pureinheart Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Is it just me becoming tired of posts within this forum asking "IF" or "WHY" or "HOW" a married man is flirting or coming on with them? How should said poster respond to said flirting, etc? It seems to happen every week w/ the same kind of "story". "He's this way and and I am just trying to "understand"... but seems I've never read one who asks out right how to AVOID, or even wishing to avoid. ie: "I am feeling harrassed, this is very uncomfortable for me, I just hate this, how do I make this stop?" What I have noticed is that not one ever says they wish to thwart nor seek advice as to how to deflect unwarranted/ unwanted advances. Personally, I have grown quite tired of answering these threads. I feel baited as these posters seem more likely to want to know HOW to further attract these men as opposed to caring if they are married, single or fuggly as he##. I can't help but create an official and standard reply: YES, you are hot as melted butter and we bow to your hottie ness YES, he wants you and we bow down to your hottie ness YES, you will do the deed due to your hottie ness Official addendum: Don't forget birth/ STD control and do have great sex. Other than that, what could one possibly say? This is great puddle...lol....thinking a "get over yourself" statement is applicable also.... To the ladies that start threads such as the new threads that puddle has described: First, make a conscience self observation of how you are coming across to men, how you carry yourself....be honest with yourself....men usually don't continue a persuit if it is not fed..... Men can see a vulnerable female a mile away..... Please do not feel flattered by the attentions of a MM....the majority of MM are looking for another trophy.....trophies sit on a shelf and get dusty, sure they get taken down to get dusted and cleaned, but they are put right back on the shelf....
Can'tGiveUp Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Men can see a vulnerable female a mile away..... LOL - when I first got separated, my best friend (a MM), told me to be careful...men can smell a newly separated woman a mile away!
frannie Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Thanks for all the responses to this thread however I wish to state that this thread was begun (by me) simply because I was somewhat suspicious about similar threads being posted within the very recent past. Though, the recent may be quite genuine, I have noticed that too many are quite similar in content (and the "gym" scenario is all too common). Correct me if I am not good at remembering the exact contents of these threads but they are so seemingly familiar that I had begun to suspect that PERHAPS something is not "quite right", here? I highly doubt that so many are going to the gym or anything like and needing to know "why" a MM would be flirting with them in order to know...what, exactly? As well, it would seem that most of these may be baiting and more about how to begin to persue an affair which makes me, as a member of this forum, very uncomfortable as I don't feel this is what this forum is about... Again, ILP may be very genuine and I do apologize if I may have stepped on her toes regarding this as she may not know the history behind these types of threads. Yet, it does seem odd that so many are so similar in content...??? I know what you mean, PoM... I feel the same way when I read them at times, because they do start out so similar, and continue in exactly the same way... the person posting doesn't want to talk about anything BUT the MM and 'what it means'... ... I just don't know whether there are that many people with so similar stories out there... or whether it's some kind of joke. I suppose it's just possible that there are a lot of young, clueless women with internet access and a MM paying them attention... who knows. On the other hand, that type of thread always gets SO many responses that it's a perfect way for someone with a lot of time on their hands and a desire to wind people up to get a little weekend entertainment. The young, innocent newbie only concerned with sex is perfect for everyone to 'advise' and get wound up with.... perfect troll material, in fact. edited to add: Just thought that none of the people who start out with a story like this seem to end up as a regular poster... which again suggests that they're fake stories. Who knows.
elijahBailey Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 It's kinda odd but when I read the posts by ILovePink, what it sounds like to me is ...... yada yada yada...... I know the effect I have on men..... yada yada yada .... I know the effect I have on men ..... yada yada yada ..... I know he's attracted to me ..... yada yada yada .... I know I am attractive .... yada yada yada.... Is it just me or some of you peeps feel the same?
