Ruff Ryder Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 People after a break up are all so down and sad..... I know I was badly. One thing I think we all forget and forgot is we were all at some stage happy before that person was in our lives, so is it not safe to asume that we will be again? Is it just plain human nature our ego possibly that wants us to have the one we lost. To feel the pain amplified or is it ignorance that we cant remeber that happiness is not found in someone else other than your self? Why afrter a break up are we blinded to the fact? I think people focuse on the negitive far to much and try to be something they not. Feel the pain address it and move foward not backwards. Just a thought.
KittenMoon Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 People after a break up are all so down and sad..... I know I was badly. One thing I think we all forget and forgot is we were all at some stage happy before that person was in our lives, so is it not safe to asume that we will be again? Is it just plain human nature our ego possibly that wants us to have the one we lost to feel the pain amplified or is it ignorance that we cant remeber that happiness is not found in someone else other than your self? Just a thought. What if you WEREN'T happy before that person entered your life? I struggle with this. I began being happy when I got to college, simultaneousy met my now-ex, so unfortunately memories of him are tied into my entire "happy time" of life. Kinda sucks. Wondering when the next happy time will begin.
Author Ruff Ryder Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 Shame I feel what your saying. So if you were happy with the ex, is it possible that you know what happiness is and how to get it? if not here we go I'll tell you> " Be happy with you, who you are and what you do. Be happy with what you have made and what you have left behind" You said " When will the next happy thing happen" My answer to you is when you let it. Let go of the stigma of he/she made me happy and use the one Im happy in me with me in fact everything about me. I learnt my leasson and will reamin happy expect no another person to make me happy OTHER than you. Its easy to say these things but its really simple, change what you think and you will change what you feel, dont think :when will I be happy agiain" rather think I am happy and will be....
tanbark813 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 It's just a brain chemical addiction and it takes time to recover from the withdrawal.
Author Ruff Ryder Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 I think it is addiction more than chemicals. You have to let go to move foward and that is a decision you make not an inbalance of a chenical. Its like I tell a depressive its a choice not a drug that can change your life. There is to an extent a chemical reaction with endorpins and aggresion but thats all controlled by ones emotions and in return controlled by one's thoughts.
Author Ruff Ryder Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 Im not arguing with you, im sure that you are correct. But there is a flip side to every coin. Think about it for a secon, why would seeing a shrink help if it was just chemicals? why would possitive thought help if it was jusr chemicles. At the end of the day it all comes down to your body thoughts chemicals and the method in dealling with diffrent things. Your entire body is controlled by thoughts you need to think it before you feel it. You cant miss someone if you dont think of them. You cant love someone unless you think about it and make the decision. Does that not make sence?
tanbark813 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 It does, and I think those are good ways to get through the process. I also agree that we tend to forget how we were before we were with an ex. That was actually one of my first thoughts after my last break-up: "Well, I was fine before her so I'm sure I will be again." Plus it was only like a 3 month relationship so it wasn't too hard to get over.
blind_otter Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Im not arguing with you, im sure that you are correct. But there is a flip side to every coin. Think about it for a secon, why would seeing a shrink help if it was just chemicals? why would possitive thought help if it was jusr chemicles. At the end of the day it all comes down to your body thoughts chemicals and the method in dealling with diffrent things. Your entire body is controlled by thoughts you need to think it before you feel it. You cant miss someone if you dont think of them. You cant love someone unless you think about it and make the decision. Does that not make sence? It does to me because I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic. In AA we talk about being a dry drunk. That means you stopping using your drug of choice, but you still behave like an addict. That's why recovery programs, or seeing a therapist, can help -- because sometimes you need outside help to refute the totally illogical negative self talk that happens when you become dependent on something outside of yourself to feel good.
Author Ruff Ryder Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 Well let me tell you that BANG you are on the right track, it is an outside influence that changes some things if you allow it. Drugs achole and so on. But again it is a choice that one makes. Just be happy with you and you alone dont depend on something ore some one to make you happy becasue that is one sure way to garurntee that you wont be, you will be let down and hurt if you allow that to be the case. It is unfair to others to reley on them for happiness do it yourself its your life and who better to take controll of it that you?
blind_otter Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 It does, and I think those are good ways to get through the process. I also agree that we tend to forget how we were before we were with an ex. That was actually one of my first thoughts after my last break-up: "Well, I was fine before her so I'm sure I will be again." Plus it was only like a 3 month relationship so it wasn't too hard to get over. Both our avatars look like they are having sex. Or an orgasm.
