i found out my bf has a profile on an internet dating site.

[l2hvn]

wow... i just found this out righ tnow.. literally, like 10 mins ago...

 

before i start, let me give you the background: my bf and i have been seeing each other exclusively for 3mos (almost everyday). we talk twice a day. he's divorced w/ 11 year old girl. his family just recently came to town to spend a whole month vacation. everything was so new to me. i was trying to caught up with his pace. at first, i had a hard time dealing with his daughter b/c he acts so differently towards me when we're together with her. then he's stressing out about entertaining the rest of his family.. he just acts so diff with me when he's around his family. i just wasn't comfortable.

 

we've been having a lot of fights the past two weeks because of it. whenever i try to open the line of communication, he wouldn't. it frustrates me.

 

last sunday, i walked out on him in almost tears because i was just feeling frustrated. we didn't talk all day monday (we usually do). i called monday night just to say goodnight. he told me he was a little mad. we didn't really broach the subject. yesterday, i called him at my usual lunch break. we talked, but he was a bit short with me. he usually calls on his way home. he never did. i called around 730pm last night. he never called back. that was unusual because he would always return my call immediately. i texted him around 8pm to say i was sorry. no response. no phone call to say goodnight either.

 

okay, i know i was wrong for doing this but i hacked into his email and figured out his password yesterday. at first, i didn't see anything unusual. mostly junks and lots and lots of porn... this morning, i checked his email again.... guess what i found out (that i missed yesterday)? i found out that he has been on this online dating site that i didn't know about. and it says on his profile that he's looking for romance.

 

that broke my heart.... but in a way, i just had this gut feeling inside me that something was definitely wrong here. i just knew it... because he had been acting differently with me... we've been fighting a lot more than usual, he's less affectionate, he's been having a lot of attitude. he treats me so coldly in front of his friends.. it's just the way he reacts with things. and whenever i try to say things that bother me, he think i've been complaining and demanding.

 

i've been cheated on twice before. my last guy i was kind of seeing, he did the same thing. then he pulled the "i need some space" line.... so i knew something was up..............

 

it breaks my heart to know this. im the type who give 110% in the relationship and that it's always like im always the one making all the effort to make it work.. funny thing was i was willing to make this work because he's a good guy overall.........

[A Fly onThe Wall]

There is only one answer to this one ...

 

and you know what that answer is ...

[l2hvn]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

There is only one answer to this one ...

 

and you know what that answer is ...

 

im really sad right now and want to cry but im trying my best to put on a happy face in front of my boss and coworkers.. but it's hard..

 

why does this always happen to me? they keep betraying my trust.... before dating him, i've been single (casually dating) for several years. but when i met him, i thought he had something special...............

 

love bites.....

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by l2hvn

im really sad right now and want to cry but im trying my best to put on a happy face in front of my boss and coworkers.. but it's hard..

 

It's ok to be sad ... he hurt you .. Time is the only thing that helps the hurt ..

[l2hvn]

i know.. and it hurts so bad....

 

why.. why do i keep attracting these types of guys? how can they love somebody and hurt them and walk away as if everything is great in this world?

[Marshbear]

im the type who give 110% in the relationship and that it's always like im always the one making all the effort to make it work.. funny thing was i was willing to make this work because he's a good guy overall.........

 

How's this working for you???????

[l2hvn]

Originally posted by Marshbear

How's this working for you???????

 

last night, i told myself that i wouldn't call him today (wednesday). if i didn't hear from him, then i'll call him on thursday to see what's up. and i had planned on saying all these things.. that i know everything's rocky right now, but it's something that can be fixed.. that im not the type who just walks away without giving my best shot. i just didn't want to walk away and feel that i didn't try my best to make it work.... i wanted to ask if he still wants to be in this relationship or not. if yes, we can make it work. if not, then that i would respect his decision....

 

we've had many more good, fun times than the bad times. and i thought the good outweighs the bad... this is our first big bump in the relationship and i feel like he already wants to jump ship.

 

then right before i went to sleep, i just had this gut feeling that tells me he could probably be cheating on me... i just felt it.........

 

then you guys know what happened this morning...... so that's why im sad......... i don't think he's seeing anybody right now. but that he's already looking elsewhere.. and that breaks my heart..

[butterfly29]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

There is only one answer to this one ...

 

and you know what that answer is ...

 

Exactly!

