Thursday_le Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I kinda feel sad...Just a little. My ex had so much potential. She was a sweet innocent girl. Fun loveing and liked everyone. But now I found out shes going to parties and drinking liquor..( I cant even spell the s***). It bothers me that someone like her would step into that scene. I think that I can have just as much fun sober if not more. Ill never get drunk to get wasted. Its kool to drink a few beers with some buddies or even liquor..(lol...spelling). I have no real problem with that untill it get to the point where it effects your life. My step-father has been fighting alcholism for the last 25 years. Its a rollercoaster. Even her father is an alcholic....he goes to bars at night and her mom stays home. So there isnt alcohol in the house. Also my ex has a twin sister and she is totally not into drinking. What happend? Will she ever realize that getting wasted will soon effect her social/school/work/personal life? I mean im out of the picture now....thats step one I guess. Anyone have some answers to these questions?
Diver012 Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I kinda feel sad...Just a little. My ex had so much potential. She was a sweet innocent girl. Fun loveing and liked everyone. But now I found out shes going to parties and drinking liquor..( I cant even spell the ****). It bothers me that someone like her would step into that scene. I think that I can have just as much fun sober if not more. Ill never get drunk to get wasted. Its kool to drink a few beers with some buddies or even liquor..(lol...spelling). I have no real problem with that untill it get to the point where it effects your life. My step-father has been fighting alcholism for the last 25 years. Its a rollercoaster. Even her father is an alcholic....he goes to bars at night and her mom stays home. So there isnt alcohol in the house. Also my ex has a twin sister and she is totally not into drinking. What happend? Will she ever realize that getting wasted will soon effect her social/school/work/personal life? I mean im out of the picture now....thats step one I guess. Anyone have some answers to these questions? Speaking from experience, my mother is an Alcholic. I wont even begin to tell you the hell that ive seen. Now, my parents are still married. My father stuck by my mothers side through all the pain and suffering. I think you should consider yourself lucky. Yes your Ex had potential. Its hard not to look at someone we care about, and want certain things for them. But people are going to do what they want. Its her life and she will get what she puts into it. I would let this one go. Feel sorry for her and the choice she made, and move on with your life. You can't help her. You can't rescue her. She has to want to help herself. Good Luck!!
Author Thursday_le Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 Yeah...it sucks to let her go. But I have. I just want to hear some thoughts about this. It really makes me wonder...you know? I think she doesnt have much self-esteem. I could be wrong. She did tell me that she felt like she lost her idenity.
j.carsey Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 This is your ex, right? Recent breakup? Maybe she's feeling bad after breaking up and likes the fun and excitement/attention that she can get when drinking with a bunch of people. Just really verbalizing my own situation here
Author Thursday_le Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 Yeah...a month ago. She posted something on her myspace. Basically saying she regrets breaking up but says there will be a time for that. Im not taking that anyway...no point...dont want to get my hopes up after doing this good for 3 weeks. My mom says that she will have ups and downs about how she feels about me. Eventually she will forget about me or she will contact me. I personally dont want to hear from her for awhile. A friend from work asked me...what if she calls on your b-day? Aug 9th. I said i dunno. I wanna pick up but I dont at the same time. I told my mom and she said...I know youll pick up. Which is true. I know ...no talking about the past. This just sucks....her best friend is moving to another state aug15th. I kinda wish I could say bye to her. I thought she was kool. But its silence from me. Its been 21 days of NC. Today is kinda ruff....its my day off. Ive been stuck in the house all day. Im going out with some friends later though. talk to everyone later....plz post some comments....im in need...
Author Thursday_le Posted July 17, 2006 Author Posted July 17, 2006 what do I do? I need some feedback
Heavenseventeen Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I kinda feel sad...Just a little. My ex had so much potential. She was a sweet innocent girl. Fun loveing and liked everyone. But now I found out shes going to parties and drinking liquor..( I cant even spell the ****). It bothers me that someone like her would step into that scene. I think that I can have just as much fun sober if not more. Ill never get drunk to get wasted. Its kool to drink a few beers with some buddies or even liquor..(lol...spelling). I have no real problem with that untill it get to the point where it effects your life. My step-father has been fighting alcholism for the last 25 years. Its a rollercoaster. Even her father is an alcholic....he goes to bars at night and her mom stays home. So there isnt alcohol in the house. Also my ex has a twin sister and she is totally not into drinking. What happend? Will she ever realize that getting wasted will soon effect her social/school/work/personal life? I mean im out of the picture now....thats step one I guess. Anyone have some answers to these questions? I'll be totally honest, but not totally rude. What do you mean by "potential"? She's obviously not some cute inoccent girl anymore, she's matured, and unfortunately alochol is part of that. Just because you choose not to drink, it doesn't mean that she has to follow what you say. Yeah, I don't see why people feel the need to get drunk, but it is their life and their decision (NOT yours, and NOT mine). She'll probably not listen to your concerns anyway...until something bad happens. That will wake her up. She can only stop (or at least cut down) when she wants to. I think that you need to focus on your own life, and be there for her when she wants to change. She's lucky to have someone so concerned in her life. One day soon she'll realise that. Good luck with whatever you do.
