lovelorcet Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 This is like the start of a cheap porno... It is interesting to notice how self-absorbed this woman is. Multiple people have mentioned her kids and husband and she doesn't even consider them. I feel really sorry for them.
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 and I'm serious, I had NO idea men flirted this much with no intention. pink, men flirt all the time with attractive women with no intent to continue further. Don't take him too seriously. From the sounds of it, you have beautiful children to consider. Attraction before commitment is transient. The truth is, you can be attracted to other people because there are a lot of attractive people out there. You will meet them your whole life. However, you don't have to act on your attractions, and they fade away soon enough. The damaging effects of an affair, on the other hand, do not just fade away, and sometimes lead to bitterness and divorce. Listen to norajane's advice. It's rock solid.
Author ilovepink Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 I don't think Pink is pathetic or showing anyone a lack of respect. I do think she's at a crossroads in her life and she's searching for the right path for her. It could be she married too young and chose a life that she isn't growing into. Maybe a few adjustments and changes will have her finding her way back into her marriage. Maybe she needs to leave the marriage. I'm not going to make any character judgments about Pink. I would though suggest to her that what she's feeling is coming from within her, not from the attention that this man is giving her. It's unlikely that this man is so attractive and charming that even the most virtuous happily married woman wouldn't beable to resist him. She needs to discover why she's attracted to him and what it means in her life before she takes any action. thank you so much. You seem to know more about me than all the judgemental people here. The reason why I don't answer all of your questions about my husband and kids, is not because of lack of love or respect, I happen to be a great mom and wife (despite what all of you may think) and yes I am at a crossroads in my life right now. What surprises me is how quickly people judge without knowing anything about me. I am tempted. But who isn't. (if you have never been tempted, you're probably not attractive at all or never leave your house) and probably most people don't talk about it. I think I am strong enough to admit it and strong enough to say what most people don't have the courage to say. I'm not stupid. I know when a guy is simply being nice, and when a man shown genuine interest in me, because I know I have that impact on men. It doesn't surprise me that he's attracted to me but the reason why I am insecure about his actions is because I have never actually flirted back with anyone before while being married, so I am in new territory here. There's a big line between flirting and having an affair. I have not crossed that line, just because I have not discussed the reasons why I am at this point in my life or why I feel tempted, it doesn't mean I don't care. I came to this forum to know what this guy wants, I want to know what goes on in his head. I have a therapist and a great support system in my life, so I will leave the most important part of all of this (my husband and children) for them, not for discussion amongst complete strangers who know nothing about me and have no genuine interest in getting to know me. Also, for what it's worth and to answer my own original question, I don't think it's acceptable for hot gym guy to be doing all the things he is doing if he is just being friendly, which leads me to believe it's really up to me if this becomes more. Like I said, if I were his wife, I'd be very concerned and upset over my husband doing these things. But again, I have not said I'm actually taking the next step. There's a lot to consider here, but I am not about to open up about my personal life/history when I know all I will get in return is judgement and non-constructive critisism. I do realize too that a lot of you have been victims of unfaithful spouses, so all of the anger you may have in your own life and situations clearly has an impact on what you say. Like when some of you said "he probably thinks you're a loser and you're just one more girl" then maybe your husband cheated on YOU and this is how you feel about the other girl your husband left you for. So, I take it with a grain of salt. Some of you may see me as the threat you might fear, hence the hostility towards me. Thanks to all of the people that actually took the time to read between the lines, and for trying to understand.
silktricks Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Pink, probably everyone who has posted on this thread has read between the lines and seen that you are at a crossroad. Possibly they have seen it more clearly than you see it yourself. Most have not tried to be judgemental, but rather have tried to warn you out of dangerous territory. Your posts have been confused, as that is probably your state of mind. For some reason, your concern about the level of this man's attraction towards you is eating you up.
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I came to this forum to know what this guy wants, I want to know what goes on in his head. Like we're all supposed to know?????????? We're assuming, guessing and honestly, I posted some good words of advice to you, as did everybody else. Noone wants to see you screw up your life, your marriage and your children because you're tempted by this guy. If you wanna know what he is thinking or feeling, GO ASK HIM. Some of you may see me as the threat you might fear, hence the hostility towards me. Why, because you "know" you're attractive and ALL mankind wanna have sex with you? Personally, I don't find that threatening...It isn't flattering at all to know that a married man wants to bone ya. What happens in 10 years when the looks start to fade, and the attention and flirting stops, the men don't come looking at you much...How will you feel then? See, you may "know" you're attractive, but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter...What counts is good health, happiness, family, children and good friends...Not other men who find you attractive. You should go back and re-read all your posts, it honestly sounds like you are the one who is insecure, personality wise...What counts is what TYPE of person you on the inside, not on the outside...To me, that is common sense.
mopar crazy Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I haven't read all the replies but what does it matter if he wants to have an A or not? Is it something YOU want to have w/ this man? If so, go for it and then watch your whole world as you know it go to shyt! It's NOT worth it!
