendo of delirious ecstasy.
roxy_1980 Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 First of all, you weren't looking for your soulmate for 28 years. I'd be very surprised if it's over ten years. Most people do not go looking for serious relationships til they are out of college. Second, of course you will find someone to love just as much or more. Yes, it won't be the same as with him, but considering the experience ended in a break-up that's a good thing. Every time you fall in love is different. It will feel different, the guy will be completely different and you will be completely taken away with different. We are compatible with many people. The trick is to find someone you're compatible with when both of you is open to the possibility of a long term thing happening. Timing is just as important as chemistry. As for the remaining friends thing....Given your feelings for him right now, that could be a bad idea. It may inhibit your ability to move forward in life. You may keep concentrating on him cause he's still lingering about. And who needs a real physical reminder of the past to make your comparisons, seems that you're already doing enough of that as it is.
Curmudgeon Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 I think as you get older you get a bit more discerning. If there is only one out there for everyone thats not very good odds. And sometimes feelings are slow to creep up on you- it doesn't always hit you straightaway. I thought I married my "soul mate" almost 40 years ago. I was 23 and I was wrong. Thirteen years ago we separated and I divorced her, something I should have done 13 years before that. Ten years ago I married a woman who had been a trusted, admired and respected friend for five years. I was 50 and she was 48. She's my soul mate and I am hers. We attribute the beauty, strength and wonder of our marriage to it having begun with true friendship and at mature ages. I hope no one else has to wait as long as we did but I'm here to tell you, when you find that one it's well worth the wait.
Woggle Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 I don't knowe if I believe in soulmates but it is amazing how much my wife and I relate to each other. We just fit well. I don't know if it is a soulmate or we just click very well together.
Storyrider Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 I think there could be more than one person who you feel drawn to in a deep and meaningful way. Then you have to give yourself to that person fully, I suppose, in order to really be soulmates. I think you mean someone who touches you on all different levels, emotionally, intellectually, sexually etc. and that is hard to find, but I don't think you're limited to only finding it once. What is more likely though, is that you'll find someone who is spot on, on one or two of these levels, and totally misses the mark on another. Then you have a tough decision to make.
Freedom Now Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 I thought I married my "soul mate" almost 40 years ago. I was 23 and I was wrong. Thirteen years ago we separated and I divorced her, something I should have done 13 years before that. Ten years ago I married a woman who had been a trusted, admired and respected friend for five years. I was 50 and she was 48. She's my soul mate and I am hers. We attribute the beauty, strength and wonder of our marriage to it having begun with true friendship and at mature ages. I hope no one else has to wait as long as we did but I'm here to tell you, when you find that one it's well worth the wait. Thanks.... You give me hope.
quankanne Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Every time you fall in love is different. It will feel different, the guy will be completely different and you will be completely taken away with different. Yes! And that fits in with my theory that every relationship you have – no matter how deep it is or how "right" that person seems to be – you get one step closer to the one you're meant to be with. I fell hard for a college classmate, who I was sure was Mr. Right, but alas, that relationship didn't work out. While I was trying to get over the break up, I met the man I eventually married, though I didn't really "see" him as marriage material. because as crazy as I was for the college guy (even up until several years ago), the reality is, my husband is a much better match than College Guy ever could hope to be. Husband is the only one I've trusted with important things in my life, and even though we can get into hissy fits with each other, he's where I want to be because he's home. and when I think back to all the heartaches of unrequited love, of "losing" the one I was sure was Mr. Right, I laugh because I see how wrong I was about those guys and how blessed I've been to have him in my life as my partner. upon reading your post, I'm kind of wondering if you weren't like me with that college guy, feeling that the chemistry between you two is the whole basis of your relationship. While I had incredible sex with that guy, it just cannot compare to the sense of surety I've got in the relationship with my husband.
Author stace79 Posted February 26, 2007 Author Posted February 26, 2007 upon reading your post, I'm kind of wondering if you weren't like me with that college guy, feeling that the chemistry between you two is the whole basis of your relationship. While I had incredible sex with that guy, it just cannot compare to the sense of surety I've got in the relationship with my husband. That makes me feel tons better...that is a great point. As much as he and I get along, as amazing as our chemistry is together, you are right -- if he can't give me the security of me being the one and only, then it ISN'T really the best relationship. I hate admitting that. I WANT this to be it, honestly. I love him for so many reasons, but the one big reason we have issues is really HUGE. Thanks.
sb129 Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Stace- when i was in a toxic relationship, I found myself wanting it to work, even tho deep down i knew it was wrong. I wanted it to work because I didn't want to admit failure. I would play good cop bad cop with myself, and give it one more week becasue of "x,y,z " reasons. now i am in a great relationship, I don't even think about it. It works because it does. we are both pulling our weight 100%. Thats how I know my man is the right one for me now. Not to say there may not be others out there, but I don't care to meet them right now!
boshemia Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I don't really buy into the one true soul mate for life theory anymore. It is one of those romantic ideals that keeps us tied down to fantasy. In many ways my ex was my soulmate, we could talk for hours, we connected so deeply that we couldn't stand to be apart for any length of time. We were so sonnected that later every time he cheated on me I actually FELT it while it was happening. I would get this wave of nausea, this feeling in my gut that something was wrong with him. I even had dreams where I could see the girls face, and later on I could pick her out of a crowd. It was strange, but we just had a connection I couldn't break... I've had that connection with other people since, not just lovers but female friends. Never as deep or as overwhelming as it was with my ex, but the same feeling of finishing each others sentences, doing things at the same time when neither party realized it. Just because you connect on that level with a person does not mean it was magically meant to be. There is no magic when it comes to relationships, it just seems that way. And that's what makes it feel good... Yes you will find someone else, and the feeling will not be exactly the same. It will be even better... I promise.
Trialbyfire Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I don't really buy into the one true soul mate for life theory anymore. It is one of those romantic ideals that keeps us tied down to fantasy. I completely agree with this. If you want to explain couples that connect, it's about compatibility of core values, interests and strangely enough, ideals.
quankanne Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 if he can't give me the security of me being the one and only, then it ISN'T really the best relationship. I hate admitting that. I WANT this to be it, honestly. ooh ... sounds like my relationship with the college guy. I was ready to be his one and only (yes, even to the point of flirting with the thought that, "oh, it wouldn't be so bad if I ended up pregnant by him") but apparently HE felt otherwise. No matter how deeply I believed I loved him, it wasn't doing a thing to inspire him to be faithful! I sometimes wonder about him, about whether he's still with the woman whose marriage he broke up, if he's got a good life, if he ever had kids and if they were as good looking as him. Then I thank God for my husband, because I realize there are a lot of things I've experienced and accomplished in my life that wouldn't be the same if I hadn't him in my life to share them with. Does that make Hubby my soul mate? I say no, because soulmates to me aren't romantic in basis, but he's definitely someone who gives my life zest.
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