Impudent Oyster Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 If I were his wife I would be extremely upset over my husband doing these tiny little things that I think are "flirting". I'd be more concerned with whether YOUR HUSBAND would be upset by your unnatural concern with this guy if I were you. If he didn't want anything, why doesn't he run the other way? The gym is open all day, if he didn't want to see him or interact with me and if *I* made him uncomfortable then he wouldn't workout at my exact same time. every. single. day of the week. Because you don't make him uncomfortable, I doubt he gives you a second thought, you're just a mom he sees at the gym. I assume he works out at the same time each day because it suits his work schedule, like most of us. We all work out at the same time. every. single. day of the week. At least I do, and it isn't because I'm hoping to bump into someone, in fact, I switched to a womens only gym because I don't want to be bothered with flirting or men looking at me while I'm trying to work out. I suggest you do the same.
Can'tGiveUp Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 But --- when his "innocent" flirting led into an EA, then (and even then, only when he saw how it devastated me) did he realize that his "innocent" flirting was not innocent, and that women would consider it to be much more. And would pursue it as much more. Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, but to me flirting is just flirting. I would not assume a man wants to f^ck me just because he flirts. I have coworkers both married and single who flirt with me. It means nothing...its fun and yeah, maybe boosts the self esteem a bit - but its not real - its not the indicator an undying burning passion he feels for me. Reality check!
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 This just popped into my head... Pink, DO YOU think that the married guy that you can't stop thinking about is wasting as much energy thinking about you? On his weekend off? Just wondering...
boshemia Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I'll only add that my ex enjoyed the hunt and the kill. Beyond that, he had no desire to continue with a relationship. That portion was reserved for me, much to my disgust. Ha, Ha, Ha... not laughing at your situation, but I've never heard anyone else describe my ex so well. I've always said he was a great guy, he just didn't get the whole problem with dating during marriage. There was a lot of sex in my former marriage, I just wasn't involved in most of it : ) And I have to be honest, I just avoid many of the cheating threads. I just can't believe how cold and inpersonal it all is. Having sex with someone elses spouse is perfectly okay with them, and I remember that feeling too well. I was a person too dammit. While he was telling her how wonderful she was and how he couldn't live without her, he was telling me the same thing! I wasn't just staying because I was mentally unstable, or needy, or afraid to be alone. I was staying with him because he said he loved me, he loved our family, and that were were going to make it. Behind every married man there is another woman, she's called his wife... and everything he is telling you he is probably saying to her as well. So I don't mean to be cold, but when I see people posting about he pain they are in over their affair with a married man, all I can think is it's about time you know how his wife feels!!!!!
Jinxx Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I realize what you are saying, but in my case (I posted asking a question like this) I am really trying to figure out if he wants me. I don't believe ALL men are willing to be unfaithful, regardless of me being an attractive woman. Hence my thread about gym guy. I was hoping I could tell you the things he is done and you could tell me if he actually wants to innocently flirt or if he wants more. Yes, trust me - he does and will go down that path if you allow it to happen. Been there done that.
ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Yes, trust me - he does and will go down that path if you allow it to happen. Been there done that. ok but how can you say this and then all these other people claim this is JUST flirting and that I'm making way too much of this? I'm confused.
SetMeFree Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Hey ilovepink, I think Jinxx is saying this because her situation and my situation are pretty much the same (sorry Jinxx if I'm talking for you out of turn) so when you get our points of view, you're going to hear Jinxx and I say pretty much the same thing. When you come to LS, you need to understand that there are many different people here with many different points of view. So read everyone's point of view and then see if it fits with your particular situation. I would agree with people here that flirting usually does start out to be just flirting and it doesn't really mean anything. But in some situations, it becomes more than just flirting, but if it gets to that point, it's because both people in the situation CHOOSE to let it become more than just harmless flirting. IMO after reading your story, you are either pretty darn close to making a choice that you think it means more than just harmless flirting or in your mind, you've already made that choice and now you're just trying to figure out if gym guy is going to make that same choice as you. And this is where people like me, Jinxx and pricilla can tell you from very painful experiences, that if you make that choice to allow this to progress, you really have NO IDEA the pain that is coming down the road for you. Something has to be seriously wrong in your marriage for you to have even opened this door. My advice would be to either fix your marriage by going to MC or get out of it before you start pursuing other relationships. It's really the only way to be fair to your H and your children who are really going to be the ones destroyed if you choose to let this go on.
