My sad story!

[trone]

my story!

 

Everything started as "love at first sight". I had broken up 6 7 months earlier, doing very well, with a great job and no problems at all in my life. Although I was not crazy for a serious realtionship, I would not mind to fall for one either. I saw her and that moment I said this girl is just what I am looking for. It was not hard to see the same thing in her eyes, later I learned that she did everything to get information about me. We work for the same organisation and she would help me for some HR work and she was one of the several people in the office that does the same thing. When I arrived for the second time, the receptionist directly forwarded me to her room even though it was not her walk in day. So I got the picture because she was also very nervous when she was talking to me.

 

After couple weeks, I asked her out and she was so happy that i did. We did go out and it was aperfect date, we both felth that it was a lot more than the strong attraction. We decided to date. But the girl was not fully self confident always telling me that she could not believe that a guy like me dating her. She was 31 and only had 3 very short relationships (longest 8 months), & very shy in public.

 

As always first month was very very good, she even introduced me to her parents although I thought it was too early. But her mom had always been very influential in her life, i think it was a way of takinh her approval before things become more serious. She told me that her older sister turned atheist after serious pysc. problems (was in the hopsital for a while )and she had cut all the contact with her family which made her mom more sensitive.She goes to church almost every day to pray to God that her older daughter will be ok.

 

Anyhow back to my girl, after the first month, she suddenly (maybe I begun to realize) began to have mood swings. She was calling me and telling me that she is not happy anymore or she does not enjoy life. When I was trying to talk to her she would blame me by being insensitive and all kinds of things. She kept saying "you are trying to hurt me". She was very unorganized, late to work and also had peoblems at work. We had couple fights and decided to break up.

 

After the first break up, she called me back and asked to talk. It was very weird for me to be blamed "insensitive" and "mean" all the time bec I have always been told how sensitive and nice I am. She told me that it was her mistake because she has serious form of pms which is called PMDD. She said she had more mood swings because right after starting to date me she had droft her medicine (zoloft) thinking that she would be ok since she is in love.

 

I told her that I will do everthing to help her and it is not her fault. I was in love with her and I really thought that I can help her. My friends and mentor all told me that I should cut it off because I cant help her and this would make all my life a mess. But i did not I kept on trying.

 

During then we spent lots of time. She moved and i helped her with everything moving, painting and all kinds of stuff. Even her family kept telling me that how nice I am. But her mood swings never improved because she did not take her medicine regularly. I was getting all the blame for everything. We were breaking up and the next day she was calling me, crying all the time and telling me that she was missing me. Each time io got back, we talked and I asked her to trust me that i am not trying to hurt her and I am ready for all kinds of help. At the same time she was having problems at work with her boss (she was also a friend of her) since she was not organized. I even tried to help her with prizes e.g if she is not late to work I would get a gift and so on..

 

But it never changed.She kept blaming me and crying for several hours. When she started to cry, it would last for hours, I would leave come back and she would still be in bed crying. One night she blamed me again and I said that is it I cant go on like that. She cried and asked me not to leave and begged for a while. i could not stand to see her like that and said ok.She kept saying that she will never be happy with anyone bec of her problems

 

Last night before we break up, she again blamed me for very small thing and begun crying that i am insensitive. She cried till next morning and did not listen anything that I said. I asked maybe I should leave so that she can have time. She said no at first than said ok. i got back the same night she was still in bed. I took her out to dinner got gifts and goit tickets for a comic movie. Guess what right before the movie when I was trying to explain the "insensitivity issue" in a very very nice way she begun to cry and told me that she was leaving. For the first time i said "babe you have serious psychological problems and you want a slave" she got so mad and told me that I called her psycho. I droped her home and that was it. After couple days we text message each other she kep telling me that she hopes I find a better girl and etc...

 

Next week I was about to leave for a business trip for 3 weeks, and the day before I left, I went to her house and asked her to start again. i was stupid I even cried. She said she cant make it because the relationship was so hurtful. She had to put the pieces together and gain her self confidence again. I went to Europe for my trip and called her once. She told me that she would even quit her part time school bec she was too upset. She also said she cant talk to me for a very very long time and she really did not. I send an email after a week to see if she is doing ok and she replied by saying that she would never ever respond to any kind of communication from me.

