J dub Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Hey everyone This is long but I want the details to be thorough because I dont know what to make of this guy! I went out on a date Fri night with a fella (kinda got set up with) who was very sweet to me. We had a great time dancing and he made quite a few remarks referring to the future, one specific one about whether or not I'd like to go with him on vacation in October. He tried to kiss me afterwards but I turned my cheek on him - I explained I just got out of a LTR and that I am not in any hurry. He said he totally respects that. He called me 10 mins after we parted to chat on the way home (he had an hour drive back home, he drove an hour just to see me for a couple of hours). He gushed about how pretty I looked and how much fun he had, and how he didnt mind the drive because he just wanted to see me. I got off the phone cuz it was gettin pretty late, he kept saying he didnt want the night to end and whatnot. So sunday rolls around and he calls me. We do some phone tag back and forth and finally get a chance to chat. He says hes been thinking a lot about me and how I intrigued him on fri night and definitely wants to learn more about me. I ask if I'll see him around work the next day (we dont work together but in the same building). He says, "oh you will" (not scary just in a playful way , he didnt know where I sit) Mon morning, he calls my work phone (which means he somehow looked up my extension because I didnt give it to him). We have a short conversation and somewhere in the midst of it he mentions going on vacation in a couple of weeks. I said, with who? He said nobody but maybe he'll meet a "seniorita" there. He says hes just kidding but this humor makes me wonder if he is trying to make me jealous, or if this is really the real him? ?????? I didnt say anything, just let it go. Then he goes in to this speech about how he lives for the moment and not for the future, how you never know what might happen next, that he always jokes with his friends that he would be someone who would run off and get married one random weekend. I said, so you fly by the seat of your pants basically. He didnt want to agree but essentially thats what he was saying. That bothered me a lot. I am not exclusive with him but why say something like that? I dont know if he gets nervous while talking to me or what, but he says some pretty random stuff. I did tell him later that it bothered me and to not tell me that stuff but he insisted it was a joke and I was reading too much in to it. THEN, next thing I know hes standing at my desk! He hunted down my cube (I gave him a basic idea of where I sat). We talked, yet again. I kinda blew him off because that comment was still bugging me, so he took the hint and left. Later, I was eating lunch and when I came back to my desk, he called me and asked why I didnt say hi when I was right there in his area. What the heck? It just seemed weird to me, like ... so much so soon...but he wanted to know when he could see me again outside of work. He said he would make time for me no matter what was going on, and that when he wants to do something he just does it (??) so we agreed on weds, he's going to plan something for us and let me know. Mon night after he gets off work, he calls and leaves me a VM to call him back because he has a question or two for me. When I do call back, he cant recall his question(s) but we chat about other stuff anyway. Our conversation got cut short because there was a storm and our phones were going crazy, but the last thing he said was he left me a voicemail saying he'd love to know my interpretation of some of the stuff we discussed. I tried calling him back but he couldnt hear me so I gave up, figured he'd call if he wanted. Now, its Tues afternoon and I havent heard a peep from him at all. Its weird because yesterday by this time I had already talked to him twice! Does this guy sound like he's putting up a front but failing miserably with his actions (calling a bunch and whatnot)? Or is he a catastrophe to begin with and I should run like mad? He's in his mid twenties, by the way, I am in my early twenties. Any ideas?
Skeered Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 The whole thing sounds a bit odd... Do you have any interest in him...do you see him as someone you could go out with again or even want to... Someone like this (that I didn't have any connection too) would drive me nuts...I think his comments on meeting another girl were aimed for you to say something or get upset so he knew where you stood...but I hate head games if you are interested in someone come out and say it..ya know?
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Take it slowly. Sounds like he's rushing to make plans and you're rushing to conclusions. Not a good combination. The best relationships grow slowly over time. If he won't pace himself, you need to deliberately pace him. That way you get a chance to look at each other. And build the many shared experiences which make for a good relationship.
Author J dub Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 I guess I should mention that I have been smiling at this guy for months now. I am VERYYYY attracted to him, but never bothered to act on it before because I was in a relationship. Things have changed since then, and I couldnt resist. We were going out dancing and I asked a coworker to invite him out with us. He wasnt interested at first until she told him it was me who wanted him to go. Suddenly he was willing to drive an hour to come see me! Then he asks, while we are talking, if I specifically asked her to invite HIM, or just any guy to come with us? I thought that was weird, like why ask that? I dont know...anyhow also when I gave him my # at the end of the night, he joked that he hopes its not a bum number. What!! I work around the guy, why would I do that??? You know? But anyhow, despite his weird actions I do really like him and would like to continue to see where things lead. I just wanted some input on whether or not he sounded like a lunatic or something My perception of people is usually pretty off. We're going out tomorrow night, so that'll inevitably answer a lot of these questions. What bothered me was he said "I'd say its a date, but we'll call it an interview" I was like WHY? and he just explained that first dates are like interviewing for a job. I dunno it was .. different.
