Angel007 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Hello all.. I broke up with my gf of 3.5 years about dec 2004 I had to leave for army training I felt over whelmed at life.I had left for 9 months of military training. I had broken up with my ex gf of 3.5 years wit whom I had very serious relationship l drove 2 hours from school every other week to see her. weeks before leaving her I was feeling overwhelmed and depressed with school and work felt i needed some time to prioritize I also didn't want to be a burden for her.She internalized her feelings and became cold , She could not look at me in my eyes. I cooked for her the day before I left at my place some pasta, at the time she told me we would have to start over again and that she needed to be selfish. Then next morning at AM she called me and invited me to reakfast we went and held hands I could see in her eyes she cared for me.I left during basic she wrote to me 4 letters they were sweet and caring but then ceased, time i wrote herbaout 20times she stopped writingin the letters shetold me she cared about me and about how she was doing, i talked to intermittently on the phone. Duringthese8months ioi reflectedon what i rreaaly want and my heart longs for her. I got back from training and her folks stopped by my house to say hi, i payed thema visit and saw her she tried to avoid me and avoided eyecontact withme.I realized at training how much i cared for her but until i saw her lastnight did irealize truly beyond a doubt that i just want to be with her because i love her completely unconditionally.I want to tell her how i feel i got butterflies in me when i went otuside to talk to her alone after i convinced her to talk.She seemed sad and like she cared for me,i couldnt articulate myself as weel as usual but i told her I want to be with her im sorry about all that happened, we were out ther maybe 35 mins then i went to hug her she seemed frightened as if she thought i was going to kis her i hugged her and told her i respect her much more than that then,she seemed as if she wanted to hear me say something,she was hesistant to express her feelingbut i saw it allin hereyes shes hurt at me still. When I was about to leave i told her that despite all i love her she said dont say it , I told her with all my heart iloved her shef froze after staring in my eyes for some seconds and stor med off i yelled I still love you.Our relationship before was very close even though we had the strains of an ldr realtionship. Should I writte her a letter to express more accurately how ifeel. I really am willing to put any effort it takes to demostrate her I want to give myself to her and be commmitted completely. Is there any chance of this working out.What can ido to show her how much she means to me , Am I being naive or deluded in thinking that she still loves me,shealwaystended to internalize anger how can i get her to talk openlky about her feelings .Any helporcomments would be greatly appreciated,helps a poor soldierplease, I am happy that I realize how much I carefor her. After this I kinda shut my emotions downand I've feltkind of numb inside, although during this time Ive had many dreams of her. I poured my heart out in a 5 page letter telling her I valued everything we had and wanted to try. She never responded not a peep.. About a week ago I woke up aftera dream and felt a strange peace and felt my love for her, realized my love is unconditional for her, it sounds crazy but I feel as such. Anyways her family is real cool with me I hadnt seen her in 5 months since that last time the few times I tried to contact she has failed to reply.I took my car to theshop yesterday and stopped by her house which is close by. Lo and behold she answered the door it seemed as if seeing me overwhelmed her as 5 minutes after i sat down she was frantic in graabing her stuff and saying I have to go to work. I talked toher mom and sis until my car was done they miss me and all we were very close, her mom said she is sensitive and what not.. a strange smirk on her face s if saying i know you love my daughter or maybe silly kids... I am left telling myself she cares for me I see itin her eyes not coldness but sadness, i know shes notover me, but I find my self thinking about her a lt and analyzing . I think I need to seek help b/c Istill think about her all the time.. all this time I love her the same. I still love her and I dont see why we cant still know each other, she knows me well enough to know Im not a bad guy, she is the type to internalize things I dont think she has talked to anyone about me, she seems unwilling to deal with me at all as if having me in thought or presence is akin to torture.. I feel as if through all thattimeI had to think I relfected and realized how much I have given my heart to her and i feel nothing i can do except keep on living. Just because she is afraid or hurt doesnt mean that im going anywhere Illbe there for her no matter what, this is how much I feel I dont need anything just knowing her in my life is enough for me even i would love to give things another chance, anyways right now i dont feel the crazy crack love but a familial affection, she made my life much more meaningful and I would hate to forget that,I havbe dated and such but no one seems to spark my emotions, I like but am unable to go beyong