Impudent Oyster Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 I personally don't think you have to have low self esteem to be tempted. Temptation is human. I disagree. Obviously if you're married you must have some kind of insecurity or low self-esteem to feel that you need attention from another man. If you were self-confident and secure, you wouldn't need this kind of reinforcement. You'd say "Hey that guy thinks I'm hot, I guess the gym is paying off" and think nothing more of it. I can't imagine why anyone would give some guy at the gym's interest in them THIS MUCH ANALYSIS. Elijah, she doesn't sound like a woman who's used to attention from the opposite sex.
ilovepink Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 ok here are my thoughts on the latest posts. I appreciate everyone taking the time to post, by the way. I am not used to ACCEPTING attention from other men. It seems like when I met this guy, I was vulnerable (am vulnerable) for several reasons in my marriage and I feel this is why I let this happen and get to this point. I joined here ONLY to get advice regarding this particular situation, and I'm sorry if I don't become a frequent poster (I probably won't) but the only reason I came here was to get some insight on this guy. I made an appointment with my therapist, by the way. Clearly there's a lot i need to figure out right now in my life, the reasons why I opened the door to this and why I'm obsessing over this guy's attention. I feel like after being married for 5, almost 6 years and until recently, very happy, I've sort of opened to door for these things to happen to me and became very vulnerable and weak. I agree with all of you that I need to figure these things out in my self, without involving a third person. The truth is it probably could have been ANY guy, because at that moment, that time, I happened to meet him, happened to be this vulnerable and not strong in my marriage, and so this guy sensed my insecurities and vulnerability and figured it would be an easy one to "score". so I held on to this for some reason. Anyway, Thanks again for everything.
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 I hope you keep posting when you need to. And, work hard in therapy. Deal with those insecurities, and issues so you can be happy. Once you fix yourself, you can then fix your marriage.
sb129 Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 It's kinda odd but when I read the posts by ILovePink, what it sounds like to me is ...... yada yada yada...... I know the effect I have on men..... yada yada yada .... I know the effect I have on men ..... yada yada yada ..... I know he's attracted to me ..... yada yada yada .... I know I am attractive .... yada yada yada.... Is it just me or some of you peeps feel the same? I did. But I Love Pink is slowly starting to admit that there may be more to it than that. I disagree. Obviously if you're married you must have some kind of insecurity or low self-esteem to feel that you need attention from another man. If you were self-confident and secure, you wouldn't need this kind of reinforcement. You'd say "Hey that guy thinks I'm hot, I guess the gym is paying off" and think nothing more of it. I can't imagine why anyone would give some guy at the gym's interest in them THIS MUCH ANALYSIS. . Thats what I think too. Which is why I asked if there were any deeper issues going on. I joined here ONLY to get advice regarding this particular situation, and I'm sorry if I don't become a frequent poster (I probably won't) but the only reason I came here was to get some insight on this guy. I made an appointment with my therapist, by the way. Clearly there's a lot i need to figure out right now in my life, the reasons why I opened the door to this and why I'm obsessing over this guy's attention. I feel like after being married for 5, almost 6 years and until recently, very happy, I've sort of opened to door for these things to happen to me and became very vulnerable and weak. I agree with all of you that I need to figure these things out in my self, without involving a third person. The truth is it probably could have been ANY guy, because at that moment, that time, I happened to meet him, happened to be this vulnerable and not strong in my marriage I disagree ILovePink. You clearly DO need to sort this out involving a third (fourth fifth etc) person, because otherwise you wouldn't be on LS OR seeking help from a therapist. Don't see this as a sign of weakness. Often the insight of other people who are not emotionally involved in your situation can be invaluable. Even since your first post you have started to open up a little bit more in response to the replies on your thread. Maybe you should give LS a shot re: your vulnerability. There are alot of people on here in similar situations to you, and may be able to give you some great advice. Good luck.
Mustang Sally Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 ILP: It seems to me that you are not really wondering why this other guy is interested in you (you said it yourself: you're attractive, have an effect on men, etc.) but rather why YOU are feeling attracted to and tempted by this particular guy. Really a different question, entirely, but harder to 'fess up to (speaking from my own past experience - I've been there). I think the above posts have some insight for you into this (your esteem, marriage issues, and the like). Good Luck with the counseling.
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