Lonestar Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 I'm sick of dating and looking for a relationship. I meet so many losers (as far as the standards I set for a life long partner) that it depresses me to even keep dating. Most of the time, it's how I end up back with my loser ex. It almost happened to me again. He was contacting me last week, saying things to let me know he's been thinking of me, and I started to get sucked it. I started to lust for him again. I drunk dialed him over the weekend and asked to see him, but he shot me down. Damn that hurt. I'm so sick of being led on by him, and then mind****ed. I haven't slept with any other man but him in the past 5 years, and he knows this. So, last night I decided that it's time for me to get over that hurdle. I want sex with NO strings attached. If we continue a sexual relationship for a little while, fine, but I NEED sex, and I'm not going to keep confusing lust with love where my ex is concerned. As for him, I've started no contact since Sunday night and have yet to hear from him. It usually takes two weeks up to a month, but he always comes back around. He finds excuses to talk to me using our daughter, and I'm sick of caving only to get hurt again. Eventually, I'll have to talk to him since we have a kid, but for the next two weeks I'm not answering any calls or emails (unless urgent about child). In the meantime, I hope to completely cut the cord with him by finding someone else to fill my sexual needs. I'm not one for one night stands, and I don't sleep with men I'm dating until about a month into the relationship, but I think it's time to change the way I've been doing things. Sex is too important to me at this age to wait and wait and wait for the right guy. I felt the need to share this with you all. 2
blind_otter Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Hey, sometimes ya just gotta bust a nut. Go fer it. Just don't get a FWB who is a regular because things always get copmlicated.
Author Lonestar Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 Hey, sometimes ya just gotta bust a nut. Go fer it. Just don't get a FWB who is a regular because things always get copmlicated. Thanks Otter! I'm going for it. There's no reason not to. I'm in my sexual prime and it's being wasted. I plan on finding someone who isn't local and doesn't hang in any of the same places I do. I don't want things to get uncomfortable when I decide I'm all done with the benefits he can provide. There's a few guys at my gym I'd bang, but that's way too close to home turf.
blind_otter Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Oh, get yourself some Eurotrash. Then you can get a free European vacation out of it. Or at least a free place to stay.
Author Lonestar Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 i'd like to apply for the position You live too far away. I have a strong sex drive and if I want to get laid, my FWB better be there within 30 minutes, but thanks for the offer
noclobber Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 You live too far away. I have a strong sex drive and if I want to get laid, my FWB better be there within 30 minutes, but thanks for the offer even 5 minutes shudn't be a problem with me
LawGirl Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Lonestar - good that you are setting up parameters for this potential relationship - ie someone you won't run into etc. I live in a fairly big city and I have (or had - it's up in the air right now) a FWB relationship with a guy who is 14 years younger than I am. (He is 33, I am 47 for those that care about this sorta thing). I wasn't exclusive with him in the beginning. For the first two months, I saw someone else. Then we had a talk. He said, it was up to me, but he "didn't want to be making out with someone who was making out with other guys". He also said he wasn't seeing anyone else. So I agreed to make it mutually exclusive. It has been about 6 months now and he has alternated with "I am not your boyfriend", we are not in a relationship to totally boyfriend-like behaviour. He has said it twice that he is my boyfriend - but under the influence of alcohol - so I haven't really held him to it. Totally confusing the heck outta me. Right now I want more from him - yeah I fell for him. Damn. Right now he isn't calling me. Are we done? No idea - cause we played this game before and he came back. I still want him. Again damn. So yeah - was having my sexual needs met. Was with someone I wouldn't normally run into. Still got/am getting burnt. What I would suggest - go for it. But make it of a short duration - before the 'feelings' set in. Good luck darlin'.
cygny Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 how do you find one? anybody with experience? i have always been a good girl and i don't know how to find one but i'm thinking about it too because relationships with guys just take too much out of me.
Author Lonestar Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 LAWGIRL, thanks for the advice. I have no intentions of taking this seriously or making it long term. If I want bullsh*t like that, I can go back to the ex. Guaranteed when I'm f*cking someone else, he'll be knocking down my door and crying. I only want to find someone to release the sexual tension with in a friendly sort of way. Go out, have a few drinks, go home, f*ck, etc. No spending the night, chatting hours on the phone, none of that. In fact, I might even never call the guy again after the first night of sex. Depends how good it was
Author Lonestar Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 even 5 minutes shudn't be a problem with me 5 mins? Why do you live next door?
Lishy Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Woahhhhhhhhh Girl!!!!!!!! Stop and think about this ..... Read my posts and THEN decide if that is REALLY what you want! When I split with y ex all I wanted was a FWB and I got one - BIG mistake, I feel for him BIG TIME! and I had NO intention of doing that! Sex with no emotion is not very good honey! I noticed that when I realised how much I liked him the sex improved tenfold! It hurts babe and your feelings dont feel validated becuase you where only FWB's. Its a horrible situation to be in and I wouldnt recommend it to anyone. Go to http://www.annsummers.com - I recommend the pulsatron hahhahaha Sort yourself out for sex and get out and find someone who can be more then a rentawilly! You will feel bad about it and it isnt worth it!
lilmoma1973 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Yeah Lonestar i have to agree ,a FWB will be nice as long as you and he both realize that is all it is purely sex nothing more and that is all you want..If i was single and in your positon ,i think it would be hard for me cause i tend to get into deep sometimes .. Don't think i could do it ,i would get too involved even though i know im not suppose to.. Sometimes you can't help you fall in love with though!!
barfool Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 If you have sexual needs that need to be fulfilled with no strings then FWB is dangerous. It would be much better to cut out the "friends" and just stick with the "benifits." I am a very sexual person that has needs that does not require a relationship. I turned to an online site (specifically adultfriendfinder) to find a partner for my sexual adventures. I have been very happy with my experiences since we both know that we are in it only for the sex. But since you say you are not comfortable with one night stands I am not sure you would be comfortable with this arrangement either. And BTW, sex without emotions can be extremely pleasurable as well.