 

After I got back,since we work at the same place, I saw her outside and she acted like I am a stalker and said that she wishes me well. She was acting so weird ad if the way she acted when she was me was totally unimaginable. She saw me once more (did not know that I saw her) and she did the same thing, acted very weirdly and walked away. Now we do not communicate or anything, she completely cut the communication.

 

I want to call her although people keep telling me that she is sick and I can not change her. I am seeing a counselor and she says the same thing that I should feel lucky that she is not in my life anymore. She also believes she probably had more serious issues in the past which she would never tell me.

 

I dont know, only thing I know is I am missing her. After our last break up, she also blamed me for the break up as if she did not have any problems. I think me crying after last breakup and asking her to get back made her rethink and blame herself less.

 

It was so long, I even dont know how I did write all. It was like a roller coaster for 4 months and for the first time in my life I am having mood swings and seeing a counselor. Sometimes I cant even concentrate on my work, life is like hell, many of you know how I feel. I want to contact her but also dont know...

[trone]

Now what hurts me is after eberything I did for her now she runs away from me acts like I am a stalker. I do not know if she will ever call me back, probably not. But I am trying to understand what I did to deserve such kind of a behaviour.

 

Thanks for your time& thoughts folks!

[westernxer]

...we work at the same place

 

Excellent!

 

By the way, she's sick and you cannot change her, nor should you be seeing her.

[Sloppy]

Sorry to hear about your heartache.

She does have some very serious issues, you do need to stay away from her. Don't contact her, the pain will water down a bit with time.

Now, you two working together concerns me a bit...especially when you say that she acts like you were a stalker. Be very careful, she might do some things and take your job away from you.

Can you do anything about it to prevent that from happening?

[trone]

Westernxer and sloppy thanks a lot for your comments!

 

where we work is a huge campus more than 5000 people work there. Our building are next to each other and our parking floors are also very close.

 

She really acts like I am a stalked but I guess she is trying to avoid me so that she will not remember anything, I guess it is a way of getting over the things.

 

Sloppy, several people told me the same thing but since I do not even intend to talk to her , I dont know if she can really do anything. She just puts her head down, look very weird and walk away when she sees me! which is making me feel even worse, it makes me feel like I was the worst guy ever, as if I really did something very bad to her...

[westernxer]

Stop being so self-conscious.

 

Just keep your distance from this psycho.

[trone]

I am doing my best westernxer. I just need to keep on NC which is the hardest thing to do especially during holidays!!

[Sloppy]

Don't put your self down. Remember that it is not your fault in any way. You had tried more than most of the people would put up with.

Her issues are HER issues, not yours. Simple like that. Don't worry about her, just stay aware and make sure your job is secure.

You have done your best, it's time to move onto someone who would do the same for you.

Good luck!

[trone]

That is the truth maybe Sloppy. As I said earlier, 4 months with her were like a rollercoaster. Two weeks of everymonth (before her period) were like hell, I had to think at least twice before I say something. Even the most simple things I said could be the worst sentences for her.

 

She would tell me how thoughtful I am but next day I am the insensitive guy again...it was so hard to take and cope with. But stupid me still wants to talk to her and still think that it is not her fault to have these problems maybe I could help her. On the other hand, the way she behaves me is one of a kind which makes me think that "should I really give that much in a relationship?" I did everthing fo her but at the end, she behaves me as if I am the most dangerous criminal on the planet

[Sloppy]

Trone,

You have a big heart. You want to help her. I understand, I am the same way. One thing you will learn is that you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

If you want to be there for her, you will need for her to find out that she needs help, and for her to decide to work on her self. Obviously she knows she has issues, but she hasn't gotten to the point that she is willing to accept those and to learn to live with those. It will be a hard and long journey for her.

Right now you should just leave her alone and let her go through her thing. She might get better and you might be able to help her, but right now its only hurting both of you. She doesn's see that you are trying to help, and you are confused about it.

