FUBARd Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 I just hope that this is the right place for me to find some answers.... Right now, I'm FUBARd, both in name and in life. I'll get straight to it.... I registered on a forum about 2 months ago, I went there with a purpose, I had a problem needed solving. However, I ended up liking the place and the people so much, I decided to stick around. In some ways, I'm wishing I hadn't. There's this girl on the forum.... I am completely in love with her. I'm 16, you'll say I don't know anything about love, but I know what I feel. It chills me all over every time she's "near". I can't stop thinking about her, it's tearing me apart. She's 2 years younger than me, and I know she doesn't feel the same way but OH MY GOD.... it's scary how much we have in common, she is the nicest, funniest, most amazing person I've ever known. And something inside me just cannot give up on this. Something inside me keeps telling me that this is meant to be, that this is the real thing. And I know it could be, and I know if I get the chance I will tell her how I feel and I know if I got the chance, if she got to know me, she could feel the same way. But she won't give me that chance, and I can't see it ever happening. Every time I think I've made some progress, something is said that just knocks me right back down. The most annoying thing is.... I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. This feels so right.... I know that if this doesn't work out I am never going to take myself seriously again, because I just can't understand how something that feels so right could be so wrong. I don't know what I'm expecting by posting this, but I need something. I can't face another day of feeling like this.
slubberdegullion Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Have you ever actually met this person face-to-face, or at least spoken with her on the phone? Or has it all been online? I won't say that "oh, you're only 16 and you don't know the first thing about love" and all that patronizing bulls***, because I remember the feelings well. HOWEVER... You said that she's two years younger, which would obviously make her 14. Now, ask yourself; do you think a 14-year-old really has any idea what sort of signals she is sending out? I mean, she's probably flirty and whatnot, but do you think she really knows what she's doing?
Author FUBARd Posted November 22, 2005 Author Posted November 22, 2005 It has all been online. I don't really know what you mean in the last bit.... she's not flirty, she's probably just on the forums for a bit of fun. Which is what I love about her.... sense of humour, etc.... the thing that confuses me is the way she seems to change her opinion of me by the minute, no matter what I seem to do. I'm so glad I haven't discussed this with anyone, I feel like enough of a prat saying this stuff on a forum.
slubberdegullion Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 ...she seems to change her opinion of me by the minute, no matter what I seem to do. Uh... please take no offence to this, because none is intended: Do you actually expect a 14-year-old to be somehow rational and sensible? Thing is, she's probably like this because for some reason she enjoys stringing you along. Now, also remember that while you may feel something, feelings lie all the time. You aren't feeling emotions for her, you're feeling emotions for the persona that she has presented to you. That may or may not be a reflection of her true personality. Do you live close enough together that you can meet up someplace locally? I feel like enough of a prat saying this stuff on a forum. Relax. That's the whole reason for the existence of this site.
Neptune Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 You obviously have a deep infatuation of her. I know around the age of 16 and older I always had a deep infatuation of a girl. It just seemed to change from girl to girl every year or so. Oh! BTW, does that screen name stand for f*cked up beyond all resaonable doubt?
Author FUBARd Posted November 22, 2005 Author Posted November 22, 2005 This is a first for me. slubberdegullion - I really don't think she's like that. I mean it's not like she's blatantly changing her opinion, if it was I wouldn't be bothered with any of this, I'd know it wouldn't be worth it. It's just passing comments. I always take things very much to heart anyway. Most of it is said in good humour, but to me it still seems like a clear indication that the feelings aren't mutual. Aslo.... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WRONG. Sorry for shouting, it's just playing on my mind so, so much. We live in two different countries by the way.... I don't know if you believe in God, but I was praying last night for God to direct me, show me the right things to do. I had every intention of telling her how I felt today.... she wasn't even on the forums today, which is unusual. I choose to take that as a sign from God that I'm not meant to tell her.... hopefully that's a good thing, maybe He has a plan for all this. edit: hmmm.... that's probably better actually.... it was intended as f*cked up beyond all repair, and nobody ever gets what the 'd' is for.
Walk Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 You've got an up-hill battle on this one. I don't have much to offer as far as advice, except that at 14 I should've been clinically insane. Too many raging hormones, not enough life experience, and completely clueless on how to talk to boys. I gave off so many mixed signals at that age it was a train wreck. I really liked the guy, but I'd say something that sounded like I hated him, mostly cause I didn't want him to know I liked him. I guess best I can say, is go with your gut instinct. If it's more "she's likes you", then "she doesn't", then go for it. I feel for you. This ones going to be tough for you.