Author Thursday_le Posted July 18, 2006 Author Posted July 18, 2006 This is true. But she wont have any idea what I think because of NC. Im not going to say anything to her. So in her mind she doesnt think anything of it. I am focused on my life. Thats why ive cleaned up my act....stopped putting things off and im actually getting my future back on track. ( new car, clothes, steady-workout routine, college). I will be there for her when she wants to change. Ive been told that after a break-up...people tend to try to be the exact opposite than what they did before. And yes she will one day realize that. I just hope nothing too bad happens to her. After all I wouldnt want to get a phone call from her mother saying she in the hospital or something. But untill then...Ill continue with my life. Im doing great. 22 days of NC. I am still a bit sketchy about my B-day....I dont know if I want to hear from her that soon. I'll be totally honest, but not totally rude. She'll probably not listen to your concerns anyway...until something bad happens. That will wake her up. She can only stop (or at least cut down) when she wants to. I think that you need to focus on your own life, and be there for her when she wants to change. She's lucky to have someone so concerned in her life. One day soon she'll realise that. Good luck with whatever you do.
Author Thursday_le Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 Well....Its been over 35 days of NC...Lost count and I dont feel the need to be exact anymore. My life is going great...Job promotion, having fun with friends again, playing videogames again(one of my passions), Bought a New car, have put on about 12 pounds of muscle(Im a small guy...so thats quite a bit). Anyways...things seem so much better. I dont think about her like I used to. I think of her but only for a few seconds at a time...I dont dwell over it anymore like I used to. As good as things are going....I still feel a missing void in my life. And I know its her. I cant just go out and replace her with a new girl. Thats not fair to her or me. I feel that I am 95% to the point where....If she called me right now...I would be able to control my emotions and not talk about the past and just be like " Hey, how are you....Im great.....yeah I still work there....blah blah blah...well I gotta go. Bye" When I get to 100%...Ill know because thats when Ill truely be over her.
westernxer Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Sounds like you're on the way to a full recovery. Keep it up.
Ariadne Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Hi, Even her father is an alcholic....he goes to bars at night and her mom stays home. Will she ever realize that getting wasted will soon effect her social/school/work/personal life? It seems like she is always going to have a love-hate relationship with alcohol. Either she is going to be attracted to every alcoholic guy she meets, or she is going to become an alcoholic herself like her father. It's part of her psychic by now. Alcohol affects the whole family and that's why in AA they have a chapter that is for codependents and children of alcoholics. It's complicated, but maybe that was the reason why she was attracted to you in the first place, because you had to live a situation similar to hers with your step father being an alcoholic. I don't think she is going to be able to realize that getting wasted is going to affect her life and that she shouldn't do it. She has deeper psychological reasons for doing what she is doing, and it's going to be very hard to break that cycle unless she realizes that she needs help and gets support. But most likely all of her life she is going to be affected by this, since she is not going to be able to help herself from falling for alcoholic guys like her father. Ariadne
Ariadne Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Hi again, She probably was attracted to the fact that you grew up in an environment that resembled her own. But once she saw that you were not touched by it, as in: Its kool to drink a few beers with some buddies or even liquor..(lol...spelling). I have no real problem with that untill it get to the point where it effects your life. She must have realized that you couldn't relate to her. Basically her problem is that her father chose alcohol over her...Instead of coming home at night to spend time with her, he went to the bar. Ariadne __________________ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥
Author Thursday_le Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 Ariadne....I think you have it all wrong. She was totally against drinking untill a few weeks before the break-up. I actually drank some of my moms wine-coolers and she flipped out on me...calling me a drinker and she thought I was going to continue to do it all the time. I dont get it. Shes 17. Ill watch her make mistakes from far away. When she needs me...ill be there for her. Im not waiting but I still care about what life does to her. Also...She never knew my step-dad was an alcoholic untill a about 6 months before the breakup...we were together for 1 year and 8 months. Shes like an investment....I put so much into her and now shes....Gone...But not permenently. Shes not dead right?....I figure if she was really worth puting so much of my life into then she will come back as a friend....at least. We had a strong connection that I dont think she will ever find again. So I see myself as a best-friend towards her someday. My mother said that if were lucky we may date again....i dont count on it. But she also said that not too many best friends get together and become a couple. But the ones that do..often are the happiest couples. This isnt the END OF THE WORLD for me. My b-day is in 10 days.....yeah!!! so i have that to look forward to. Any comments would be appreciated!!!!
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 So you think its fine to have a few beers with some buddies? but she can't take a shot of liqour? ( don't even know if that is spelled right). That doesn't meen she is going to turn out as an alcholic. Though I do find sometimes I can have much better nights with being sober. Partys are pointless to me I hardly go to any. So over rated.
Author Thursday_le Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 I dont drink....ever. Why? I have no idea...its not that Im avoiding it...its just that I dont think about it. And dont say that I dont have opertunity. My house has a liquor cabinet with a bunch of crap in it. Also I have friends who drink and I still choose not to. I dont know my reasons I just dont. So to answer your question about drinking with buddies...I wouldnt know because I dont drink. All im saying is that there are terrible repercusions due to alcohol. Some stupid stuff can happen when your not fully aware. Sry if I sound like a ass....but It eats me inside when someone accuses me of something that I feel so strongly about. END VENTING
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