jerbear Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 There is an April 1, 2006 Wall Street weekend Journal article on online dating, marriages, and divorce; 10 years after the start of online dating. Just a posting for those curious about online dating.
riobikini Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 Jerbear...can't get to the article...but surely it says what most of us already know: that online dating sucks the worst of the worst for finding someone who really cares. -Rio
Art_Critic Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 No one close enough for me this time around so that's a bummer. MD .........
riobikini Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 MD, Darn! -and I saw at least a half dozen of them who looked so right for you... (Smile) -Rio
MadDog Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 MD, Darn! -and I saw at least a half dozen of them who looked so right for you... I know. But as they say, location is everything. The last thing I need right now is another long distance relationship. What's the point of dating a hot girl if I can't see her? MD
Guest Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 I remember this post of yours--whatever happened to the date you were planning last time? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t83905/
riobikini Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 (Laughing) MD, you're killing me! But keep the faith! -Rio
Author jerbear Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 The quick summary: Over 2 million met online and are now married. Many of those are now going thru divorce due to not knowing the person but knowing the profile. False or exaggerated online profiles cause an flawed initial attraction. Engagements are shorter and people are rushing; relationship based on loneliness, desperation, companionship, false association with love; etc... Many are now catering toward married couples and coaching. Plus trying to keep the couples married.
MadDog Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 The quick summary: Over 2 million met online and are now married. Many of those are now going thru divorce due to not knowing the person but knowing the profile. False or exaggerated online profiles cause an flawed initial attraction. Engagements are shorter and people are rushing; relationship based on loneliness, desperation, companionship, false association with love; etc... That's not really surprising but I wouldn't necessarily take that to be discouraging news. For example, when you say "many are going through divorce," that may be true but so are many people that met in real life. How much higher is the rate of divorce between couples that met online vs couples that met via traditional routes? I can believe that the engagements are shorter and people are rushing. That's not a good thing. It probably has to do with the fact that lots of people on there are in their late 20's or older and are looking to get married and start a family. Again, people in that age group do that too without meeting people online--they just end up getting serious and engaged to the first person they meet after entering late 20'd desperation mode. So there's somewhat of a bias here since the online dating community is enriched with people who are looking to jump into a serious relationship. Afterall, if you're still young and getting plenty of dates and just want to have fun, why would you go online? I think I'd consider using an online dating service but I'd realize its limitations. First off, I'd probably stick to younger women (maybe early 20's) to avoid those ones that are looking to get hitched. Second, I'd only use it to meet someone but I wouldn't take what they say in their profiles too seriously. I'd just pretend that I don't know too much about the person and learn for myself whether she's a person that would be worth trying out a relationship with. MD
Author jerbear Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 There are quite a few men and women, that have the serial online dating issue. First sign of trouble, break up and go back online. It could be simple or complex issues who knows what the problem might be. I've used online dating and gotten mixed results. Since I'm on LS, guess online dating didn't work for me. Many of my good relationships, I met in real life.
MadDog Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 There are quite a few men and women, that have the serial online dating issue. First sign of trouble, break up and go back online. It could be simple or complex issues who knows what the problem might be. I've used online dating and gotten mixed results. Since I'm on LS, guess online dating didn't work for me. Many of my good relationships, I met in real life. People who do that are weak as hell. I wonder if they ever wonder why none of their relationships last. At the same time, I think I have a tendency to try to work things out when it's better to just hit the eject button so maybe I can learn a things or two from these people and achieve some kind of balance.
