justice Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 I found out about my h's affair on May 30th, 2005 and since then nothing has ever been the same as it was before that. It is a loss that I feel so deeply still yet today. Do I blame my H? Yes. Do I blame the OW? YES!! But mostly I blame myself. For not seeing it, for maybe not looking as good as I could have but mainly because maybe I should've given him more attention. At the very least I blame myself for being so stupidly blind. H works in a town about 40 miles from our home. We have no kids. He met OW in a convience store in between where he works and we live. She is younger than me. I was 44 last year. My H is 33. OW is now 30. So you can imagine what this did to me emotionally as far as the age is concerned, but that is the least of the insecurity I felt. I found out when I realized that he was hiding his cell phone at night. Before I never really thought much about it, until I noticed that he was hiding it. So one night, I crept up after he was asleep and snagged the cell phone. I read all of the text messages he had saved. You can imagine this happend at around midnight and I was devastated because some of the content of those texts was painfully incriminating, I didn't go to bed the rest of the night. She was describing what their sexual acts did for her in some of those texts. YEAH. I called the number the texts were sent from, from his cell phone. I got voice mail and I asked her who the f*** she was and what the hell she was doing with my husband. Not but a few moments later a text came in (stupid of her) OMG< OS! I was so angry I was shaking. I went back into the bedroom where h lay peacefully sleeping and I turned on the top light and I ripped the blankets off of his body and I threw the cell phone as hard as I could at him, it hit him in a very vunerable place and he hurt down there for days afterward. I got his ass up and I confronted him, he tried to deny it. It did no good. I KNEW then. To clarify, his mom provides us with the cell phones because we get a better rate so I never got the bills. That meant that not only did I not have a clue about what was going on but that my MIL and that whole side did and were covering for my H. I truly was the last one to know. You can imagine how angry and bitter this made me. In the next few weeks and months, I went through rage so dark and deep that it actually hurt me, I then went through depression and hopelessness. I also called the OW until she had no choice but to talk to me. I asked her as one woman to another to meet me in a public place so we could rationally discuss the situation. She refused. In all this time, the H went from still trying to deny everything, to being outright assholish. He was primping and buying new clothes and keeping his before dirty vehicle spotlessly clean. And he took to leaving the cell phone inside his truck locked where I couldn't get to it. His mom would not show me the cell bills at all when I asked her. I resolved to get them somehow. I wanted the whole truth. H said he wasn't seeing OW anymore but my gut told me he was. So I did something underhanded. I went to the cell phone provider site and signed up as the account holder. I had managed to get the account number and my MIL is computer illiterate so she didn't have an online account set up. It was so easy. There before me on the monitor was all the proof I needed. Every cell call to and from the ow and my h right there. I confronted him again, he denied it and I threw copies of the online bill with all the evidence in his face. He stalked out and didn't come home for several hours. While he was gone I put the time to good use, I dug for information on the OW, and found out where she lived and that she was married. I found this out through the cross reference on her home number in the phone book. Her and her husband's name right there. When H got home he was again confronted. I told him that I knew and wouldn't it be funny if OW's husband knew as well, he turned puke green. A few days later H had a complete turn around when he got home from work I was packing and had been all day. I told him that I was better than the way he was treating me and that he destroyed everything I felt for him. And that's how I felt. He begged me not to leave and I asked him if he meant it and if he was willing to earn my love and more importantly my trust back. He said yes. I handed him the phone and told him to call her and tell her it was over, no more calls no more contact. He did. You could hear her screaming over the phone. Then I grabbed up the cell phones and told him they were being returned to his mother and that we were getting our own with our own account that came to US. We walked across the drive and gave them back to his mom. She was livid and verbally began abusing me saying that her son deserved better than me. H told her to shut up because I knew everything. It did destroy and break apart a whole family, his side of the family and me have not spoken ever since. That night the ow broke out the window of my RS 25th anniversary edition Camaro!! My most prized possession. Since that day, she has stalked me, stalked my H and made my life miserable. We have had to change our number and we are getting ready to move. I have filed the RO on her. And I've made up my mind that her H has a right to know what his wife is doing, so I'm taking everything I have and I'm going to show him just what has been going on behind his back for so long. Yes, I admit that part of it is wanting revenge. But most of it is because I feel like he has the right to know just as I did. In the present, I still have issues with trust. I still get shakey and unsure when he is at work and is late. We have our own cells now. And I check that bill down to the last number every month. But he is trying. And I can see that he does regret what they did. And he did get his own RO against her too because she nearly cost him his job. Me, still yet, there are issues. I still hurt, I still feel betrayed. And I still don't trust. We have a counceling session appointment. How many of you still check out things to make sure nothing is going on? Do you ever get to the point of not checking anymore? I don't like feeling like this. Oh and I made H go and get checked out before I even considered moving him back into my bedroom. And when does the anger stop? I'm sorry this is so long, but thats what happened.
