Ariadne Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hi you guys, Well, the dreaded Valentine's Day is coming forceful with its iles of heart shaped candy boxes, teddy bears, and flower bouquets... So, I've been thinking of sending him an email with some romantic thoughts . I figured that since it's the "day of love," it wouldn't be out of place to remind him I still love him. Not like he cares anyway, but hopefully it'll make him happy and not freak him out . As a background on my case (since I'm new to this board)... This guy and I were involved in a year LD relationship, during which he told me that he was still in love with his ex (whom is with some other guy and doesn't love him, she told me). Nevertheless... every moment we spent together was blissful, I really felt he that was falling for me, but he feels like he owes himself to her, since he promised her that he'd be patient and wait till the day comes... He is the intellectual type and knows how to keep his emotions under a tight rein. When I told him that I loved him and that needed for him to love me too, he stopped replying .... and that was that. So, what do you think about breaking NC for Valentine's? Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Not like he cares anyway When I told him that I loved him and that needed for him to love me too, he stopped replying .... and that was that. Reread the quotes I pulled out of your post.. Don't waste your energy.. You will just expect a response.. and by way you said he has reacted in the past .. you won't get one.. Why do the self defeating behavior ? Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I agree...dont send him ANYTHING!!! He strung you along while still wishing things worked out with his ex....no one should have to go through that, and he's not worth your time. I didnt go through this nearly as long as you did...I have no clue how you did it. Mine only lasted a month, I guess...you can read my recent posts to see what happened....but I think it has a lot to do with his ex. The funny thing is that he'll probably break NC with her and get together around Val-Day....and have a miserable life with her if it moves forward, while the 'perfect' but young girl finds someone else to be happy with..... You should find someone else too....even if its just to have fun and flirt....anyone other than him (sorry if I'm exuding bitterness, I'm having a bad day) Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I'm gonna send myself a Valentine. Haven't gotten one in many years, and I'm tired of waiting for someone else to think I'm worth the $2.50. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hey, Thanks for the replies ! Well, we stopped talking right before the holidays (great! ). Since then, beginning Feb I sent him a Happy Birthday wish to which he replied with something along the lines of "have a nice day".. So forget that. But he told me once also that he'd feel like he cheated on his gf if he fell for another woman. He's been with her for several years, of which most of the time she spent with other guys. She is really cool actually, I got to talk to her, but she sure doesn't love him. I want to make him happy, and he was really happy when we were together . I want to leave the door open, just in case he changes his mind. After all, I don't like anyone else at the moment and I'm having a very hard time putting him behind (I've tried everything, even dating a guy I didn't like very much but that was into me) Bad idea? Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Ummm yeah...still a very bad idea, honey He is stuck on her. He will never like you the way you like him. There's nothing you can do to convince someone to like you. If you keep sending him messages, youre just going to look incredibly pathetic..... And think about it: Does his ex act pathetic?? NOPE! So he's obviously not attracted to women that keep pining over him, and trying to keep something there with him, and send him messages....youre looking needy, and he'll definately not go for it. I'm sorry I know you really like him, and this is hard for you. But you need to look at it with clearer vision, and move on....youre wasting your time Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Yes, that is me. I take it that is you in your avatar as well? Love is in the air. Funny. I wonder how many offline hookups would happen if everyone had to post their real picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hey Kat, Thanks again. He is stuck on her. Ohh... you got that right! He'd even get depressed if I mentioned her. He will never like you the way you like him. Well, I don't care! I think it works best when the woman loves the guy more than he loves her. Every time a guy is gaga over a girl it goes to hell. If you keep sending him messages, youre just going to look incredibly pathetic..... Bbbbut... It's Valentine's day!!! See? That's the whole point I'm sorry. I know you really like him, and this is hard for you. Yeah... It sucks!!! I think about him day and night since I dream with him, too! Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Yeah... It sucks!!! I think about him day and night since I dream with him, too! Me too, honey. It's hard because you can't control your dreams. Sometimes I go back to sleep hoping to pick up where it left off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Sometimes I go back to sleep hoping to pick up where it left off. Hahahahha.... Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I'm guessing my NC thread on Valentine's Day needs to be bumped up Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hi guys, Well, if I do decide to contact him and send him something romantic I'll let you know. (For now I'm pathetically looking at cards and poems and silly things like that ). I'm already scared that he'll cut me off like he did with the Birthday thing. He said: "Hey, thanks! Hope you're having a fine day out there, too! :)" Btw, the guy has a darn blog, so I can't help but reading it and seeing what he's been up to . Sometimes I get excited because I read the things he writes into "small signs", then I think I'm just going nuts. But he is not the kind of guy that would go for the "love me or else" that I put him through... I also can't help but feeling that I blew it , since things were pretty much ok up till then and he was happy writing every day. And I fantasize that he is trying to prevent himself from falling for me (sigh) since he promised her that he'll wait for her (after he asked her to marry him before he met me, and she said no). Oh, I'm all confused, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Do you see that you are as obsessed with him as he is with her?? Is there anything else you do during the day other than focus on him?? I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but really girl.....you're starting to sound scary Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Hey Kat, Thanks. Do you see that you are as obsessed with him as he is with her?? Yeah, she'd still keep in touch with him via email every once in a while, and he'd also read into little things. True. Is there anything else you do during the day other than focus on him?? You've got a point! I'm not working right now so that is a big part of it. I try and keep busy doing other things but nothing seems to work. I think I was handling better before the Birthday, I believed that he was missing me