hyjacked Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 My prayer was this woman start dating again to give drama queen a distraction for everyone that has to deal with her. She chose not to date for religous reasons for the past 9 yrs. She also has chosen that lifestyle for the teenage kids to follow. A couple mo ago she joined up with dating sites and has been hitting it hard between on line and traveling to other towns meeting men. The kids are a bit confused watching this go on. They have endured yrs of hard line sermons and rules that they must abide by as mom was but now mom is doing what she preached is unacceptable behaviors all of a sudden. She told me enough herself that I know she is getting in over her head, then I saw one of her posted profiles, I hope the kids didn't. Our older boys has evidently seen a glimmer of hope that it may be possible at least to see a movie with friends that are girls. As it is now they are not allowed to be dropped at a friend girls house even with the parents present unless it's like a bible group thing. The kids want me to talk to their mom about easing up on her rules of no going out and or dating. Mom has preached that since they were little, they will never be allowed to date as there is no reason for it except to fall into temptation. I guess when she determines who and when they are allowed to court A girl then marry. I dont know how to respond to their comments or questions to be honest. I wont say anything intentionally critical to them about their mom. I have no problem doing what my boys asked me to do in talking to her. I have no idea though what to say to a controlling woman who isn't known for her listening ability to me that could possibly make a diff. I oughta know after surviving 17 1/2 yrs with that person. On behalf of my kids I say thanks for your input.
MoonGirl Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 How old are your boys? It sounds like your ex is an extremist of sorts and isn't quite sure how to find that happy medium. It also doesn't sound like talking to her does much good. But... As far as your responses to your boys. If they are teenagers, then I think they can handle the truth. You don't have to spell out your feelings about their mother, but you can say things like, "your mother and I don't agree on some things", "we have a different point of view", etc. Perhaps you can speak with them about why they want to date, and who they plan on dating. You can encourage them to start a dialog with their mom about their feelings regarding dating, and maybe they can show her themselves that they are ready to date, and that they deserve some independence to make their own choices in life. Talk to them about why dating is important: learning how to communicate with the opposite sex, improved interpersonal skills, improved self-esteem (in some cases), improved ability to deal with rejection (in other cases), heightened maturity, etc. If your boys are never allowed to date, they will likely feel like they were cheated out of their teenagerdom and all of the emotions that go along with first love, break-ups, and heartache. If they move away from home without ever having had a date, they are at a serious disadvantage in the real world.
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