ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 [font=times new roman][/font][color=blue] I Really need some advice! I was dating this guy for 2 months and we had gotten really close to eachotyher and even talked about marriage (I'm 22 and he's 28) and he was always telling me how he was so afraid to open up to me cause he was afraid of getting hurt (he had been really hurt in a past rel'n). He told me that he loved me more than anyone and was always asking me not to hurt him cause he loves me so much and is so afraid. Well, the other day out of no where (serioulsy from one day to the next and we had seen eachother everyday) he breaks up with me and says that it is for the best! I was crying and crying cause we were so close and he just turned his emotions off...he only shed one tear and then got upset when I seen him cry! So I had to get my stuff I had a t his house but the one thing he didn't give back was this lamb stuffed animal that I had bought and always used to hug...as a joke...I thought forsure he would give that back!\ All of my friends (guys included who have done the same thing to their gf's) have said that he is just getting scared of being so close to me especially since he is so scared about being hurt and letting me into his trust and emotions... ****Also- when I was leaving his house he asked me about 20 times if I was going to call him in 2 weeks to see how he felt? I finally told him he could call me if he wanted to talk and he said he may delete my number from his cell phone or else he will be calling and bothering me too much?*** So what should I do? What is he thinking if he keeps my stuffed animal I thought he would have returened and asks me to call him? It seems like he was too proud to admit that maybe we shouldn't be breaking up? THANKS SO MUCH!
Merin Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Merins Guess... He'll call you before 2 weeks is up... Sounds like he is freaking out about getting close and is now being a retard about it... Him asking you to call him... yeah I'm sure he would love that... don't make it that easy for him.. sit on your hands and do other things, don't call him. He'll call you.. I really think so. Hang in therem;)
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Seems afraid. He obviously doesn't want to give you up completely by keep the stuffed animal. he wasn't to keep a part of you near him. But I think you should wait longer than 2 months before talking about marriage. A little hasty in my book. What happens if you did marry him, You'd be divorced already. Plus your young, you have your whole life. I'm sorry I'm preaching but I CANT STAND When young girls get married b/c they think that the puppy love stage is actual love. Maybe thats what you think you have..actual love. But in reality the relationship is still new and your in love with being in love. Get me? Why would you want to be with a guy whose this scared anyway? Give it 2 weeks. Don't call him, talk to him email him write him ANYTHING! If you do, he knows he's got you by the nipples. I bet in 2 weeks You won't wan HIM anymore! Good Luck hun
Author ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Author Posted April 29, 2005 [font=times new roman][/font][color=blue][/color] Thanks for the advice- that's what others told me that he is scared and NOT to call him because then he's WON! I think I need to give him the chance to miss me a little bit and realize that I was good to him.... and if he doesn't then he's stupid!!!!!!!!!
Merin Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin [font=times new roman][/font][color=blue][/color] Thanks for the advice- that's what others told me that he is scared and NOT to call him because then he's WON! I think I need to give him the chance to miss me a little bit and realize that I was good to him.... and if he doesn't then he's stupid!!!!!!!!! Exactly
Author ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Author Posted April 29, 2005 [color=darkblue][/color] It just hurts so much cause we spent everyday together and now I haven't seen him in a few! And he was acting sooo distant and cold when it happened like he wouldn't even feel bad or make eye contact and had lame excuses. But the next day he was all asking me to call him like he was too proud to admit that maybe this wasn't the best idea... And he had a friend who did the same thing to his gf and then missed her and know they're back together--- but his friend was saying how good it was cause he go9t the chance to realize if he really loved her or not! And now THEY're back together! I am just so angry that he would be so weird about this--- I know he was hurt in the past and always expressed how he was falling for me and it scared him!!! Will he really call me??????????????????????
Merin Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin [color=darkblue][/color] It just hurts so much cause we spent everyday together and now I haven't seen him in a few! And he was acting sooo distant and cold when it happened like he wouldn't even feel bad or make eye contact and had lame excuses. But the next day he was all asking me to call him like he was too proud to admit that maybe this wasn't the best idea... And he had a friend who did the same thing to his gf and then missed her and know they're back together--- but his friend was saying how good it was cause he go9t the chance to realize if he really loved her or not! And now THEY're back together! I am just so angry that he would be so weird about this--- I know he was hurt in the past and always expressed how he was falling for me and it scared him!!! Will he really call me?????????????????????? Erin (I love that name, it's my youngest babies name) He will call you... Trust me on this... he will BUT don't you call him okay?!
Author ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Author Posted April 29, 2005 [font=times new roman][/font][color=black][/color] Thanks so much for the advice Merin! You are a total sweetheart! It makes me feel better to know you think he will call and he's just being stupid! I hope he comes to realize that he did something wrong! When I was leaving I told him "One of these days, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one of these days you're going to miss me!" and he was all like "I'm sure I will"! Guys are morons sometimes.... BTW- Erin is a great name- not very common but very cute! Thanks so much!
