GreenEyedLady Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Personally, for me, I don't think its inappropriate at all. As long as its not done for other motives. I have always gotten along with men and been friendly with no other intentions. You have to ask yourself, what are YOUR intentions in all of this.And, ya know, it doesn't really matter what HIS intentions are if you know what yours are! MO, this is so RIGHT ON!!! And does it really matter if he wants an A with you OP? What do you want?
Ariadne Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I still want to know if he's just flirting for fun or if he would be willing to do more. I'd say he is just flirting. Men love to do that and it doesn't mean they want anything to do with you. Especially after the way he reacted to your complimenting him. Ariadne
lovelorcet Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I think you should nail the guy and then run home and tell your kids and husband what mommy just did... And while you are at it take a picture of them when you tell them and post it so we can all have a laugh... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: I really just don't understand people sometimes...
Impudent Oyster Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I so don't get this reaction to some guy who pays attention to you...hasn't it ever happened to you before? Look, just because some guy is nice to you, looks at you and smiles or even tells you you're cute, does not mean he "wants an affair" and it DEFINITELY doesn't mean you should consider one. Honestly, hasn't anyone flirted with you before? Sheesh, consider it an ego-boost and move-on, why would you want to get involved with some gym rat, YOU'RE MARRIED WITH SMALL CHILDREN. Seriously, I don't get it...
Impudent Oyster Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I :rolleyes: :rolleyes: I really just don't understand people sometimes... You can say that again!
Author ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Author Posted February 24, 2007 Let me explain WHY I am wondering if this guy is flirting with intentions of having an affair. If I were his wife I would be extremely upset over my husband doing these tiny little things that I think are "flirting". Clearly considering that I'm a very attractive woman so if he's not flirting, why would this guy always ask me how I'm doing, insist on being so polite (no, he's not like that with everyone else) complimenting me on how cute my kids are, helping me with my weights, giving me workout advice, watching me do personal training with my trainer and then comment on what we were doing, always hopping on the treadmill next to mine when there's 10 other available ones. Locking eyes with me. starting conversation with me, etc... I don't believe this to be innocent behavior. I have thought to myself "if I were his wife, I would be SO mad that my husband did this at the gym, when I'm not there" so THAT leads me to believe he wants something. the question is what. especially after I complimented his hair he got all weird but still, two days later he was still locking eyes with me and staring at me from across the room. If he didn't want anything, why doesn't he run the other way? The gym is open all day, if he didn't want to see him or interact with me and if *I* made him uncomfortable then he wouldn't workout at my exact same time. every. single. day of the week. AND furthermore, insist on continuing with this "innocent" flirtation. He doesn't stop. He still stares at me even after I complimented him and he changed his attitude towards me. I think the reason why his attitude changed, personally, is because he realized I was not only being friendly, when I complimented his hair, and because I gave him an ego boost, now he's wondering what to do. how to proceed, if you will. That's my take on it, I just wanted to know what other people thought.
movinon05 Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Well for all you know, he might have changed because he saw you there with that other guy, and is now questioning things or wondering. That was my take on that. Maybe he thinks you're a player!!!!
Author ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Author Posted February 24, 2007 Well for all you know, he might have changed because he saw you there with that other guy, and is now questioning things or wondering. That was my take on that. Maybe he thinks you're a player!!!! the day I complimented his hair- I made it clear who the guy was when we were talking, so he knows it was a family member of mine, who also happens to be a friend. When I complimented him on his hair, though, right after that he said "so how are you? and then asked me "so you're still doing weights every day?" so I don't know what to make of all of this. I only posted SOME of the things he does. Remember it's been EVERY DAY for the past 2-3 months. There's a lot I forgot about.
pricillia Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 I think you should nail the guy and then run home and tell your kids and husband what mommy just did... And while you are at it take a picture of them when you tell them and post it so we can all have a laugh... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: I really just don't understand people sometimes... The only thing I can say LC is that OP is thinking about her actions... and that is a good thing... she should think it all the way through and just remain faithfull to her husband!!!