what2donow Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 you really have NO IDEA the pain that is coming down the road for you. If you don't believe anything else posted about this and what all can happen, please, BELIEVE THIS!!
elijahBailey Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Ha, Ha, Ha... not laughing at your situation, but I've never heard anyone else describe my ex so well. I've always said he was a great guy, he just didn't get the whole problem with dating during marriage. There was a lot of sex in my former marriage, I just wasn't involved in most of it : ) And I have to be honest, I just avoid many of the cheating threads. I just can't believe how cold and inpersonal it all is. Having sex with someone elses spouse is perfectly okay with them, and I remember that feeling too well. I was a person too dammit. While he was telling her how wonderful she was and how he couldn't live without her, he was telling me the same thing! I wasn't just staying because I was mentally unstable, or needy, or afraid to be alone. I was staying with him because he said he loved me, he loved our family, and that were were going to make it. Behind every married man there is another woman, she's called his wife... and everything he is telling you he is probably saying to her as well. So I don't mean to be cold, but when I see people posting about he pain they are in over their affair with a married man, all I can think is it's about time you know how his wife feels!!!!! boshemia, you articulate the feelings of the betrayed spouse so well. Let's hope the OP starts to think about the wife too, even if she doesn't think about her own husband.
elijahBailey Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way' date=' but to me flirting is just flirting. I would not assume a man wants to f^ck me just because he flirts. [u']I have coworkers both married and single who flirt with me. It means nothing...its fun and yeah[/u], maybe boosts the self esteem a bit - but its not real - its not the indicator an undying burning passion he feels for me. Reality check! It's nothing cuz you weren't looking for anything. Try stepping up a notch and see if they reciprocate. Don't be surprised though. A lot of people test the waters for an opening on the pretext of flirting.
Can'tGiveUp Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 It's nothing cuz you weren't looking for anything. Try stepping up a notch and see if they reciprocate. Don't be surprised though. A lot of people test the waters for an opening on the pretext of flirting. I agree absolutely that it could be a way to test the waters. I was responding specifically to silktricks comment about how women would interpret flirting. My automatic assumption is that it is just flirting. The reality is that no one is going to flirt with you if they don't find you attractive. The question is whether you want to dig deeper for intentions by stepping it up a notch. I can think of two of the married men in particular that fllirt with me (and vice versa), and I don't believe either would cheat on their wives. Though like you said, I wasn't looking for them to do so.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 The reality is that no one is going to flirt with you if they don't find you attractive. It sounds really terrible, but guys will flirt with women they don't find attractive if they they just want to get laid, and aren't looking for anything outside of that.
Can'tGiveUp Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 It sounds really terrible, but guys will flirt with women they don't find attractive if they they just want to get laid, and aren't looking for anything outside of that. But isn't that usually at 1:45 am when they haven't found anything better and the bar is about to close? lol j/k
Woggle Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Some guys just want to get laid and if the woman is remotely presentable she will do the trick. Women really need to stop letting these taken men boost up their ego. You are probably just a notch on his belt.
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Ouch. Truth from a guy. Listen up ladies.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Ditto. When I was younger, I had a very different view on it. Now I see it as insulting, actually. When a MM hits on another woman, on some level he is letting her know that he sees her as the type of woman who will sink low enough to f*ck someone else's husband. Nothing flattering or sexy about that. I agree totally LB. I realize what you are saying, but in my case (I posted asking a question like this) I am really trying to figure out if he wants me. I don't believe ALL men are willing to be unfaithful, regardless of me being an attractive woman. Hence my thread about gym guy. I was hoping I could tell you the things he is done and you could tell me if he actually wants to innocently flirt or if he wants more. I have difficulty believing that "innocent" flirting is possible if one or both of the parties concerned is married or in a relationship. He obviously finds you attractive, and therefore probably does want you. Its not rocket science. you really have NO IDEA the pain that is coming down the road for you. If you don't believe anything else posted about this and what all can happen, please, BELIEVE THIS!! Hear hear. I too have the benefit of hindsight... and very clear memories of the aforementioned pain. If you are an attractive woman, chances are alot of men you come into contact with will think about having sex with you. Big deal. Get over it.