Merin Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin [font=times new roman][/font][color=black][/color] Thanks so much for the advice Merin! You are a total sweetheart! It makes me feel better to know you think he will call and he's just being stupid! I hope he comes to realize that he did something wrong! When I was leaving I told him "One of these days, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one of these days you're going to miss me!" and he was all like "I'm sure I will"! Guys are morons sometimes.... BTW- Erin is a great name- not very common but very cute! Thanks so much! You're Welcome I just went through something kind of like this... I didn't call him, left his silly a** alone and he called me. Wanted to work things out.. Fear (on his part a big reason things went the way they did in breakin up) Your BF will call you Girl.. just leave him alone (this is going to be the key) Erin is a great name! LOL It means Ireland... My daughter is Irish.. so there ya go
Author ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Author Posted April 29, 2005 [font=times new roman][/font][color=indigo][/color] You're exactly right! Like you left his butt alone- he was scared- but probably even more scared when you weren't calling him like he thought you might....then they come crawling back and realize what they had! It just hurts so badly in the mean time waiting to see if they will call or when they will call- I told him that I wasn't going to call also in case he met someone new and he said "I wasn't planning on that at all"...and then asked me to call again... It just seems like guys go through these crisises when they let themselves get too close to their gf's...they get scared about falling to deep, having their buddies bug them about being whipped, and especially about commitment...but instead of doing what women would do and talk it through...they freak and bolt! The hardest thing will be not calling...
Merin Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin [font=times new roman][/font][color=indigo][/color] You're exactly right! Like you left his butt alone- he was scared- but probably even more scared when you weren't calling him like he thought you might....then they come crawling back and realize what they had! It just hurts so badly in the mean time waiting to see if they will call or when they will call- I told him that I wasn't going to call also in case he met someone new and he said "I wasn't planning on that at all"...and then asked me to call again... It just seems like guys go through these crisises when they let themselves get too close to their gf's...they get scared about falling to deep, having their buddies bug them about being whipped, and especially about commitment...but instead of doing what women would do and talk it through...they freak and bolt! The hardest thing will be not calling... Well think of it this way Erin.. heard the song "Don't speak" by No Doubt? Why would you want to call his silly a** just to hear him tell you things you don't want to hear right? If you don't go away he won't be able to miss you ya know? Of course it hurts honey.. you thought things were okay and good to go... and sadly enough there isn't a lot you can do on your own you know? IF you're important to him (and I believe you are based on what he said regarding call me call me) he will call you and make things right with you... BUT when he does (and he will) the 2 of you need to talk, really talk about where your at...
Author ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Author Posted April 29, 2005 [font=times new roman][/font][color=blue][/color] Don't Speak- exactly- right now he is confused and telling me things I know I don't want to hear...I'll bet he is feeling like he has to be the tough man and just wait it out...I wonder if in a week or so I should just send him a text message to his cell telling him to call if he misses me....maybe this is some kind of test?
wow Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 he is not serious about your relatoionship so act cool and do nc and see what happens.
Author ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Author Posted April 29, 2005 Akk...he always talked about getting married though and how much he would love to see me as hiw wife and stuff...but I think his friends were bugging him (they're all married too) and he was also afriad of being hurt again (he was betrayed once before)... I think he is freaking because we moved to fast and now he needs a step back...but it hurts so bad to be on the receiving end of this!!!!!
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 7, 2005 Author Posted May 7, 2005 Okay so he called and said maybe we shouldn't talk cause it is too hard on both of us....then he spends the next day walking around in front of my work at the mall? He kept looking in to see if I was there and like he was expecting me to come running out and see him!!!! And then he sends in some of the people he was with to gawk at me!!! What is up??????????
Merin Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin Okay so he called and said maybe we shouldn't talk cause it is too hard on both of us....then he spends the next day walking around in front of my work at the mall? He kept looking in to see if I was there and like he was expecting me to come running out and see him!!!! And then he sends in some of the people he was with to gawk at me!!! What is up?????????? OMG Girl he's how old? LOL For real.. he needs to grow the hell up and either be the Man in your life or get lost! You don't need this.. ugh what drama!
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 I know!!! He's 28 and acting the way a 13 year old might if I had broken up with them (watching me work at the mall!!!) I just don't understand cause if he doesn't want to be with me then leave me the heck alone!!! I have begun to think that he had wanted some sort of reaction to the "Let's not talk" phone call. I also expect that he thought when I seen him at the mall I would go running up to him all like "Who are you with? I love you baby...etc.etc."... I am not acting like he expects me to act (by not caving into what he is doing, and it is bothering him...I hope he thinks that I may be getting over him? Any thoughts?
