She dumped me...I didn't see it coming!

[fallenheart45]

Ok...I'll try to sum this up real quick like so you can get the low down. My girl of 1.5 years broke up about a month ago. During our relationship we broke up about 4 times. 1.) I didn't know if I was ready to date her, we got back together. 2.) she broke up with me because she thought I wasn't paying attention to her, we got back together. 3.) becasue I was JOKING and called her a "beer slut" but she took it hard and so I got up set that I couldn't tease with her so we broke up for that, we got back together. 4.) Now LISTEN TO THIS AND MEMORIZE THIS BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT!!. I broke up with her because I thought she was cheating on me with some guy who tried to move in on her when I was going out with her. I found e-mails they were sending to each other flirting and such. It's just not right that you flirt with another guy when you have a boyfriend. SOOO...I ended it for about a week. But we worked it out and got back together.

 

That was like within the first 8 months of dateing. Then from December 2004 to June 1st 2005 everything was find and dandy! Of course we had our fights and such like any other ordinary couple but it was all because she was mad at me for teasing with her, or going out with my friends and didn't spend time with her even though she spent the night at my place EVERY NIGHT just about while we are in college. All the little fights we had were because I couldn't tease with her..and I WAS JUST JOKING WHEN I TEASE HER! I would even laugh, and say I was teasing when I was doing it. And not only that, I was always on edge on what I could say around her, because I didn't know if she would take it the wrong way. So I was always nervous on what I was thinking about things and I always hesidated about saying what was on my mind because I knew she would get up set of somthing I said. It's almost like I could'nt be my self around her in a way.

 

Anyway, She graduated college this past may and got a job in near chicago. We talked about how much we loved each other and how we were going to work it out and everything! But then 1 month before she moved near chicago, I called her one moring and I was like "whats wrong, you don't seem your self" and she said ...she can't explain how she felt. I felt like I got hit by a baseball bat upside my head. 2 days before she broke up with me everything was fine. I was happy I have ever been. It doen'st make sense, she just said she needs space and time to think...I was like WTF!!!! I didn't do nothing wrong. Any way I gave her space, but 1 frickin week later she is e-mailing that same kid I thought she was cheating on me 6 months ago saying how much she missed him and how much she thinks abou him and eveything. and 1 week before we broke up, our parents just met for the first time!

 

Now she is up in chicago living like 10 mins away from this same kid, and they are dating.

 

Oh yeah, when we broke up she said she was unhappy during points of our relationshiops. But I told her I was ALWAYS WILLING TO WORK ON US! because I love her more than my self. Its almost like she is bringin up the past to make her self feel better.

 

However, my question is, how can sombody throw 1.5 years of memories out the window and start a new one with someone...LIKE THAT!

I try to think that when she moved close to chicago she just wanted someone there to comfort her. Because she didn't want to be bye her self. ..

 

But that is just dumb...I belive she done me wrong,

 

ps...I saw an e-mail to him explaining that she was thinking back in march when we were dating that they were talking about somthing and she was like "oh yeah I had a boyfriend at the time ...LOL"

 

 

she ****ing thought is was funny...................how rude...and yet I am still tring to get her back......there is so much more to it...I will explain more, when I get replies...PLEASE GUYS....I AM COUNTING ON YOU MY FREINDS......

[betnow]

let her go. she dont want you, and she doesnt deserve you. as hard as it seems, dont call or have any contact. bottom line! thats the way it goes.

[FolderWife]

Wow Whenever someone broke up with me, I never went begging for them back...and the one time I thought about it, I assumed that since he just threw our relationship away over nothing, that there must be someone else, because he had no reason to break up with me! I mean...I didn't sit around trying to understand why this stupid person that I loved broke up with me! I didn't sit around wondering if they were thinking about me! I didn't sit around and think about them with someone else!

 

Yeah, I got angry that they have the nerve to break up with me, but I let it go after a week! IT'S BEEN A MONTH! How much proof do you need that she is no longer interested in you?

[fallenheart45]

But just last week we were talking on IM and told her I met somebody ...JUST A FRIEND, (a girl) at the pool, and she says....

 

" oh is she better looking that me? does she have a better body than me? where does she stand? cute, pretty, hot , beautiful, gorgues? have you made out yet? you have haven't you? you want to fall in love with her, you will fall in love with her, I can't believe she is almost as pretty as me, how old is she?"

 

she was just giving me all that crap...then she said...."so if I ever want you back, i will have competition"

 

wtf!!!!!

