My sister

February 27, 2007

"This is her sister" what an argument. I guess no sister mistreats their sibling, and abuse is done by strangers :rolleyes:

Storyrider : love has nothing to do with it, probably all abusers love their victims in their own way. And she can't know whether she's an abuser or not until she lives with her, I and others just think she is showing many signs and had to warn her about it

February 27, 2007

"This is her sister" what an argument. I guess no sister mistreats their sibling, and abuse is done by strangers :rolleyes:

You need to learn some respect. You are making so many hardline assumptions that aren't the least bit helpful.

Storyrider : love has nothing to do with it,

Love has everything to do with it. Black-and-white thinking does not help us navigate this maze we call life. Your "signs" are nothing more than the basic human reluctance to accept help, when the terms require compromise.

February 27, 2007

I know this has been said several time already, but it bears repeating, this his her sister who's also young and has her own family who's willing to support her financially and even send her to school and I happen to know she's not rich.

I get the feeling that some of her comments are her harsh style of expressing herself that she learned from her mother and some of it may even be a confrontational style of humor. My cousin Lisette is like that. Sometimes Alch seems a little too sensitive I think.

That being said your writing touches me as always Alch, you're such a smart girl and you have so much potential and I wouldn't encourage you to go with your sister if I didn't think it's the right thing to do.

Yes, you should listen to your Daddy. Father knows best, you know.

So did you decide to go with her?

February 27, 2007

I went to a therapist for a few weeks, but it wasn't working for me, so I stopped going, and I'm not all that interested in trying another one again.

Why is that? Perhaps you didn't find the right match. It took me 7 years to find a good therapist that I "clicked" with.

February 27, 2007

I have an odd relationship with my mother, alchemyst. She used to be quite cold and controlling. Now that my dad is dead she's changed drastically, but the essence remains.

I keep a certain protective emotional distance from her because "the way she shows love" is actually rather hurtful.

I hope that your sister is not like this. I've made posts from my own bias, I'll admit that. I've been in your shoes before. The poverty, struggling with school, emotional numbness from trauma, use of substances to cope. For me, no matter who tried to help it didn't help because ultimately the only one who can help you is YOU. You have to make that decision for yourself. Otherwise it won't matter who offers you cash, housing, whatever.

February 27, 2007

Alche any more thoughts on this? I guess both sides have presented their arguments...have you made a decision on it or still thinking?

February 27, 2007

Alch after reading more of your posts some of her rules make sense.

ie no smoking or hanging out with your friends (that you use with). Also coming at a reasonable hour lets her keep tabs on you so to speak to make sure you are not going on a bender.

I understand that the rules are tough but if I had a sister that was really struggeling and doing drugs I would probably enact the same rules.

1. to help her get clean and get on track

2. because I wouldn't want drugs in my house.

3. I am not sure I would want a bunch of high/drunk hanging out at my house.

I guess it boils down to what you want. You have said you broke, in poor health, can't afford your meds, do drugs., hang out with people you call losers but they make you feel like you fit in. You want to change but can't on your own.

your sister is offering you the oppotunity to change but if you are not ready for this opportunity than don't take it. If you are not ready you will break her rules and get kicked out.

also you should think about living with your sisters coldness and whether or not that would make you want to use more to cope with her.

If you were to take this opportunity i would go to therapy again. It sucks to be sick and therapy helped me deal with my illness and how if effected my life. Also if you are using drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism you need to replace that with healthier ways to cope or you have a high chance of relapse. (I am sorry I don't know what illness you have I haven't kept up on you threads)

February 27, 2007

Hi alchemyst,

Your sister sounds like a freak to me. A control freak and more.

I´d say, stay away from her and don´t talk to her again.

You can only expect damage.

Ariadne

February 27, 2007

Hi alchemyst,

Your sister sounds like a freak to me. A control freak and more.

I´d say, stay away from her and don´t talk to her again.

You can only expect damage.

Ariadne

Sure....that's perfect advice! Keep on smokin your junk, and hangin with the winners you hang with now. You'll see, you'll wind up on top of the world girl!

Give me a break. Alch has openly, OPENLY, admitted that her life isn't going quite the way it should be, and she struggles with it just to make it day by day.

What does that tell you people?

