chewy01234 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 2.5 year relationship. So I have been broken up with my girl for about a week. We have been having problems since may (2 months) It was basically a break (she was with 2 guys and lots of fighting) and we got back together for about 3 days. Things were great then she sent me an e-mail saying she realized her feelings for "the other man" are too strong. She tells me she stills wants to marry me one day. She says there is a 95% chance she will end up with me again. I know not to take this too seriously. But here is what I don't get. I have seen her once, she said "I forget how much I like you when I'm not with you." and she kept holding my hand and wouldn't let go. She said I can call and txt her whenever I want as long as I know for sure she is not with "him." I have been talking to a girl that we met while we were together (both of us were friends with her) since problems with us arose. Now we are dating. When my ex found out (i told her) she said: "NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN" I had talked to her a few times before I told her that day and she said she liked talking to me and I wasn't bothering her. After the never talk to me again txt I called her and asked why she was so mad. She said it isnt fair to this new girl for me to keep talking to her and saying i love you and stuff. She said if i continued to talk to her she would send the new girl the e-mails i send her. She said "I dont want it and she doesnt want it" meaning me talking to my ex. She got very mean and started saying things she knew would hurt my feelings. Like being very blunt about things, this may seem silly but we always had this joke about her butt being the greatest in the world and I jokingly/patheticly sent her an e-mail asking her to not let him touch her butt. She replied I'm sorry. But during this conversation she goes "you know what, STEVE TOUCHES MY BUTT ALL THE TIME!" She was really upsetting me and I coudln't hide it....I was actually sobbing uncontrollably. She then took a second to compose herself and came back with the cutest voice that I haven't heard out of her in months. She said she was so sorry for making me upset. She went on to calmly explain her new guy is her #1 priority and he thinks she is still in love with me so by me calling and sending emails it hurts his feelings. So I should stop for everyones sake. I don't know. Basically here is my main question. Will NC do any good as far as winning her back. Or is she already too far gone. It's only been a week and the only way I can get through each day without breaking down is if I talk to her for like at least a minute. Is NC worth it? I mean I know its best for the long run but if NC wont get her back then....I'm not ready yet.
Winfield Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 From your original post, without a doubt, you're better off without her. Too far gone? In my book, she'd be history. She's wanting everything her own way..."her way or the highway" so to speak... She didn't have the guts to tell you in person about this other guy she's got feelings for...just shows you how much she thinks about you... A 95% chance she'll end up marrying you? Nah, don't settle for less than 100%. And all this while she's carrying on with another guy who she's got stronger feelings for? Sheesh, she must make you feel really important, eh? She's stringing you along big time...and, come to think of it, the other guy on the scene too, because she's not giving 100% commitment to either of you (dividing her time between you, ie, only accepting calls etc when her other man's not around)... What right has your ex got to tell you not to date your mutual friend? Because of the prospect that you both "might" (using the term very loosely here) get it together again in the future? That is totally selfish of her...and from what you've written, she sounds like a very jealous, insecure woman...verging on the "bunny boiler" tag (especially with the blackmail about forwarding your e-mails). It sounds as though she's hurt you enough - I know for a fact that I couldn't put up with such behaviour. Her new guy's her #1 priority? Then take it as read, and don't contact her again...besides, her new man's upset of you still communicating with her (boo-hoo), so leave them to their weird little world... Don't waste any more time on her, and concentrate on pursuing a few more dates with your mutual friend. Of course it'll be difficult, but you'll have to make a start some time...so why not today? Good luck!
Nedved28 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I was just like you at one stage and could'nt handle going a day without hearing her voice and texting after we broke up and believe me its doing you more damage that good!! NC is the only way your gonna get her out of your system and get on with your life. I know its hard!! I'm going to through NC at the moment myself and its difficult but its something we gotta do!! Your better off being hurt now rather than prolonging the pain!! I had way to much contact with my ex when we broke up and its just made it harded to get over her. It just put my pain on hold but i'm gonna get it over and done with now and move!! You gotta try and move on man!! She's with somebody else right now and she dose'nt seem to know what she wants!! You d'ont seem to know where you stand with her. And not only that you gotta be fair to this new girl. I think for everybody involved in your situation i think a period of NC is needed. I know its hard but your gonna have to do it sometime so why not now....
Author chewy01234 Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 Thanks for the replies they definently help me make this decision easier. I will post more later but I am at work. The "Original Post" Winfield reffered to is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t88881/ I know she treated me like crap and I don't deserve it but I just want her so bad. I'm pretty sure I'll never get someone I'm as attracted to. But These are all the wrong things to say. I'm a smart guy I know this. lol. I am doing everything I advise my friends not to. I HAVE NO WILLPOWER!!