norajane Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Let me explain WHY I am wondering if this guy is flirting with intentions of having an affair. If I were his wife I would be extremely upset over my husband doing these tiny little things that I think are "flirting". Clearly considering that I'm a very attractive woman so if he's not flirting, why would this guy always ask me how I'm doing, insist on being so polite (no, he's not like that with everyone else) complimenting me on how cute my kids are, helping me with my weights, giving me workout advice, watching me do personal training with my trainer and then comment on what we were doing, always hopping on the treadmill next to mine when there's 10 other available ones. Locking eyes with me. starting conversation with me, etc... I don't believe this to be innocent behavior. I have thought to myself "if I were his wife, I would be SO mad that my husband did this at the gym, when I'm not there" so THAT leads me to believe he wants something. the question is what. especially after I complimented his hair he got all weird but still, two days later he was still locking eyes with me and staring at me from across the room. If he didn't want anything, why doesn't he run the other way? The gym is open all day, if he didn't want to see him or interact with me and if *I* made him uncomfortable then he wouldn't workout at my exact same time. every. single. day of the week. AND furthermore, insist on continuing with this "innocent" flirtation. He doesn't stop. He still stares at me even after I complimented him and he changed his attitude towards me. I think the reason why his attitude changed, personally, is because he realized I was not only being friendly, when I complimented his hair, and because I gave him an ego boost, now he's wondering what to do. how to proceed, if you will. That's my take on it, I just wanted to know what other people thought. Um, yeah, but you are an active participant in all this. You are allowing him to do this, and you are reciprocating. Which means everything you just said about him, applies to YOU. YOU are locking eyes with him, too, or else he couldn't lock eyes with you, could he? YOUR husband would be upset to know you've been playing this game with some guy at the gym. Put it this way, if your husband observed you at the gym, how would he feel about your behavior? Would you tell him what you've been doing with this guy? What if someone else told him? Do you really think you are blameless and are not encouraging this man? If you don't want anything, why haven't you run the other way? ETA: In this same thread, you just said: The truth is (if you didn't already notice) I am very attracted to this guy. stupid? ofcourse. I don't know what to say, other than I really do want to know if he wants me. He may or may not be willing to be unfaithful. I have never been unfaithful and even though I am shocked that I am even considering this, what I am trying to do is read the signs he is sending me so I can act appropriately. I KNOW it's wrong, but I still want to know if he's just flirting for fun or if he would be willing to do more. I'm curious. It's probably best if he doesn't like me because if he does and he's willing, then I feel extremely vulnerable.You don't think your husband would be mad if he knew this about you? How is your behavior in any way innocent?
Ariadne Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 When I complimented him on his hair, though, right after that he said "so how are you? and then asked me "so you're still doing weights every day?" I think he called you a loser. (Because nobody does weights everyday 3 months unless they know they'll see cute guy etc etc) I think he is just enjoying the attention and getting a kick out of you. (Since he hasn't done anything above flirting after all this time either). I may be wrong, but that's what I got. Ariadne
Impudent Oyster Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 LClearly considering that I'm a very attractive woman so if he's not flirting, why would this guy always ask me how I'm doing, insist on being so polite (no, he's not like that with everyone else) complimenting me on how cute my kids are, helping me with my weights, giving me workout advice, watching me do personal training with my trainer and then comment on what we were doing, always hopping on the treadmill next to mine when there's 10 other available ones. Locking eyes with me. starting conversation with me, etc... ....... That's my take on it, I just wanted to know what other people thought. Gee I don't know pink, that's the way most men have always behaved around me, I never gave it this much thought. You really are making something out of nothing.