Author jerbear Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 People who do that are weak as hell. I wonder if they ever wonder why none of their relationships last. At the same time, I think I have a tendency to try to work things out when it's better to just hit the eject button so maybe I can learn a things or two from these people and achieve some kind of balance. Hit the wrong eject buttons, eject them! :lmao:
riobikini Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 RE: Jerbear: "The quick summary: Over 2 million met online and are now married. Many of those are now going thru divorce due to not knowing the person but knowing the profile. False or exaggerated online profiles cause an flawed initial attraction. Engagements are shorter and people are rushing; relationship based on loneliness, desperation, companionship, false association with love; etc... Many are now catering toward married couples and coaching. Plus trying to keep the couples married." Jerbear, I have so much to say about this, I don't know where to begin, -so I'll try to be short and acute on the points. (Smile) My own experiences with online dating has been rather disastrous. My idea of online dating was that it was a cheap, distasteful way to meet anyone you would seriously consider dating. But, after my divorce two years ago, my younger sister decided to give me a gift she said I "needed": she subscribed me to Yahoo dating...then 'Match'. She thought she was doing me a favor because, she said, "You work all the time, you have no fun, you never date, you live an awful, sad life, so I'm fixing you up"> (Roll of the eyes, here) So I let her. She wrote a profile that sounded like it was drafted by a first-grader and passed it to me for approval, -I was embarrassed to to hear what she said about me, as well as how she spelled and worded things, -so I rewrote the damn thing myself, gave it to her, and she posted it. Then she posted photos of me. She didn't like my business photos (said they made me look too serious), so we took new ones. She wanted 'cleavage' shots, -I didn't- so we compromised. I was ok with them by the time we finished, -they were conservative, and I thought, candid, honest, and real- but she was disappointed that I didn't go with her idea of more seductive-looking shots, reminding me that I was "in competition" with thousands of other women. With that, I immediately thought, " Meatmarket ". The deal was this: it was her idea, her project, so she was to 'manage' the dating site, -I would hear from her, if someone looked 'eligible' for dating according to my preferences. First day, nearly a hundred responses. Same thing the next, and the next. And every so often, my sister would yell at me to come to the computer, all excited, and point out some guy who was (obvious to me), very desperate, very possibly lying, or, at least, trying way too hard, or obviously traumatized by a previous relationship which he was using online dating to 'recover' from. Out of all those guys, I saw probably one or two that seemed ok. I was looking -not through the eyes of a desperate female trying to 'catch' a man,- but through the eyes of a woman who was happy the way she was, having children she loved and adored and would die to protect, and -if their was to be a man invited into my life, he had to meet certain very high standards and criteria which I had highlighted in the online dating site. Most failed miserably. You see, my priority was to not allow our lives (me, my children) to be saddled with a 'mistake', -not to have a romantic fling, nor begin a dizzying series of dating, -certainly not to bring in someone who would hurt all of us. It was about meeting people who might be interested in actually building a real life. And that, Jerbear, my friend, I simply do not believe, can be found in online dating sites. -Rio
littlekitty Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 It was about meeting people who might be interested in actually building a real life. And that, Jerbear, my friend, I simply do not believe, can be found in online dating sites. -Rio Like the real life I'm building with my SO? The real life where a year after meeting for the first time, we moved in together? The real life where we're planning on marrying in '08? Sounds like a real life to me. I know a lot of people don't find sucess in OD. There are many who also do though....! I had two long term relationships from OD. Check out my OD Guide below for another success story (getting married) from the same site I used!
riobikini Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 LK, That's good news concerning your personal experience with online dating, and, I certainly wish you happiness and longevity with the relationship. It would be interesting, though, to know exactly how many relationships have been formed from dating sites, and have lasted for more than 5-10 years. While we may recieve good news, like yours, LK, from time to time, -I'm afraid we'll never have the real truth, in the actual numbers, of those relationships/marriages that failed vs. those that were successful. The reports are often biased, or lean heavily in one direction or the other, due to (I think) obvious reasons. -Rio
littlekitty Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 LK, That's good news concerning your personal experience with online dating, and, I certainly wish you happiness and longevity with the relationship. It would be interesting, though, to know exactly how many relationships have been formed from dating sites, and have lasted for more than 5-10 years. While we may recieve good news, like yours, LK, from time to time, -I'm afraid we'll never have the real truth, in the actual numbers, of those relationships/marriages that failed vs. those that were successful. The reports are often biased, or lean heavily in one direction or the other, due to (I think) obvious reasons. -Rio Thanks for the kind sentiments! Absolutely agree... I would love to see some valid, non biased stats on this type of thing, as you say, it would be interesting. I'm also fortunate that we both live close by and saw each other often and were able to build a very normal relationship. A lot of what seems to get classed as OD (and is very much not IMO) is these relationships that start online via OD, continue with IM for weeks and months without the couple actually meeting. They think they're in love, and they've been dating six months but have only met once. How can you know someone like that? It's not possible. They move across the country to be together and then discover they don't actually get on!!
