The Last Letter

[slubberdegullion]

There has been some considerable discussion on the boards about writing one last letter, email or message to an ex (or a soon-to-be-ex). Usually letters like that, if they are written and sent, only serve to rid the writer of his/her dæmons and may exacerbate an already-difficult situation.

 

So, instead, write them here. Remove identifying names, dates and such.

 

I've wanted to write a letter to an ex of mine for a long time, so I suppose here and now is as good a place as any to start:

 

-------------------------

 

Dearest I____;

 

Maybe it's too much to say that from the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew my life would never be the same. But the fact remains that throughout our courtship, our marriage, our issues and our divorce, you have shaped my life in countless ways.

 

I won't bore you with reciting memories. That's pedantic and infantile. But there are some things that I would like you to know.

 

Even though we've been divorced now for many years, I still look back upon the first two years of our marriage as a time of joy. Basking in the light of your beauty was a glory that cannot be equalled. Our laughter ringing in the night still echoes. Sparkling glitters in your eyes transfixed me. The rapture of our lovemaking was unlike any other experience, before or since, that has ever been approached.

 

I have come to realize now that the feelings of love I had for you are unique. I honestly do not know if I could ever hope to swim in such gentle seas again, such was the intensity and passion of our embrace.

 

Certainly, we did not always choose the right paths. We both allowed forces beyond our home to affect us in ways that we would now choose differently. Money, in-laws, careers, communication, sex, all played a role in driving us apart.

 

If one had to choose fault, then I will take responsibility. But I do not consider our time together as too challenging.

 

I was weak and ineffectual. For that, my heart aches in apology and humility.

 

Now, we have been in somewhat regular contact for the last couple of years. I am ecstatic that you have allowed me back into your life again, though my presence in your life is more of a sidebar than an integral element.

 

I have had years to reflect upon the collapse of our marriage, and much of that time was spent chasing partners to try and fill the I___ shaped hole. But all I could find were faint shadows of the joy that we once shared. Even a second marriage proved too little.

 

As you know, I don't have any preconceptions about fate or karma. I do not suffer the delusions of the fundamentalist, and I do not believe that one gets what one deserves (though, granted, I wish it were true!).

 

But if there were any two people more suited to one another on this planet and in this life, I still believe that you and I are destined to be together.

 

I have fewer years ahead of me now than I have behind me, and as my existence hurtles downhill towards oblivion, I would like one last opportunity with you. To be in your arms, to be a fundamental in your life, to share your bed, to dry your tears and to soak up your laughter; this is what I ask.

 

We are both different people now. Relationships have come and gone, careers have changed, moves have taken place. But the central core of our being remains intact; it cannot be otherwise.

 

I desire our cores to merge, one last time. The fulfillment of any other ambition of mine is dust in comparison to the ocean that is you.

 

Neither of us can, of course, predict the outcome. But with time, trust, love and commitment, I have hope for us.

 

With all my love,

 

S

[Israfil]

tragic; beautiful

[Hot Coco]

Hell, I'd get back with you!

 

oh, wait...we've never been together and I'm a married woman!

[Nikita20]

Wow!! What a beautiful, eloquent letter. If you wrote that to me, I'd ask you to marry me again.

 

Seriously, I understand that some letters aren't meant to be sent. It is theraputic to be able to express your thoughts and feelings by writing them down.

 

Sounds like you are a true gentleman. Not only were you able to express what you appreciated in the in the relationship, you were able to admit your mistakes and realize that the past is the past and there is nothing you can do to change it.

 

I think that you should send the letter to her. What have you got to lose?

[Art_Critic]

Nice letter.. Hopefully you aren't going to send it to her ??? Right ???

 

 

The reason being that if one of my ex's had sent that letter years after and I had moved on.. I would ignore it.. and think how sad..

Now if I hadn't moved on and I was pinning away for them.. then the letter would get my attention and I would contact them

[Outcast]

I have to agree with AC. While it is very eloquent and touching, if she rejected you for reasons she thought valid, reading something like Basking in the light of your beauty was a glory that cannot be equalled will not go over well. I think it would even be a bit cloying to someone in a relationship. Few people are comfortable with being worshipped and this letter crosses the line from love to worship a few too many times IMHO.

[Hot Coco]

Speaking for myself, well I'm VERY comfortable being worshipped. Actually, I think MOST women are. Beautiful and so heartfelt.

[heartnsoul]

There has been some considerable discussion on the boards about writing one last letter, email or message to an ex (or a soon-to-be-ex). Usually letters like that, if they are written and sent, only serve to rid the writer of his/her dæmons and may exacerbate an already-difficult situation.