Merin Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin I know!!! He's 28 and acting the way a 13 year old might if I had broken up with them (watching me work at the mall!!!) I just don't understand cause if he doesn't want to be with me then leave me the heck alone!!! I have begun to think that he had wanted some sort of reaction to the "Let's not talk" phone call. I also expect that he thought when I seen him at the mall I would go running up to him all like "Who are you with? I love you baby...etc.etc."... I am not acting like he expects me to act (by not caving into what he is doing, and it is bothering him...I hope he thinks that I may be getting over him? Any thoughts? Good Girl.. LOL don't call him! Honestly 28 years old WTF! LOL My BF is 29 and though he can be immature himself Good God! LOL but he also has kids so maybe that makes a difference... I'm sure your behaviour is buggin him.. BUT is it bothering him ENOUGH ya know? Time will tell... leave him alone.. he said he wanted to talk to you right.. so let him be an adult and come to you to do so...
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 I know- I just hope that he is missing me enough to want to do something about it- even though maybe his pride won't let him...That's why I think he was trying to get my attention so badly when I was at work- so that I would be the one to talk to HIM and he wouldn't have to come to me... A lady I work with knows him and said that before he walked away (from his friends and watching me), that he kinda waved at where I was in a mean manner like he was pi**ed off that I wouldn't acknowledge him... I just didn't want to come running out of work in front of his friends cause that would have been an ego boost for him and maybe he would have taken advantage of that...I just don't know...I seriously thought that by leaving that message about not talking that he would/should avoid me so I wouldn't talk to him...but know I'm sure that he expected some sort of response to the whole thing and that he wanted me to talk to him at the mall...
Merin Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Well again Erin.. he's a 28 year old man.. Seriously I would be wondering IF I even wanted to talk to this Guy about anything.. LOL That is just so incredibly immature Honey... he's a grown man for GodSakes! Now if this was a junior hs thing then okay... I could see the whole check the box if you like me deal... but this is ridiculous! Wait this out sister... for real IF he had ANY pride he wouldn't have been lurking at the mall with his lame friends trying to get your attention... LOL When he calls you again and ask's if the 2 of you can talk (and if you haven't decided by then that he's lame and you don't want too LOL) Then tell him if he would like to talk like 2 adults then okay...
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 I know- I want to send him this letter I wrote- nothing sappy- just saying that I jmiss him but am not waiting around for him and will not be contacting him any further... He is just sending me such mixed signals because if he wants nc with me then don't show up where you know I'll be and then look around for me--- that's just provoking me... What about the letter though? It is not sappy and I feel like I need to just let him know that I am not chasing him anymore but I want to send it cause I still have some sh*t to say...then that will be it for me....???????
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Okay News-- so I had one missed call on my cell and it was from the Clown (as my friend so affectionately calls him)...It is exactly 2 weeks since we broke up (remember the "call me in 2 weeks thing?")... But the message is so lame... "Hi Erin, I don 't want to bother you too much, it's just me (BTW He's no longer the "ME" in my life- he gave that up)..."I was just wondering about those candles that my mother ordered from your candle party...if you have a chance please call me back..." OKAY- hold on one minute- so he instates NC between us because it is "too hard" for both of us and then he is calling and stalking me at work.... Grow UP!!!! Any thoughts??????????? You said this would happen Merin!
YouGotServed Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Well again Erin.. he's a 28 year old man.. If you think 28 is bad, my ex was 24 and she laughed with her other best friends about how she broke up with me. They were going to play a prank on me to make me feel worse. Your right Merin, this is not high school anymore, these are inmature adults who need therapy.....
beta alpha Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 From what I've read, I would be very wary of this guy. I know you care a lot about him and the fact that he's admitted to you that he's scared shows some degree of opening up. However, in my experience, men who do this kind of thing are playing emotional mind games with you. He sounds deeply insecure and wants to get power back by having you come after him. I think the advice from the others is very valid - Let him call you!! If he really cares about you and is wanting to make this work, he won't be sending his friends in after you and will take responsbility like a mature adult and tell you he wants you. he's a fool if he pushes someone wonderful away. Sorry if this is harsh advice, but i've been with men like this and because of their deep insecurities, they're likely to end up saving themselves at the expense of your genuine feelings. Be careful, the most important person you have to protect is yourself
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Thanks for the advice- I just don't know what to think because when I was trying to contact him he would always answer the phone and then talk- but be all nasty and tell me that he's alright and he'll get through this and that we don't need to be together... But since he left me the message about not talking cause it is too hard- I have left him alone- then all of the mall stalking and the LAME phone call about his mom's candle order (did he think I was just gonna keep her stupid candles- he could have got her to phone me since he was the one who said NC!)... But I know if I would have approached him at the mall then he would have been rude...and I have to call him back today about the candle thing (I didn't want to seem eager and call back yesterday)- I figured I'd let him wait for me to call cause I've been waiting everyday for him to call!!! Aout him being insecure- I really think he broke up with me partially because we had gotten too close and he is deathly afraid of being hurt after his exwife kicked him out and moved some other dude into thier lives...but that is NOT my fault and I cannot be hurt just because he has the broken wing so to speak!!! Should I call back today? Leave it for a few days? I think I should just be polite (or ask why he couldn't have asked about the candles when he was in the mall for 7 freaking hours the other day!!!!!!!!!!!) I love it- he is being such a dork and now I don't feel as bad about what has happened!!!
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