silktricks Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, but to me flirting is just flirting. I would not assume a man wants to f^ck me just because he flirts. I have coworkers both married and single who flirt with me. It means nothing...its fun and yeah, maybe boosts the self esteem a bit - but its not real - its not the indicator an undying burning passion he feels for me. Reality check! Absolutely true for most women. Obviously (look at this thread for example) some women do find it much more. For whatever reason.
mopar crazy Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 When I was younger my self-esteem was very low. I looked for acceptance from guys by having sex w/ them....STUPID! BUT my self-esteem wasn't low enough to sleep w/ a MM that I met one night. He was hot! But when I found out he was M, I told him to get the hell away from me!
ilovepink Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 When I was younger my self-esteem was very low. I looked for acceptance from guys by having sex w/ them....STUPID! BUT my self-esteem wasn't low enough to sleep w/ a MM that I met one night. He was hot! But when I found out he was M, I told him to get the hell away from me! I personally don't think you have to have low self esteem to be tempted. Temptation is human. Whether I go ahead with it or not is what speaks of my character. Not the simple fact of being tempted. I have not said I would go ahead with it, I'm thinking out loud here. What most attractive, married and sometimes tempted people think but they don't say out loud. I have not taken the step forward.
ilovepink Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 It sounds really terrible, but guys will flirt with women they don't find attractive if they they just want to get laid, and aren't looking for anything outside of that. I think common sense is huge here. You know if you're attractive. I know the impact I have on men, so I know WHY he's flirting with me. what he wants, on the other hand, is the question. why I care? Because I am tempted. For the first time ever while being married. That doesn't mean I would actually go through with it. I have no doubt he has fantasized about me because if he has warm blood running through his veins, he probably has. I know the impact I have on men. Read the other thread I posted, I wrote a long post about why I'm here, why I haven't mentioned my family. I left a huge part out of this, I don't want to get into my marriage or family life not because I don't care, but because I don't care to discuss this with strangers that don't know anything about me. All I wanted to know was what went inside this guy's head. I know he's attracted to me. The question, again is WHY. and ultimately, I am the one that has to make the decision. But just because I don't open up about my entire family history with you guys doesn't mean I don't care. There's a lot to consider here. I just don't feel the need to consider this out loud with people that don't know me and only show hostility towards me.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I think common sense is huge here. You know if you're attractive. I know the impact I have on men, so I know WHY he's flirting with me. what he wants, on the other hand, is the question. why I care? Because I am tempted. For the first time ever while being married. That doesn't mean I would actually go through with it. I have no doubt he has fantasized about me because if he has warm blood running through his veins, he probably has. I know the impact I have on men. Read the other thread I posted, I wrote a long post about why I'm here, why I haven't mentioned my family. I left a huge part out of this, I don't want to get into my marriage or family life not because I don't care, but because I don't care to discuss this with strangers that don't know anything about me. All I wanted to know was what went inside this guy's head. I know he's attracted to me. The question, again is WHY. and ultimately, I am the one that has to make the decision. But just because I don't open up about my entire family history with you guys doesn't mean I don't care. There's a lot to consider here. I just don't feel the need to consider this out loud with people that don't know me and only show hostility towards me. You just contradicted yourself. You said you know WHY hes flirting with you, but you still want us to spell it out for you. So you do know the answere, therefore you don't need our opinion. If you don't want to discuss things with strangers then why are you here? i think you know what the answer is and you need us to stroke your ego a bit more. And thats why you are getting a bit of hostility. Because basically without anymore background information you sound like a shallow egotistical person. What does it MATTER why you "know the effect you have on men"?? I get looks in the street, and people flirt with me but I don't feel the need to come on here and get everyone to justify it for me. I am in a very happy relationship with ONE man. Thats enough for me. Sheesh woman, get a grip.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Hmm. I think I may have scared her away. Sorry Ilovepink that wasn'tmy intention. Some of the newbies do get awfully defensive when they get advice that they don't want to hear. Basically she has been given the same advice by everyone, others just put it slightly more... succinctly than others.
Ripples Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Eheh! Well, there's a way of asking a question on an internet forum, just like in life, isn't there? I wonder if some people actually had the socialisation they needed as children, to operate effectively in the adult world...
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