that, I graduate this year and will be moving back into the city fall. Am I obsessve and unhealthy, living in my own delusions i have my heart on hold as if the only thing that would allow me to go is her telling me she doesnt love and to go to hell, am i just rationalizing everything to a fault. As I have grown since the breakup have more appreciation for myself and her. She seems unable to deal with her enotions she just shuts them off and runs, does this mean she doesnt love me because all this time I have felt she does love me but is scared I would leave her again, i.e scared to fall for me again. It seems I unable to just give up b/c deep down I assume she still cares. That night whenI talked to her it seemed as if she was waiting for me to say something, she is a good person and i find itunlikly she just wanted to see me dance. Part of meefeels like writing her and sending her flowers and such. Is this selfish I have asked myself , what is the difference between love and obsession. I find myself torn between giving up and hope. I know ill be fine but I miss the closeness and friendship the most.. Why would someone who cares a deal abotu you try to ignore you anybody could help about guarding your heart why women do it, Ican see she still cares but is hurt should ijust givee up i feel asif id rather waitfor her to cope than just forget.. naive?I feel after hoiw close we and our families were it is silly because I know if I cant forget her she cant,why would she try so hard to exclude me. She didnt have many friends just really close to her family I was her best friend as well as bf. I just feel I love her so much and am so sureofwhat I want that I am willingto put my heart onhold like that, I know she still loves me that i why i continue otherwise would have moved on.. She never could tell me to go to hell or tell me she dont love me, I feel as if i want her not to run and be honest if she didnt care why is she unable to talk to me Any ladies have any insights into any of this would help mew cope a lot
riobikini Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 RE: Angel007: " I think I need to seek help b/c Istill think about her all the time.." Look, it's not 'abnormal' for someone to still have romantic emotional attachment to someone they were totally in love with, -but one of the main things that defines how difficult a breakup may be is the intensity of those feelings. The intensity of those emotions actually changes over time, and for different reasons, i.e. when you're in the intitial stages of the relationship, they can be over-the-top, overwhelming, and lead you blindly into a relationship where you never really looked at the ability of the whole thing to be lasting. A break-up during the intial stages may be immediately ultra-devastating but most people recover from them just as quickly. If more time is invested, different hormones come into play and the relationship -more specifically, the reliance and familiarity and trust of each other, as well as the 'love' emotion -is able to deepen -and more memories, 'good times', struggles, etc. is built up, which only contributes to more difficulty, if something happens to cause a breakup. Even in this stage, for most people, it may take more to get through the recovery, but it's still survivable. Some get 'stuck' in the throes of the 'letting go' process and just seem to languish there for months, or indefinately, while foundational basics of their lives starts falling apart, and more than the loss of the person they love is lost. If it doesn't look like you're making any progress in letting go after an obvious extended time, and your life has changed dramatically from functioning anywhere near productive i.e. you miss too much work, you've lost/gained an unhealthy amount of weight, you want to sleep, or stay indoors all the time, you avoid contact with people, -or the worst: you seriously want to harm yourself- then you should seek professional medical help. You're not alone in your breakup. Untold thousands each day are suffering the heartache of a breakup and there's no perfect, exact timetable to go by to say whether or not in three months you'll be back in the swing of things , -or whether you'll be fully recovered to your 'normal' functional, happy, healthy self in a year from now, -but if you, yourself, think you need help, then don't deny yourself the opportunity to know for sure, -seek it and find out. Stay in the boards -there's lots of good advice here- it's a great resource for people just like you (and me...smile). Use the search feature in this site to look up topics regarding your circumstances and keep posting. Broken hearts are designed to heal, -whether we buy it or not, that's a fact. (Smile) Take care. -Rio
Author Angel007 Posted April 24, 2006 Author Posted April 24, 2006 Hi all well I just woke up one morning and realized eventhough i miss her my love for her is not dependent on anything it is unconditional.. This has helped me greatly, however about a week ago she emailed me telling me 1. I could call her a name only i called her 2. she seems to be really busy as of late 3. we should maybe hang out this is big because the first time she has responded to me in a long time it took her 2 weeks to respond iunno could this mean shes ready to talk?
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