Today's world is all, "Do what you want, any ole' time, who's cares, you only live once.....sex it up, smoke it up, the world owes you, not the other way around".......

All I have to say is good luck with that if that's what you subscribe to......

February 27, 2007

Alc,

I am so sorry. I just read some of your past post. You have had a rough time lately. And for your parents to be so blaise about your heart failure.

I would like to add two things. One would be would reacreational drug use hurt your heart even more?

Also if you lived with your sister wouldn't you than have the money to see doctors, get meds, and go to therapy?

It is totally up to you of course. But maybe take some time to think about what you want your life to be and the steps you can take.

Does your sister know about your health problems?

February 27, 2007

:lmao:

The sister is a nazi for requesting that her sister who smokes pot has a rough track record and is in need follows a few rules?

PLEASE go to her house Alc....

You need boot camp, you need to clean up your life, you need structure, goals, and you don't need to be emotional about it.

This woman is offering you so much and you are so self centered to call her a nazi, controlling, and a freak.

You are not an adult at this point in your life. Maybe just maybe your sister can help you reach adulthood.

Sorry to be blunt, but cripes if you want to "feel free" I have a nice cardboard box here you can have and I know of a bridge you can hang out under for the next 30 years getting wasted.

Take this oppurtunity to get your shiot together... It is obvious your sister does care for you and is frustrated it has gotten to this point.

You know she has feelings and a life too...... what have you done for her?

February 28, 2007

Yes, you should listen to your Daddy. Father knows best, you know.

So did you decide to go with her?

Father confuses me.

I've put most of my clothes and other stuff in my suitcases. I realized that I really don't have all that much here, so it wasn't difficult.

I still haven't told her anything, though.

Why is that? Perhaps you didn't find the right match. It took me 7 years to find a good therapist that I "clicked" with.

Well, I only went a few times. Maybe like 3 or so. Something like that. I don't remember exactly, though. Anyway, a lot of the time she ended up talking about her and her sister and how she got abused when she was young.

And she also made comments about how, when she was my age, she used to smoke clove cigarettes, as well.

When it came to me, she didn't focus much on my family or my last relationship, which were the things I wanted to talk about, but on my first relationship; one that occured some 6 years or so ago with a guy who was physically abusive.

I suppose that that topic was on interest to her, since it was obviously more "hurtful" than my last relationship (the one I blab about all the time)--at least physically, but I honestly didn't want to talk about that. At least, not always.

I don't know. I suppose I didn't really like the way I had to talk about what she wanted me to talk about and listen to her and her stories when I was paying $50 for her to focus on memememememe.

Since then, I haven't tried again. =\

I have an odd relationship with my mother, alchemyst. She used to be quite cold and controlling. Now that my dad is dead she's changed drastically, but the essence remains.

I keep a certain protective emotional distance from her because "the way she shows love" is actually rather hurtful.

I hope that your sister is not like this. I've made posts from my own bias, I'll admit that. I've been in your shoes before. The poverty, struggling with school, emotional numbness from trauma, use of substances to cope. For me, no matter who tried to help it didn't help because ultimately the only one who can help you is YOU. You have to make that decision for yourself. Otherwise it won't matter who offers you cash, housing, whatever.

I think I understand what you mean, bo.

The thing is that when it comes to my sister, and my mother, too, for that matter, I really can't decipher when they are trying to show love.

Actually, I don't think my mother ever even tried to show love. She was strange. Thinking about it, I don't know how I or anyone else was able to deal with her emotional disability.

I can't say that my sister is controlling because I only lived with her when I was a wee baby, so I don't remember. But for certain, she is a very cold person. Perhaps she gets this from my mother, or maybe it's a family thing that I simply didn't catch onto, but she is a very cold person.

From the short conversations I've had with her, though, I think that I can safely assume that yes, she is the type of person whose way of showing love actually comes across in a somewhat hurtful way.

For example, her saying that I'm stupid and inept is probably her way of trying to make me "open my eyes" and to realize that my way of dealing with things will only bring forth more difficulties, but even if this is true, it's still kind of hurtful.

Sure, I know I say this about myself too, and I believe it to some extent, but it seems like it brings a whole new meaning to it when someone else, especially if they are related to you, says it so abruptly.

And I agree with you that the only way for me to be helped is for me to actually want to be helped and to make the first necessary steps in order to better/help myself.