AndrewJ Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I agree with RR. take it slow this dude seems very forward. If you 2 are intrigued why not give him a go
Author J dub Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo If he won't pace himself, you need to deliberately pace him. Any suggestions how?
Neptune Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 As a guy let me guess. He is probably somewhat inexperienced with women. You are the hottest thing on his mind. He is excited to have attention from you. He is going overboard. Trying too hard. A lot of guys even in their mid twenties have had very little success holding the attention of women that they are attracted to. It shows because the more they try the more they just botch things up. I think he may be one of them.
Author J dub Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Neptune As a guy let me guess. He is probably somewhat inexperienced with women. That I dont know, I mean I find hard to believe because he totally seems to click with the ladies at work. Like crazy. But, it could just be because hes a very important person around here and has lots of power and potential. You are the hottest thing on his mind. Thats a nice thought! He is going overboard. Trying too hard. A lot of guys even in their mid twenties have had very little success holding the attention of women that they are attracted to. Is he going overboard? Its hard to tell, I havent been in the dating scene for a few years and I'm a bit rusty. I like the attention from him though, because initially I didnt think he'd be available.
Cecelius Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 He's part chump (calling you 200 times a day) and part wanna be don juan (he's taking lines from the Tao of Steve and Swingers...) If he were here I'd tell him to calm down since the only thing he can do is drive this into the ground. You think he's hot, you've been dating for 2 seconds, he's pushing a lot. Just tell him you're having a cool time (if you are), that you want to take it slow (if you do), stop worrying about what he means (he isn't going anywhere [see the 200 calls]) and have a good time. If he keeps up all this attention to you you'll dump him pretty soon anyway.
scarleejones Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Sounds to me like this guy REALLY likes you. Someone posted earlier that he seems to be trying too hard. I agree. Alot of times, guys will try and show how interested they are by calling, showing up unannounced, saying stupid things ( in a pathetic attempt to sound witty ), ...basically SMOTHERING YOU. They really dont SEE that they're doing it. My advice to you would be to check him on his sh*t. Tell him. Say "Look Mr. Smothers, I like you, you like me, BE YOURSELF, because this embarrassing schtick you're putting on is just that,.....embarrassing." You COULD just tell him to stop trying so hard. I dont mean be harsh with him,.... you could say it in a playful way
blue16 Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius (he's taking lines from the Tao of Steve and Swingers...) lol I find that pretty funny... Anyways, he seems like a good guy. I wouldn't take his words as 100% truth. Him saying "this date is like an interview" is probably a line from a movie or something, he's just joking around. Hell, I know lots of people that use lines from TV/movies now and then as a joke just to lighten the mood a little bit. He just has an interesting sense of humor and likes to play a around. Him mentioning 'he might meet a senorita' on his trip is just a ploy to get a little rise out of you...and it worked apparently. When he said "this better not be a bum number!" again he is just kidding around. It's all in good fun, you know? I really think you should just take it easy and have fun while you get used to his sense of humor. Don't analyze everything he says and put a negative spin on it, because he probably has good intentions and is just havin a good time.
Author J dub Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 You guys are hilarious! I got a good laugh at a bunch of your comments, but thats exactly why I posted. I need an outside perspective because to me it did seem like he was being a wanna-be smooth-talker but basically blowing it to shreds. I guess its been so long since I felt this important and gotten so much attention, I cant help but think he has ulterior motives. I guess I'm seeing him all wrong - BUT I am going to tell him to take it down a few knotches. After I posted my last comment, he called me because he had a half day and wanted to talk. He mentions he had a "very very VERY nice dream last night" about me, I didnt inquire too much because thats enough to know what hes saying. But once again he said a stupid comment, he said something about how the ultimate party for him would be @ the playboy mansion just for him (I cant remember how we got on that topic but I digress). And he goes "for more than one purpose" and then laughs about it . I sat there like, are you serious right now? What a dolt. Hes supposed to have planned a date for us tomorrow - we'll see how it goes I suppose. I did once date a guy who had a similar sense of humor - it drove me bonkers and I ended up just saying forget it. But he was also only 19 and incredibly dense, this guy on the other hand is a bit older, established in his career, and seems to have good intentions from what I can tell. I want to take it in stride, esp because I dont want to do anything I'll regret later seeing as i'll be walking past him daily. I think my attraction to him is allowing me to look past his stupid remarks in hopes that its just his nerves talking and him trying too hard to be witty I'm just worried about investing time into him and then looking back and realizing what I should have seen all along -- that hes got a lot of women. But you guys seem to think hes putting up a front?
