puddleofmud Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Is it just me becoming tired of posts within this forum asking "IF" or "WHY" or "HOW" a married man is flirting or coming on with them? How should said poster respond to said flirting, etc? It seems to happen every week w/ the same kind of "story". "He's this way and and I am just trying to "understand"... but seems I've never read one who asks out right how to AVOID, or even wishing to avoid. ie: "I am feeling harrassed, this is very uncomfortable for me, I just hate this, how do I make this stop?" What I have noticed is that not one ever says they wish to thwart nor seek advice as to how to deflect unwarranted/ unwanted advances. Personally, I have grown quite tired of answering these threads. I feel baited as these posters seem more likely to want to know HOW to further attract these men as opposed to caring if they are married, single or fuggly as he##. I can't help but create an official and standard reply: YES, you are hot as melted butter and we bow to your hottie ness YES, he wants you and we bow down to your hottie ness YES, you will do the deed due to your hottie ness Official addendum: Don't forget birth/ STD control and do have great sex. Other than that, what could one possibly say?
norajane Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Yes, I know exactly what you mean. As to what else we could say: YES, you will soon be back here posting about how MM done you wrong despite your hottie ness. YES, you will be heartbroken when he doesn't leave his wife for you despite your hottie ness. YES, you will wish you had ignored MM who was flirting and bowing down to your hottie ness.
Author puddleofmud Posted February 24, 2007 Author Posted February 24, 2007 Thanx hun, I was thinking I was being just awful about that, but I swear it's the same story every time and not much concern about the "married" part as opposed to how attractive they (the posters) may seem (to themselves).
norajane Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I think at first it might an ego trip...oooh, I think a MM is flirting with me, so I must be really something to capture his attention away from his wife...and they don't realize it's not so special or difficult to attract a MM's attention, if he's that kind of guy. They like the validation and attention, especially if he's hot or charming, and want confirmation (by posting on LS) that he really is flirting. From there it varies. I don't know why their first inclination isn't to step back, MM is off limits. In some case, they already know each other and have a relationship, a friendship, or feel a connection. But most of them don't know these guys, so it ought to be fairly easy to just cross MM off the list. But they don't want to, probably for a variety of reasons, and if I listed what I thought those reasons were, I'd be being awful.
Guest Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 What a great thread! The answer is simple. Tell him to take his married ass somewhere else. Its funny how they stop flirting when there's no one to flirt BACK.
movinon05 Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 All I can say is, after what I went through??????? If a MM even looks at me sideways I'm immediately disgusted. Makes me want to hurl.
Woggle Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 If you stick your hand in a piranha tank prepare to get bitten If you walk through a minefield prepare to get blown up The same concept applies to dating married men or married women. I don't feel sorry for any of them.
Ripples Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 <chortle> Extra kudos points go to those 'hotties' that are so full of 'hottie ness' they can not only get a married man they can get a rich married man.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 All I can say is, after what I went through??????? If a MM even looks at me sideways I'm immediately disgusted. Makes me want to hurl. Ditto. When I was younger, I had a very different view on it. Now I see it as insulting, actually. When a MM hits on another woman, on some level he is letting her know that he sees her as the type of woman who will sink low enough to f*ck someone else's husband. Nothing flattering or sexy about that.
ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I realize what you are saying, but in my case (I posted asking a question like this) I am really trying to figure out if he wants me. I don't believe ALL men are willing to be unfaithful, regardless of me being an attractive woman. Hence my thread about gym guy. I was hoping I could tell you the things he is done and you could tell me if he actually wants to innocently flirt or if he wants more.
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 But if he wants more, what are YOU willing to do about it? See, you're not looking at the full picture here. It honestly doesn't matter what he thinks or feels...UNLESS you are seriously considering letting something happen. You are a married woman with children. How would you like it if your H joined a gym, and was lusting after another woman? Flirting with her, crossing the lines, complimenting her, desiring her...Wouldn't that just hurt and piss you off??? I just think you're wasting energy on someone who really shouldn't so important in your life. It's your choice ofcourse, but if I were in your shoes, I would change gyms and focus hard on my marriage, figure out why I was entertaining thoughts of another man.
LN99 Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 i don't care if a guy is married or in a relationship of any sort. IF he is flirting with me and all that, it makes me sick and I WILL run in the opposite direction.
elijahBailey Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 WWUI, I think what she wants to hear from you is that "yes, he wants an affair with you". She needs the validation despite all the excuses she's giving. And I think she might even be contemplating one.. ilovepink, take it from a guy's point of view... "yes, he wants to sleep with you". Seriously, i'm telling you this straightfaced, alright. You did say you're attractive. A girl only has to be average in the looks department for a guy to wanna bang her. Sorry it's true. So if you're thinking maybe he's hitting on you cuz you're a hottie, you're only getting half the picture. I'm not saying you ain't hot, but a guy's criteria ( when he just wants a booty ) really isn't that high.
norajane Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I realize what you are saying, but in my case (I posted asking a question like this) I am really trying to figure out if he wants me. I don't believe ALL men are willing to be unfaithful, regardless of me being an attractive woman. Hence my thread about gym guy. I was hoping I could tell you the things he is done and you could tell me if he actually wants to innocently flirt or if he wants more. But, you see, the point that POM is making in this thread, is that it's never an idle question. There's a reason you are asking and want to know. WHY do you care if he's innocently flirting or if he wants something more? Do you need to know because if he wants more, you would step back? Or because would you move forward? Too many times, people ask the "is he flirting" question because they are entertaining thoughts of moving forward, and not because they are looking for ways to shut down the flirtation. Shutting it down before it turns into anything is much, much easier than trying to end things once your feelings are involved.
