spinback Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 As the title says really. I've been single for a couple of months and am still feeling quite down about splitting with my girlfriend. Thoughts?
Mythical Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 R you not enjoying being single at all? Maybe your like me I just like being in a relationship I have actually only been single for a month and a hlaf in my entire years of dating since I was 14!! Someone will come along!, have you been looking?
laRubiaBonita Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 it is not the only way. it really isn't the best way either. in fact it is kind of a selfish thing to do. it will help you to forget, but you still will not fully deal with your grief of the first break up.... compound that with a second and you still feel crappy, maybe even moreso than you did initially
oppath Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 How old are you mythical?!? And do you define single as not dating anyone, or not being in a potential relationship? To the op: nothing is wrong with waiting many months before you date. It can take a long time to heal after a broken heart even if you dumped the person. At some point, it is good to force yourself into the dating world, but really, you should be forcing yourself to meet new people of both genders and take social risks with both genders, including asking guys to hang out. This will keep you busy, validated, and will expose you to more women. It takes me a while between relationships too. I miss what I had in my last relationship deeply. Dating, or being with someone, will remove some of that pain, but for me, it is not fulfilling. When I am happy, I'd rather be completely by myself than seeing someone I'm not really into. So when my heart if broken, I have a tough time dating initially because it feels unfulfilling and my ego is too fragile to deal with rejection right away. I need time. 2-3 months, then start casually dating, then after about a 1/2 year I'm healed enough for a possible relationship. If I were to meet someone right away I was interested in, perhaps I would ask them out, but it wouldn't work out. So no, rebounding is not the only way to get over someone. Eventually, dating can improve your self esteem and yes, a new partner will make you feel amazing. It's ok to not be completely healed when you are with a new partner as long as your are mostly there. Remember, you can date and break things off after 1-2 dates and you are not rebounding!
Davis Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Rebounding? No. Jumping? Yes! Oh, just do what my ex and others do on here next time and you won't feel so bad: line up another girl and make sure you have her hooked before you dump your current gf! Then you won't have to deal with loneliness, go without sex, feel as guilty and you can avoid reality.
aaaaaiiiiieeeee Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 I have done what Davis mentioned in his post. It is one of the things I most regret doing to this day. It is cruel, cold, and selfish to play with other someone elses heart. That being said I think if you feel the need to be with someone you are really into just be very up front with the person about where you are emotionally and keep friendly.
Davis Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 I have done what Davis mentioned in his post. It is one of the things I most regret doing to this day. It is cruel, cold, and selfish to play with other someone elses heart. aaaaiiieeeeee! What are you talking about!? Look, that's what my ex and other's exes have done on here, so it must be ok!! Just have one (or several) on the side and when your current bf or gf doesn't go with your every wish or they do something to upset you that day, then just dump them like a hot rock and jump into something with one of the others you've kept on the burner. That way you'll never feel lonely or be lonely.
guin_girl Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Davis.... we just aren't that cold and calculating... it takes someone without a heart to do that oh and don't forget... they will contact you just when you are getting your act together... that's REALLY cold and mean!
Davis Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Davis.... we just aren't that cold and calculating... it takes someone without a heart to do that oh and don't forget... they will contact you just when you are getting your act together... that's REALLY cold and mean! WE aren't? But I've been thinking about changing my ways! Oh. That's right. My ex didn't have a heart. She didn't even let her bed get cold before she rolled her new guy in! Arrggg! I am getting better and she better not contact me or try to come back!!
guin_girl Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 WE aren't? But I've been thinking about changing my ways! Oh. That's right. My ex didn't have a heart. She didn't even let her bed get cold before she rolled her new guy in! Arrggg! I am getting better and she better not contact me or try to come back!! I'm glad you are getting better... good! I was ok, but I got an email that threw me into a tizzy... but I think I'm back on track... I didn't respond and he didn't try again... yet....