The problem is that I do want to live differently and I have tried, but I've been very unsuccessful at it. I've tried to stop smoking stuff, to stop drinking (though, to be honest, I really don't drink all that much), to stop hanging out with people who only make me feel better by making my failures acceptable, and so on.

I've tried going cold turkey on the substances; I've tried to "slow down" on their usage; I've tried to hang out in my little room by myself, opting to talk to people online instead, in an attempt to not go out--and other things. It works for a while, but I go right back to the same old thing, and honestly, it's not because I want to, but because I just don't seem to know how to actually hold onto these hopes for change.

Hence why I say that I suck.

In all these times, I've never really had any help from anyone, and sometimes I think that maybe that's what I need, while other times I think I just need to take a deep breath and try again . . . by myself.

Hi alchemyst,

Your sister sounds like a freak to me. A control freak and more.

I´d say, stay away from her and don´t talk to her again.

You can only expect damage.

Ariadne

I know my sister is cold and that her personality is hard to deal with. I also know that her word choice can be hurtful, but I don't think my sister is a bad person.

If she were, she would never have bothered to help me in any way. Perhaps this kind of help is too crude, but this is the way she is.

I just worry that I may no be able to measure up to her standards.

Today's world is all, "Do what you want, any ole' time, who's cares, you only live once.....sex it up, smoke it up, the world owes you, not the other way around".......

Hmm. I don't think I'm like that. That's really not my mentality at all. (I hope that's not the way I come across as.) I don't think the world "owes" me anything . . . or anyone, for that matter.

In fact, aside from my apparent addiction with weed, I don't think I'm all that wild or anything. I'm boring, really.

And if you have read my comments, the difficulty of this decision doesn't really come from the "limitations" it will have on my social life: I'm not saying, "Oh, f*ck that! I'm 20 and I want to be able to go in and out and come back whenever the hell I want, and if she won't let me, then screw this!" or anything along those lines.

Yea, I'll be honest in saying that it will kind of suck, and that I will miss my hobo friends, in a way, but what it really difficult for me is trying to decided whether I will be able to measure up to her standards--not the coming home by a certain time ones--but the other more important ones, like relieving myself of my habits on the spot or getting the best of grades right away.

It's not that I'm trying to be rebellious about it; it's just that I'm scared of setting myself up failure yet again, and this time disappointing more people than just myself.

I would like to add two things. One would be would reacreational drug use hurt your heart even more?

Also if you lived with your sister wouldn't you than have the money to see doctors, get meds, and go to therapy?

Does your sister know about your health problems?

The doctor I now go to told me that, even though he doesn't recommend it, smoking weed is more preferable than drinking alcohol. He said that it is not as dangerous for my heart, considering the meds/pills that I take.

Other drugs, of course, are bad for me just like they are for others, if not maybe even more, which is why I try very hard to steer away from them, regardless of how tempting they may be. I have tried some other things, like acid, but they've only been a one time thing.

And yes, my sister knows, and she has told me that it will be better for me if I go with her, at least in this sense, so that I'll be able to go to the doctor when I'm supposed to (for check ups and med. refills) without having to worry about how I'm going to pay for it.

I don't know if my sister would be willing to pay for therapy, though, because she thinks that's a waste of money.

The irony here is that I'm studying psychology.

:lmao:

The sister is a nazi for requesting that her sister who smokes pot has a rough track record and is in need follows a few rules?

PLEASE go to her house Alc....

You need boot camp, you need to clean up your life, you need structure, goals, and you don't need to be emotional about it.

This woman is offering you so much and you are so self centered to call her a nazi, controlling, and a freak.

You are not an adult at this point in your life. Maybe just maybe your sister can help you reach adulthood.

Sorry to be blunt, but cripes if you want to "feel free" I have a nice cardboard box here you can have and I know of a bridge you can hang out under for the next 30 years getting wasted.

You know she has feelings and a life too...... what have you done for her?

I don't think I'm being self-centered. I also don't think I ever said my sister was controlling. I called her a nazi, yea, but I was joking. It's not like she's German or anything. I don't think I called her a freak, either, but if I did, I was also just joking--I don't mean these things literally, you know.

My calling her a "nazi" comes her personality--she's cold and rigid and her way always has to be the right way, it seems.