 

So, instead, write them here. Remove identifying names, dates and such.

 

 

Slubber, was this thread about something you want to send or are you opening the lines for people to follow your lead?? Looks like to me your (beautiful) letter was just to get the ball rolling for others. hmmm

[slubberdegullion]

Looks like to me your (beautiful) letter was just to get the ball rolling for others. hmmm

That was my original intent; to provide space for people to allow their feelings to vent and be read, but still maintain their anonymity. But whatever happens, happens, and I'm ok with that.

 

By the way, thanks for the comments, everyone. And no, I won't be sending it.

[heartnsoul]

I think this thread is an excellent idea!

 

Somehow, It looks as if the 'ball' was grabbed and carried off into another field! I get it and I'll definitely have to consider pouring myself out completely on here.

 

Thanks

 

P.S. You definitely have a way with words....very impressed by your letter/thoughts.

[Ultima]

This is not a last letter to my ex, this is the last letter to his W.

___________________________________________________________

 

Dear D____,

I had been involved with someone who wasn’t available. I had made a mistake. I cannot say I am sorry for what happened since I knew from the beginning, but I do apologize for being a part of making your family life a messy one.

 

I wish you realized that it does take two to tango and left me alone; enough time has passed. I am not worried about you seeking out information about me, I am not worried about the message you had someone to leave on my voicemail, I am not worried about the hang-up calls I get at work. It is a waste of time for you, but if it helps you to get over the A, than be it.

 

Your H and I are very much over. I had not talked/seen him for a long time before you sent him over with his mother. He has made his decision and I respect it. I am sorry to see that you are willingly prolonging your pain and heartache by obsessing with me. I understand that you are hurt, and I also understand that many people do silly things when hurt. My mistake was to reveal details and my thoughts when I was hurt and desperate for answers. I wish you never found out about the details, but again, if that helps you to cope, I am glad. My life now has nothing to do with yours. I cannot do anything but hope that you realize that as well and focus on your own; I’m sure you have a lot going on.

 

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do. I am truly sorry that this has to be dragging on for so long. I have no interest in your H, you will not find anything that ties me to him anymore.

L.

_____________________________________________________________

 

Hm, I think mine is more for the 'Rents and Confessions' forum. Great way to vent, thanks S.!

[Neptune]

Slubberdegullion,

You may send the letter to her and still get rejected. However, there`s good news, I think you have what it takes to be a cheesy, romance novel writer and you may prosper with a second career:)

[Art_Critic]

I thought I'd add one to the pile.. one from years ago... another heartbreak

 

It took some digging but I found it !!

 

My Apology to an ex girlfriend

 

XXXXX,

I’m not sure about the timing of this letter but once I wrote it I thought it was important to send it to you. I hope you are willing to read it.

 

I’ve always felt that part of healing is making amends when and where possible.

 

I hope this amend is still possible.. I don’t think the half assed apology I made a few months ago was worthy. I have always been the type of person that looks at my place in a situation and deals with my part in it. It's part of my character.

I am a better person today after knowing you. When we broke up I had no

choice but to look inside myself and find out why I acted the way I did with you.

I can honestly say that I had to do a lot of work on myself. I have grown from this. It all came down on me one day.. Like a ton of bricks, emotions I couldn’t stop…I let the tears flow and grieved. I kept asking myself things like : What had I done to you ?. Why do you hate me ? How could I fix it?..

 

Then for the first time in my life I learned that I couldn’t fix something,

The only thing that I could do was disappear and fix me.

 

I have learned from my mistakes and from the mistakes I made regarding you

as well as my argumentative stance, and I deeply regret my behavior and lack of respect that I brought to you and our relationship.

 

I am Sorry. I had no right to treat you the way I did.

 

You were the one thing in my life that made so much sense to me, we had staying power and I let my ego and other things ruin everything that we both

worked hard on. I am Sorry I hurt you.

 

I know that we will never see each other again and I accept that, but I want you to know that on this journey that is called life I am so grateful to have loved and known you and you will always be inside me, and please be careful on your journey without me because you carry something very precious to me...

you have my heart.

[scobro]

poetic and beautiful you must be Canadian;)

[bunnzy]

One of my boyfriends went on a mission for my church, we had hoped to be married when he came home but he stopped writing when i started dating other people. I got really really depressed, extremely lonely and made heaps of mistakes, and we grew apart. He comes home in March (a mission is for 2 years) and i may be married to my fiance by then.

 

Dear EGM,

 

I know you have worked so hard the past 2 years. I am so proud of you and the man you have become. You were so lost when i met you, i am glad you have found your purpose.

