What do you think???

[M & M]

I have a burning question that I would like to have answered… I want to know what some of you think about this situation I was in a few months ago. When I was working on my Bachelor’s degree, there was a certain professor that I found very attractive. I have taken several of his classes and he became more and more attractive to me every day. We are both married (with no children), so of course I realized that I was just having a fun little fantasy thinking about what if might be like to be with him. Well, the very last class that I took of his was the last class I needed to fulfill my degree requirements. It was a summer class that met in the evenings and was very laid back. One evening after the class had stopped meeting, but before the grades were posted, I went to his office to pick up my graded final assignment (we had to if we wanted to see his comments on it). No one else was in the offices or even in the building, and we ended up talking for a couple of hours. It was just talking, but it was GREAT conversation. I found myself even more attracted to him than ever, but I still knew it was just one of those fantasies that I think everyone has.

 

The next day I found a mistake on the grades that he had posted online. I emailed him and pointed out the mistake because it had lowered my grade an entire letter grade. I also told him that I really enjoyed the class and enjoyed talking with him the previous evening. When he emailed me back, he thanked me for letting him know about the mistake, said he was glad that I enjoyed the class, and ended by writing, “Please feel free to stop by my office any time.” The next semester I started work on my Master’s degree at the same school. I wasn’t able to take very many Master’s level classes that first semester, so I had to choose an undergraduate course to keep my hours at full time. This same professor was teaching a course that seemed very interesting and since I find him so fun to look at and listen to, I decided to take his class.

 

A couple of weeks into the class, he returned one of my papers with a sticky note on it that read, “You never stop by my office?” I found myself wondering, maybe even hoping, that he enjoyed being around me as much as I enjoyed being around him. I waited a week and stopped by his office one afternoon. He seemed very aloof that day and even mentioned the sticky note, saying, “I put that note on your paper because I thought you had said something about stopping by my office…” I thought it was a strange thing to say since he was the one who had mentioned “stopping by his office.” Even though that afternoon in his office seemed awkward to me, I still found him very attractive, but I went back to thinking that it was just my private fantasy. I felt like every once in awhile there was maybe some significant eye contact during class or in the hall, but I didn’t think much of it.

 

Then, when he returned my final paper for the class, he had written, “(My name), It has been a pleasure having you in this class. I have enjoyed reading your essays, and I hope you feel as if you have learned something useful and/or interesting this semester. (His name). I thought that was very nice of him, so later that week on my final exam, I wrote something like: “I really enjoyed this class and found it very interesting. This should be the last class of yours that I take, so I hope you have a great break, and I have enjoyed all of your classes over the years.” The next day he emailed me, “I’m glad you enjoyed the class. I enjoyed reading your essays. Feel free to stop by my office any time. Maybe we could go to lunch some time.” I was very surprised to see that he had emailed me as we hadn’t exchanged emails at all during that semester and he would’ve only had my email address from when I had emailed him the summer before. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote back, but I did say, “I think lunch sometime sounds like a great idea.”

 

I am very busy at work though and don’t really have time to go by his office. I have started taking classes at a different university and haven’t seen him at all this past semester. I did email him once for a work related reason. My work wanted to recruit some new graduates and asked me to email one of my professors for possible recruits. The night before I emailed him, I ran into the head of the department he works in and I mentioned it in my email. When he emailed back he wrote, “It’s a nice surprise to hear from you. I hope that you are doing well and everything is fine. It would be nice to see you; sorry I missed you yesterday. P.S. You can keep calling me Dr. (his last name) if you like, but now that you've graduated and everything, (his first name) would be fine, too.

 

I want to know what some of you think about all of this. I am very curious to know if I’m the only one interpreting all of this as “flirting” or if he is just a nice guy. Sorry for the LONG story, but I couldn’t really explain it any other way. I am interested in him, so I think I may just be reading too far into it. Please help! I want to know how I should handle possibly seeing him or continuing to email him in the future. Do you think he’s interested in me???