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Is it really that flattering to have a married man lust after you Pink? Do you really wanna be some married man's 'f^ck?' Is that worth losing your husband and children over? Think Pink. (Sorry I couldn't resist...) Most men can separate sex and love...
ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 WWUI, I think what she wants to hear from you is that "yes, he wants an affair with you". She needs the validation despite all the excuses she's giving. And I think she might even be contemplating one.. ilovepink, take it from a guy's point of view... "yes, he wants to sleep with you". Seriously, i'm telling you this straightfaced, alright. You did say you're attractive. A girl only has to be average in the looks department for a guy to wanna bang her. Sorry it's true. So if you're thinking maybe he's hitting on you cuz you're a hottie, you're only getting half the picture. I'm not saying you ain't hot, but a guy's criteria ( when he just wants a booty ) really isn't that high. thanks. yes, that was the validation I was looking for. see, it's not that I am 100% sure I would go ahead with it. It's more knowing if he wants to that I'm curious about. But I still don't know if he wants to, like I said, I don't believe all men are willing to have an affair and this guy doesn't really seem like that type of guy. He's extremely attractive but just from what I have gotten to know about him, with us talking at the gym, he seems to be a really good guy. And he may have flirted (innocently) with me, looking at me, etc.. but he has never really made a move on me, so I that's why I was wondering. are you serious that men would want to be with ANY average-looking girl, even if they are married? I think that's stereotyping men. I'd like to know if you meant ALL married men. I would probably end up running the other way, just my guess, if things got too close to the line. I'm just curious. I also married my first EVERYTHING, so I don't have too much experience with men and so I want to genuinly learn how men think. Also, I get constantly hit on by men, at the gym and otherwise and ALWAYS avoid them, etc... this guy is different though, which is why he caught my attention the moment he said hi. his politeness, kindness and his overall attitude caught my attention more than his looks. He's also very attractive, I admit that. But being married for 5 years, if I acted on attraction only I would have already been unfaithful. I have not.
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Also, I get constantly hit on by men, at the gym and otherwise and ALWAYS avoid them, etc... this guy is different though, which is why he caught my attention the moment he said hi. Which is why you need to stay away...
silktricks Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 There are a LOT of men who just like to flirt. They enjoy the interplay, enjoy seeing women react to them. There are a lot of women who do the same.
norajane Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 this guy is different though But being married for 5 years, if I acted on attraction only I would have already been unfaithful. I have not. Being married you should not be considering acting on any attraction, different or not. It makes no difference to your betrayed husband whether you avoided all other men, except for THIS one because he's oh-so-different. Your H will feel just as betrayed. Your family will be just as destroyed. A marriage commitment means saying no - forskaing all others - even if they are "different" and you are tempted. It doesn't mean saying no only if you aren't tempted. Why are you playing with fire? Why are you so interested in this? Is there something wrong with your marriage?
Impudent Oyster Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Clearly there are a whole lot of people with zero social skills and the inability to interpret others intentions...I swear, we'll be hearing how the UPS man must want a woman because of the way his pinky brushed up against hers whilst she was signing for a package...
Impudent Oyster Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I am really trying to figure out if he wants me. Unless you look like a complete toad, sure, he'd probably do you...is that what you want to know? Some men will f*ck anyone, anytime, they're indiscriminate and are just looking for a piece. Maybe you'll get lucky and he's one of those.
ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Clearly there are a whole lot of people with zero social skills and the inability to interpret others intentions...I swear, we'll be hearing how the UPS man must want a woman because of the way his pinky brushed up against hers whilst she was signing for a package... Actually if you were referring to my particular situation, let me explain WHY I am wondering if this guy is flirting with intentions of having an affair. If I were his wife I would be extremely upset over my husband doing these tiny little things that I think are "flirting". Clearly considering that I'm a very attractive woman so if he's not flirting, why would this guy always ask me how I'm doing, insist on being so polite (no, he's not like that with everyone else) complimenting me on how cute my kids are, helping me with my weights, giving me workout advice, watching me do personal training with my trainer and then comment on what we were doing, always hopping on the treadmill next to mine when there's 10 other available ones. Locking eyes with me. I don't believe this to be innocent behavior. The UPS guy and the finger touching clearly would be accidental but this situation, I don't believe it is. I have thought to myself "if I were his wife, I would be SO mad that my husband did this at the gym, when I'm not there" so THAT leads me to believe he wants something. the question is what. especially after I complimented his hair he got all weird but still, two days later he was still locking eyes with me and staring at me from across the room. If he didn't want anything, why doesn't he run the other way? The gym is open all day, if he didn't want to see him or interact with me and if *I* made him uncomfortable then he wouldn't workout at my exact same time. every. single. day of the week.
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I'll only add that my ex enjoyed the hunt and the kill. Beyond that, he had no desire to continue with a relationship. That portion was reserved for me, much to my disgust.
silktricks Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Is it just me becoming tired of posts within this forum asking "IF" or "WHY" or "HOW" a married man is flirting or coming on with them? How should said poster respond to said flirting, etc? It seems to happen every week w/ the same kind of "story". "He's this way and and I am just trying to "understand"... but seems I've never read one who asks out right how to AVOID, or even wishing to avoid. Because they are NOT trying to understand, they are trying to figure out exactly how to move things forward. There simply aren't that many stupid women in the world. I'll add that my husband used to love to flirt and even more, have women flirt with him. He liked seeing them like him, and considered it to be completely innocent. (I might add here, that I didn't!! AND he certainly didn't consider it innocent if I flirted.) But --- when his "innocent" flirting led into an EA, then (and even then, only when he saw how it devastated me) did he realize that his "innocent" flirting was not innocent, and that women would consider it to be much more. And would pursue it as much more.
Karma24 Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 That portion was reserved for me, much to my disgust. Classic. You rock.
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