It is two different worlds you are trying to glue together. I cannot tell you to forget about her, because you don't want to forget about her, but I'm afraid if you did contact her, things would get out of hand.

Try to remember the good things about the relationship. I am sure she is a great person, but she does have more issues then many other people, and unless SHE is willing to work on those, there is nothing you can do. Maybe stand by and be there when she needs you to be there? I just say that because it seems like you really care about this girl, not because I think it's the right thing to do.

[trone]

Sloppy, I felt like you were right next to us while we had all these problems...as if you know us very well.

 

You are right she is really a sweetie and has a great personality. That is why I was really into her. Half of the month she was a great girlfriend but other half was hell.Even now when I see her, it is very hard for me too not go and tell her that she is still an angel for me. Indeed I broke NC last week and sent her a text message to tell her that "you are a true angel and please take a good care of yourself", maybe it was stupid of course I did not get any reply.

 

I know that I cant help her if she does not want to be helped and I learned it very hard way. I did everything I could do so for the first time after a relationship I cant really find anything to blame myself. But still sometimes I say maybe I could better help...

 

She told me that she can not see me for a very very long time, she needs time and she has to get over me. My mind tells me that this is the best thing so we can both move on but my hearth does not listen. I sometimes think that by the time she gets over us , there will be no feelings anymore possibly no more relationship. I could be right by her side now, try to help her. I even told her that we can go to a therapist together so things may work better. I really loved this girl and could accepth her the way she is. But as you said right now she does not even believe that I was trying to help her, I am someone who hurts her all the time. I am doing my best not to contact and I know that I wont especially after last saturday's text message.

[Sloppy]

 

She told me that she can not see me for a very very long time, she needs time and she has to get over me.

Show her your love by respecting her wishes.

My mind tells me that this is the best thing so we can both move on but my hearth does not listen.

That always seems to be the case. I understand, as I am going through the same dilema as well. Try to suck it up and do the right thing. It will make you feel better then doing by your heart.

 

I sometimes think that by the time she gets over us , there will be no feelings anymore possibly no more relationship.

And that's the way life is. Someone here said that "you cannot make the other person love you". That is very true. They either do or don't. There is nothing you can do about it but accept it.

I could be right by her side now, try to help her. I even told her that we can go to a therapist together so things may work better. I really loved this girl and could accepth her the way she is. But as you said right now she does not even believe that I was trying to help her, I am someone who hurts her all the time. I am doing my best not to contact and I know that I wont especially after last saturday's text message.

You have learned your lesson. Do not contact her. She will contact you if she feels she wants you in your life. By that time it might be too late; you will have been moved on with your life. It might not though. There is NOTHING you can do about that.

She needs to go to therapist by herself. It's not you who causes problems. She is just not ready to be in ANY kind of relationship, and I believe she knows it. She needs a lot of help first. If she feels like she wants to work on your R AFTER she has worked on herself, you can offer that again.

Im sorry for your pain. Cheers to careing people

[trone]

Sloppy, thanks for your great comments, I agree with everything you said. I will definetly not contact her but life is so strange guess what happened today.

 

I went to a grocery store which is very far away from my home as well as hers. I was waiting in the deli line to get my order and looked right and I saw her walking right by me with a girl which I guess her new roomie. I do not know if she saw me probably she did.She was not looking at me, instead she was focused on the deli list while she was walking by. I turned my head right away and then looked back once she passed me by. I saw her once more after 10 -15 minutes somewhere else but did not stop or trying to talk, just walked away. She looked beatiful to me as she always did (although to many people probably she is not very attractive but you know when you love someone she is the most beatiful for you). She is a beatiful girl with millions of issues unfortunately.

 

I am happy with the way I handled. I did not feel terrible, just sad for a while.

 

People tell me that I should go on and go out with girls who are asking me out but I definetly dont feel ready for it even when I go out to a bar I feel like it is a meat market!! Recently a girl asked me our and although I believe she is nice and probably someone I might have several things in common, I just dot feel ready now. I still have my ex in my mind. But my friends tell me that the only way to take her out of my mind is just to move on. Dont know I am kinda confused