riobikini Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 LK, "Bingo!!!" You nailed it when you pointed out the long-distance factor in some of these relationships. In some Asian countries, currently, it's extreme and all about virtual dating: you never have to meet the person, -just log on to your SO and keep the relationship 'fire' burning (it's mostly all about sex, -sexual virtual contact) -but for some of these people, it's all they have time for, or even know. It's sad for them, really...just my personal view, but I think a relationship is about in-person contact. For me, there's nothing in the world that can replace human touch. -Rio
littlekitty Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 LK, "Bingo!!!" You nailed it when you pointed out the long-distance factor in some of these relationships. In some Asian countries, currently, it's extreme and all about virtual dating: you never have to meet the person, -just log on to your SO and keep the relationship 'fire' burning (it's mostly all about sex, -sexual virtual contact) -but for some of these people, it's all they have time for, or even know. It's sad for them, really...just my personal view, but I think a relationship is about in-person contact. For me, there's nothing in the world that can replace human touch. -Rio Wow... that is sad. All Virtual dating?!! Where's the warmth of affection and a loving touch in that?!! I agree that you need to be around someone to build a relationship - a good relationship. In my opinion OD is simply for meeting local people who you might not normally meet. When people use it for that purpose, a good relationship can happen. But so many people just go for the easy LDR, then the whole thing becomes 'cyber love'. Ahh well. It's nice to seperate the two styles of OD and show the differences.
riobikini Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Clarifying what I meant by "it's sad"... It's like people who desperately want to be a parent but don't have time -nor means, perhaps- to have or adopt a child, -or can't. Now, please -I do not want anyone to misunderstand the point I am trying to make with this parallel, -it's not about children in foreign countries, nor giving to charities, nor lovely people wanting to help someone. But there are those who 'adopt' a child(ren) from out of these charity organizations and pay a few dollars a month to support a child living in despairing conditions in a foreign country. They receive a picture of the child and get an 'update' or progress report on the child every so often, -and "Presto!" ,-they talk about being a 'parent'. This is a similar picture to some online dating relationships, -they pay a few dollars a month, trade pics, log on and 'have a relationship'. Something's missing. At least, to me. -Rio
alphamale Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Something's missing. what's missing is $29 per month from their wallet or purse....
riobikini Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 (Laughing) Alpha...you are correct...it's not what's in your wallet, -it's what is gone from it! And that $29 a month from thousands, millions...will keep those online dating sites clicking right on like the Energizer Bunny into the next century, the more desperate and stupid we become. (Smile) -Rio
Author jerbear Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 I remember a quote from Penn (of Penn & Teller) about Vegas that can apply to here. "Vegas exists because there are people who are bad at math, there are more born everyday." I can agree that $29 is ok for a guy like me to "lose" but from my experiences; I've gotten LTR from real life not from OD. I posted the WSJ article because it was interesting to me and it marked a 10 year mark for those that got married using OD and found issues with the OD model. And it can help some fellow LS'ers make better decisions. For those geeky, I like temporal studies tied in to point in time; ie. the WSJ article. I do have one paiir that used OD and got married, just had a kid this past month. Another good friend met, psycho women! Regarding meatmarkets & OD, well the online world is still male dominated and women get to choose the men; (as always, women are the gatekeepers to the goodies ) Rio, in regards to your business attire and less cleavage shots. Well I personally prefer business women types. I actually love women in business suits, very sexy. Ex is a business woman; heck I met her while in business school. I took random classes, out of order too! While she had to take a regiment. Guess that is why she kept me around this long. I had skills she could use plus I understood her business and her then got "friendzoned big time." Got "owned & used" to put it lightly. Oh well... live and learn. So RIO, in RL, I would at least say hi to you.
ehead Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 @riobikini As for how many OD relationships have lasted longer than 5-10 years ... I think if the relationship has lasted longer than about 2 or 3 months, it really doesn't matter where the couple met. At that point, whether you met in a bar or online or at the YMCA seems to be of little importance, and the relationship is going to fall apart or last based on it's own merit.
ms_jnj Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 RE: First day, nearly a hundred responses. Same thing the next, and the next. And every so often, my sister would yell at me to come to the computer, all excited, and point out some guy who was (obvious to me), very desperate, very possibly lying, or, at least, trying way too hard, or obviously traumatized by a previous relationship which he was using online dating to 'recover' from. Out of all those guys, I saw probably one or two that seemed ok. Oh, I hear you here! I did a similar thing and got 70 responses the first day with about 30 a day for the next few days....out of ALL of those there was ONE guy that wasn't in some way, not a good match at all. I'm in a similar position as you, I enjoy my life and my career have plenty of fun with friends and my own hobbies...I don't NEED anybody, I'm not desperate, so for me to make room for a man in my life he would really need to be special and he's really have to add joy to my already enjoyable life to impress me. I'm 23...I haven't yet gotten to the late 20s when women start freaking out...but I hope my attitude stays the same.
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