newbby Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 my ex mm is playing games with me, i know he is trying to use every trick in the book to get me back, however last night i experienced a huge crash in confidence and was quite needy (as a friend) with him (on im) i just needed a listening ear and some reassurance. anyway since then he has blocked me, this seems strange considering his total determination to break me down. i suspect for this reason that it is another game designed to make me feel bad (because i already was) and i think he probably will show up tonight knowing that i will be feeling bad and desperate. the trouble is i am feeling extremely down and would love somebody to just hold me right now (this may sound pathetic), so he is right about that, damn him. does anybody have ANYthing at all to say that will help me stay one step ahead of him, apart from the obvious?? i was feeling so strong, and my happiness is not dependent on him, i am down about other things. also does it sound as tho i am right about this being another tactic? dont suggest friends round, that is not an option tonight.
Merin Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 I dunno.. I guess the thing to keep in mind is the one "Trick" he hasn't pulled outta his ass is getting a divorce and actually doing the right things for anyone but himself... Until he can do that or ya know sh*t out a fruit salad that would make Martha Stewart jealous the thing to do is keep in mind his "Tricks" are just an illusion and understand he isn't real. Hope you're feeling better, you really do deserve better
Author newbby Posted June 10, 2005 Author Posted June 10, 2005 thanks merin, i like your style! yes, that is very helpful, i dont know how i can be so blind and weak to my own situation
MsMree Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 is to remember EVERY ROTTEN thing he has done to you, Newby - remember the times when he used to ignore you and make you feel like you were unstable (???) Newby, i forget who it was a few mos. ago that suggested OW make it a game as well - one that you will win. I've tried it a few times and it does work - i second guessed his every move and by the time I WAS DONE, he didn't know whether he was coming or going. He is not worth your dignity - and from what i remember, he's not even good in bed!!! Whatever it is you're feel'g down about will only be exacerbated if you give in to him. YOU ARE SOOOO WORTH MUCH MORE THAN THE CRUMBS THIS PRI&K WANTS TO SERVE YOU.
Author newbby Posted June 10, 2005 Author Posted June 10, 2005 thanks msmree is to remember EVERY ROTTEN thing he has done to you, Newby - remember the times when he used to ignore you and make you feel like you were unstable (???) yes i do now, thanks for reminding me! Newby, i forget who it was a few mos. ago that suggested OW make it a game as well - one that you will win. I've tried it a few times and it does work - i second guessed his every move and by the time I WAS DONE, he didn't know whether he was coming or going mree the funny thing is, i think it was me who said that!! i find it so hard to apply my own advice He is not worth your dignity - and from what i remember, he's not even good in bed!!! Whatever it is you're feel'g down about will only be exacerbated if you give in to him. YOU ARE SOOOO WORTH MUCH MORE THAN THE CRUMBS THIS PRI&K WANTS TO SERVE YOU all of this is so true, and the other thing is well does he really expect to woo me by refusing to speak to me when i most need a friend?? i will get an early night instead, that will make me feel better.
Merin Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by newbby thanks merin, i like your style! yes, that is very helpful, i dont know how i can be so blind and weak to my own situation You're Welcome Girl Everyone goes through this feeling from time to time... it's always easier to see things clear when it isn't your heart there.. hang in there.
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Seems he only talked to you to see how interested you were in him still. Why else would he block you? Yeah, he is playing some sort of game and trying to KEEP you interested in him. So, stop playing! You don't need him to make yourself feel good. When you're feeling down and insecure, just call a good friend, somebody who has known you for a very long time and gain the confidence that way - Or go pamper yourself! Get a new haircut or buy a new outfit. He wants you to "need" him, so that way the cat and mouse game can start up again. He has control, you give him control and he runs with it. Again, STOP playing into it. Put HIM on ignore and block all his email address/ phone number etc.
Author newbby Posted June 10, 2005 Author Posted June 10, 2005 thankyou for your reply whichwayisup, actually though i wasnt using him for a confidence boost, i simply had a confidence crash and he happened to talk to me that evening, also he doesnt have control or he wouldnt be resorting to such tactics. the reason that i still talk to him aside from finding him quite amusing company at times is that i KNOW that this helps me to keep in control of it. i know this because i know myself, for instance if i had not been talking to him and he had just showed up last night whilst i was feeling so bad i wouldnt have been so strong as i was on im. i know this is the best way for me. before we resumed contact on im only i was thinking about him alot, i wasnt over it at all, i knew i was weak, if he had showed up before we began talking i am quite certain i would have crumbled. i know at some point i will be so past it all that i wont need to keep the contact, he is not in control though, being aware of my weakness for him helps me to keep in control. thankyou very much anyway for the support
joodee Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 This was well written, and this sounds so much like what I am going through!!!!