 

I am eternally sorry for the pain i have caused you. But i know that all the mistakes i have made have caused us to grow and change. Sometimes we change and grow together, and sometimes it is apart. I loved growing with you, but since you left i was growing and changing without you and found myself growing away. I panicked. I was lonely, afraid, hurt by your commitment to your mission and ignorance of me, even though i knew that was how it was meant to be.

 

I know you will find someone who will suit you better than me, because i have found someone who fits me perfectly. You are a good man and i still hold a place in my heart for you. I hope that when you return you will not be bitter, that we can remain friends throughout our lives. I loved you. I miss you still.

 

I am grateful for the experiences and hardships i have had, for without them, i would not be me.

Always Caring for you and your family;

B

[Hot Coco]

This is the last letter I wanted to write my H earlier today:

 

Dear H,

 

You are near yet so far away. Near, because you are sitting so close to me on the couch. Far, because you're lost in a world of football. I can reach out and touch you as I lose myself with my laptop in a world of strangers discussing bowel movements, squirting vaginas, nuns and various kinds of heartbreak.

 

I miss you. You're my soulmate. My friend. But I know you'd be as repulsed by the world I lose myself in as I'd be in your world of touchdowns, first downs and replays.

 

Know, that you are still in my heart and soul as I sit here next to you. Know that I love to stretch out on the couch and put my feet in your lap as I read the musings of people named Slubber and Witch and Sloppy and yes...let's not forget the outcasts of the world.

 

I miss you my darling. But I know that we will be together soon.

 

Your loving wife,

Coco

[Sloppy]

Heartbreaking, Coco.

That would explain why so many posts; it's football season!

[Hot Coco]

Yup...it's so sad. Nothing to poke fun at. I'm a football widow...going through the grieving process. I've not quite reached the acceptance phase...still in denial but I'm working on it. It's really hard. I don't feel like myself anymore. Thank god for you kind folks at LS. Without you all, I'd be a lost soul.

[SMHappyface]

Dear C

 

No words can describe the excruciating pain you introduced me to, yet, I can honestly say I don't hate you. It has been my experience that people only feel deeply about things they care about, and as I found out the truth, I found myself not caring. I will say you are one hellava actor - for almost 3 years you had my complete trust, made me feel beautiful and loved, and I truly treasure that experience and thank you for it. Very recently you said if you were going to trade in, you'd trade up - imagine that, if this woman - the girl you cheated on is the woman of your dreams; if you can honestly say that dating your dad's girlfriend's married daughter is your idea of a happy ever after; if you prefer drinking and sex with a overweight older lady to romantic evenings with a slim blonde; if you throw away almost 3 years in a night, I can honestly say I feel sorry for you. I continue to pray for you, not because I love you anymore, but because the place you are in is truly darker than mine. Someday you will wake up and realize what you lost, and I will be gone. But if you never do, I wish you a good life and happiness, because I don't believe you know how to choose it. May the man I love(d), rest in peace, and you - whoever you've become, be haunted by my face for the rest of your life. I truly feel sorry for you. Karma babe, it's a terrible thing, you can't mess with love and expect to keep it.

 

You ex-fiance, SM

[Jellostick]

Here's an email I sent to my ex this morning. I didn't want to send it but I wanted to clear the air and hope her and I can be civil.

 

hey there. i'm getting back to you a week later because though you emailed me, you asked me to respect your wishes and give you space and i felt that it would be best for me to not respond back to you. i would hope you can understand that.

 

as far as the confirmation number goes, i mentioned i had it at work and you will need to call a phone number to redeem it. i did contact you after we last spoke a week ago that i would like for you to give me back any shirts you have of mine as well as a check for the ticket. i left you a voicemail and a text message so i don't know if you received them and deleted them before reading/hearing them.

 

i'm not going to pretend that it's been hard to not hear your voice or see you but it is. pride is an important thing to me and i put on a front sometimes to show that i'm strong willed or whatever but i have swallowed my pride numerous times in the past and this is no different. i swallowed my pride a lot w/ you and i have no problems saying i'm doing it now by sending you an email letting you know that i miss you. i don't mind doing it 'cause some might think it's weak, i think it shows what i feel is important to me.

 

i'd be lying to myself if i said i don't care anymore but if i didn't care, i would have shown up at buckets or called or whatever but i do care and for that i'm doing what i feel needs to be done, especially since it's not just effecting me but you as well. you wanted space and i'm giving you that. it's what i should have given you from the start and i'll admit i didn't but you must realize why i did what i did. if anything, i should have given myself space but ultimately, i thought i'd be fine w/ everything.