Author ilovepink Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Like we're all supposed to know?????????? We're assuming, guessing and honestly, I posted some good words of advice to you, as did everybody else. Noone wants to see you screw up your life, your marriage and your children because you're tempted by this guy. If you wanna know what he is thinking or feeling, GO ASK HIM. Why, because you "know" you're attractive and ALL mankind wanna have sex with you? Personally, I don't find that threatening...It isn't flattering at all to know that a married man wants to bone ya. What happens in 10 years when the looks start to fade, and the attention and flirting stops, the men don't come looking at you much...How will you feel then? See, you may "know" you're attractive, but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter...What counts is good health, happiness, family, children and good friends...Not other men who find you attractive. You should go back and re-read all your posts, it honestly sounds like you are the one who is insecure, personality wise...What counts is what TYPE of person you on the inside, not on the outside...To me, that is common sense. I agree with you. Thanks for your advice, a lot of what you have said makes total sense.
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 You're welcome. See, I have a friend who is a KNOCKOUT, and I mean downright hot as hell! And, she has a great personality too, loving heart...She is probably one of the most insecure people I've ever met. She never is sure if a guy likes her for WHO she is or for WHAT she looks like. It's a struggle for her. Does she get better and higher paying jobs because of her looks? Or is it because she works her ass off... I hope you also see my point there and can relate to this when it comes to men and you. Pink, you got alot of good things in life. A husband, children, a house, extended family...Focus on that stuff, it is what counts in life. Those other men, married or not, are NOT going to be there for you on your rough days, or hold your head over the can if you are sick, or comfort you when you need a hug. Your family will be there though...
Author ilovepink Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 You're welcome. See, I have a friend who is a KNOCKOUT, and I mean downright hot as hell! And, she has a great personality too, loving heart...She is probably one of the most insecure people I've ever met. She never is sure if a guy likes her for WHO she is or for WHAT she looks like. It's a struggle for her. Does she get better and higher paying jobs because of her looks? Or is it because she works her ass off... I hope you also see my point there and can relate to this when it comes to men and you. Pink, you got alot of good things in life. A husband, children, a house, extended family...Focus on that stuff, it is what counts in life. Those other men, married or not, are NOT going to be there for you on your rough days, or hold your head over the can if you are sick, or comfort you when you need a hug. Your family will be there though... yeah. thanks. I feel like my situation is similar to that of your friend-
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 My suggestion then is to build up your confidence on WHO you are, not what you look like. Looks don't last forever, and if you get used to getting what you want in life (not saying you do, but in all honesty, those who are blessed with the perfect looks seem to get the easy breaks in life, especially when it comes to jobs, being accepted in groups, etc...) from your looks, well, when they fade away as you age, you will have more issues than you realize. Go to therapy if you need to. Is this why you're almost obsessed with going to the gym? To workout all the time to maintain your body? If it is for healthy reasons, great! But if it is to make sure YOU look good because you need that self confidence, then you need to look within yourself and face those fears/insecurities inside you, and deal with them.
puddleofmud Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Just a thought about attractiveness in general: everyone has a barometer about what they consider attractive: that could be any thing for any one. I've male friends who certainly are attractive, some extraordinarily so, but it is most interesting as to what they find attractive about a woman: some like tall, some like tiny and round, some like red-heads, some can't stand the sight of a blonde and one likes small breasts. One adores Asian women, one hates women with "man-feet", one doesn't like women who dress provacatively and prefers "hippy chicks" w/ really long dark hair. One is a "leg man" and one is a butt admirer (the bigger the better!). All seem to destest overly dyed hair and too much make-up although one did say he likes painted red nails! I also have a male friend who loves women with deeper more raspy voices and can't tolerate women with "baby-talking" or whispery voices. Some men hate perfume... The list could go on--but the fact is that everyone is different. Asking male friends about what they wish AFTER initial attraction is a whole other very very deep conversation. Asking men whom they would "do" just for sex brings the same answer some have already given: any one willing at any given time will supply. It feel it is wonderful that one feels attractive and is confident and knows their their unique attractiveness is special. However, it is best that we all understand the attraction is just that only that: attraction. I am attracted to puppies at the local pet shelter. Doesn't mean I should take any of them home--it just means they are too dammmed cuuuute for their own good. Doesn't mean they are a good "fit" for my life-style and I could do more harm than good by making a bad decision about which one is best to take in.
