kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Guys/Gals, Ex e-mailed me said she wanted to talk to me about the breakup over the phone.... said she wanted to talk about stuff like why it happened and stuff like that.....does this mean she wants to try to work things out??? I would demand a meeting in person but that is impossible seeing as we are 950 miles away. I don't know what to do any suggestions? I don't know what to say.... I don't know if I should try to get her back or what?? I know I would like to have her back... but if that is the case how should I handle this phone call?
magda Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 I don't think any of us have a way of knowing what she wants to talk about. Just play it cool on the phone and see what she wants.
Ladylay Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Ex e-mailed me said she wanted to talk to me about the breakup over the phone.... said she wanted to talk about stuff like why it happened and stuff like that.....does this mean she wants to try to work things out??? Maybe she wants closure, So she can move forward, either way try to be honest, and not needy. good luck;)
Anyways Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 How long has it been since you guys broke up? How long were you together?
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 maybe you could email her and ask her what the purpose of this talk is? if she says to see if you can work it out, then talk to her. if she just wants to rake it all over the coals, i'd decline if i were you. unless you just want to hear stuff that is probably going to hurt.
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 She is doing it because she wants us both to have closure.... once again.....I don't know if I should do this. While I think this would help me move on completely I really don't want to losem y chance to date her again.. Here is what she e-mailed me when I asked her what the purpose was.... I think we both need more of an understanding as to why this happened and we need some cloure on this whole situation. I am sure there are some questions that we both have that need answered. I would like to be your friend too. But I would like to start talking on the phone again with you, and I think this is a good opportunity. I hope you and your family are doing o THERE IS NO HOPE!..... WHAT TO DO.... I WANT HER BACK
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 it sounds to me like she's turning you into her friend and moral support in order to lean on you emotionally. if you still have romantic feelings, i would avoid this talk and becoming her friend. on the positive side, the mere act of telling her no will probably raise your stature in her eyes. if you tell her no, do so in a casual way. like, "uh, no thanks." or, just avoid her, evade her for awhile. it will drive her nuts. that would probably be good for her and you too.
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 She has moved on I know it... I know it absolutely. I don't think I will ever get her back... she seems hellbent on jsut being friends with me. I have never given up on anything... why is this so hard to?
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Should I talk to her and then be like "oh well" it didn't work out.. I'll talk to you later and then do no contact. I would like to find out these answers seeing as everthing she has told me so far has point black been a lie... A. She broke up with me because she said we were "fundamentally different" (She doesn't know what she wants) B. She said she wanted to be alone and not get into a realtionship (She has dating ads online) I really would like ot knwo the truth...
magda Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 950 miles is a long way for a relationship. Sounds like a "fundamental difference" to me. I don't think she's going to give you the answers you want, but putting her on "no contact" isn't going to win her back. It's easy to forget someone you don't talk to who also lives that far away. So you don't have much to lose by telling her the truth. That you're not interested in being just her friend and "closure" isn't going to magically change that.
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 I might want to be her friend in the future...... but I can't now... because of my pain. When I find someone else to love then I can be her friend... Once the feelings are gone.. I am afraid that this will piss her off if I tell her that. I told her I would move to her... if you read my previous posts. I was already planning on it.
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 kjo, you have to stop worrying about pissing her off. that attitude has probably done more harm to your relationship with her than you realize. it's called, 'seeking her approval' and it's a turn-off. it's one thing to consider her feelings, but only in the context of a relationship and in decisions that concern you both. at this point, you have to put yourself and what you want first. i would say if you want to talk to her, then yes sometimes these talks do cement the letting go process. if you still want to win her back, then i'd be like, hell no i can't talk to you, i have a date tonight, see ya. it's ultimately your call, you know that.
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 I mean what do I do when she wants to talk to me online or wants to chat with me about something? Or wants my opinion. She misses talking to me I know that... but... i don't know what to do. Plus when I tell her I can't today or tomorrow she will ask if I can another day.. Then what do I tell her? Should I talk to her online when she messages me?
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 cut it short and be upbeat. make it always that you are on your way out...getting on with your life, doing fun stuff, tease her... so, you calling for a little therapy? sorry, can't at the mo...on my way out... or what, you mean grits isn't cutting it? sorry man...gotta run...have a date... see what i mean? she'll get the message that no, you do not want to be 'friends' in that way, but yes, you are worth dating...
skeptik224 Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 I say be upfront and honest. Tell her flat out that you can't be friends right now...that you would like to in the future, but right now you need time for your heart to heal. Don't play games and don't lie. I told my ex that she was the love of my life and that I wasn't ready to be just friends. She appreciated my honesty. Also, saying how you really feel will give you peace in your heart knowing that - if there is no 2nd chance - at least you told her how you felt. There will be no doubt in her mind. I do agree about being upbeat though. Don't be sad and depressed - just be honest and sincere.
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 i would say skeptic is right--if you want to end things definitively with her right now in order to get on with your life and put this relationship behind you completely. then, yes you can be friends later. my advice is for if you still want to win her back.
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 see there hasn't beena time to present itself yet... for me to do what you are telling me to do... she seems hellbent on wanting to talk to me about this.. maybe she got something in my message.... thinking maybe I wanted to talk about it.
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 how do you know the name of the dog??
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 it was in one of her emails that you posted. Do YOU want to talk about it with her--knowing that it's not a make-up or reconciliation talk, but she will try to patch things up on the friends level, and also tell you all the reasons why you are not right for her? i'm not clear on what it is that YOU want???
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 I want to be with her...I want to be her boyfriend.... something tells me she broke up with the person that i was.... not the person that I am.. I am not quite sure as to why she broke up with me because every reason she has given me she has also contradicted..... I justhave this sinkingfeeling that she bailed because things got rough in both our lives... Maybe not... but I don't know. Also, I know, by her actions, that she usually doesn't go back with the guy after she broke up with them. For some reason she doesn't give second chances on anything even if she made the mistake... I am no sure of that though after all i am only the 3rd person she has ever dated. I am still unsure as to why we didn't work... I am sure distance played a role but... I don't quite know what to do about this whole situation... Advice please What should I e-mail her back.
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 I want to be with her...I want to be her boyfriend.... something tells me she broke up with the person that i was.... not the person that I am.. I am not quite sure as to why she broke up with me because every reason she has given me she has also contradicted..... I justhave this sinkingfeeling that she bailed because things got rough in both our lives... Maybe not... but I don't know. Also, I know, by her actions, that she usually doesn't go back with the guy after she broke up with them. For some reason she doesn't give second chances on anything even if she made the mistake... I am no sure of that though after all i am only the 3rd person she has ever dated. I am still unsure as to why we didn't work... I am sure distance played a role but... I don't quite know what to do about this whole situation. To be quite honest with you if I found someone else that made me happy I could be friends with her. I want to be happy though with someone else. I jsut don't know if there is someone else out there. I don't want to settle for second best. Advice please What should I e-mail her back. P.S. You are very helpful
Author kjo314 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 The funny thing is.....If I were to reply to her dating ad using a fake name.. I know she would want to "get to know me" more. That is why I don't know why we aren't working out. It is confusing
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 i'm not sure what you're asking kjo-- have already given you two options--you *choose* which way you want to go and then *stick with it*-- either talk to her and end it totally or evade her/tease her and see if the passion can be gotten back.
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