consumed Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 Well my 9 month relationship has ended with my gf and although to some it's a short time it was more serious. We were living together and eventually I moved back to her province as I wanted to be with her. Now Im back here because she wants me to have a better life as she's from a small town and Im from a big city. Every moment feels like a shock again, over and over and over. She said she wanted me to have a better life and that I can have that here and not back there, but also she needs to get her life straightened out. So Im back home and any where I go Im reminded of her, thinking what shes doing back in her town. She told me that in the future if it's ment to be it'll be but thinking about that eats me alive. All the holidays or whatever that I can't be there for. I went there to be with her, and I know she said she has to get things in her life straightened out but I wanted to be there with her through all those times. Yeh there might be more for me in the city but I don't care, I would have taken what I could get in her town. Just being there with her was all I wanted. Were both in our mid twenties. This is really my first serious relationship, and after experiencing waking up next to someone everyday having them there, life sucks now. What am I suppose to do? I sooo badly don't want to believe it's ended that this weekend I'll wake up there again but I know it won't be so. Everytime I think about things, its like I get shocked all over again realizing it really is over. But even what she said about getting back together in the future, that could be 3-4 yrs down the road or more. So much can happen in that time. The only happy thought I can bring to myself is working towards getting back together and making things ok again. For now my mind is spinning and spinning. I just have too much time to think now, too remember, wishing things could be different.
Mz. Pixie Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 As much as you don't like it and as much as it hurts, you have to accept it if that's what she wants.
helena abadi Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 breaking up may be sudden, but recovery is a process. it's like getting over a death, in this case, the death of a love that meant the world to you. expect to feel anger, grief, loss, denial, in no particular order. sounds like she may have left the door open a crack, but most of the information you have shared tells me she is gone. it appears you have little choice but to try and heal yourself. it will take a while. the more intense the feelings, the longer it takes to heal.
Author consumed Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 Yeh the door is still open. Well at least thats how it seems, she's told me a few times now that if its ment to be it will be, but for right now she needs to straighten things out with her life. Only things that really bothered me and hurt were her telling me to go out and date, find a nice girl. When I've talked to her the few times since I came back she told me not to wait around and put my life on hold for her because there is so much more out there. Its her that I want though, so what good is it keeping doors open, dating knowing only later we may get back together no matter how far away that seems or if it may even happen.
downcydeguy Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 It's not looking too good for the future my friend. She's gone. She's at least being decent about it and didn't just cut all ties & communications with you. Go into strict NC mode now. Period. She knows how to get a hold of you if she so desires. Maybe she'll straighten out her life (whatever the hell that means) and call you up in the near future. However, if she's telling you to go out on dates, that means she's already dating somebody else. Sorry to break the news to you but it's almost a guarantee I think. Don't bother asking her about it because she'll lie about it. Not because she's a terrible person, but because she knows it would hurt you - and she's trying not to hurt you more than she already has. Stay NC for a while and see what happens. Good luck.
Author consumed Posted November 12, 2005 Author Posted November 12, 2005 Woke up again this morning in disbelief really missing her. From having talked to her and hearing her plans for the weekend al I could think about last night and this morning is what she got up too, wondering if I was in her thoughts. Didn't even really see a point to get outta bed, whats next? It's like a shock after shock still. I think was hurts the most is thinking about whats on her mind, is she thinking about me? What is she getting up too? And also is she going to casual date guys to help get over me. My mind is spinning and spinning.
rmo2380 Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 Sorry to hear of your pain. I know whats your going through and probably a lot people on here do. People give so great advice on here. But anyways, she wants to end things than let her be. Everybody has needs and wants in life. And maybe she doesnt know what the hell she has standing right in front of her. Maybe the whole future thing scared her. Its good to cope and sometimes people heal a lot quicker than others. I know awhile back I was in your shoes. I couldnt eat sleep or do anything. But I got up one morning and I started breathing again, I started living again. I know that probably seems a far distance from what state your in now. But jus try to keep your mind at ease. Once you accept the fact ya cant be with her than your healing process really begins. Maybe she will come back. Maybe she wont, the fact is soon you will realize you can live again. Hopefully its sooner than later. I do feel your pain and dont want you to think I am an a**h***. My friends were kind of wrong when I was going through it because they would tell me what I wanted to hear, instead of the truth. Maybe you are better off with her like I was better off without the person I loved. It will get easier. I wouldnt contact her though because its going to give false hope. Id try to stay busy if I was you. Just keep your mind at ease. You will soon figure it all out. You are in the early stages. I beg ya for your own good, try to let it go because if you fight it or the situation or try to be bitter towards it like ya are now, the whole healing process will take longer. Good luck to ya.
malachai Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 how long has it been since you split? i was in a very similar situation to yours...late 20's, first real relationship, she was from a very small town, i'm from a bigger city. and we were living together for about 3 1/2 months (in my place). she had some previous unresolved issues in previous relationships, and was miserable living in a bigger city, so she moved back to her comfort zone. and she said something similar to what your gf said, that i will find someone that is much better for me than she can be. like downcydeguy said, strict No contact is probably the only positive action on your part. any sliver of hope that remains is completely in her control. as much as i keep wanting to say that one extra thing to my ex, thinking that it will be the one that finally gets her back, i know it is up to her to decide her future with me. and if i just wait around for that decision, i will always feel uncertain and miserable, not to mention utterly alone without her i'd say use the NC time productively, though, and not just sitting still, forcing yourself not to pick up the phone to call her or answering it if she calls. the time will draaaaagggg if you do that.
helena abadi Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 this waking up in the morning wondering what she is doing, and wondering what she is doing tonite stuff...if you think you are going crazy, you aren't. this happens to many of us. when it first happened to me it blew me out of the water. didn't know such turmoil ever existed. find company with people to whom you feel close. it's so important to connect with others. you don't have to talk about it, but divert your attention.
Author consumed Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 I think my mind is more messed up then it'd been all week. Probably mostly because its the weekend and Im wondering what she got up too, plus I heard she was at the bar in her town so that helps. Dreamt about her last night again, called her today but noone was home....god why does this pain hurt so much. I'd give all to be back there.
Author consumed Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Well I broke the NC and we talked on the phone again yesterday. The past few days it seems in the morning I get up and throughout the day Im ok but then by evening everything comes crashing down and I feel the shock all over likes it was yesterday it happened. Every night Im having dreams about her aswell.
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