Guest Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 she just sent me a txt that says: Hey whats up? How's life going? I've been thinking about you alot today =) She just told me last night to not text her today. And then she texts me firsts? WTF?
Author chewy01234 Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 she just sent me a txt that says: Hey whats up? How's life going? I've been thinking about you alot today =) I said What are you thinking about me? She said: How much I friggin' love you and I want nothing more for you than to have you not be sad anymore. hahaha, nothing more than her new bf of course.... She just told me last night to not text her today. And then she texts me firsts? WTF? \ Edit: She called me. I picked up. We talked for a minute. I started to tell her We shouldn't talk anymore. She kinda brushed it off like...yeah? Then she said can I call YOU once a day? and I said no. She said can i call you every monday, wednesday, friday (when she is bored at work) and I said no. Then she told me: "You know what...I have a crush on you." AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author chewy01234 Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 Ok I realize Im a huge idiot...I told her we shouldn't talk. I said I've been talking to people who know what they're talking about and NC is the way for me to get over you. she wants nothing more than for me to be happy...hmpf. I told her about this site. Not specifically the address or anything. She said I can't believe you're going to lose me forever because of people on a message board. She is scared she will forget how much she likes me. Im on the phone with her right now... I want to say you don't deserve me. I want to say everything I need to. I'm so scared.
copper Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 <i>She is scared she will forget how much she likes me.</i> my god, WTF does that mean? that's one messed up statement. this girl is going to drive you utterly insane if you keep pining over her. Get away from her, dont talk to her -- you both really need some time to clear your heads!
Winfield Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Ok I realize Im a huge idiot...I told her we shouldn't talk. I said I've been talking to people who know what they're talking about and NC is the way for me to get over you. she wants nothing more than for me to be happy...hmpf. I told her about this site. Not specifically the address or anything. She said I can't believe you're going to lose me forever because of people on a message board. She is scared she will forget how much she likes me. Im on the phone with her right now... I want to say you don't deserve me. I want to say everything I need to. I'm so scared. What's to be scared about? That you won't speak to her again? That you might anger or offend her? Breaking up and letting go is a scary prospect...and sure, you may feel lousy for a while having been used to seeing someone for so long...but you've got to think of the long term, and (more importantly) yourself. How are you supposed to move on if a girl like her is constantly in the background? OK, so you guys have a lot of history behind you (2.5 years)...but that's now behind you! Wise up - she's playing you, and by playing along with her game, it's only going to hurt you more. She's being manipulative. And another thing...if she were to get back with you, who's to say she won't be playing this game with some other poor guy "on the side" who she's leading on (and not giving 100% to your relationship)... This current chain of events may have shown you her "true colours" of what she's really like... If you tell her "no", you've got to mean it! Stick to your word. Don't crumble when she starts all that "sweet talk" stuff - she probably knows it gets to you, and that's why she uses it. Actions speak louder than words...and her actions of late (according to your posts) haven't exactly benefited you, have they? Have a bit of respect for yourself, avoid her games like the plague, and seek out a girl more worthy of your time (and who'll have more respect for your feelings). By hanging onto the past, it's stopping you from looking to the future. Do what's right for you! Good luck!
Author chewy01234 Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 So i did it. I told her we cant talk anymore. It took 2.5 hours to do it but I did it. It was a roller coaster of a convo, she kep saying she "needs me to be her friend" I denied her. I argued logic with her...I know...dumb idea. She is expecially bad at logic even for a girl. But in the end I made her realize I saw through all her bulls*** and she agreed that the only reason she is with him and not me is she cares about her feelings more than mine. So I said: That means you dont truly love me. It is going to be really easy to get over you now. Now that I have this closure. I know you could never love me the way I need to be loved in return. Then I said goodbye and its been NC for 3.5 HOURS!!! YAY FOR ME!
sirjay Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 The way she is treating you is awful. My ex gave me mixed messages that weren't half as bad as that and i am stay finding it hard to decide whether to let go or not after 5 months. What yours has done is a lot worse. If you feel hurt and weak, try thinking about it like this: it sounds cold and it is, but i find it helps. Try to get your mind away from love thoughts and hurt and think about it as a POWER GAME. She is trying to control you for the sake of her own ego and purposes and you forcing NC is you regaining power over the situation. I find that thinking about it in that way makes me feel stronger; its not good to be controlled by your feelings even though we all do it to an extent.
Nedved28 Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Good for you man!!! Its not gonna be easy but you have done something that is gonna benefit you in the long run!! A brave decision and congrats!!!
Pantero Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Congrats. Judging from your posts she sounds trashy and selfish. Knock her ass off that pedestal you put her on.
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