celticguy Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 My girlfriend broke with me last tuesday week, We were going out for 2 years and we were so happy, We couldnt have sex for 2 months because of a medical issue, She asked me if it was a problem for me and i said it wasn't because i love her and i didn't want to put any pressure on her and its incredibly hard to have sex with someone when you know it physically hurts them, there was other stuff too , shes a student and i work, we were both working and it became a routine get up in the morning at 6.30 bring her to work then go into work myself, then home, doing shopping etc. We kind of the closeness that we had at the beginning, Then she told me last tuesday that she wanted to split up because shes going abroad to germany for a year (shes from italy and was living ireland to so her 2 years of college) I think at some stage in the last 2 months she thought that I had lost my phyiscal attraction for her, but that wasn't true at all, she was and is the most beautiful and sexiest person i've ever seen. So i was upset about that but then i went to check my gmail the next day and i saw an email to her friend, she said she didn't love me anymore. It said that she'd fallen in love with another guy and she was breaking up with me, a guy she works with , a guy that i encouraged her to be friends with, a guy who i dropped her into town to see. I felt so betrayed, the part about her lying said it all. So i tried to get past this because she was leaving (left yesterday) in a couple of days and i wanted to spend the time i could with her as a friend, but she kept talking about him and it was too hard a we live together. Then on saturday night she told me that she had sex with him, well i asked, i wanted to know the truth. I got pretty angry and started shouting (i never shout, like that) and started asking her why she had sex with him when she was going away anyway and that i felt like she did it to hurt me, i started telling her that she needed to leave right now and she could stay at his place and she got really upset, she was afraid of me, then i collapsed -- that was wierd , although i hadn't eaten or slept in 4 days i fell asleep next to her. The next day i went to work and couldn't think or do anything, so i went home at around 11 and she was packing her stuff to leave, staying in a friends place (not his i know that much anyway) so someone called around to pick her up and i brought her bags out to the car. Then when she was going to leave she said she didn't feel like she wanted to hug me, So i shook her hand and told her to take care of herself. That was the last time i saw her in person before she flew away. I rang her and texted her a few times and i just wanted to meet her to say goodbye, give her a hug and tell her everything was ok but she said she didn't think it was a good idea. If she was just honest with me from start of all this crap then i don't think this would have happened, I would have been fine because i knew she wanted to be on her own when she went away and didn't want to try and have a long distance relationship. But i think he sleeping with that guy was a huge mistake to make, especially since it was only a few days after, she confused a working/friendship or relationship with love (i've done it before too) I told her i still loved her on sunday and she said i don't love you anymore in that way. The worst part is i think the guy had been filling her head with crap about me ,he told her he couldn't do anything with her until she broke up with me, but he didn't say it that way, he said i can't be with you as long as your going out with him and they were with each other constantly in work. So on monday i sms'd him, it was a pretty nasty message, more or less saying "I know what you did, hope you never have to feel like this" throw an *f* word in there. And up to that point i don't think he knew that i knew and he didn't talk to her anymore after he had sex with her. Im pissed off she was taken advantage of. And there is an age gap between im 24 and shes 20 and we were living together and stuff. But she got together with me 2 days after being in ireland and we moved in together after 8 months later. I don't know what to do now, In one way i wish i could just see her now and give her a huge hug and a kiss, because i know shes feeling horrible as well, but she keeps everything inside even when we were going out. I wish i knew what she really wanted. I feel like she might regret breaking up with me or whatever and i think she slept with him because she was upset and lonely and he took advantage of her sort of a rebound thing. Well the last contact i had with her was yesterday and i was just ringing to check she got home safely, i was hurt she didn't want to say goodbye to me, that sucked bigtime, because im a type of person who would never leave anyone go, no matter who they are without saying goodbye. I told her about the sex being a problem for me and she agreed, maybe she was glad that i still found her sexually attractive. She said that she didn't feel like she was in a position to say it, but that she thought we shouldn't talk for a few days because shes still dealing with being away and stuff and that alot to do. I really want us to stay friends though and i think thats what she wants, but i don't know what boundary she wants on being friends, Like i hug my friends and talk to them about everything but she doesn't. What should i do!!! , in my heart of hearts i would get on a plane now and go visit her just to see her, but my head says no.
pippen_2k Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 This girl cheated on you and didnt even have the decency to say goodbye after all the time you spent together! Man as hard as it is, give her NOTHING! Trust me when I say this, you dont want to be friends with her!, After a while you will learn to hate this Girl.. she is evil dude!
