J dub Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I am so sad right now and need some support...its over between my bf and I after almost 3 yrs together. He came thurs last night and we cried together for about two hours because he signed up to go to school in another state to follow his career (which he's STILL uncertain about) because he says that our hometown has nothing for him, and since he knows he's going to be leaving soon he decided we should break up now so he knows "If he can do this" (be on his own). It was the saddest thing I have ever experienced, and he stayed the night with me one last time (I didnt ask, he just did) and fri morning we said our goodbyes - nothing happened, dont worry I would never fall for that, but we just slept beside eachother and he had his arm around me. It was so heartbreaking... hes too tired of fighting and the drama and that it just cant go on. I kept asking for another chance but he said he had already given me so many other chances that he's "just...done fighting". What I dont get is -- ok he came over, knowing he was going to break up with me obviously...but he wore my favorite cologne (he knows its my fave I always tell him it drives me wild) and was all shaven and nice looking. Then he kept kissing my hand and nose and doing the stuff that we always do (the goofy things that make us laugh) and calling me all my nicknames, kissing my forehead and hugging me... It was like he was making it even harder . It was sweet because he was being himself, but at the same time I have to wonder why he didnt just come over, say his goodbyes and leave? you know ?? I asked him what is going to happen if he decides he CANT do this, and he said then he guesses he just f*cked it all up (??) he kept telling me to call him if I ever need anything, and that he has no doubt in his mind that he loves me and I love him, but this is something he has to do so he knows if he is doing the right thing. He told me not to wait for him and without me even asking he said "it could be a month, 2 months, maybe after I leave" I'm assuming he meant when he makes up his mind or something? Ugh it was awful. I wanted to try a LDR with him, a year and a half or so ago he asked if I thought we could maintain a LDR but stupid me made the mistake of replying that I didnt think it would work out if we tried. Now he's sticking to those words... he says "youre the one who said you couldnt do that" I suggested that things have been a lot more serious since he asked me that question but he didnt seem to understand. He was crying just as hard as I was - and he brought my chin up with his finger and made me look at him and he said that he will always love me and to call him if I ever need anything. He wants to stay friends but I said there is just no way I could maintain that, it would hurt too much and things just wouldnt feel right. I said it would take me at LEAST 6 mos to get to that point and by then he'll probably already be gone I have not talked to him since - I'm not going to call or pine after him because its pointless, he'll do what he wants regardless of what I say to him. I plan to go out tonight with the girls and again tomorrow night to the all-star game after-party with all the ball players and models (its sponsored by stuff magazine so I'm excited!)...but I still feel like my heart is breaking into peices over and over and over. My heart is still hopeful that we'll reconcile and he'll decide he can't go on without me, but my head tells me to scrap that thought and just move on. I can't yet, it hurts too much. Anyone have any advice on what to do? I'm afraid he is going to call me or stop by and I'm going to be dumbfounded - how do I act and what do I say??
RecordProducer Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 There's not much you can do. He made up his mind. But he might change his mind when he realizes that he misses you too much. So there are things you should NOT do. Like you shouldn't be mean or rude to him, make any suggestions about your future, cry and whine, insist on seeing him, call him, let him know that you hooked up with someone else (even if you do). Answer his calls if he calls you and be nice and cheerful with him. If he tells you he misses you tell him that you miss him too.
Author J dub Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 Thanks recordproducer...your post makes sense and I will definitely keep all that in mind . It actually made me cry - I guess I'd been holding in my feelings about it for a day or so now not wanting to believe its really over. I took his photos off my desk at work today (did some overtime to pass the time) and pulled his stuff down from around my bedroom - photos and stuff he made me. It is tearing me up inside because I know in his heart he doesnt want to do this but he has a life he wants to put together and I guess I have to support that. I just wish he would let me be a part of it too . I asked him why he cant just remain with me until he leaves (it wont be for at least a month..but he doesnt even know WHEN for sure!! ) but he said it would be 100x harder and hurt more then than it would now. Why though? That doesnt make sense to me - because right now I am hurting especially since he is purposely not being with me. If he were moving say, next weekend, I could accept it easier in an "I dont have any choice, hes leaving" type of way. Maybe I'll never know what he's thinking. I do hope I see him before he leaves, who knows when or if we'll meet up again. I keep dreaming that possibly in a few years we'll meet back up and live happily ever after, and tell our kids and grandkids all about how life tore us apart but fate brought us back together. Does that sound really pathetic? I just re-read it and even I am thinking, geeze get a grip . I really want to thank him for everything he has done for me...the trips, letters, long talks, the things he taught me about love and life and even about myself. I know it would be silly to call right now and tell him that but I hope I get a chance to say it because I am not sure I ever did thank him appropriately. I apologized for being such a jerk to him the past couple of months and that I was sorry I was a bad girlfriend and wasted his time, but he just said that I wasnt a bad girlfriend at all and that he doesnt feel it was wasted time in any way. And that I am the first girlfriend he feels that way about. I know time heals all wounds, I've been dumped before (my high school sweetheart actually ) and I remember one day waking up and thinking, wow I'm going to be ok! So deep down I know I'll get thru it, but damn does my heart ever hurt right now
RecordProducer Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Yeah, I know how you feel; you can't believe you're at one piece on the outside when you're torn into 100 pieces on the inside. But guess what! You will either end up together or you'll get over him and have the chance to love again. Every time we are in love, we think nobody will ever be so great and we'll never be so in love again. But every time we fall in love even harder because we learn as we grow older and the partners we choose are better than the previous. I don't know how to help you right now. Cry out your pain and read some good book or watch funny movies. I never feel like going out when I'm down so I won't recommend that. Stay away from people who make you feel miserable.
Recommended Posts