Author Ruff Ryder Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 .........Ok then, as long as it was fun thats all that matters.
tanbark813 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Both our avatars look like they are having sex. Or an orgasm. Mine wouldn't be accurate though. Gfs always tell me I look pissed off when I cum.
In Sync Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 People after a break up are all so down and sad..... I know I was badly. One thing I think we all forget and forgot is we were all at some stage happy before that person was in our lives, so is it not safe to asume that we will be again? Is it just plain human nature our ego possibly that wants us to have the one we lost. To feel the pain amplified or is it ignorance that we cant remeber that happiness is not found in someone else other than your self? Why afrter a break up are we blinded to the fact? I think people focuse on the negitive far to much and try to be something they not. Feel the pain address it and move foward not backwards. Just a thought. Perhaps we focus on the negative because we have this weird illusion that we shouldn't be feeling so bad after a breakup, so we spend all this time trying to just understand and explain what happened that lead up to the breakup...we rehash and focus on all that negative simply to avoid feeling the pain. We've brainwashed ourselves that all relationships must have a happy ending and when we are confronted with the reality that part of life must include unhappiness and breakup hurt, we become traumatized children again. We don't know how to deal with pain and hurt. We don't want to feel it and running away is all we can do. So we hide behind the endless rehashing. And only until we exhaust ourselves mentally do we grow up and realize once again that we can be happy and sane again without the ex. That we haven't fallen to pieces and we can move forward..
Author Ruff Ryder Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 Perhaps we focus on the negative because we have this weird illusion that we shouldn't be feeling so bad after a breakup, so we spend all this time trying to just understand and explain what happened that lead up to the breakup...we rehash and focus on all that negative simply to avoid feeling the pain. We've brainwashed ourselves that all relationships must have a happy ending and when we are confronted with the reality that part of life must include unhappiness and breakup hurt, we become traumatized children again. We don't know how to deal with pain and hurt. We don't want to feel it and running away is all we can do. So we hide behind the endless rehashing. And only until we exhaust ourselves mentally do we grow up and realize once again that we can be happy and sane again without the ex. That we haven't fallen to pieces and we can move forward.. Wow that is power thinking and words, I think you are very close to it here possibly correct. I dont know why we do what we do we just do it "if that makes sense to you" I think people look for the answers everwhere except for inside them. Does it matter why the relationship is over I mean does it really all that matters is that is is over. Some things are easier to let go of than to understand. I think we all need to re-evaluate what we think and how possitive or negite the impact of that thought could be. Is it to big an idea that we all controll our thoughts why cant we comprehend that we control what we think and in return what we feel. To feel it it must be thought. So is the notion to radical that we put ourselfs through the pain? We have the power to chose what we think so we can chose what we feel so in essance we chose the pain becasue it is wht everone does. I mean that sounds wierd even to me but the logic is there. Think smart be happy thats what I belive in.
In Sync Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Wow that is power thinking and words, I think you are very close to it here possibly correct. I dont know why we do what we do we just do it "if that makes sense to you" I think people look for the answers everwhere except for inside them. Does it matter why the relationship is over I mean does it really all that matters is that is is over. Some things are easier to let go of than to understand. I think we all need to re-evaluate what we think and how possitive or negite the impact of that thought could be. Is it to big an idea that we all controll our thoughts why cant we comprehend that we control what we think and in return what we feel. To feel it it must be thought. So is the notion to radical that we put ourselfs through the pain? We have the power to chose what we think so we can chose what we feel so in essance we chose the pain becasue it is wht everone does. I mean that sounds wierd even to me but the logic is there. Think smart be happy thats what I belive in. I contend that though we have the power we are still like children behind the wheel of a ferrari. Yes intellectually we all understand that we are in control and can control our emotions, but since we've never really been taught as children how to deal or handle with intense emotional pain, in fact we've mostly been taught not to cry or celebrate winner at all costs, imagine if in school as younster there were classes in emotions and feelings and we devoted the same amount of time as we did with math, reading, sports...we are taught only to be winners and just be happy, all other emotions like sadness are not welcomed...but not how to be compassionate, or sensitive...so in effect our emotions and our reactions from childhood to adult were left to form based on movies or stereotype characters we seen off of tv. Not fully developed. And as adults we still behave like children. So by the time we are lucky enough to go through intense pain from loss of love, we have to struggle to get to a point to realize that we can control our thoughts, reactions and impulses. But it only during these trials that we get to put our lessons to practice. Does this make sense?