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Don't rebound. Get centered first. It's only fair to you and any other prospective party.
jusified Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 some ppl like to jump into another relationship straight away with out improving themselves or give time to heal. This is also disrespectful to the former relationship. But these ppl usually end up have problems down the track, so for those ppl that are single and working on themselves, you are doing the right thing and know that good things will happen.
Ariadne Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Yes, Rebounding can do marvels to ease the pain. Ariadne
Spinderella Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 it can go either way. you can end up comparing the new person to your ex and they will usually fall short, or it can help you to get over the worst feelings of rejection and loneliness. just bear in mind that its not very nice for the person you are using for that purpose. also you might actually get inlvolved with your rebound or transfer the negative feelings from your failed relationship onto them and feel inseure in the relationship or get doubly hurt if it also fails.
oppath Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 The worst thing you can do is "deceive" yourself into thinking you are falling in love with someone -- and maybe if you had taken the time to heal you would have -- when in reality you are filling to absence of your ex. By the time you finally heal, you are a slightly different person, and the relationship you are in may be great, but it's not where your heart is. Then you crush the other person who fell for you.
messed-mind Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 My opinions on rebound: When I split with my ex of five years last August, she was my first love and I was devastated. I didn't eat, sleep or function properly for months. I joined a dating agency almost right away to harvest girls quickly because I wanted to plug the gaping hole in my life that she left (in addition to going out and snogging random girls). I met a lot of nice, and really quite attractive girls but none of them measured up (infact they were all better than her in so many ways, but none of them measured up to replace the lost feelings), so I simply couldn't date them more than once or twice 'cos I kept thinking of my ex. One of the girls I actually quite fancied, we got closer, dated a couple of times and we ended up sleeping together. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks that I didn't want to be with this girl, I wanted to be back with my ex - everytime she held me, I thought of my ex. I didn't want to hurt her (was probably too late), so I told her the truth and said I couldn't do it anymore after two/three weeks or so. My current girlfriend (or just turned ex actually) that I met 2.5 months after breaking up was the only person that helped me move on, but even when I met her I wasn't over my 5 year relationship. It took a long time to get into something new, I still thought of my ex loads, but this new girl was quite laid back and chilled out about our relationship and we took it really slow. We dated and slept together, but she didn't demand any relationship commitment from me - in essence, she played hard to get on the emotional side and this got me really interested. After seeing her for about 6 weeks, I started to feel strong feelings for her and I started to feel over my ex. We started spending more quality time together instead of just casual sex (days shopping, going for lunch and dinners) and we really grew together. That's when I knew I was finally over my 5 year ex. Now, had she been very clingy with me from the off, then she would have killed it completely. I fell in love with this girl, although i didn't feel these intense emotions until about 2 or so months into the relationship. Don't rebound too soon, particularly if you're dwelling on your ex all the time, but by all means if you just casually date someone for a few weeks, I don't see any harm in that. Even if you expose yourself to some girls, get chatting up people, get meeting new people, you will learn to forget. The pain becomes a lot more distant. I always say that the cure for the woman you lose is the new woman you get, but at the right time and the right person. You will love again, I promise. When you meet someone new that you really like, you won't give your ex a thought. What's important to remember, is not to try to replace what you had with your ex, or replace someone that looks like her, meet someone totally new and discover a whole new thing with a whole new person. Do give yourself time to heal though.
Author spinback Posted February 25, 2007 Author Posted February 25, 2007 Well this is partly why I've resisted going on the rebound. A few girls have shown interest in me, but I can't really say I've been interested in them; my thoughts are unfortunately (and annoyingly) still with my ex. I used not to have a problem with going on nights out and meeting girls (and whatever else that might lead to)... but having a girlfriend for 2 years completely changed me; I realised I'm much more comfortable having a steady girlfriend who I can actually have more than a few moments of drunken intimacy with. I'm also not the type to risk hurting girls, so that's something else that's held me back. I've had some very helpful suggestions from people on this forum regarding the best ways to move on, many of which have indeed helped. But this breakup has led to seemingly endless misery and insomnia, and I'm becoming more and more willing to do what I feel may be necessary in order to completely forget -- once and for all.
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