 

He's gotta go... If you want happy relationship, he just isn't it. It's just not working between the two of you. Whatever you do, don't call him today or tomorrow or the day after. Don't call him ever! Just whenever you feel like calling him, go to LS and post a message. Wait for him to call you. You haven't been together all that long anyways.

[l2hvn]

Originally posted by butterfly29

Exactly!

 

He's gotta go... If you want happy relationship, he just isn't it. It's just not working between the two of you. Whatever you do, don't call him today or tomorrow or the day after. Don't call him ever! Just whenever you feel like calling him, go to LS and post a message. Wait for him to call you. You haven't been together all that long anyways.

 

i didn't call him today on my usual time to call him. it's hard not to call him and not hear his voice... but i know im doing this right. i was so tempted to call him today and explain myself and tell him if we can make it work. but i stopped short from dialing his number as my head got the best of it...

 

it sucks because i didn't do anything wrong in this relationship and yet it failed again. i didn't even have a chance to do my best to make it work.

 

and the thing is, we're supposed to go to a formal event in a couple of weeks (mostly a couples thing). all of my friends are going to be there and are going to expect him to be there as well... it'll be hard to explain it to them... i don't know what im going to say........

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by l2hvn

i was so tempted to call him today and explain myself and tell him if we can make it work.

 

You don't have to explain yourself .. he is the one that has to some 'splaining to do.

 

If you do call him and explain yourself you lose the power and turn it over to him .. You want the power.. Believe me

[butterfly29]

Originally posted by l2hvn

it sucks because i didn't do anything wrong in this relationship and yet it failed again. i didn't even have a chance to do my best to make it work.

 

Yeah, he's the one that F*d it up. But do you think you'd feel better if it was you instead? And then blame yourself for it? You did nothing wrong, so walk away with clear consiousness. It hurts, I know, but believe me your dignity is worth a lot more than you may think during the moments of this pain. If you call him, you'll just give yourself something to feel bad about.

 

Originally posted by l2hvn

and the thing is, we're supposed to go to a formal event in a couple of weeks (mostly a couples thing). all of my friends are going to be there and are going to expect him to be there as well... it'll be hard to explain it to them... i don't know what im going to say........

 

So don't go. Tell them you're sick or something.

[totallyconfused]

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH.

 

I was w/my ex for 4 long years. 2 years ago, I found him on 8, yes EIGHT, online dating services. At first I found only 1 and I wasnt too mad and told him that if he wants out, just tell me. He said no and that those dating services meant nothing to him and that he was happy with me - that he just had low self-confidence and wanted to see if anyone thought he was good looking. I understood, but later on I found out (with him right in front of me to check it) the SEVEN more dating services he'd joined. This time I was pissed. Angry that he lied, mind u I found these dating service 2 or 3 at a time, each moment he kept lying about. Thats when I threw a rampage for a night. But he kept reassuring me and stupidly I let it go within a day or two, but still forever reminding of him.

 

Now its 2 years later and I caught him on online dating services, this time to an extreme. He was emailing some girl for 3 months and like 8 other little 17,18,19 y/o on line. He ended up meeting one of them and is now trying to pursue this 18 y/o (who is butt naked on her site). He lied to everyone of those girls. I confronted both. The other being older girl was like what a jerk, the 18 y/o girl saying she doesnt care. She also doesnt seem to mind that I just slept with him a week ago, and she was willing to take him in the same day I slept with him. GROSS.

 

So when I see your problems, let me tell ya - your only 3 months into this man. If he's jumping ship w/o giving you any respect now - LEAVE him ASAP. This isnt just a bump, its a warning. He also has an 11 y/o daughter - possibly showing signs of a mid-life crisis? He seems very unstable and confused.

 

I'm not saying jump ship, but all signs are pointing to that. He needs time to think things through, along with yourself. You don't want someone who is lying/hiding so early on in the relationship. I consider anything hiding from your SO cheating...You guys both need space. The more you try to get closer to him and salvage the pieces, the further you will push him away. This is the time, if you even want to try to talk to him to just say, "Your having doubts early on in the relationship and not telling me. I'll give you your space, but theres no guarantee I will be there for you" and just leave, and LIVE your life. If he wants you back, you'll be the first to know. Then it is you who will have to figure out whether you want him in your life.

[l2hvn]

Originally posted by butterfly29

So don't go. Tell them you're sick or something.

 

i can't not go. it's my best friend's wedding dinner party. she'll be really mad at me if i don't go.