until then. And no, you are not harsh, I'm thick headed Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I have to agree with the others - DO NOT CONTACT HIM. He is not interested. He will not respond to you. He knows how you feel about him- trust me. I'm sure he also looks at the logs on his blog and can figure out that you go on there every day. Why do you want to love someone more than they love you??? The problem here is- he DOESN'T love you- AT ALL. You say he was happy when you guys were together- obviously not. He would have stayed with you. I'm sorry, but you need to move on from this guy. If you want to waste your time and continue with the rejections- go ahead and send it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Ariadne, only women care much about Valentine's day, as a general rule. He is most likely not going to even smile much less get the warm fuzzies. Be honest to yourself about what you expect. Judging from all the recent history, he is going to ignore whatever messages of love you give or practically ignore them. He probably is starting to think of you as a nuisance more than anything else. I'm sorry, but that is probably true. Stay with no contact. Try to make alternate plans! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Thanks Hooghie, I'm sure he also looks at the logs on his blog and can figure out that you go on there every day. I know!!! That's why I only go there once a day. I'm very conscious about this fact and I don't want to look like a stalker or some . DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Sigh................ So hard, because he "is" my love. I found a phrase that I wanted to send him, something about him breaking my heart but that I love him still the same... something like that . The problem here is- he DOESN'T love you- AT ALL. You say he was happy when you guys were together- obviously not. He would have stayed with you. Yeah yeah... But then I get confused thinking that he did all he could to keep a distance, since he doesn't want to fall and said that he was "done with relationships". But he touched me the whole time, looked at me with eyes of love, and we kissed a lot. So I got messed up!! Thanks again, sorry I'm having a hard time making sense here , Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Hi magda, Thank you . He is most likely not going to even smile much less get the warm fuzzies... He probably is starting to think of you as a nuisance more than anything else. You know what? That is my biggest fear. That I'd revolt him. That's why I don't know what to do. I want to make him happy on V day, but if he is going to creep out, oh no! Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Hi guys, After these past couple posts I'm considering no contact . The one that said: The problem here is- he DOESN'T love you- AT ALL. Was very good. Thanks! I keep feeding my own fantasy, so I need to hear opinions like that from outsiders that usually see things more objectively. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 I'm guessing my NC thread on Valentine's Day needs to be bumped up Thanks for the reference CaliGuy , I went and found it: ---------------------------------------- From CaliGuy: The evil day approaches - "Valentines Day." If you are on strict NC I want to remind you of the following. * Do not send her flowers. * Do not call her. * Do not email her. * Do not IM her. * Do not send her gifts of any kind (No chocloates, no Bears, etc.) * Do not text/sms her. NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND! Do not make any attempt to contact her just because it's Valentine's Day. Chances are if she is seeing someone else it will backfire. On top of that you put yourself back at square one if she doesn't respond or worse, says something mean to you. The point of being on NC is to heal yourself and show them you can get along fine without them. When you break NC you show them you're still pining after them. If they try and make contact with you, please don't reply. You're busy. You have a life, things to do, friends to see and dates to make. You're doing great without them in your life. *This message courtesy of someone who has been through all this crap before and knows the pitfalls of contacting an Ex that doesn't want you in her life. If you want to maintain your self-respect and dignity, do not break NC!* Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Good luck Ariadne. Hope you find someone who deserves your love soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Ok guys, I found some other wonderful thoughts on the CaliGuy's thread. This one was from Gordon_GC: As a result, if they don't contact you, it only means 2 things : 1/ THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT U AS MUCH AS YOU DO. 2/ THEY ARE REALLY STRONG TO GO AGAINST WHAT THEY FEEL AND AT SOME POINT, THAT STRENGHT WILL FALL so just be patient and stick to NC. Breaking NC on Valentine's day is a beautiful thing to do but it might damage you more than doing any good and the only person you should consider at this point in time is yourself. You will suffer by being silent that day but you will suffer even more by contacting him/her. And this one from motmakingsense: If you were the dumpee -- if you do it, accept the fact the dumper now knows you are desperate and lonely on v-day Arghh! I don't know what to do!!!!! Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 Ok you guys, You won't believe what happened... Now I'm "positive" I'm not going to wish him Happy V Day . There's this guy that I dated only for three dates, after which I told him that I didn't think I was ever going to have feelings for him (I didn't like him at all), that I had feelings for the online guy, and better not see each other again... Ok.... he called me on the phone after that, and I told him better not call again, I mean, really... Guess what! It's been a couple weeks and today someone rings my doorbell. It was "that guy" with a bunch of flowers, and a bag of gifts among them a necklace with a heart :eek: . I was totally shocked and I wasn't sure what to do so I said thank you, and we hung around for a while, went for a walk, and then he asked me if he could see me again. I said ok (sigh). I guess I won't be lonely and desperate on V day after all! So, with all the great support that I got here, and "that" incident, I'm positive now that I'm not going to wish online guy Happy V day. I feel so relieved . I was going to end up like "that guy"!!! Ahh So, thanks again to all those that responded, and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 Yee... Good for me! I didn't wish him Happy Darned Valentine's Day and I'm holding just fine !!! The problem now is the "creepy guy". Ack. He called yesterday and thank goodness I wasn't home, then this morning again to wish me HVD, and then said "see you tonight" . So, I'm thinking I'm going to put all his gifts back in the bag, including his necklace with the heart in a "heart shaped box" omg, and give them back to him. I just hate to have to do this on V day. But I just can't bare another date with that guy. I get the creeps just thinking about him. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I hope you all are holding out well. I've not said anything to my Ex and have no plans to I'm gonna chill tonight and work on my projects in the garage. Link to post Share on other sites
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