CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 Love her, she's a great lady. She once told me she was extremely disappointed I wasn't going to be her son-in-law. We get along very well. Today I received an email from her updating me on her moving into her new condo this weekend. We've agreed to not talk about the Ex but she managed to stick a note at the end that the Ex volunteered to help her paint her new place. All that does is make me wonder what's up with the Ex and the new guy. She wouldn't ditch him to help her parents paint. He probably just had something to do over the weekend but I just hate how this makes me feel. I don't want to know what she is doing but I also don't want to be rude to her mom. Her mom loves me and I always thought of her as my 'mom away from mom', especially since my mom passed away last year. How should I handle this?
Art_Critic Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 First off.. your mind is already racing 100 mph trying to figure out what the ex is doing.. did she ditch him.. did he ditch her.. did they just have something to do.. she helped her MOM paint..Nobody ditched anybody.. You need to back away from the ex's Mom and just politely tell her that you need to heal.. and maybe someday you guys can talk.. but until you heal you will be set back by keeping in touch with her Mom. I'm sure her Mom means well but her Mom isn't the one hurting right now.. you are..
bendit Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 this is breaking NC. Some people can do it. But its obviously making you think about the ex. It could drag you back into that mess. That's why the folks who know how to "end" these things say no incidental contact even with friends and family. Your "nice guy" tendencies and caretaking are on full display here when you put the ex's mom's feelings ahead of your own. You don't want to be "rude" even if it means setting yourself back. Take care of YOU for a change. Keep this in mind when thinking about her mom. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She already broke your rule about talking about HER. She will do it over and over. regards
pandnh4 Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 this happened to me a few years ago: i had been with this girl for almost 3 years and her mother had become very close with me... we both had similar educational backgrounds as well and ways of thinking... well she kept in touch with me via email for several months after the breakup... i stopped responding and after a while we lost contact... i suppose that helped; an extended form of nc, to say the least...
Author CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2006 Author Posted January 30, 2006 I agree with all of you. I love her mom and she was there for me when my mom died and gave me a lot of support. If not for her, I don't know what I would have done.
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