[l2hvn]

im really sad, mad, angry, depressed... i don't know why he did that.. i didn't deserve it... and he knows how i stand on cheaters. i told him more than once that i don't respect cheaters. and he agreed.

 

i was happy before. content. but this past couple of weeks has been bumpy for the both of us. he's a totally diff person when he's with his family and when he's alone with me. and i had no idea he's a mama's boy up until last week... he can't say no to her.

 

like, if he asks me for a favor, i'd always do it. w/o hesitation. but if i ask him for a favor, it's such a pain for him to do it.

 

the oddest part about it is that he claims to read the bible and all (his family's very religious -- i didn't know about this). every morning (i would spend almost every night over at his place, with his fam), i would hear them debate about religion and stuf...... yet...... he's the most hypocritical person i know....

 

for instance, last saturday after i got back from a bbq party, i came back to his place (he has his own bbq party) and i told him about the wedding dinner party that it'll be a formal event. i said it nicely, in front of his friends (some i've never met before). then he goes to me, "im not going to wear a ****ing tie!" i was like, "well you didn't have to curse!" he apologized and said he just got a little excited and had a few drinks...

 

point is, it's not about what he said, it's how he said it that bothered me. and when i tried to tell him that it bothered me, he got mad at me and didn't want to discuss about it. he kept saying "i've already apologized 5x."

 

things like that... there's so many other things that he did to me these past couple of weeks that just frustrated me.... you know?......

[l2hvn]

and i kept telling myself, "well just deal with it for now, until his family leaves." maybe he's just a little stressed (which he is)... thing is, i was the one who wanted to give him space so he could spend time with his daughter and his fam. he didn't want me to. he said he didn't ask for it. he said "i just want you to feel comfortable."

 

yet when im there, he's the one who acts diff.

[cyberbabie30]

l2hven,

I know how you feel.

I went through a simular situation last year.

I dated a guy for a year found out that he had over 10 dating adds out thanks to a friend of mine who accidendly found him on one of them,

 

Yes i confronted him on it got a lie about how they got there, not to mention not only was mine meeting women from dating sites but he was also seeing an ex-girlfriend and another woman while he was with me. And mind you he was the one who wanted to be exclusive with me. ya right more like he didnt want me with anyone else while he was with everyone else.

 

He even tried to set up a meeting with me ten months after we broke up. We fought so much over all this we now dont speak at all which is fine with me. I now dont have to put up with his lies, cheating and womanzing and im happy again.

 

Sounds to me that he may be confused and dosent know what he wants, or he is playing all women for some reason.

 

I agree with totalyconfused's advice. Do your self a favor and distance your self from him. Get out while its early i dont see this situation changing if your man has adds out and is looking around.

 

I tryed to work things out with mine, when i realized there was nothing i could do to get him to stop looking around through dating sites. I bailed and it was the best thing i could of done.

 

I was mad, sad and everything else just like you. In time it will pass and you will meet someone who wont play these dating games with you.

 

Start by disappearing from him and doing your own things with your friends and start getting out or take an add out for you self.

 

What i do now is if a guy im dating wants to be exclusive to early in a relationship i bail.

If he says he is going to call later in the week and dosent call until two to how many weeks later i tell him to take a hike. If he starts to distance him self from me i tell him that he has issues that i dont want in my life. In other words if i come across a guy who dosent show a real interest in me for who i am and starts to play the littlest game i tell him to take a hike.

 

The bottom line is a guy who is truly interested in you will not have adds out looking around.

He will not wait for ever to return your calls, he will call you when he says he is going to. And most of all he will not avoid you. He will always make time to be with you.

[l2hvn]

this really sucks. today will be day 2 of NC. it's been so hard to not hear his voice or see him when im so used to seeing him or hearing his voice everyday.

 

i know he's mad at me for leaving in a huff last sunday. and he knew that i lied to him when i told him the reason i had to leave (and not spend the night over at his place). he knew i was lying. but i left anyways... and i haven't exactly apologized for that behavior. yes. i texted him "im sorry." but i haven't verbally apologized to him.

 

im dying here... im so tempted to hear his voice already...

 

i've called so many people yesterday. people i haven't talked in a long time. heck, i even called my ex's just to keep me sane. one guy i used to date earlier this year. he pampered me a lot. with gifts and affection and attention whenever we're together. and it was just great to hear his voice again. he was actually surprised (and very glad) to hear from me again. ('twas a LDR. never worked).

 

im trying my best to do this NC and it's driving me nuts. i miss him so much.