I base this off the times she used to come over when I was with my parents. Having her and my mother under the same rough was a nightmare. She also seems to behave the same way with her husband, who is another emotionless robot.

My sister is a trip. She seems to purposely not want to show any emotion . . . kind of like if she took pleasure in being a bully of sorts.

I don't think this makes her a bad person, and I don't think I've ever said that she was a bad person. In fact, I believe that I've even said to someone on here that sometimes I wish I was more like her, but that, unfortunately, I seem to be the exact opposite.

I know I need to clean up my life and that I need structure--I believe I've admitted to that many times already. It's not that I don't want to do things differently, it's that the times I have tried to turn myself around, I've had no success, and sometimes I feel I don't know what other way to try to use.

And you don't have to apologize for being blunt, but I do have to inform you that my issue/problem is not with my wanting to "feel free," really, but with failing to meet her expectations. I think I already addressed this above.

I know she has feelings (maybe...) and that she has a life, but you're making it seem like I asked her to do this, which I didn't. She chose to offer me this willingly, and I appreciate it wholeheartedly.

The thing is that my sister has never ever shown any interest in me prior to this. In fact, there were several times before when she outright admitted to "disliking" me because she thinks I am a useless waste of a person like my father. Keep in mind that my dad is not her dad--her dad is the guy my mother is currently with.

She never liked my father and openly admitted it. I don't know exactly why that is, but I suppose it's because my dad entered my mom's life when she left my sister's dad.

While my sister is generally unemotional, she seemed to be especially distant and bitter with/towards me. Prior to this, again, she never showed any interest for my well-being or any other "sisterly" ways, so this is why it is so shocking to me, and also why I am so scared: it feels like she might finally be giving me a chance, however obscure it might seem, and it feels like me and my sucky self is going to blow it.

As for what I have done for her, I don't think I've done anything. I just try to not bother her, which, perhaps, is the best thing I have done for her.

But if this suggests that I have to do something in order to expect something from someone else, then I disagree with you: I know for sure that if I were in her position, I would have trying to help my younger sister since long ago. In fact, I think I would have asked her to come live with me right after the parents left, and I certainly wouldn't have needed her to do "something" for me. I just don't think that's how a family works.

But maybe that's just why we are so different.

Alche any more thoughts on this? I guess both sides have presented their arguments...have you made a decision on it or still thinking?

These are my latest thoughts, I guess. I've already put my clothes away, but I've yet to call my sister.

February 28, 2007

*WARNING* LENGTHY POST TO FOLLOW!

I have been away from LS for several days and I am so sorry I am so late in replying to your thread. This is an important decision and I certainly want to contribute to your thoughts and decision on this issue.

You already know that you have a particular spot in my heart. There are so many parallels in our lives although we are, at times, decades apart in experiencing them. We also have had different experiences as well.

Of course my first reaction is "come live with me!" Logically I don't see you moving across the country to live with someone you barely know, but emotionally I want to hug you, because that is what has been missing from your life IMO. You need affection because you have been abandoned. I can't help with your tuition expenses, but I can certainly offer a roof over your head with no expenses. If you would consider it, I would open my home to you. Please don't thank me in a PM, I just care about you and caring doesn't require thanks. I know you are grateful for kind words, my lovely friend.

Now, lets get to the decision at hand. Obviously I do not know your sister, and have limited knowledge to your life's story. Still, my gut is telling me you should take her up on her offer. I only know of one other on LS that you converse with in other ways, and we share the same opinion. I will attempt to address the pros and cons of her offer.

With your sister you will live rent free allowing you to concentrate on your studies versus concentrating on paying for your survival. That will eliminate the need to work two jobs/write papers for others and allow you to use your intelligence for your own gain. You could still probably handle one job for personal expenses (I'm not talking smoke, here) and you could likely save much of that income for future use. The money your earn would not be spent on weed and we know how much is going towards that.

By living there you would lose privacy and expense, which is currently all yours.

Your sister would be paying for/assisting with college tuition. When someone pays for your higher education they expect to see some results for their investment. I happen to know that you are quite capable of results as you are achieving A's for others in writing papers on subjects you are not always all that familiar with at times. I honestly believe that good grades would not be difficult for you, and would be even more satisfying when those grades were for yourself. It would have to be easier to write good papers when not working so many hours.

