Guest9 Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 OK so seems like everyone else has a speal so here's mine. I met my bf 3 years ago, we were great friends, always knew we had feelings for each other but he had a gf so we were put on hold, which was fine. They broke up last January and we got together in June, it was great, perfect, could not have been better. Until he went away for work in Oct for 6 weeks I went out one night and got ****ed up on drugs (which really is done in moderation with me, please don't think I am some druggie), ended up making out with a girl (I knew, who came onto me and I think kind of had this prearranged in her head) at a bar in the bathroom and calling him while I was doing it and she left a message for him. Bad bad idea. Not even the call but the whole situation. He was away for 3 more weeks, feeling horrible the whole time). We moved in together in November while he was away (as was arranged, sucked he was gone but work called). So now here it is February we are still working on this. He has pretty much been supporting me because I have been inbetwen jobs for a while here (tho i do have a good one now just been awaiting a check). So here I am the cheating, useless girlfriend who "Needs" (as he likes to say) her bf, yet he does not "Need" me back for anything (which is true, but i'd like to think he'd need my love if we are so in love). He gets abusive when he gets mad. No major incidents but I think anything is too much (no open fists, odd bruises but little ones mostly). yeah so we were the perfect couple coming from best friends. Everyone loved us. Now we have lost it all .. yet try to keep it together for the sake of love (I do believe we both love each other immensley). So I am just wondering with all that behind us, financial stress, cheating, abuse.. am I crazy for trying?? When we're happy we're really happy..we're not pretending to be happy anymore.. but we say we'd like to be again.Are we fighting a lost cause??? can a couple get through all that and still stay sane??
ThatOneGuy Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 I think I'm one of the few people on earth that still believes that love can conquer all. So, I believe that if he still loves you as much as you love him, then in the end everything will work out. That doesn't mean that you guys don't have some issues to work on. I mean, "Drugs are bad mmkay?" I mean, you may use in moderation but do you also make out with girls in moderation too...? Just because you do something bad seldomly or you keep your eyes on it, doesn't make it any less bad. Anyway... Just, try to work things out with him. Sounds like he has anger issues you need to resolve, and his job probably isn't helping anything except pay the bills.
newbby Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 I think I'm one of the few people on earth that still believes that love can conquer all. So, I believe that if he still loves you as much as you love him, then in the end everything will work out. That doesn't mean that you guys don't have some issues to work on. I mean, "Drugs are bad mmkay?" I mean, you may use in moderation but do you also make out with girls in moderation too...? Just because you do something bad seldomly or you keep your eyes on it, doesn't make it any less bad. Anyway... Just, try to work things out with him. Sounds like he has anger issues you need to resolve, and his job probably isn't helping anything except pay the bills. hang on! interesting that you are telling her off about the other girl, and then saying that his anger issues (PHYSICAL ABUSE) are something she? they? have to resolve. i also believe that love can conquer all, but not relationship type of love. by staying with him and putting up with physical abuse you are enabling, not "loving". perhaps what you need to do is to take a break and work on yourselves individually, certainly you can not SOLVE your PERSONAL issues with your relationship. you are talking as though the relationship is a living entity with problems, the truth is that you are individuals with problems you have each bought into the relationship. its true that usually our problems come out more in personal relationships because that is when we feel most vulnerable. it gives you an opportunity to see what individual problems you have that need to be worked on, individually. what you did wasnt that bad, certainly not bad enough that you should be being PUNISHED for it. if you want to be happy together then you have to work on it individually. you work on yourself and he works on himself. if one does all the work and the other does not, then that will become apparent anyway. perhaps it is impossible to work on yourselves within this relationship. maybe you can do it, but whatever way, there has to be a strong will to do so.
bluechocolate Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 He gets abusive when he gets mad. No major incidents but I think anything is too much (no open fists, odd bruises but little ones mostly). Little ones mostly?? No open fists? What the hell does that mean?! How big does a bruise have to be before you consider his abuse serious? If you think that it is always just going to be "little bruises mostly" you're in for a big surprise. And I wonder how big a little bruise would be on a child.
delish_22 Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Thanks for your thoughts.. he came home shortly after i wrote that last night and we got into it again. I did sit in front of the door and tell him he wasn't leaving again (it was 2:30 am, and we had been arguing earlier about breaking up via the telephone- i should think that he'd realize when he came home it wouldnt be to drop something off an leave again), so yeah sure i wanted attention. I wanted to talk- he didn't. Rather than let him go out the door like maybe i should have i sat there until he picked me up and i'd run back there soon as he put me down etc etc, eventually i got grabbed by the throat and pushed into the wall. Still i didnt want him to leave.. so apparently his friends were outside waiting for him so they came in and tried to seperate us but i wouldnt allow it- i just didnt want him to go- no matter what was going on. I wanted to talk and I knew if those guys weren't there I'd be getting what I needed. So yeah some pulled hair on both our parts. I'm afraid though he does look the most injured today with nail marks on his forehead and all over his neck (I clawed back when he grabbed my throat). Eventually the guys left and he stayed home. We talked from 4 am until 7 am, really talked, cried all that stuff. i had to work, that was icky, and called him from work to see if he was okay and he said he was really hurt because of what i did to him with all the scratched etc. Why doesn't he just get that though i may not have marks I have memories. Bleh we are gonna try our best here. Thanks again though. if it keeps up it's over. we're outta this leave march or april i forget.. but if things dont patch up we are both past a point of continuing an unsafe relationship. xo thanks
Shattered Heart Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 You say you met him three years ago and that you were really great friends. Before dating him, would you have considered him one of your best friends? And when you first started dating, was it so perfect that you actually talked about marriage? I ask these questions because my girlfriend broke up with me because her best friend of 12 years professed his love for her. So she dumped me three months ago and is now with him. I'm sure everything is hunky dory with them now, with discussions of marriage, but I hope and pray they both end up in the same situation as you guys. Nothing personal against you, but I was the sorry-sap victim in all this, and was left hanging out to dry. My only satisfaction would be their relationship's eventual demise. I am cautiously optimistic that they will fail as a couple, because taking the relationship from "best friends" status to an intimate romantic relationship, is a totally separate ballgame. Sure, the foundation of friendship is already in place, but they're embarking on new uncharted territory. The same rules don't apply anymore. Let me ask you. How did you guys feel when you took your relationship to the next level? Looking back, did you think you made the right decision to act on the feelings you had towards each other by becoming a couple, or do you now regret ever getting romantically involved and wish you guys just stayed really close friends? If you guys don't work out as a couple, will you still maintain your friendship status?
newbby Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 i was in a relationship with a guy, who, yeah he ended up with some bruises, which he would go on about. some bruises he got when i tried to defend myself! soooo, what are you each doing to help yourselves? HOW are you planning on making this work??? i see no evidence of positive action in your thread. you are going to make a go of it? you dont think either of you as individuals need to work on yourselves?
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