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Good point, In Sync! Nobody ever taught us the right way to be sad...or how to grieve. Growing up in parochial school, I think I learned some things about feelings other than happy, but so much of it was centered around being a good person -- but they never taught us how to be a hurt/wounded/abandoned/sad/depressed/grieving good person. Although I do have faith to see me through, I'm not sure faith is the only effective way to cope with such life events.
sweetie7 Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I agree to some extent that if you were happy before, you can be happy again. But, a lot happens when we are in a relationship. Maybe before the relationship we didn't know just how good it feels to be in love. How nice it is to have someone who gives you so much love. How happy you feel to have a best friend who's always there for you. I think it's hard to end something that became such a big part of your life, even if you were happy before that thing. Once someone comes into your life you can't just forget about them and go back to what you were before. If only it were that easy!
sick of it Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 thats a good point...its like the saying you cant go back to bread after eating filet mignon. you accustomed yourself to that level of intimacy. we all used to not have that...but we know what its like with it. we all want it back on some level and its frustrating when we cant.
Author Ruff Ryder Posted May 18, 2006 Author Posted May 18, 2006 I agree to some extent that if you were happy before, you can be happy again. But, a lot happens when we are in a relationship. Maybe before the relationship we didn't know just how good it feels to be in love. How nice it is to have someone who gives you so much love. How happy you feel to have a best friend who's always there for you. I think it's hard to end something that became such a big part of your life, even if you were happy before that thing. Once someone comes into your life you can't just forget about them and go back to what you were before. If only it were that easy! Thats why I say you must live the bad to be able to enjoy the good. I agree that it is nice to be loved and love in return. But I also think that if you never get hurt how could you ever really appreciate the good times? A realationship that changes who you are and yur happiness is not really the type of realationship you wanna be in. To be happy you just need to make a decision to be and live it.
In Sync Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 thats a good point...its like the saying you cant go back to bread after eating filet mignon. you accustomed yourself to that level of intimacy. we all used to not have that...but we know what its like with it. we all want it back on some level and its frustrating when we cant. We should never and can never give up the fiet mignon in life, especially after you've had it...but I might add when we breakup to the point to consider,, perhap the ex's did not think we were their filet mignon's. So is it not fair for them to seek that and learn to accept that tere's not just one plate of filet mignon for us. We become frustrated not because we want that level of intimacy but because we want from that 'particular person' the intimacy and we delude ourselves into think only they and only they can be the one to give it.
KittenMoon Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 We should never and can never give up the fiet mignon in life, especially after you've had it...but I might add when we breakup to the point to consider,, perhap the ex's did not think we were their filet mignon's. So is it not fair for them to seek that and learn to accept that tere's not just one plate of filet mignon for us. We become frustrated not because we want that level of intimacy but because we want from that 'particular person' the intimacy and we delude ourselves into think only they and only they can be the one to give it. I don't think anyone's really looking for filet mignon. I think we're all looking for hamburgers.... just hamburgers made from ground filet mignon, and the best quality cheese, bread, and toppings money can buy. The exceedingly quality but familiar comforting thing. Dammit, now I am hungry.
In Sync Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I don't think anyone's really looking for filet mignon. I think we're all looking for hamburgers.... just hamburgers made from ground filet mignon, and the best quality cheese, bread, and toppings money can buy. The exceedingly quality but familiar comforting thing. Dammit, now I am hungry. Unfortunately my ex was more like ground up chunk round and a mixture of hamburger helper. From now on it's just veggies for me!
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Unfortunately my ex was more like ground up chunk round and a mixture of hamburger helper. From now on it's just veggies for me! Yeah, well mine had lots of gristle....lots.
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