With your sister you could not smoke. Anything. That would be hard, but not impossible. Cigarettes are not good for you and your health, but the patch did wonders for me when I quit. Initially they cost more than cigarettes (at least in my area) but less in the long run. For me, I didn't find patches necessary for as long as they recommend, and I also smoke a cheap brand (Doral) so the break even point was at about two months. If patches are expensive in your area, I could send them to you. Cold turkey is cost free, but more difficult and I would not recommend it with other life changes. Maybe you could work out an agreement with your sister that stopping one habit at a time might be better. No weed or other illegal smokeables/drugs from the start, then quit cigarettes. You could smoke outside her home in the meantime.

Curfew. I'm not clear on what time is deemed acceptable by your sister. My sister once lived with me for two weeks during a breakup with her boyfriend. I didn't place a curfew of any kind, but I didn't appreciate her coming in drunk and loud at 4am. I'm going to guess that 3am would not be acceptable to your sister. On another note, if you're not out with your "hobo friends" (your words, not mine) what reason would you have for being out so late? If your are not seeking the company of what society terms as the less desirable, and concentrating on your studies, I'm not sure how the curfew would be a problem. Generally speaking, you could be in your room on LS or yahoo messenger at a reasonable time. You could still have friends, just not those that are "failures" and content in their perceived lot in life. Maybe you could rekindle the friendships that you have avoided due to your own perceived failures.

The whole being emotional thing is hard for me to understand without much knowledge of your entire upbringing, and your sister's as well. I am interpreting it to mean that she is a cut and dry kind of girl, that logic rules over emotion. I base that on several comments within your posts and nothing else. I can understand her making that a "rule" if that is the kind of person she is. I am understanding that as "no drama." While I consider myself an emotional person, I have a low tolerance for "drama" for the sake of drama. I do not mean to imply that you are dramatic, just that she may see you that way for some reason. You lived together when you were at a dramatic age and she may not have been able to see growth within you because of that. I do NOT see you as dramatic, so I don't perceive a problem in that area.

As for your ex, hasn't it been quite some time since your breakup? While nothing is impossible, a reconciliation often occurs fairly quickly. You stated yourself that reconciliation may not happen, so wouldn't it make more sense to assume it won't than that it will? Do you know if he has moved on? This is the area that I am most unfamiliar with.

You are currently living in a situation that is quite lonely and living with your sister may be lonely as well, yet in a different way. Her comment about crying over the cakes was likely just her inability to deal with an emotional reaction to something that she sees as logical. She may have known that you enjoy the cakes and considered it an offering of good intent. A good faith measure, if you will. People that are not emotional by nature don't understand becoming emotional about something they consider to be simple kindness. She may not understand that you haven't felt much kindness from the world at hand in the past. You share the same mother and she handled your mother's withdrawal in a different way than you did. She coped by withdrawing herself, while you crave affection from your mother's withdrawal.

I will support you no matter what decision you make as you have far more knowledge of the intricacies involved, but I truly want you out of your current situation. I want you back on the course life SHOULD have taken you. You are intelligent and beautiful and your current course is wasting your intellect. I understand your choices because I have made them myself and only wish I had chosen a different path that was more self serving than making the bed of thorns I chose to lie on at the time. I see so much potential in you, but recognize that it is your potential to use or not.

I hope you choose to use it for our own gain instead of the gain of others. I'll be here no matter what you decide to do today. I'll be here hoping to change your perception of yourself. Any failures you perceive within yourself are just that, perceptions. Change can come at any time if you embrace it, I only wish I could embrace it for you.

You are loved, my oh so special girl.

February 28, 2007

Hi,

I know my sister is cold and that her personality is hard to deal with. I also know that her word choice can be hurtful, but I don't think my sister is a bad person.

You are just making excuses for her because you feel you have no choice. She already made you feel this way.

I just worry that I may no be able to measure up to her standards.

You won't. No matter what you do.

Ariadne

February 28, 2007

[/b]

This was written in a hyperbolic, expressive, dramatic spirit. It is about Alch's feeling more than her sister's behavior. You're reading it as if it were literal.

She admits later on this thread that she knows her sister loves her and that she is not an abuser.

Storyrider,

Have you ever been abused?

Yes, Alch expressed her feelings, and her feelings are valid and important.