Author justice Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 I don't know why this posted twice. It said I logged out and had to log back in. Sorry.
Guest Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I found out about my h's affair on May 30th, 2005 and since then nothing has ever been the same as it was before that. It is a loss that I feel so deeply still yet today. Do I blame my H? Yes. Do I blame the OW? YES!! But mostly I blame myself. For not seeing it, for maybe not looking as good as I could have but mainly because maybe I should've given him more attention. At the very least I blame myself for being so stupidly blind. H works in a town about 40 miles from our home. We have no kids. He met OW in a convience store in between where he works and we live. She is younger than me. I was 44 last year. My H is 33. OW is now 30. So you can imagine what this did to me emotionally as far as the age is concerned, but that is the least of the insecurity I felt. I found out when I realized that he was hiding his cell phone at night. Before I never really thought much about it, until I noticed that he was hiding it. So one night, I crept up after he was asleep and snagged the cell phone. I read all of the text messages he had saved. You can imagine this happend at around midnight and I was devastated because some of the content of those texts was painfully incriminating, I didn't go to bed the rest of the night. She was describing what their sexual acts did for her in some of those texts. YEAH. I called the number the texts were sent from, from his cell phone. I got voice mail and I asked her who the **** she was and what the hell she was doing with my husband. Not but a few moments later a text came in (stupid of her) OMG< OS! I was so angry I was shaking. I went back into the bedroom where h lay peacefully sleeping and I turned on the top light and I ripped the blankets off of his body and I threw the cell phone as hard as I could at him, it hit him in a very vunerable place and he hurt down there for days afterward. I got his ass up and I confronted him, he tried to deny it. It did no good. I KNEW then. To clarify, his mom provides us with the cell phones because we get a better rate so I never got the bills. That meant that not only did I not have a clue about what was going on but that my MIL and that whole side did and were covering for my H. I truly was the last one to know. You can imagine how angry and bitter this made me. In the next few weeks and months, I went through rage so dark and deep that it actually hurt me, I then went through depression and hopelessness. I also called the OW until she had no choice but to talk to me. I asked her as one woman to another to meet me in a public place so we could rationally discuss the situation. She refused. In all this time, the H went from still trying to deny everything, to being outright assholish. He was primping and buying new clothes and keeping his before dirty vehicle spotlessly clean. And he took to leaving the cell phone inside his truck locked where I couldn't get to it. His mom would not show me the cell bills at all when I asked her. I resolved to get them somehow. I wanted the whole truth. H said he wasn't seeing OW anymore but my gut told me he was. So I did something underhanded. I went to the cell phone provider site and signed up as the account holder. I had managed to get the account number and my MIL is computer illiterate so she didn't have an online account set up. It was so easy. There before me on the monitor was all the proof I needed. Every cell call to and from the ow and my h right there. I confronted him again, he denied it and I threw copies of the online bill with all the evidence in his face. He stalked out and didn't come home for several hours. While he was gone I put the time to good use, I dug for information on the OW, and found out where she lived and that she was married. I found this out through the cross reference on her home number in the phone book. Her and her husband's name right there. When H got home he was again confronted. I told him that I knew and wouldn't it be funny if OW's husband knew as well, he turned puke green. A few days later H had a complete turn around when he got home from work I was packing and had been all day. I told him that I was better than the way he was treating me and that he destroyed everything I felt for him. And that's how I felt. He begged me not to leave and I asked him if he meant it and if he was willing to earn my love and more importantly my trust back. He said yes. I handed him the phone and told him to call her and tell her it was over, no more calls no more contact. He did. You could hear her screaming over the phone. Then I grabbed up the cell phones and told him they were being returned to his mother and that we were getting our own with our own account that came to US. We walked across the drive and gave them back to his mom. She was livid and verbally began abusing me saying that her son deserved better than me. H told her to shut up because I knew everything. It did destroy and break apart a whole family, his side of the family and me have not spoken ever since. That night the ow broke out the window of my RS 25th anniversary edition Camaro!! My most prized possession. Since that day, she has stalked me, stalked my H and made my life miserable. We have had to change our number and we are getting ready to move. I have filed the RO on her. And I've made up my mind that her H has a right to know what his wife is doing, so I'm taking everything I have and