TUDOR Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Lonestar you are becoming one of my favs!! A girl needs to eat so you do what you gotta do. We better hear about some good stories from your FWB escapades as well. And if you find yourself in the Dallas area.....hmm better clear that with the wife first but let me know!
blind_otter Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 how do you find one? anybody with experience? i have always been a good girl and i don't know how to find one but i'm thinking about it too because relationships with guys just take too much out of me. Usually, for me, it was either a longtime friend who I had clearcut boundaries with (including an end date for the liason), or a guy I went on a date or two with, had a discussion about what I wanted, and went from there. I have never encountered a guy who wasn't up for FWB sex (i use the F part loosely). Usually I'm not really close to FWB, emotionally, and I utilize other emotional outlets for friendship. Usually, when I start cuddling with them, I've developed an attachment (as much as I might deny it) and it's gone too far. It's important to know your limits. Mostly, if I recruited a FWB from the ranks of my male friends, it would get really icky really fast. But I think most women will agree when I say, sometimes you just want to bust a freakin' nut.
Author Lonestar Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 Woahhhhhhhhh Girl!!!!!!!! Stop and think about this ..... Read my posts and THEN decide if that is REALLY what you want! When I split with y ex all I wanted was a FWB and I got one - BIG mistake, I feel for him BIG TIME! and I had NO intention of doing that! Sex with no emotion is not very good honey! I noticed that when I realised how much I liked him the sex improved tenfold! It hurts babe and your feelings dont feel validated becuase you where only FWB's. Its a horrible situation to be in and I wouldnt recommend it to anyone. Go to http://www.annsummers.com - I recommend the pulsatron hahhahaha Sort yourself out for sex and get out and find someone who can be more then a rentawilly! You will feel bad about it and it isnt worth it! Lishy, I've given it a lot of thought, and I have no desire to become romantically attached to the guy. Sex without emotion can be good, although I agree that sex with emotion is better, but it's not what I'm looking for. As Otter said, the "F" is loosely applied. I would never dip into my pool of current male friends, because that could get ugly. I don't know how I'll feel the next day or if I'll even want to see the guy again.
helena abadi Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Oh, get yourself some Eurotrash. Then you can get a free European vacation out of it. Or at least a free place to stay. oh, hilarious! and yes, sometimes you just have to bust a nut. is it more complicated for women than it is for men?
Author Lonestar Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 If you have sexual needs that need to be fulfilled with no strings then FWB is dangerous. It would be much better to cut out the "friends" and just stick with the "benifits." I am a very sexual person that has needs that does not require a relationship. I turned to an online site (specifically adultfriendfinder) to find a partner for my sexual adventures. I have been very happy with my experiences since we both know that we are in it only for the sex. But since you say you are not comfortable with one night stands I am not sure you would be comfortable with this arrangement either. And BTW, sex without emotions can be extremely pleasurable as well. I've already checked out AFF. There are possiblities on that site, and men who would obviously agree to what I'm looking for. I'm guessing my FWB may possibly turn out to be more of a 2-3 night stand. Maybe I wasn't clear enough about my current view on one night stands. In the past, I have steered clear of them, but recently I decided I need to loosen up and not be so rigid. Sex is very important to me, and I have needs which need to be taken care of. At the moment I can't find "the one" as far as a long term relationship goes, so a FWB (where friend means acquaintance) or a one nighter suits me for the moment.
Author Lonestar Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 We better hear about some good stories from your FWB escapades as well. I will definitely post the outcome of all this Tudor. I won't leave you hanging.
TUDOR Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I had an old FWB that I met at a bar. We both hung out there and just started talking one night. We got along good and the conversation of sex came up. We both stated that we wanted to get laid but not looking for a relationship. It was a good arrangment, a friend to go have a few drinks with and then back home for a good lay. So you may find your FWB just around the corner and not necessarily some one you know real well. Happy hunting.
Gator762 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I've just left a long relationship, and am looking for a **** buddy, and a serious relationship in the near future. I admit a guy's perspective is way different, but I think if you really got an itch that needs scratching, get that outta the way! You might rush into a relationship with the wrong intentions, and hurt yourself and someone else. I figure if you get that itch outta the way, it will be easier to emotionally bond with someone later. By the way, you live in NY?
noclobber Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Sex is very important to me, and I have needs which need to be taken care of. i am not trying to offend you Lonestar but are you saying this because of a biological condition or is it just a physical need that has to be taken care of? 1
kitkat826 Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Hey girl. I'm in your same boat. The current FWB (who was previously someone I dated for 6 months) is becoming too much of a hassle. Emotions are creeping back in, he's becoming moody, and the quality of sex is starting to wear off. Ive looked at AFF too but don't think it will work for me. I find physical attraction to be very much an "in-the-moment-vibe" and that just can't be judged from a picture. I've decided to go out on the prowl this Saturday...wanna come?? Hehe, The Adventures of LoneStar and KitKat and their Search for Some Good Booty!!! 1
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