 

Then the day she left for chicago, she called me ...(which is last friday) saying she was driving through my town and that she thought of me, and just wanted to say HI. She said I could call back..but i didn't...

 

i'm just so confused...I still have faith, that we will get back together...but a part of me that she is just seeing this guy becuase she wants somebody who is THERE becasue she doesnt' know anyone and she is far from home....

 

any sugesstions?

[Candy Cane]

Hi. Yeah, I don't have any real suggestions. Sorry about that. Sounds messed up. I just thought I'd let you know that I hate teasing too. My brother teases me and it's juvenile and just plain annoying. Even though you maybe don't mean badly by it, I don't think women like to be teased and we will ALWAYS take it the wrong way.

 

Thought you might want to know that. Good luck with your situation.

[LucreziaBorgia]

However, my question is, how can sombody throw 1.5 years of memories out the window and start a new one with someone...LIKE THAT!

 

Because she had emotionally detached herself from you enough to do so by the time you actually broke up. She had been laying the groundwork for this new relationship for a while. What is new to you, is a work in progress for her.

 

She made her choice. She showed you that 1.5 years of memories, you, and your relationship and your entire history together is worth less to her than this guy is. Right now, the "friend ex" relationship you have with her is the one she wants. It works 100% for her. She gets to have the security and comfort of you, while enjoying a romantic life with someone else. If anything happens with the new guy, she'll have you to fall back on. People who are in situations that work 100% for them do not change things up on their own so that it works on a lesser percentage. Ditching this guy and going back to you works at a lesser percentage for her. Going 'no contact' with you works at a lesser percentage for her. She isn't about to easily do either one.

 

So, any changes you want to see you'll have to make yourself. You can't make any changes for her and the new guy, so your only other option to see change is to remove yourself from the situation with 'no contact'. This will immediately get her thinking of what it is she is letting go - and she will be in a position where she will truly see that letting you go or keeping you on your terms are the only choices she has. She will have to choose you to keep you. I would think you would want her to come back to you only when she makes it a conscious choice to do so. Otherwise, you may always wonder if you were the default and only came back after having no other options. She may not make the choice you want her to, but at least something definitive will happen and you will be able to break out of this horrible stasis and move on.

[fallenheart45]

Lucrez, and everyone!

 

Thanks so much for your information. The situation that I am in has GOT TO BE THE HARDEST POINT IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! I just want her to be happy. But I wish it was with me, I wish I could just show her even more happieness. I know along with others when people break up, it can make the relationship stronger. For us, this is the case!

Everytime something happens in our relationship it has grown to make the relationship stronger.

 

She is a very affection person. So one time we broke up because I wasn't showing what she truly ment to be because I was scared to get TOO close to her because I didn't want to get hurt like I did in my last realtionship before her. However when we got back together, I REALLY SHOWED HER HOW MUCH I CARED FOR HER. She loved it, but after I while she is like "you got comfortable again" . This is her telling me that I didn't kiss her all the time, I didn't hold her hand when we went out. And all that other stuff. My argument is ......If she wanted to be kissed all the time, why was it supposed to me make the intital move all the time. Why did I always have to kiss her fist, hold hands with her first, and tell her how much she ment to me first. If she wanted it so bad, why didn't she kiss ME first, hold hands with ME first, tell her how much she ment to ME first.

 

I told her if she wanted to kiss me first, hold hands..so what ever that made her happy and ment somthing to me. I told her to DO IT! I told her that I wouldn't pull away if she did these things. I would hold her hand back, kiss her back, and hold her and tell her I loved her the same way she does (did) me.

 

I just fee like its all my fault! I fell like it didn't work out because I didn't make her happy enough. Yet I try to tell my self if she wanted to really make it work ( like I do, because I would of never left her) she would try to make it worka and she would of make all this moves her self!

 

Am I wrong to think this way? If she wanted all of these things, why didn't she make the move to do it? Why did I always have to do it first? She says this to me, and I think that I am the bad guy, not making her feel happy enough with me, just because I didn't do what she was thinking.....I can't read her mind!

 

I get so depressed becasue I think about her beautiful face and her body..and her personatliy..it ABSOLUTYL KILLS ME TO..BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!

Somtimes I'm glad I dont' own a gun...other wise I dont' know if I would be here to write this! :(

[marriage_destroyed?]

i read your other thread then this one after. maybe you should email her these threads, tell her you love her and that you will work really hard on not teasing her.