Author ilovepink Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Is this why you're almost obsessed with going to the gym? To workout all the time to maintain your body? If it is for healthy reasons, great! But if it is to make sure YOU look good because you need that self confidence, then you need to look within yourself and face those fears/insecurities inside you, and deal with them. yeah, something like that. Actually last week I was promoted to a new job and after 5 days, I thought I was on the right track showing my boss how reliable, responsible and eager to learn I am... and the one compliment he gave me... "you are a very attractive female" not that it's not great to hear that but sometimes I do wonder if that is all I let people see. or if that's the image I give, that there is nothing else inside. I don't know. I do workout a lot, I used to be a cheerleader in high school. I have high standards for myself, physically for some reason.
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I am attracted to puppies at the local pet shelter. Doesn't mean I should take any of them home--it just means they are too dammmed cuuuute for their own good. Doesn't mean they are a good "fit" for my life-style and I could do more harm than good by making a bad decision about which one is best to take in. Puppies piddle... Don't let this man piddle in your life. It's not worth it.
ridingthebulls Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 thank you so much. You seem to know more about me than all the judgemental people here. The reason why I don't answer all of your questions about my husband and kids, is not because of lack of love or respect, I happen to be a great mom and wife (despite what all of you may think) and yes I am at a crossroads in my life right now. What surprises me is how quickly people judge without knowing anything about me. I am tempted. But who isn't. (if you have never been tempted, you're probably not attractive at all or never leave your house) and probably most people don't talk about it. I think I am strong enough to admit it and strong enough to say what most people don't have the courage to say. I'm not stupid. I know when a guy is simply being nice, and when a man shown genuine interest in me, because I know I have that impact on men. It doesn't surprise me that he's attracted to me but the reason why I am insecure about his actions is because I have never actually flirted back with anyone before while being married, so I am in new territory here. There's a big line between flirting and having an affair. I have not crossed that line, just because I have not discussed the reasons why I am at this point in my life or why I feel tempted, it doesn't mean I don't care. I came to this forum to know what this guy wants, I want to know what goes on in his head. I have a therapist and a great support system in my life, so I will leave the most important part of all of this (my husband and children) for them, not for discussion amongst complete strangers who know nothing about me and have no genuine interest in getting to know me. Also, for what it's worth and to answer my own original question, I don't think it's acceptable for hot gym guy to be doing all the things he is doing if he is just being friendly, which leads me to believe it's really up to me if this becomes more. Like I said, if I were his wife, I'd be very concerned and upset over my husband doing these things. But again, I have not said I'm actually taking the next step. There's a lot to consider here, but I am not about to open up about my personal life/history when I know all I will get in return is judgement and non-constructive critisism. I do realize too that a lot of you have been victims of unfaithful spouses, so all of the anger you may have in your own life and situations clearly has an impact on what you say. Like when some of you said "he probably thinks you're a loser and you're just one more girl" then maybe your husband cheated on YOU and this is how you feel about the other girl your husband left you for. So, I take it with a grain of salt. Some of you may see me as the threat you might fear, hence the hostility towards me. Thanks to all of the people that actually took the time to read between the lines, and for trying to understand. So what advice are you looking for again? I don't see your actions any better! Your "temptation" has lasted how long now? It's amazing how wrapped up you are in this one guy just because he gave you a little attention. You base your self-esteem on what men think of you and now for what it sounds like one of the FEW times you have been given some attention from some dude at a sweaty smelly gym, you crumble like a house of cards. You sound incredibly weak to me. In fact, I find all of this over-analyzing about some stranger at the gym and what he thinks about you quite amusing.
frannie Posted February 26, 2007 Posted February 26, 2007 Pink, hello and welcome to the forum. I'd just say, having read the thread: it doesn't matter what kind of crossroads you're at in your life, getting involved with this man is not going to be any kind of answer. Getting involved with him will at best be a dead end... most likely a horrible detour that you'll soon be wishing you never took. Whatever your issues are, don't make them any more complicated by involving him and his family. Doesn't matter what his 'intentions' are, or how 'badly' you think he's behaving. And if I'm honest, he's probably like a lot of men... likes the look of you, wouldn't mind seeing how far it could go. It's up to YOU to dictate where it goes (or preferably doesn't). Best of luck.
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