Meaplus3 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Ok, My question tonight is do semi happily maried men ever break it off to be with someone that they might love? I ask this beacuse I am caught up in a very heated E/A with heavy petting and emerging emotions. He has said he does not want to hurt me? Well hurt me? How can he when I am married too and want this as much as him! I asked him how he feel's about me he said do you mean the "L" word? I said YES! I said oh forget that I couldn't love you? Well yes I think I do love him! I feel he love's me too. I am dealing with a very emotional man whom I dom't want to hurt so I have us caution with my word's. Do I love him YES! Does he love me I believe so! Can we be together I don't know? He said tonight "But we don't even know each other, what does he mean? Confused and wondering about this???
eyeswideshut Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 how long have you known him, and how many years was he married, and how old are the both of you? just wondering... what are his issues. (any divorce in his family, does he get along with his wife's family, etc)
Author Meaplus3 Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 how long have you known him, and how many years was he married, and how old are the both of you? just wondering... what are his issues. (any divorce in his family, does he get along with his wife's family, etc) I have known him for about 8 years. I just got to know him well in the past year. He is married 13 years I am married 12. He is almost 42 I am 36. He is a cancer, I am capricorn we are ZODIAC opposites and we are very attracted to each to each other(I believe in Astrology) Does he get along with his family? Well from what I hear they can't figure him out emotinally, His wife is very brainey much like my husband, were as I hate to say "WE" are very creative and emotional. Oh what to do ?
lostsmile Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Sounds so familiar. Anxious to see what answers people give you. I had affair with MM for 3 years. We broke it off and just recently had private meeting again and it's all back! We neither one ever "got over it" before. We have both actually said "I Love You and always will"! He has been married 20 years. Me 17 years. My husband and I are starting counseling next week before we are on the verge of seperation. I am so unhappy and feel like I have no love left for my husband. I am in an emotional abusive marriage and have been for years. I know my feelings for MM is not helping. I want to be with him so bad. He says he can't leave his marriage. Do they ever even if they say they love you? We both live in small town and see each other often. We both know each other's families well. I am just a mess inside! I feel your pain!
eyeswideshut Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 thing is, depends if he has children. My best friend is a Married man who "found the love of his life" and had a five year affair with her. he was very young when he married, and he did so because his wife got pregnant by accident when they were in their early 20s. then, they did it again, and then they got twins. about 10 years into the marriage, he was about 25, hahaha, no, about early 30s, and he felt as though he lost his youth. fell in love for the first time ever, and had the most incredible affair. he had to cut it off because he loved his children. he didn't really work on the marriage because they didn't have much time, they were both full-time workers and with 4 young children. Now he says he's glad the affair is over, although he still loves her, he thinks it would have been financially impossible. uhhhh. this is just one story. he tells me my MM should have no problem to leave his semi-friendly wife since he's only been married 2 years and they have no children. But NO! my MM decided he needs to concentrate on marriage counseling. i am a romantic, so that is why i stick around. I keep thinking, in the end, what's meant to be is meant to be. i'm obsessing over Charles and Camilla remember.
Jessie61 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 he tells me my MM should have no problem to leave his semi-friendly wife since he's only been married 2 years and they have no children. But NO! my MM decided he needs to concentrate on marriage counseling. i am a romantic, so that is why i stick around. I keep thinking, in the end, what's meant to be is meant to be. i'm obsessing over Charles and Camilla remember. I know of one story in real life; a friend with his W for 10 years, M extremely stale and unhappy, he meets another woman, within 6 months he has left the W and now he is still with the OW and they have a baby together. He had 3 children by the W. His previous children ADORE the OW. The exW is slowly (yes, very slowly) accepting the situation. But that is only ONE story. Yes, I do think about Charles and Camilla too. He has moved heaven and earth to be with the love of his life; he separated from Princess Diana that the whole world (including me!) adored despite having kids and facing a potential constitutional crisis, he had to deal with the public outrage (bordering on hatred) when people found out the extent of his A with Camilla and then when Princess Diana died, and years later he and Camilla still have to put up with nasty comments about her in the press etc.... But he did all of that because he loved her, which should act as a reminder to all of us when a MM says that he can't leave for whatever reason! Yes, Charles and Camilla were meant to be, but he also MADE it happen.... EWS, I think I would admire the fact that your MM wants to work on the M even if it means that you are loosing out. (My MM did the same!) Would you not be nervous if he had NO problem whatsoever about abandoning the W without asking himself any questions at all? How are you anyway? OK?
movinon05 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Ok, My question tonight is do semi happily maried men ever break it off to be with someone that they might love? I ask this beacuse I am caught up in a very heated E/A with heavy petting and emerging emotions. He has said he does not want to hurt me? Well hurt me? How can he when I am married too and want this as much as him! I asked him how he feel's about me he said do you mean the "L" word? I said YES! I said oh forget that I couldn't love you? Well yes I think I do love him! I feel he love's me too. I am dealing with a very emotional man whom I dom't want to hurt so I have us caution with my word's. Do I love him YES! Does he love me I believe so! Can we be together I don't know? He said tonight "But we don't even know each other, what does he mean? Confused and wondering about this??? You may be feeling love but you can't speak for him. And it sounds like he knows that when he says "But we don't even know each other." In reality, you may have known him for a long time, but you really don't know each other unless you've lived with each other or spent time with each other exclusively in a dating situation. You're already worrying about the "L" word. do you want to hear it so you can feel your investment in this R is worth it?
