phaze Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 First let me start out by saying that im not very good at explaing things but here goes. I am 20 years old and have never dated, or had any kind of romantic relationship I am what most consider to be a nerd, a band nerd to be more specific. But that is not my problem, my problem involves a 4 year crush that I have not been able get rid of and its really starting to concern and annoy the piss outta me. So sit back and perhaps get something to drink and perhaps a snack cause this is gonna be a long one. It all started the second semester of my sophmore year in high school when I was in the band directors office talking before classes started when the high school counselor walked in and this very cute freshman flute player (J) comes in behind her. So as per band "policy" the band director introduced J to everyone in the office and J left the office. Now as I mentioned before ive never been in a reationship but i have had several crushes before but they dient last more than a month. But this one was different. My stomach felt like it defied every law of physics known to man when it jumped into my throat and subsquently pushed the blood between my diaphram and my throat into my face. Sorry about the deatils but it makes it easier for me. But at the same time I knoticed that J was extremely nervous for a new student. Most people are nervous when they come to a new school but she seemed more nervous than usual. I wouldent figure out why she was that nervous till later. I went about the rest of the year as usual but it was different seeing someone that I liked every day in band. But I also knoticed that she acted different. I think I was the only peron to notice it but something told me that somthing was different about her. She hung out with the popular people but she still dident act entirely like them though. She acted like she was uncomfortable and was unsure of what to say or do. But when she was in the band hall she was a totally different person, she dident care about looking cool but to me she she acted more open and showed a more caring/friendly side. I then realized or at least thought that she wasnt popular or not that high up on the totem pole at her other school as she was at my school, but I thought I was imagning(sp) things subconsiously to make her seem more appealing to me. I continued on and finished the school year but I still couldent get her out of my mind. I began my junior year as the Low brass Section Leader/Squad Leader for marching band. btw I love marching band and everything associated with it, including practice for some odd reason. Anyways my junior year I started trying to impress her as most males do but was unsucessful in my attempts. This is when she started dating people at out school. But she never stuck with one guy for a long period of time, but this is typical high school behavior as far as im concerned. I finshed my junior year up as usual still thinking of her constantly. My senior year is where the "situation" got a little more complicated, confusing, or was clarified however you look at it. My senior year I was Drum Major in all of its goodness. I continued my first semester as usual but the second semester is where it got intrestring. The second semester is where I had to take a speech class and guess who was in the same class as me. You guessed it, she was. Well nothing different happened untill we had to make a speech about ourselves and choose a design/shape/item that most accurately described ourselves. Anyways one of the things we could use to describe ourselves was a movie. Her movie selection was "Shes all that." The reason she chose that movie is because in her exact words, she was a nobody at her old school and now she was "somebody." When she said that is all made sense. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I swear my jaw violated every law of physics when it felt like it almost hit my desk in class. It scared the crap outta me because I had suspected that for 2 years and I was right all along. Well a couple weeks later I finaly got up the nerve to talk to her. Instead of asking her out I made the mistake of telling her that I liked her. She responded like she dident know but I think she knew that I liked her. Well a couple weeks later I finally decided asked her out but I dident know that she was already going out with a guy that she would ultimately break up with a week later. So when I asked her out she said "I cant right now, im already going out with someone." I said ok and went back to playing hackey sack like I always did. A week or so later I found out something about her that really appealed to me. A girl who was also in band, threw up in the band hall and on her own shirt. So she helped her to the bathroom down the hall, came back, got a extra band shirt and gave the shirt she was wearing to the girl who had just thrown up and put the extra band shirt on. I nearly cried when I saw what she had done. To see what she had done for someone was so friken awesome I dident know what to say or do. It showed that she was a caring person and that she was willing to go the extra mile to help someone. To me that is a very appealing thing, moreso than looks. Well I graduated, got a music scolarship and went to school. While I was having a blast at college, I still couldent get her out of my mind. Then I had a wierd dream. In my deam I was in some kind of building that had a grand spiraling staircase that let down to a lobby. As I was walking down the stairs I saw two girls coming up the stair case but I only saw the tops of their heads but they still looked familliar. As they rounded the stair case I saw that it was J and her best friend. As soon as I was about to pass buy them I looked into J's eyes, gasped and ran down the stairs, started crying(i think), slammed a door open on the lobby into a hallway, saw a water fountain and started gulping down water as fast as I could. About 10 - 15 seconds later J bursts through the door and gives me a huge hug and says something along the lines of "its gonna be alright" or something like that then I wake up. I have no reason what this dream meant but i somehow feel that is significant some how. I continued my college career and in the first semester of my sophmore year in college I saw her on campus. I was walking with a friend who told me about a car that was for sale that might be what I was looking for. We were crossing a street and she nearly ran me and my friend over, but it was kind of on pourpse though, but still it scares the crap outta you when you see a black car barrelling towards you. Whes she got out of the car the next thing I do is start walking very fast away from her and my friend. I have no clue why I walked away but I did and the next time I saw her was at my old high schools graduation last night. And I swear it scared the crap outta me like the first time I saw her. Anyways there more details but I need some advice and any other information you ppl might know about this kind of situation. Please shoot straight because I cant stand people who try to make people feel better instead of telling them what they really need to know. I am not afraid of the truth what ever it may be.
dgiirl Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Are you guys friends or did you just run into her the other day? I dont understand why you ran away? If I were her, I'd be insulted. If at all possible, appologize to her and perhaps that will be your in into her life. You need to atleast get your foot in the door before anything can happen.
Author phaze Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 well we arent friends but we've never had any conflict between us. I also found out that she is supposed to be engaged/married now so that kind of rules out geting together. And I still dont know why I ran away from her scared to talk to her I guess???
dgiirl Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 social anxiety? It's common, but you should look into it and see if that's the cause.
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