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by J dub But you guys seem to think hes putting up a front? Probably. He sounds like he's been reading one of those crappy dating books. To quote Cecelius' delicious remark: half Don Juan, half chump. My advice? Tell him you don't share. In a jokey but "I mean business" way. When he next makes a joke about other girls. Also, tell him he's great and you really like him, but that you need to take things more slowly and get to know each other. Deliberately ration the dates - like 3 times a week for example - so you have time to do things with other friends. And make sure the dates are well planned for maximum chat and friendship-building. If (as we suspect) he's genuine, he'll respond to these 2 signals and drop the Don Juan routine. If he goes more Don Juan, you've got problems.
Author J dub Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo If he goes more Don Juan, you've got problems. Of course I'm not familiar with the whole Don Juan thing, so I might not be able to identify if he throws it on even more.
Cecelius Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Like I said above, if he throws it on more, you will enjoy yourself more. At the moment he's creating all kinds of great vibes, establishing value, using imaginary girls for social proof, etc. But he's also acting chumpy and desparate. My take is that if he would just shut the h3ll up a little and be cool, he'd have the deal sealed. Let it ride unless you really think he's a chump. Ultimately, looks will get you in the door but if you're a chump they won't keep you in the room. Keep a reserve line somewhere saying effectively "You know, I like you best when you're cool", and if he doesn't get that then one that says "Quit trying so hard; lets have a good time"
simplybrill Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Honestly he sounds a lot like my ex. He was all talk and no follow through. He played lots of games to make it seem to everyone else, including OTHER girls - that he was doing all the right things, and being a good boyfriend, and he always wanted to seem avaliable when I wasnt around! He would act like I was blowing him off, when he finally would show up after not answering my VM's. I think this guy's fake, and he likes the chase a bit too much. Dont fall for it. Real guys will take action when they want to be with you, and wont mess with your head.
Author J dub Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by simplybrill Real guys will take action when they want to be with you, and wont mess with your head. Thats just it - I dont know if its so much him consciously doing it so much as him not realizing he does it.
simplybrill Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 No guy is that stupid. He's probably being a jerk on purpose, and is too lazy to put the effort in to show you he cares. This doesnt mean it's your job to put up with it at all. After a while, you will get sick of making excuses for his stupid behavior. I think you can do better than some guy who doesnt take you, or your relationship seriously.
Author J dub Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 He took me out yesterday actually, to dinner and we took a walk around the lake. We were playin around and he playfully threw me on the grass and we wrestled for a few seconds and then he kissed me. It was very cute and well done, but he is CALLING me too much now. Grr...
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Sounds to me that you like him .. Just tell him that you don't want to talk on the phone as much as he is calling. Talk to him about it .. He might be over compensating thinking that you aren't into him.. Tell him you are and set the ground rules about the phone calls
Author J dub Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall Sounds to me that you like him .. So far hes in the green zone Just tell him that you don't want to talk on the phone as much as he is calling. Good Idea, I dont know why I dont just DO the things I think? He might be over compensating thinking that you aren't into him He made some comment yesterday about wanting to know on a scale of 1-10 how attracted I was to him, I rolled my eyes about 100 times and said, come on seriously, get real. I think he got my point. But it showed me that hes looking for reassurance in how I feel about him. At least that was my perspective. Hes off for vacation soon anyhow so he'll be gone and I can just chill for a week or so. Come to think of it he sarcastically asked if I would find a replacement for him while he was gone...sheesh this guy doesnt seem to think I like him all that much
Cecelius Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by J dub He made some comment yesterday about wanting to know on a scale of 1-10 how attracted I was to him, I rolled my eyes about 100 times and said, come on seriously, get real. I think he got my point. But it showed me that hes looking for reassurance in how I feel about him. At least that was my perspective. Hes off for vacation soon anyhow so he'll be gone and I can just chill for a week or so. Come to think of it he sarcastically asked if I would find a replacement for him while he was gone...sheesh this guy doesnt seem to think I like him all that much I said he was a recovering chump a long time ago.
Author J dub Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius I said he was a recovering chump a long time ago. So you are honored the right to say, "I told ya so!" He's doing better tho
clynn Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Funny. I once dated a guy who sounds a lot like this. I just didn't seem to be able to provide him quite enough reassurance, no matter what.
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