 

i didn't go to john's birthday thing because you told me not to. i feel that you and i were very angry at the end of our last conversation last week and though i was angered, i decided not to go because of you though i heard you didn't go 'cause you thought i would have been there. you asked me to respect your wishes and though i ended the conversation sounding defiant, i wanted to do what you asked.

 

i hate knowing that things have come to this. after everything we've done, everything we've been through, all the moments and dreams that we shared, all the laughs, all the celery, all our intimate moments...if i ever thought it would come to this, i would never have gotten into it because i care about us that much that i don't believe we should be treating each other like this.

 

i don't believe i treated you poorly and if i did then i apologize for that. sometimes we get selfish about things and don't realize and i know i was being selfish at times. i thought i was doing things right, i really did but i guess my mind was clouded w/ thoughts of what i'm going to do rather than what i should be doing. i really wasn't planning on going to the bar that friday night but i meant it when i said that i told them i was backing off from you but they insisted i come out and be myself because no one would care. please believe me when i say that i did mention to them that i should back off, i went because they wanted me to be there.

 

i do feel that you were being mean to me and if you weren't intending to be then i'm sorry for feeling that way. i guess i just wish you would have told me when you dropped me off at my place after i came back that you wished i didn't send you text messages and that you wanted your space because i feel things just escalated to a point that i wish they didn't escalate to.

 

you've mentioned space at the beginning of the breakup and yes, i should have backed off but once again, i was hurt and did things w/out thinking. you contacted me as well, like the monday night after i left buckets where you and i talked like we used to. i'm oblivious to what people want or need sometimes, so you could have been honest w/ me and just flat out tell me how you feel, i wouldn't have gotten upset. i would rather have you be honest w/ me than have you ignore me because that just hurt.

 

when i mentioned how you were causing me to hate you, i meant that because of how i felt you were treating me. hating you was never an option in my mind because you didn't deserve that and i had no reason to but when you were ignoring me, it just made it so hard not to attempt to feel that way. i just felt so hurt because you were treating me the complete opposite of how you were treating me a month prior. i really felt like you were treating me like those you look down upon. it just wasn't a pleasant feeling 'cause i feel i'm a good person w/ good intentions.

 

when you said you weren't being mean to me, i believed it but you're just so forceful in your tone that someone can't help but think you are being mean. you said you were frustrated and i guess i can see how but i really thought you and i were cool. i'm sorry for thinking that but i really thought we were. the last thing i would want to do is have you dislike me or get annoyed by me or whatever but i guess i didn't notice what my actions were doing but as i mentioned before i was being selfish and sometimes you just don't realize it or perhaps you just ignore what you really should be doing.

 

i don't want to hurt you and i would hope you wouldn't want to hurt me. when i said i was trying to be friendly, i meant it. i have no animosity toward you and i still think about you and hope you're doing well. once again, i'm not going to lie to myself and say i don't still care about you or have feelings still because i'm not being fair to myself by lying to myself. i'm not going to convince myself that i feel a certain way when i really don't. what's the point in that? that wouldn't be healthy and i'm not scared to reveal to myself or others how i truly feel.

 

it was difficult for me to write all of this but it's something i felt i needed to do. i feel like i betrayed myself and betrayed you by doing this because i told myself i wasn't going to contact you but i guess this is me swallowing my pride again. at least i didn't call or whatever. i did owe you a response to your last email and i guess i just can't give a simple response but you should know that about me by now.

 

i'm sorry for writing so much but it is what i do once i get going. i hope you realize this wasn't sent to play the blame game or cause any ill feelings and junk because that's not what my intentions were. i wanted to be honest 'cause i owe you my honesty and i wrote all this because i care. as i wrote earlier though, if i knew we were going to end up this way now, i would never have gotten into it and i mean that because i think you and i are better than that.

 

well, i'm going to shut up now. some of my college papers weren't this long so this is a little ridiculous but it was meaningful, well, to me at least. oh and don't see chicken little 'cause it was horrible, unless you weren't planning on it then forget i mentioned it. i'm borrowing the 2nd season of lost off of a friend so i can get caught up, though i heard this season has been boring.

 

i hope you're doing great and are safe and all that good stuff and hopefully work hasn't been killing you. i also hope everything is well w/ your mom and dad as well and that they're ok. take care, katie and i hope you have a great day.