I'm going to show him just what has been going on behind his back for so long. Yes, I admit that part of it is wanting revenge. But most of it is because I feel like he has the right to know just as I did. In the present, I still have issues with trust. I still get shakey and unsure when he is at work and is late. We have our own cells now. And I check that bill down to the last number every month. But he is trying. And I can see that he does regret what they did. And he did get his own RO against her too because she nearly cost him his job. Me, still yet, there are issues. I still hurt, I still feel betrayed. And I still don't trust. We have a counceling session appointment. How many of you still check out things to make sure nothing is going on? Do you ever get to the point of not checking anymore? I don't like feeling like this. Oh and I made H go and get checked out before I even considered moving him back into my bedroom. And when does the anger stop? I'm sorry this is so long, but thats what happened. hey girl, I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH, I don't think that you will be able to truly trust him for a very long time. just the way it is. all depends on how much he is trying to make things right and how forgiving you are willing to be, as for me it helps if I just don't think about what happened. It is a every day battle though and is not easy, I happen to care for my h very much and won't give up unless it becomes hopeless and I have no other choice. I wish you the best of luck, this is a certain kind of hell that no one should have to go through but because of the selfishness of others many must face.
BetterNow Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Trusting someone who hurt you is SO Dangerous! Check this out: my husband was acting weird. He was depressed and withdrawn. I tried to find out what was wrong and eventually he admitted to an affair with the OW who had just dumped him. I was hugely angry but I knew I hadn't been attentive, so instead of reaming either of them out, I was as nice as I could be to him, I joked him out of his depression, got him to go out and have fun, tried all kinds of wild and adventurous sex, dressed to please him and made all his favorite food. I kept this up for 6 months. He went into the hospital for surgery and after he came home I had to leave for 10 days on a trip. He called a nurse he had met while there and proceeded to have another fling. When I got home I found out what happened and he claimed it was my fault for "abandoning him". He feels entitled to constant attention and if I can't provide it he'll seek it elsewhere. Now I wish I had just beaten the crap out of him and divorced right away. Sometimes people don't deserve second chances.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Just so you know, you sound like a stalker, too. And I am really curious as to why you have to have so much evidence when you already knew the truth. Addtionally, there is no evidence in your post of you loving/forgiving your husband, you just didn't want him with his younger OW. IMHO
Citizen Erased Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Just so you know, you sound like a stalker, too. And I am really curious as to why you have to have so much evidence when you already knew the truth. Addtionally, there is no evidence in your post of you loving/forgiving your husband, you just didn't want him with his younger OW. IMHO That is so inappropriate it is not funny. He was cheating on her and denying it. She needed to confront him of the proof and she got that proof. Which she was entitled to as if he was a trustworthy husband then he would have nothing to lose. She had every right to find out the truth. Just as the OW husband does. No offence to the OW on here, I am not one to judge, but I think many people would find it hard to say that she was not in her rights to stop this. And with trust comes love. When your trust is broken then obviously your love will be affected. Which is why she is working on this with her husband. She didn't want him with ANY woman other then her, something which he VOWED to do when they were married. You really have some nerve.
Author justice Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 Thank you so much, I really appreciated that a lot. And..you are right. I suspect that my ow is indeed in these forums.
Author justice Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 No, I am not a stalker, but I am being stalked. I do love my husband very much, as for forgiving and forgetting that is something he must earn back as it was him who broke the trust we shared. Which he is working very hard on doing if the ow would just butt out and go back to her own husband and leave us alone. I needed the evidence to know that I was not mistaken, I never jump without being certain. Who are you anyway? I suspect that the ow in my case is in this community somewhere, so is it you? If so why don't you confront me in person as I'd like very much to "discuss" things with you before I go to your husband to let him know what is going on? If not, sorry. Move on.
whichwayisup Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 If so why don't you confront me in person as I'd like very much to "discuss" things with you before I go to your husband to let him know what is going on? If not, sorry. Move on. Just go the husband. He deserves to know, especially because she is violating the restraining order. If the OW is in these forums, GET HELP. You need it badly.
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