Author newbby Posted June 10, 2005 Author Posted June 10, 2005 we do seem to be in extremely similar situations, i didnt know whether to reply here or in your thread, so i will do both!
Author newbby Posted June 11, 2005 Author Posted June 11, 2005 well the update is, that i went to bed not too early, i got a panic at one point that he would try to come round and so i closed all the curtains and turned out all the front lights as i actually felt a bit scared that i would have to refuse him entry, why is this??? i cant think, maybe because a part of me does fear losing him completely which i will definetly have to work on. however i dont think he made any attempt to visit me, i think the fact that i was depressed most certainly put him off me, which only shows how shallow the whole thing is to him, or how shallow he is, or perhaps he once again views me as unstable because i didnt fit his mold of how he wants things. either way i am rapidly losing any remaining warmth and feeling for him i had left. the fact that somebody would go to such extreme lengths and acting such roles just to get laid does not leave me with much respect for them. and if it is only a part of his game, its not working. i dont much care. anyway i was asked out on a date by somebody else last night, someone who i have had a few dates with before. i refused because if i do get involved with anybody available i need to take things very sloooowww.
Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 You should have HIM blocked. Blocked and deleted. Don't be weak.
westernxer Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Married Man is doing a double-take on you and his wife... what a smooth criminal.
jj003 Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by newbby why is this??? i cant think, maybe because a part of me does fear losing him completely which i will definetly have to work on. however i dont think he made any attempt to visit me, i think the fact that i was depressed most certainly put him off me, which only shows how shallow the whole thing is to him, or how shallow he is, or perhaps he once again views me as unstable because i didnt fit his mold of how he wants things. I can understand how you feel .... :We think that if they love us and care for us, they should be there when we are down and need a shoulder to cry on...at least as a friend? but unfortunately, we learn the hard way, this may not aways be the case...so what can we do? change our sadness into strength? Perhaps, only we can really help ourselves... take care, newbby
Author newbby Posted June 11, 2005 Author Posted June 11, 2005 Mr Spock, how, in your opinion am i being weak? Westernxer, are you meaning to state the obvious or have I misunderstood?
Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 By contacting him at all. You should have deleted him from your IM contacts a looong time ago. It's a weakness that you're still holding on to. You're not the only one either. There is no "friends". That kind of contact and poison won't make you feel ANY better.
westernxer Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Just an observation. Part admiration (because I could never be like that), part condemnation (because he's a bastard who has no scruples). Besides, married men like to prey on the weak.
Author newbby Posted June 11, 2005 Author Posted June 11, 2005 thanks jj, he is, at this moment desperately trying to talk to me. i really do want to keep a friendship, for me that works, for now. i guess it takes a while to transform things into a friendship but i would feel far better to cut off all contact or have less contact, once a friendship has been established. these relationships can become so devoid of trust all round that i think getting things friendly is just nicer really.
Author newbby Posted June 11, 2005 Author Posted June 11, 2005 ok westernxr mr spock, i see what you are saying, i'm sure that if he carries on behaving as he is there is no chance whatsoever for friendship, i'm beginning to wonder anyway since the whole thing has always been about one thing only for him whereas i had more depth and layers in my feelings. i am starting to wonder whether trying to become friends was a good idea at all, how do i cut him off in a friendly manner now for instance?
Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Why are you so concerned about him, him, him?? Grab a pair and just delete him. The ONLY reason he is friendly towards you is either he wants to keep banging you (that's not flattery either) or he wants to make sure you won't f*ck his life up.
westernxer Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Married Man wants to please everyone... and he's good at it, too.
Mr Spock Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 No, MM wants to please himself. And he's good at it.
Author newbby Posted June 11, 2005 Author Posted June 11, 2005 No, MM wants to please himself. And he's good at it. true! true! i do realise spock that those are the only reasons he is friendly to me, i still think though that this was much safer for me. i am able to see what his behaviour is all geared toward now that i can see it from this distance. really i am quite sure that i would have fallen into it had he just turned up. i then thought a friendship would be preferable to the quite unpleasant break. now however i am not too sure whether there is a purpose to the contact anymore, i am not sure whether he will settle down or whether he will become only more determined to "bang" me, if it is the latter that is abit worrying, i cant be bothered with a pest.
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