I called my crush today on the phone.

February 1, 2005

I just talked to her on the phone a hour ago. She was just getting out of her intern job though and had to study. She was nice and I asked her when shes coming down on the weekend sometime and she said she doesnt know when cause shes having a good time she said at school. So she said she couldnt really talk this week cause she had a test Thur and said she would call me. I asked her if she had my num still and she said she does. I told her if she does to call me cause I told her I want to go out to lunch or dinner with her. Again she wasnt rude though so I dont know if shes just trying to be friendly again with me and trying not to hurt my feelings or if shes really busy.

February 2, 2005

k so a 6-page thread wasn't enough to get the hint? I suspect this is just a post for attention.

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by blue17
k so a 6-page thread wasn't enough to get the hint? I suspect this is just a post for attention.

That thread was closed. I just want advice on how to go from here. I mean shes not saying no yet or hanging up on me so I guess there is still hope.

February 2, 2005

Dude Im not sure how old u are, I cant remember if u said in ur old post. Anyway, Im guessing this is the same girl u asked out awhile ago and then kept on bugging her until she finally told u to stop calling RIGHT ???

If it is I think it would be safe to say that u are getting very very close to crossing the line and becoming a stalker. Im not trying to be mean here or anything, but you have made ur intentions known. She knows u want to take her out STOP CALLING HER !!! If she wants U to take her out she will call U !!!!

DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN !!!!! She has given u the hint many times.

Its almost to the point that its scary and Im on the outside. I can only imagine what she is thinking !!! Im sure Im not the only one on this board that reads ur posts and feels the same way.

Dont call her anymore !! Period !!!

February 2, 2005

I dont understand why when I asked for her num at the begining she said she doesnt like to give her number out. I mean have you ever seen a girl who doesnt like to give her number out? I mean like when we were talking about going out I said "since you dont live that far I can just pick you up" and she said "Thats ok I can meet you there" THis is before I was really pushy. Could it be she wasnt so sure so she wanted to drive herself?

February 2, 2005

The more u post the more Im starting to think u are just playing around and acting stupid !

Alot of girls dont like to give out their numbers, for this very reason. If i remember correctly she didnt give u her number u got it from someone else right? Also girls dont like to let guys that they just met know where they live. Exactly for this reason also.......I can only imagine how u would act if u knew where she lived......lol.....ud probably be riding past her house every 30 minutes wouldnt you ??

Bro get a clue .....this girl doesnt like you .....so move on .....and theres noway u should be this obsessed with her .....U never even went out on a date !!!

Give me a break !

February 2, 2005

Hi Midwest guy,

Originally posted by Midwest guy
I dont understand why when I asked for her num at the begining she said she doesnt like to give her number out. I mean have you ever seen a girl who doesnt like to give her number out?

Yes, I don't give out my number to men if I don't want them to call me. I try to be vague about it, and say something like "I don't give out my number," because there's no need to be harsh with someone. My wish to not be too harsh should not be construed as an invitation to persist.

I mean like when we were talking about going out I said "since you dont live that far I can just pick you up" and she said "Thats ok I can meet you there" THis is before I was really pushy. Could it be she wasnt so sure so she wanted to drive herself?

No, it sounds to me like she was trying to minimize her interaction with you. She perhaps felt that, out of politeness, she had to agree to do something with you, but she wanted to restrict it as much as possible, in the hope of subtly conveying to you that she isn't interested in you.

Her attempts at subtlety obviously haven't worked with you.

Speaking as a single woman, I can tell you that nothing raises my hackles like men who force me to be bluntly rude with them about the fact that I don't want to date them. Politeness, whether from a man or a woman, should not be taken advantage of to insist on "giving someone a chance." People who are habitually polite typically feel very distressed when they are forced to abandon politeness and directly reject someone. When I have had to do that, it made me very very resentful of the person who was putting me in that situation. It did not earn my respect. It certainly did not make me want to given them a chance. It made me want to avoid them even more.

Just because you like her doesn't mean she owes you a chance. Just because you like her doesn't mean that, even if she did give you a chance, she would like you. If you really knew her, and really respected her, you would respect the fact that she isn't attracted to you. Attraction and interest have to be mutual; to persist where you've had no encouragement is just delusional. If she isn't attracted and interested enough to get to know you, then there is simply no way that you can get around that. You must accept the rejection, as everyone else has had to do at one point or another. I'm sorry to tell you this. I think you really really need to step back and revise the way you're looking at the situation. As many other posters have repeatedly told you, there is no hope for you with this girl.

Think of it this way: she doesn't have every quality that you're looking for, because she lacks the ability to appreciate the person that you are. Instead of trying to make her appreciate you, why don't you direct your energy towards finding someone who naturally sees your fine qualities, and appreciates them without you having to force yourself on them?