Author FUBARd Posted November 22, 2005 Author Posted November 22, 2005 Thanks. As insanely, ridiculously stupid as this sounds.... I don't think she could say anything that would change my mind about this (within reason....). I dunno.... I just can't see past this, it all seems so meant-to-be. Like I said, stupid.... but I've never been this sure about anything in my life. I kinda like what you say about the mixed signals.... kinda gives me hope. Coz it's really like she goes out of her way to respond to my posts, even though the responses aren't always the best.... and that's not just me being arrogant, I'm one of the most insecure people you could meet, no self esteem whatsoever. So if I can see a glimmer of hope.... either I'm just pure mental or I actually do have a chance. But I'd still like to hear more about this mixed signals thing.... could it really be a good thing? edit.... sh*t.... I've probably jinxed it now.... *touch wood*
Author FUBARd Posted November 22, 2005 Author Posted November 22, 2005 Really.... that wasn't intended as arrogance or anything.... I've never been even remotely arrogant in my life.... I've got nothing to be arrogant about! Ah now I'm all paranoid. Please, if you could elaborate on that whole mixed feelings thing.... just so I can see if it is a possibility that she's just confused or whatever.... I don't wanna be jumping to conclusions. Thanks a lot for all of your help so far.... I'm actually in a much better mood now, which is such a relief. Any further advice would be greatly appreciated. I gotta go to bed now. Thanks a lot everybody.
mini696 Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 I think you need to realise that no matter how great a person seems online, they are very rarly the same in person. She is only 14, and might be scared about getting into a relationship with someone she hasn't even met. Just because something feels right for you is no indication that she feels the same way, and even though you think you will be the perfect boyfriend, it doesnt mean that is what SHE wants. You need to talk to this girl about your feelings, but for god's sake dont be desperate, just tell her you like her and would like to meet her in person. If she says no, accept her decision, and move on. I think you are setting yourself up for a BIG fall, and emotionally you shouldn't hold out hopes for something that may never happen. You should try to find some friends who you have met offline.
whichwayisup Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Keep her as a friend online and maybe eventually talk on the phone. She is making you FEEL something good, but you really don't "know" her. You only know what she is showing you online...You don't know her "offline" life, personality, what she is like day in and day out. Seems too, maybe you're abit caught up in the fantasy of it all, making her out to be something completely amazing! Remember, she's 14 years old, you're 16. That's a big maturity difference, and online one can hide that. You don't know how she handles things in general, what her daily mindset is. Hopefully she is quite normal and an upbeat person... Don't get me wrong, Im' not telling you NOT to pursue her, but don't hold up any high expectations. She may not be ready for LOVE and ROMANCE at 14. As I said, keep intouch, be friends...Talk on the phone, but don't go rushing into this. Plus, her parents will have a say about whether or not she sees you or not. More so because you both met online.
Author FUBARd Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 Thanks for the advice. I'd just add that I think I have a pretty good idea of what she's like. She talks about her life a lot, problems with school, friends, that sort of thing. I've known her for about 2 months, that's probably not enough to justify me feeling the way I do, but I've just gotta hope for the best. And I know I'm setting myself up for a huge downfall, but that's just me. The thing is, even though it may seem like the most unrealistic thing in the world, I'm still not gonna be able to think about anything else until I know for sure. Thanks for the help everybody.
Outcast Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I just can't understand how something that feels so right could be so wrong. The key is that it's all 'feelings' and feelings aren't logical. What you're not getting because you haven't yet experienced it is how different a person can be online from how they are in real life. You 'love' who you think she is - that's because your brain is currently convinced that it knows everything about her but that is literally impossible. All you know about her is her impression of herself and no human being acknowledges serious flaws. Everybody thinks they are wonderful people and that's the image they present but when you get to know them, you find that it's not true. Try an experiment. If one of your club members lives in your town, arrange to meet. Then you'll understand how it is that people can seem one way online and be very different in person.
Author FUBARd Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 I understand what you mean.... but at the same time, it's not gonna stop until I know for sure. Silly.... but I am silly! And no-one I've ever spoken to on the internet has even been from the same country as me, ket alone the same town. Still, she's not too far away, so it's not completely unrealistic that we could meet if she ever wanted to. That's a big if though.... kinda like if
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