 

cheers

 

Unfortunately, here's her response that I'm not too happy w/ and it has upsetted me greatly:

 

I received your e-mail. I still need the confirmation number. I would like to call and check on it. I do not feel obligated to pay for this ticket but I’m willing to pay for a ticket I can use. I will not pay for this ticket until I check that it is still available to use. You have the number at work. Please send the number today before 2pm otherwise the matter concerning this ticket will no longer be discussed. I would really appreciate that after this ticket matter that you will not e-mail, call or show up at my home. I feel that this is the only way for my life to get back to the way it was. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

 

Katie

 

I don't know what the hell I did but she makes it sound like I was a totally A**hole to her. This is completely upsetting and I don't know what to do w/ myself. I feel awful and for what?

 

Cheers.

[meltwithme]

"I have great news and it felt right to tell you. I’m probably going to Baltimore this Christmas to visit my cousin. He’s a head chef and I want to explore that too.

I’m not gonna lie maybe I’m not over it yet but one day I’ll miss missing you and that will be a good day.

 

You cooked my heart girl, It’s a shame that I wont get to cook for you."

[slubberdegullion]

K____:

 

OK, I'm done. Finis.

 

I waited. I waited some more. And when I still didn't hear from you, I contacted you. Left a message. Sent a couple of emails. But heard nothing.

 

Then, when we finally spoke the other night, it was as if everything was just fine.

 

Well, everything is not just fine.

 

Look, I know you're busy and you've got a bazillion things on the go, but I won't wait around for you any more. Our FWB relationship is good and fun, without all the demands of having more involvement, but the simple fact is that it's supposed to be for both of us, not just you.

 

I never asked for exclusivity, and I don't make unreasonable demands. I know this, because that's one of the things that you said you liked about our relationship so much.

 

But I'm through with hearing, "Oh, I can't this week because I'm just so busy" and stuff of a similar nature.

 

I know that you can have pretty much any man you want, because of your lithe body, your effervescent personality and your talent between the sheets. But I'm through waiting around.

 

If you want to call on me, fine, but I'll probably be busy.

 

S

[Art_Critic]

Slub.. Was that 998 posts ago ??

 

 

K____:

 

OK, I'm done. Finis.

 

I waited. I waited some more. And when I still didn't hear from you, I contacted you. Left a message. Sent a couple of emails. But heard nothing.

 

Then, when we finally spoke the other night, it was as if everything was just fine.

 

Well, everything is not just fine.

 

Look, I know you're busy and you've got a bazillion things on the go, but I won't wait around for you any more. Our FWB relationship is good and fun, without all the demands of having more involvement, but the simple fact is that it's supposed to be for both of us, not just you.

 

I never asked for exclusivity, and I don't make unreasonable demands. I know this, because that's one of the things that you said you liked about our relationship so much.

 

But I'm through with hearing, "Oh, I can't this week because I'm just so busy" and stuff of a similar nature.

 

I know that you can have pretty much any man you want, because of your lithe body, your effervescent personality and your talent between the sheets. But I'm through waiting around.

 

If you want to call on me, fine, but I'll probably be busy.

 

S

[Kengne]

Dear M

 

You, more so than anyone, showed me the exquisite pain of loving someone more than love itself. Throughout our relationship I focused ALL my energies on loving you, cuddling you, kissing you, caring for you, being there for you. How many times did I shed tears over you? How many times did I beg you not to leave? How many times did I look at myself in the mirror - hating the person I had become with you? A person who had lost herself in you. A person who had given you something beyond value - her dignity.

 

NEVER AGAIN M. NEVER FRIGGING AGAIN.

 

For all the hurt you caused me - I THANK YOU. Because you have taught me an invaluable lesson - to love myself more than I loved you, or ANYONE. Through the pain you caused - I have risen and triumped.

Through the pain you caused - I have grown and conquered.

Through the pain you caused - I have discovered my worth and that is something NO ONE can ever take away from me again.

 

In parting - I only ask one question: was it worth it? The fifty thousand nameless faces you slept with - was it worth it? The woman whom you do not love, but yet managed to impregnate - was it worth it? The daughter born of your infidelity, whom you wished was ours - was it worth it?

 

I certainly hope so. All I feel now is sorry for you. Because the pain you feel now of no longer having me as your emotional slave, compares not even to 1/10th of the pain you have put me through!

 

After everything is said and done - I do not regret any of the past 4 years. Not a tear, not a fight, not a kiss. Nothing. I will cherish those memories - good & bad - for they represent the experiences that have molded me into the person I am today. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

 

I wish you nothing but the best M. I want you to be happy. And I pray that you treat the next woman you fall in love with better than you treated me. Do not make the same mistakes. Cherish her. Love her. But above all, respect her - and yourself.

 

With love always,

 

Kengne.

[jayteresa]

I wish I could have thought of your poem/statement first, brought a tear to my eye, I makes my 'never give up hope' theory tune in again. You seem like someone who deserves to be truely happy, get on!