Many people who are abused are terribly confused about what they are experiencing. The abusers never admit to being abusive. They put you down, blame, and warp your reality. The fact that Alch's sister is calling her stupid, incompetant, etc is a big red flag. Once Alch moves in (if that's what she decides to do), her sister will likely become even more controlling. Because Alch is very sensitive, this situation will not work well.

February 28, 2007

:lmao:

The sister is a nazi for requesting that her sister who smokes pot has a rough track record and is in need follows a few rules?

PLEASE go to her house Alc....

You need boot camp, you need to clean up your life, you need structure, goals, and you don't need to be emotional about it.

This woman is offering you so much and you are so self centered to call her a nazi, controlling, and a freak.

You are not an adult at this point in your life. Maybe just maybe your sister can help you reach adulthood.

Sorry to be blunt, but cripes if you want to "feel free" I have a nice cardboard box here you can have and I know of a bridge you can hang out under for the next 30 years getting wasted.

Take this oppurtunity to get your shiot together... It is obvious your sister does care for you and is frustrated it has gotten to this point.

You know she has feelings and a life too...... what have you done for her?

a4a,

While, in theory, this solution sounds great, it won't work. Alch is the ONLY one who can help herself. If her sister is controlling and manipulative (even if only in Alch's eyes), Alch will feel threatened, abused, and will probably be worse off in the end (on the streets?). Alch needs to take care of her own problems. When you enable a drug addict (assuming Alch is addicted) by providing them with a place to stay and strict rules (which they won't follow), you are only prolonging their experience. They have to WANT change and make that happen for themselves.

February 28, 2007

a4a,

While, in theory, this solution sounds great, it won't work. Alch is the ONLY one who can help herself. If her sister is controlling and manipulative (even if only in Alch's eyes), Alch will feel threatened, abused, and will probably be worse off in the end (on the streets?). Alch needs to take care of her own problems. When you enable a drug addict (assuming Alch is addicted) by providing them with a place to stay and strict rules (which they won't follow), you are only prolonging their experience. They have to WANT change and make that happen for themselves.

She DOES want to change. And what do you think they do in rehab? They restrict you and they have rules. So basically her sis is providing free rehab.

February 28, 2007

They have to WANT change and make that happen for themselves.

Trust me, she wants change but has been unable to break a vicious cycle.

Living with her sister is not ideal, but her current situation is even less ideal. I won't go into all the reasons why I feel this way as I do not want to reveal anything that has been stated to me in private, although much has been revealed in this forum. Her family has been torn apart by several events and while I am surprised at her sister's recent overtures, I honestly believe they come from a tough love standpoint versus an opportunity to kick a person while she's down. Everyone deals with pain and disappointment in their own manner. the_alchemyst has dealt by being more tolerant, forgiving, and sensitive to others. Her sister may have had to build some walls for her own ability to deal with these events.

That doesn't make her sister a bad person, she has just handled her pain in a different way. The offer to care for her youngest sister in ways that she can is an action of love in my eyes. Yes, she is coming across as as hardnosed, but I understand that what she is saying is that she wants to help the_alchemyst, but doesn't want to be shyt on in return. Sis wants to see the_alchemyst make better decisions and choices than the self loathing choices she sometimes makes. Her sister is acting very much like a mother of late, and this girl needs a mother right now.

Being a mother to an adult who is making poor choices is more difficult than being a mother to a child IMO. It is so difficult to see one you love spiral down out of control and feel that all you can do is eliminate enabling behavior towards them. You SOOOO want to help them, yet you cannot seem to make them see that their own choices are self destructive. You cannot keep giving them a fish when you know you already taught them how to catch their own.

I can understand how those who have been abused cannot help but see red flags and put their personal slant on things. I am surely putting my own personal slant on the situation as well, I just come from a different angle. We may all be wrong, we may all be partially right.

Worst case is that this living arrangement will not work out and the_alchemyst can always move out and leave having no regrets that she didn't take an opportunity that might have been helpful to her. She is not far from achieving her academic goals and with hard work she can be out of there in no time at all. As it stands right now, the odds of her finishing her college education are slimming daily and such an intelligent mind should not go to waste.