[Cwazydude]

No offense, But I would really enjoy if people would stop posting questions on advice to help them be unfaithful to their spouse's.

 

You have a husband.

[M & M]

Why are you even looking in this particular forum if you find this type of conversation so annoying???

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by Cwazydude

No offense, But I would really enjoy if people would stop posting questions on advice to help them be unfaithful to their spouse's.

 

You have a husband.

Cwazydude

 

Not to be forward but they posted in the other man/woman forum. The forum is about being in an unfaithful

relationship . If you can't answer their question just move on

[Cwazydude]

Well, This forum Is also used by people that have been cheated upon. You know, The people that were the cheat-ed, not the cheat-er.

 

Yeah yeah, I know. I'm an a**h***. But I'm a faithful a**h***.

 

 

But, If you want your question answered, Yes, Your professor sounds interested, But even if he is do you really want to start something with him?

[shygurl]

Your best bet would be to ask a guy about all this, as a guy would know how another guy thinks/acts in a situation like this - hey what the hell, why don't you must ask your husband?

[Cwazydude]

Originally posted by shygurl

Your best bet would be to ask a guy about all this, as a guy would know how another guy thinks/acts in a situation like this - hey what the hell, why don't you must ask your husband?

 

 

Hahaha, high 5 shygurl. High 5.

[LucreziaBorgia]

He may be interested, he may not be - but its likely he picked up on your crush and is friendly as a result. "Lets go to lunch sometime" is fairly non-committal - it is not the same as "Will you meet me for lunch at ___ place at ____ time". Its always a nice ego boost when someone has a crush on you. However, it just sounds like a way to have his ego fed (friendly) to me at this point, so perhaps you should just treat it that way for now. You may want to back your feelings down some if you can - there's no telling if he would return them, or worse yet if he is a serial cheating cakeman who would return your feelings until he decides to discard you for the next OW that comes along.

[moimeme]

I've known wives of professors. One of the perqs of the job, apparently, is to get some new booty regularly. Like LB said, you'll just be his latest in a long line of flings. It is little compliment to have a man interested in sleeping with you, frankly. I love them, but a lot of them will sleep with anybody who makes herself available and this dude sounds like that sort.

 

And last I heard, this board wasn't about encouraging infidelity.

[Cwazydude]

Indeed.....

[M & M]

Originally posted by Cwazydude

But, If you want your question answered, Yes, Your professor sounds interested, But even if he is do you really want to start something with him?

 

I appreciate that you decided to answer my question... and, no I'm not sure that I want to start something with him. And... I have talked to my husband about all of this... basically everything that you all have read. He even knows that I am attracted to this other man, and doesn't really seem to care. This, as you might guess, is part of the reason why I found myself at this website. I had thought that it would be nice to be friends with this professor because I do enjoy talking with him. That is why I told my husband everything... to see if he thought I could be "just friends" with this other man or if he thought that it would be inappropriate in light of all the things that have happened (emails, notes, etc.). My husband pretty much thought that I was being ridiculous. More than anything, I just wanted an unbiased opinion on what is going on with my situation. I don’t know that I could ever take anything past flirting, but I have to admit that it is nice to have someone to flirt with.

[moimeme]

The problem is that you're already flattered by his attention and you say your husband 'doesn't seem to care'. This means there's a bit of an issue in your marriage that it looks like your friendship may solve. When you look to friends of the opposite gender to fulfil needs your spouse doesn't, that's the beginning of the groundwork for an affair. You will say to yourself that you can keep being 'just friends' but the happier you are that you are getting his attention and the better you enjoy his company, the better a deal he will appear to you in contrast with your husband and eventually you'll have an affair.

 

If you find your needs aren't being met by your husband, try talking to him about it. Dr. Steve Harley has written some great books on relationships - you might want to try one. Getting the attention you crave from a man other than your husband is playing with fire.