Author celticguy Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 Nah shes not evil, and she didn't sleep with him or even kiss him while we were going out. Although she did build a relationship with him which i think is nearly worse She just thinks about stuff too much and doesn't talk to anyone about it. Ties her own head up in knots. The part that hurt was she didn't tell me about him when she broke up with me and i found out myself.
Sal Paradise Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by celticguy Nah shes not evil, and she didn't sleep with him or even kiss him while we were going out. Although she did build a relationship with him which i think is nearly worse She just thinks about stuff too much and doesn't talk to anyone about it. Ties her own head up in knots. The part that hurt was she didn't tell me about him when she broke up with me and i found out myself. She was emotionally cheating on you. Thats just as bad (and in some cases worse) than physical cheating.
Author celticguy Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 Yeh, thats true- it does hurt that she built this relationship with someone else, But we had 2 months of crap (working, medical issues, family problems) we were going through, I mean i think its normal to want something else if if its there and seems better at the time, i had the same feeling but i didn't act on it because i know what its like when things are crap at that moment in time, i wouldn't act on those feelings because its only temporary, but she chose to. Well .. at the moment im staying friends with her, she is great and what happened, happened because shes human, we all make mistakes, i know it hurt me terribly but i've gone through worse and managed to remain freinds with someone, but i could never be with her again because i would never trust her, if shes capable of doing that to someone that loves her that much. She confused friendship with love and love with commitment. I only told her the day before yesterday about stuff that happened in my past that was quite similar to what happened now, except i was the guy... sort of.... similar but not the same situation. I guess i got me come uppins Ah well .. s*it happens and life goes on. She still loves me .. and i love her .. she was just looking for a way to end it before she went away for a year because she couldn't deal with thought of the lonliness and she made a total mess of it. won't be seeing anyone again for a while anyway, i wouldn't want to bring all this baggage and emotional stuff into another relationship, it wouldn't be fair on someone , i just don't know how long it will take. I met a girl a month before we broke up and really liked her, hence i said i wouldn't talk to her anymore, but i texted her the other day and asked her if she wanted to meet, i mean .... i wish i didn't ... i wish i waited till i was over this stuff and then i could go from there.. but now i don't know what to do.. shes so gorgeous .. and i really like her but im still in love with my ex (took me a while to call her my ex) But i don't love her the same way anymore, because, that part of my heart has been temporarily disabled not permanently anyway ,i know that from logic, if a relationship can't last forever then the hurt can't last forever either.
Dean3922 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 DO you still love her ( and not as a friend )? If you do then you know you cannot be her friend. It would be to hard on you. You need to say your good byes to her and let the relationship die. You both will be better off and much happier. As you said you can't trust her so is this even someone you would want as a friend? Life moves on and you cannot hold onto something that doesn't exist. She does not love you. She slept with a friend and didn't tell you about it. She probably had sex with him more than one and during the time she was having a "medical problem" with you. Time to cut your loses dude and find a new girl to love.
Author celticguy Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 Nah, she didn't .. i went to the doctor with her about it and everything, but of course i couldn't have a relationship with her.. but thats as a relationship, she can go and meet whoever she wants .. i want her to be happy and for me to be happy, anyways she didn't tell me she still loved me , she told a third party who told me, she didn't want me to know.. shes totally messed up in the head at the moment and im worried about her as a friend. Didn't one of your friends ever do something ****ty to you and you got over it ? And its not as simple as finding someone new to love, love happens you can't force it.
Dean3922 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 But you want more than friendship... Yes, love happens but if it isn't returned you are in pain waiting for a love that will not be returned to you. Is this what you want? You are hoping and wishing for her to change her mind. I hope you get what you want.
Author celticguy Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 No, i don't want her to change her mind, if she did she'd be changing her mind because she was lonely or the prospect of being alone was too much for her, or because of post relationship analysis, the same goes for me, but i don't want anything more than friendship, the only problem about being friends is knowing where the boundary of friendship and relationship is. Its easy to get back together that way and you have to be careful but it can be done.
Dean3922 Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 If you have it all figured out as to what you want and what she wants then why even bother posting? Continue on with your life and hope that your friendship will turn into romance again in the future...
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