February 2, 2005

Midori,

That was one the most well written posts I have come across here.

Midwestguy, please take Midori's advice and move on. Also, you don't know enough about this girl to "like" her. It is just an infatuation in your head, not based on any actual meaningful experiences with her. I recommend printing out Midori's insightful response and keep it with you. Read it whenever you feel the urge to call her. Please respect her boundaries. Good luck to you!

Cliff Notes Version of This Message: Sorry she is not interested in you.

February 2, 2005

Hey Dude,

Plenty more fish in the sea.

Chin up.

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by Rasella
Midori,

That was one the most well written posts I have come across here.

Midwestguy, please take Midori's advice and move on. Also, you don't know enough about this girl to "like" her. It is just an infatuation in your head, not based on any actual meaningful experiences with her. I recommend printing out Midori's insightful response and keep it with you. Read it whenever you feel the urge to call her. Please respect her boundaries. Good luck to you!

Cliff Notes Version of This Message: Sorry she is not interested in you.

Might be right. She doesnt have a bf she said and she doesnt date. The way she sounds she doesnt want a relationship cause shes in school and only in town 4 months out of the year she told me. I mean how could she judge me if I didnt even take her out on a first date? Like last year her and a bunch of people at work hung out got drunk and went to a ball game but they didnt even invite me. It sucks at my age being lonely, no gf or anything.

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by Midwest guy
Might be right. She doesnt have a bf she said and she doesnt date. The way she sounds she doesnt want a relationship cause shes in school and only in town 4 months out of the year she told me.

You have no way of knowing if that's the reason, or even if it's really true that she doesn't date. The only thing you know is that she doesn't want to date you.

I mean how could she judge me if I didnt even take her out on a first date?

Because she's not attracted to you, and the little bit that she does about know you hasn't made her want to get to know you better.

Yes, it hurts and that sucks, but that is life. There is nothing more to rationalize about. It is the way it is. That's just how things go: sometimes one person feels something when the other person doesn't.

Like last year her and a bunch of people at work hung out got drunk and went to a ball game but they didnt even invite me. It sucks at my age being lonely, no gf or anything.

That is too bad, and I'm sorry that your co-workers don't seem to be sensitive to the fact that they are excluding you. I can understand if the one person at work who showed you a bit of kindness took on special significance for you, but that doesn't mean that you are significant to her. She's just a naturally polite person.

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by midori
You have no way of knowing if that's the reason, or even if it's really true that she doesn't date. The only thing you know is that she doesn't want to date you.

Because she's not attracted to you, and the little bit that she does about know you hasn't made her want to get to know you better.

Yes, it hurts and that sucks, but that is life. There is nothing more to rationalize about. It is the way it is. That's just how things go: sometimes one person feels something when the other person doesn't.

That is too bad, and I'm sorry that your co-workers don't seem to be sensitive to the fact that they are excluding you. I can understand if the one person at work who showed you a bit of kindness took on special significance for you, but that doesn't mean that you are significant to her. She's just a naturally polite person.

Could it be my fault in part cause I was pushy with her? At first she showed some interest and when I bought her a xmas present she hugged me. THen she says Im too pushy with her. Like one of the guys at work wanted to know if I wanted to go bowling with them cause some of the guys bowl but I didnt have any money on me and then he ribbed me "yea cause you bought a 20 dollar gift card" They are aways joking how I cant buy a girl lol. They are just joking though and all. Really thought this girl doesnt date much. Her friend who used to play on the same team at college said that she never likes giving her number to guys even at school. Could that mean shes paranoid?

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by Midwest guy
Could it be my fault in part cause I was pushy with her? At first she showed some interest and when I bought her a xmas present she hugged me. THen she says Im too pushy with her. Like one of the guys at work wanted to know if I wanted to go bowling with them cause some of the guys bowl but I didnt have any money on me and then he ribbed me "yea cause you bought a 20 dollar gift card" They are aways joking how I cant buy a girl lol. They are just joking though and all. Really thought this girl doesnt date much. Her friend who used to play on the same team at college said that she never likes giving her number to guys even at school. Could that mean shes paranoid?

Stop speculating. She doesn't want to date you. End of story. Really. Really. End Of Story. No further speculations, rationalizations, what-if's, how-about's, or but's are necessary. You cannot change it. You must move on. You don't know her, anything you guess about her is only a guess and doesn't mean anything. The one thing you know for sure is that she doesn't want to date you. That's all that matters.

February 2, 2005

Its just not fair. I feel down and rejected.

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by Midwest guy
Its just not fair. I feel down and rejected.