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Join another gym, problem solved. NJ, great post, I thought the exact same thing and glad you posted your thoughts.
norajane Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 NJ, great post, I thought the exact same thing and glad you posted your thoughts. Thanks, WWIU. I wish I didn't have the feeling of "fat lot of good those thoughts are going to do", though. Her husband and children will suffer anyway, since the OP doesn't seem to be concerned with her H or her children.
Author ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Author Posted February 24, 2007 When I complimented him on his hair, though, right after that he said "so how are you? and then asked me "so you're still doing weights every day?" I think he called you a loser. (Because nobody does weights everyday 3 months unless they know they'll see cute guy etc etc) I think he is just enjoying the attention and getting a kick out of you. (Since he hasn't done anything above flirting after all this time either). I may be wrong, but that's what I got. Ariadne sorry I didn't explain. I do weights 5 times a week, he does too. not for three months- I just joined this gym after leaving my old gym, which I didn't like, so I have always been athletic and have always had a pretty rigid workout routine. He has done weights 5 times a week for years too. The reason why he said that to me is because my personal trainer told me I should work different body parts, but I always tend to do more, and even hot gym guy warned me I should let my muscles rest. so that's where that comment came from. Fitness has always been a huge part of my life, so its not weird at all to be working out 5 days a week. He would be insulting himself if he meant it that way, since he's there more than I am.
Author ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Author Posted February 24, 2007 I read all the posts, thanks everyone. I understand that flirting, regardless of the amount of flirting involved, does NOT mean he wants to have an affair. That's what I needed to know. there's my answer. thank you and I'm serious, I had NO idea men flirted this much with no intention.
Author ilovepink Posted February 24, 2007 Author Posted February 24, 2007 Um, yeah, but you are an active participant in all this. You are allowing him to do this, and you are reciprocating. Which means everything you just said about him, applies to YOU. YOU are locking eyes with him, too, or else he couldn't lock eyes with you, could he? YOUR husband would be upset to know you've been playing this game with some guy at the gym. Put it this way, if your husband observed you at the gym, how would he feel about your behavior? Would you tell him what you've been doing with this guy? What if someone else told him? Do you really think you are blameless and are not encouraging this man? If you don't want anything, why haven't you run the other way? ETA: In this same thread, you just said: You don't think your husband would be mad if he knew this about you? How is your behavior in any way innocent? absolutely. I agree with you that I have participated in this. I am definitely to blame for that. However, my question was... is this guy flirting with me and does he want to have an affair..? BECAUSE of the things he does, which I think are not things a married guy should do unless he wants something in the end. I felt I wanted to know what exactly this guy wanted. I am not excusing my actions. I admit, I flirted with him too. However, I have NOT sat down and thought this through, (meaning, if I am willing to have an affair) because honestly, I have never put myself in that situation. Before now, I wouldn't even pay attention to anyone other than my hubby (even though I have been hit on before a lot), and because I allowed myself to pay attention to this guy, this is why I'm wondering. This does not mean I would go through with it.
MrsHellFire Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 ok thanks everyone for your imput. The truth is (if you didn't already notice) I am very attracted to this guy. stupid? ofcourse. I don't know what to say, other than I really do want to know if he wants me. He may or may not be willing to be unfaithful. I have never been unfaithful and even though I am shocked that I am even considering this, what I am trying to do is read the signs he is sending me so I can act appropriately. I KNOW it's wrong, but I still want to know if he's just flirting for fun or if he would be willing to do more. I'm curious. It's probably best if he doesn't like me because if he does and he's willing, then I feel extremely vulnerable. He was probably TOYING with the idea of getting in on with you, but it was moreso probably fantasy. When he saw that you were really into him and giving him compliments, it threw him back into reality and he thought about his marriage. So now he KNOWS you want him and the game is pretty much over. The most exciting part of the game is TRYING to get someone interested in you- for man that is I think. But who am I to say?
MrsHellFire Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 ok another question... is it inappropriate (cheating) to compliment someone, from the opposite sex in this case, when both parties are married? When your thoughts are seductive towards him, then YES! LOL! I AGREE WITH OTHERS- REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION!