At the first sign that she is in trouble over her head I will personally head west if needed. She will never be homeless on the streets as long as I have a roof over my own head, and I mean that in all sincerity. I would joyfully take her in today. However, I see this as a possibility to mend one of the torn relationships within her immediate family. That would be a wonderful thing for her longterm. Someone pushed me in that direction once, and it probably saved my relationship with my parents to have had that push. Our relationship is not ideal, but it's existent when there was a time that existence looked unlikely. I selfishly want to provide a surrogate family for her, but that will always be an option later and nurturing her real family ties is an option now.

Addressing the-alchemyst, now, whatever you end up doing, you know how to contact me in various ways. You know you have my full support in any event. ((((HUGS))))

February 28, 2007

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone who has posted on this thread: all of your comments and opinions are greatly regarded and appreciated.

I have taken a great deal of time to go back and re-read the posts in this thread because I think that they all offered insights that I probably would not have been able to produce on my own. Everything that everyone has said helped me to better analyze the situation, and to better see the possible outcomes of each decision.

In all honestly, I don't think I would have been able to come up with all of the ideas, suggestions, possibilities, and conclusions that you all did, which probably would have led me to make a hasty decision that would have been anything but well-thought out.

Given this, all of your comments along with my own personal thoughts, feelings, and assesments of the situation have led me to come to the conclusion that I think is the most suitable for me, for the time being.

As I've said before, I'm sure, I had already started the process of packing. Since I don't really have many things here in my little studio, this task hasn't been daunting in the slightest.

Last night, after some more thinking, I decided that it's best that I go.

I have already tried many times to fix everything by myself, but even if it seems like I'll finally succeed, I don't. After much thought, I've come to the conclusion that the reason why I always seem to fail to overcome my issues is not really a monetary, but a moral one. I seem to have been dragging my morale down even lower than the soles of my shoes, and I don't want that anymore. And honestly, it is because of this that I am propelled to go: while she may be helping me out in many tangible ways, I think the type of help I need the most is moral/emotional help.

It may seem ironic, then, that a person who is so emotionally vacant may just be the one to help me out emotionally.

My mind is always in the clouds, even if it may not always seem that way. I realize that I am too soft-hearted, too forgiving, too apologetic, too accepting--too "nice" to everyone else but myself.

In some way, it feels like I still have the mentality of a child, which might be nice in theory, but severely impractical in reality.

Things aren't always pretty and people are not always inherently good--I can say it, but I have trouble believing it, and I think this is bad for me because with that mindset, I am only ultimately setting myself up to be torn apart by life.

I do not want to become emotionally devoid like my sister seems to be, but I do want to build a stronger character. And maybe this will be the way in which she helps me the most. Maybe this is just what I need in order to straighten myself out.

So, having said that, I've decided that I'm going to go--for better or for worse, I still do not know, but I can only hope that it will be for the first.

I should be there by this Friday.

I just hope that I don't miserably fail here, too. I hope I won't.

Anyway, thanks for all of your help, everybody. You guys have helped me a lot in regards to this and to many other things, and for that, I will always be grateful for and to all of you.

Thanks!! :)

So, here goes, then: A new "chapter" of sorts in my life--and hopefull and better one, eh?

We will see, but for now, thanks again everyone. I won't forget it.

February 28, 2007

Goodluck Alchemyst. Let us know how it goes.

Hopefully she will let you log on to LS.

March 1, 2007

Hey,

but I do want to build a stronger character.

That you will.

Good luck alchemyst and keep us posted.

Ariadne

March 1, 2007

Hi Alch,

I have been keeping myself up to date on this thread and I am glad you finally reached a decision. Personally, I felt that some of demands made by your sister was ridiculous, especially the "no emotions" part. The good thing is that this is only a temporary arrangement and I am sure that you are able strong enough to cope. Maybe you can get a friend to share a flat with you once you get your own place again - it will be good to share the rent etc and make life a bit easier for yourself.

In the meantime though, good luck and like the poster said above, please keep us updated.

Coco

March 1, 2007

Yeah good luck, I hope I and the other half of this thread which advised against you moving will be proved wrong, anyway maybe you can have a backup plan in case things don't work out - such as having a job even part time and saving some money in case this thing doesn't work out or she kicks you out...

March 15, 2007

Hey alchemyst,

So? How are things going?

Ariadne

March 15, 2007

I think her sister probably ate her.

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