I know that feeling. I'm sorry you're going through it, but I think everyone does at some point. It's not pleasant, but it doesn't last. The sooner you stop focusing on it and trying to change it, the sooner you won't feel so down about it. Hang in there.

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by midori
I know that feeling. I'm sorry you're going through it, but I think everyone does at some point. It's not pleasant, but it doesn't last. The sooner you stop focusing on it and trying to change it, the sooner you won't feel so down about it. Hang in there.

So what should I do if she does call me back?

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by Midwest guy
So what should I do if she does call me back?

It will be a pleasant surprise if she calls you back. Don't count on it, don't look for it, dont' even set yourself up to continue to think about her by preparing for what to do if she calls you back. Just let it go -- chances are very good that she will never call you.

February 2, 2005

Originally posted by midori
It will be a pleasant surprise if she calls you back. Don't count on it, don't look for it, dont' even set yourself up to continue to think about her by preparing for what to do if she calls you back. Just let it go -- chances are very good that she will never call you.

Could be right. Then again she might of didnt want to hurt me. I told her I want to take her to lunch next time she comes down. Even if I do go to lunch/dinner should I consider it really a date or just more of a friendly thing?

February 2, 2005

All the adivce seems pretty good you guys have given me. When I call her I told her lunch so that way it doesnt sound as romantic and pressure. Thing is if I do take her to lunch should I like try to hold her hand, get all lovey dove with her or would that not be a good thing on a lunch date?

February 2, 2005

I really wouldn't be worrying about that right now, Midwest guy. Don't worry about what you're going to do on your lunch date. Because chances are, there will never be one. If she liked you, she would be calling you at least 2-3 times a week. At least. She would also be much more thorough when making this supposed "lunch" date with you. She would have given you a time and place, approximately. She would have said, "When should we do it?" And it looks like she didn't.

I am sorry if I sound harsh, but I have had this happen to me. Reversed. It is the world's most ANNOYING thing to be pursued when you have absolutely no interest in that person. She seems to be a very good hearted, polite individual, and she should not be taken advantage of because of this. Please back off and stop thinking about her, stop calling her, and stop pursuing her, otherwise I see two words that will be very apparent in your future:

Restraining Order.

<3 adria

February 3, 2005

Originally posted by zilverenvlinder
I really wouldn't be worrying about that right now, Midwest guy. Don't worry about what you're going to do on your lunch date. Because chances are, there will never be one. If she liked you, she would be calling you at least 2-3 times a week. At least. She would also be much more thorough when making this supposed "lunch" date with you. She would have given you a time and place, approximately. She would have said, "When should we do it?" And it looks like she didn't.

I am sorry if I sound harsh, but I have had this happen to me. Reversed. It is the world's most ANNOYING thing to be pursued when you have absolutely no interest in that person. She seems to be a very good hearted, polite individual, and she should not be taken advantage of because of this. Please back off and stop thinking about her, stop calling her, and stop pursuing her, otherwise I see two words that will be very apparent in your future:

Restraining Order.

<3 adria

No. When I call her shes polite with me and ask me how Im doing also. Reminder shes two hours away so its not like she can plan something the next day you know.

February 3, 2005

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Ha sorry, I had to.

Midwest guy, I bet you are a caring, sweet, well-intentioned person and I hope things go well for you. However, if I received a phone call from someone I was not interested in, out of sheer politeness I would ask him how he was doing as well. It's common courtesy. It's politeness. I'm sorry.

February 3, 2005

Originally posted by zilverenvlinder
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Ha sorry, I had to.

Midwest guy, I bet you are a caring, sweet, well-intentioned person and I hope things go well for you. However, if I received a phone call from someone I was not interested in, out of sheer politeness I would ask him how he was doing as well. It's common courtesy. It's politeness. I'm sorry.

Then why does she say she will call me back then? I mean shes polite, cute, and at the same time can be stern. I like her personality and thats why I at least want a shot at her.

February 3, 2005

Midwest :

Dude who cares what she says !!! Dont call her again ........wait and see if she calls u....which probably wont happen.

Like I said before there is no reason for u to be acting like this when u havent even gone out on a date with her. And even then it wouldnt be cool !

Seriously Bro forget about her and try to find another lady.....otherwise ur going down a road that leads straight to jail if u keep on bothering her !!! TRUST ME !!!

February 3, 2005

Originally posted by daboyz
Midwest :

Dude who cares what she says !!! Dont call her again ........wait and see if she calls u....which probably wont happen.

Like I said before there is no reason for u to be acting like this when u havent even gone out on a date with her. And even then it wouldnt be cool !

Seriously Bro forget about her and try to find another lady.....otherwise ur going down a road that leads straight to jail if u keep on bothering her !!! TRUST ME !!!

Well when I asked her out she said sure. She should have said she wasnt interested in me then.

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