eyeswideshut Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Well, last night, my MM phoned, and this is where we stand: I'm just friends with him, and he understands why (he's seeing a therapist who tells him he is a 30 year old man who is stuck in a little boy phase, due to his childhood). He is openly wondering whether we'd be good together, he's doing the marriage couseling and he seemed a bit reluctant to talk about it at first, but I asked, (in the same way a longtime friend would ask, how are you doing these days??? given the circumstances). He's a bit afraid I might be hurt or jealous I guess, but I have a way of opening up the conversation so that he doesn't feel badly about talking about anything. So he told me they are fighting a lot lately. I just go: "hmmm, oh,," absolutely NO OPINION from me. Except for tellling him I understand, it must be difficult to get back together (as a married couple) after having been broken up for almost a year. Anyway. I'm fine, it's weird. I'm just still shaken up about the fact that my ex-fiancee came to see me on Monday, and totally broke down in front of me. I'm still grieving that part of my life. So my MM took the back burner. It's easy for me to be friends with the MM because I've known him for so long. He even uses the same lingo my brother and his friends use. It's almost like I'm his older sister or something. But I'm enjoying being there for him. I have absolutely no expectations. I love him, but I realize, even if he did leave his wife today, he would have so many issues to deal with that I couldn't possibly even think of being his girlfriend for another 3-4 years. Since my clock is ticking, I've resolved to go on with my life. Although I haven't told him that. But he can't affect me anymore. How are you Jesse?
Jessie61 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 How are you Jesse? EWS, I am actually alright, thank you for asking! My sorry saga trundles on, but it moving forward. I don't know if you caught the "up to date" on the other thread, but MM had a serious discussion with W at the weekend; he reiterated that he does not love her anymore, that he gave up on the M years ago and that he wants out. He HAS said that before, but this time it seemed that W didn't do "the ostrich" by sticking the head in the sand and ignoring it. She said that she also feels that they should separate and that they should start talking terms in the next couple of weeks. OK, I do realise that he doesn't strictly speaking need her consent to leave, but he would prefer if there was some understanding as to why it is happening. He has also told a few of his friends that had so far been completely dazzled by the image of the perfect couple. What I find different in him now - compared to previous efforts - is that he is so calm and determined. He used to panic at the thought of anyone knowing, about telling the W etc, now he says that the next 12 months will be terrible but it will still be better than living a lie for another 30+ years before he dies... No, he doesn't shrug his shoulders at the thought of hurting his W and kids, but there is a quiet determination that I have not seen before. But as I keep saying, seeing is believing. In the meantime, my life goes on over here as normal; with setting up the business and getting on with life. Still doing the health thing to prepare myself for "the big fall" if/when it happens. I am alright.... Mind you, come back and ask me in 6 weeks times, and things could have changed drastically... You seem to be doing really well? Try to get on with it and to look after yourself. Avoid unnecessary fretting over "what if" because you'll only end up walking around in circles and it is torture!! You can spend your time in much more useful ways! Keep posting!!!
eyeswideshut Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 where does everybody get this 1% statistic? It's insane. It's probably the headliner of one article on an internet google search. 1% of Married Men leave their wives for the other woman? What about the divorce "trend"? According to what I "see" around me, 1% is the amount of population that remain married. hahahaah (just frustrated)
nextel Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 If a man does not leave his wife within the first 6 months, then chances of him start getting slimmer. Only you can judge what direction its going or you can ask him.
target-d Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 where does everybody get this 1% statistic? It's insane. It's probably the headliner of one article on an internet google search. 1% of Married Men leave their wives for the other woman? What about the divorce "trend"? According to what I "see" around me, 1% is the amount of population that remain married. I've been divorced and my husband has been divorced (previous marriages) - neither of us for another person. Most people don't divorce because they are in another relationship, they divorce because the marriage they are in isn't working. Divorce stats don't have much if anything to do with stats of MM leaving their wives for an OW. OK, that said, I doubt that the 1% figure is accurate. I bet it's closer to 10%.
eyeswideshut Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 10%? Great, now I get a measly 9% more of what the other guy was giving me. lol!!!! However, the 6 month thing, if he hasn't left her after 6 months... you're on to something here. Can someone analyse this particular situation? they got married. (she gave him an ultimatum, they've been together for about 5-6 years, engaged for one. all their friends were doing it.) two weeks into the marriage, he begins regretting. But assumes it's normal. a year into the marriage, they aren't having sex anymore. a year and a half later, they "break up". She wants to save the marriage with counseling. He agrees to go, just to please her, although, he doesn't think it'll make a difference. Boom, his only sibling dies. they delay the marriage counseling. In Feb. (now a year of no sex, still "roommates") he tells her to move out. She starts packing boxes and won't stop crying. totally freaks out. (understandibly, I do not judge her at all) It kills him to see her like this. He breaks it off with me. (tells me after 9 months of us "hanging out" and him telling me the extent of his feelings for me) he tells me he's got to try to work on his marriage because he can't handle her being this sad, at the same time as grieving his brother. We split amicably, (I always told him we were going too fast anyway, with all the stuff he was going through). When does the 6 month period start? Now they are officially back together. (i.e. they've announced the breakup is over to both families and friends, very close-knit group). He still phones me, and it's as though he is trying to just do the 12 week counseling to show everyone that he is willing to try until the end. But tells me that he is not happy at home. (I don't need to even know this) tells me they fight even worse than ever. And he is trying to be patient with her. Doesn't know how long this will last, feels as though grieving his brother and divorcing all in one is too hard. Feels lost. But generally, upbeat, not depressed, going through therapy for both his grief and his marriage. When does the six month period start? Not that I'm obsessively trying to find a mathematical solution to matters of the heart.
Guest Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Ok, My question tonight is do semi happily maried men ever break it off to be with someone that they might love? i wonder why they would... it's like why would they buy the cow... you know?
Recommended Posts