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Pink, if you had no intention of even considering an affair, then why didn't you say so in your first post. All along you've made it seem like you're curious and interested in the MM you've met at the gym. So, now you know, you have the ego feed you obviously needed. Go home and focus that energy into your husband. Maybe he isn't paying enough attention from you, or as you say, you're an attractrive woman and always get attention from men hitting on you...Either way, you're playing with fire by putting yourself IN a situation where something could easily happen.
NightStarr8 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 absolutely. I agree with you that I have participated in this. I am definitely to blame for that. However, my question was... is this guy flirting with me and does he want to have an affair..?.....However, I have NOT sat down and thought this through, (meaning, if I am willing to have an affair) because honestly, I have never put myself in that situation. Before now, I wouldn't even pay attention to anyone other than my hubby (even though I have been hit on before a lot), and because I allowed myself to pay attention to this guy, this is why I'm wondering. This does not mean I would go through with it. It doesn't matter what this guy wants. Maybe he's just looking for a gym buddy and maybe he wants a buddy at the Motel 6. Whatever he wants, that is his business, not yours. What is important here is that you are attracted to this man, so attracted you're on an internet board asking strangers if he's attracted to you. You're acting like a seventh grade girl asking her friends to find out if Jimmy likes her. This isn't seventh grade anymore. You're married. You need to quit the gym and use that hour to see a therapist on your own or a marriage counselor with your husband to find out what is going on in your life and marriage. What you are feeling is not normal for someone who is happy with her life. That is guy is spending so much time in your throughts and you seek him out indicates you are not at all happy with your life. Go find out what is really going on with you instead of having an affair with this man and messing up your life. Find out now, before you have a mess that you may never beable to clean up.
MrsHellFire Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 It doesn't matter what this guy wants. Maybe he's just looking for a gym buddy and maybe he wants a buddy at the Motel 6. Whatever he wants, that is his business, not yours. What is important here is that you are attracted to this man, so attracted you're on an internet board asking strangers if he's attracted to you. You're acting like a seventh grade girl asking her friends to find out if Jimmy likes her. This isn't seventh grade anymore. You're married. You need to quit the gym and use that hour to see a therapist on your own or a marriage counselor with your husband to find out what is going on in your life and marriage. What you are feeling is not normal for someone who is happy with her life. That is guy is spending so much time in your throughts and you seek him out indicates you are not at all happy with your life. Go find out what is really going on with you instead of having an affair with this man and messing up your life. Find out now, before you have a mess that you may never beable to clean up. Yeah and I think she is making herself look pathetic just kind of hanging on by a thread dwelling on how this guy feels about her. It's disrespectful to your husband, your children and yourself. Try to keep the same respect for your husband and family that you'd want them to show for you. I agree that there are some problems in the marriage. She doesn't seem to be getting enough attention from her husband.
NightStarr8 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I don't think Pink is pathetic or showing anyone a lack of respect. I do think she's at a crossroads in her life and she's searching for the right path for her. It could be she married too young and chose a life that she isn't growing into. Maybe a few adjustments and changes will have her finding her way back into her marriage. Maybe she needs to leave the marriage. I'm not going to make any character judgments about Pink. I would though suggest to her that what she's feeling is coming from within her, not from the attention that this man is giving her. It's unlikely that this man is so attractive and charming that even the most virtuous happily married woman wouldn't beable to resist him. She needs to discover why she's attracted to him and what it means in her life before she takes any action.
MrsHellFire Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 Flirting with other men and possibly looking for an affair is not showing anyone a lack of respect? Well I don't agree with that. It's a good thing that the MM shied away because I can't tell if PINK would be able to restrain herself or not from a full-blown affair. This is a time she should use for some inner searching and reformation. But it doesn't look like she was here to seek help with herself at all. She's just wondering if he's interested in an affair or not. Hopefully she'll heed some of the advice.
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