Girlfriend needs some time, don't know what to do.

[Frylock]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over six months now. She is turning 18 and is a senior in highschool... and I am 19, a sophomore in college. Before I left for the summer, her and I always hung out and had such a good time, we loved being with eachother so much... she always had a glow to her when she was around me. I went away for the summer for work, but called her every day and talked for hours on end. Her mom tells me that nights I didn't call she would worry about why I hadn't... and that other guys tried to get involved with her and she chased them off. That made me happy to know she cared about me so much.

 

When I got back, we were so stoked to see eachother again, we hung out and had a blast like always. When I came up to her town for college, her parents invited me to stay at the house to provide a more "homey" atmosphere... I hate staying in my single dorm room and all... and it was nice to have a real dinner. So I started staying at her place, and I think I stayed a little too much for her. Things were really awesome for the first week, week and a half. After that she started acting wierd, and I thought that it was something I did, and so I started acting wierd also. I got her some roses and told her I was sorry for how I had been acting lately, and told her I was just scared of losing her.

 

That was fine and dandy.. so a few days go by and I'm talking to her about our future (bad move!!). I really think I scared her, talking about us being together and all. I know she likes being with me, but she has a lot of plans for her future, and I don't think she's sure about what she wants to do. When I was staying at her house, most of the time we just "hung out" and didn't really leave much -- I was perfectly content with that, but I think she resented that we didn't go do things like we used to... but she is very shy about expressing what she feels, and never told me until it was too late.

 

Just yesterday, things were getting awkward and I told her I was gonna go ahead and go back to the dorms (something I was planning on doing, not a spur of the moment decision) and she said goodbye and she loves me, and gave me a kiss and all that. Then when I get there we end up talking on the phone, and she tells me she isn't sure if she can stay in this relationship. I ask her why and she said she is scared about the future, and wishes I could just live in the moment and not try and plan out tomorrow (metaphorically speaking). She said she was still young and didn't think she would get to experience all the things that she thinks she should.... and told me that we need "some time apart."

 

So of course, all today I've just been broken, sick to my stomach, I haven't eaten in 30 hours. I feel like total crap, because I was so in love with this girl, and it just hurts so much that she doesn't want to be with me right now. I called her mom this morning after not sleeping the entire night, and she told me that she stayed up with her for a while last night talking with her, and that she told her mom that she wasn't sure what she wanted and that she just felt pressured by the relationship. I know that she loves me, and she knows I love her... but she doesn't want to think about the future right now, because it scares her that we might have to leave eachother for a period of time (she might go to college out of state... isn't sure yet).

 

So I thought about it, and figured that she feels cornered by me, and thinks I'm trying to get her to make decisions right now as opposed to crossing the bridge when we come to it. In a way I was, but it's because I honestly thought that's what she wanted to hear. She had always been the more serious one in the relationship, so I wanted to tell her things so she knew I was serious about it too... but I believe I go too serious for her, and did myself in only trying to please her. I called her tonight and explained to her what happened and that we are both young and don't have to know what we want, and that we shouldn't throw out what we have just because we are scared. But she told me that she needs some time apart, but doesn't want to lose touch with me.

 

She says she wants to still be friends and hang out (which is going to be so hard). Her mom tells me that she thinks she will want to get back together with me after she gets some things sorted out... her life is cluttered right now, and I think me staying at her house was a crucial mistake. She isn't the type of girl to tell me to leave, because she thinks it will hurt my feelings. So anyway, her mom tells me that it will work out, and everything will be okay, because we both have feelings for eachother that are very strong, and that she just needs to have some alone time.

 

I'm glad that she still wants to be friends, but how should I act around her? I don't want her to think that I'm trying to beg her to get back into a relationship... and I'm not going to beg her. If she doesn't want it right now, I won't force it on her, because that will only drive her further away. I think I should just be myself around her, and ask her to do things a few times a week, and maybe have dinner at her house here and there. I just miss being with her so much because I'm so used to her always being there... it hurts to know that she might be out there with some other guy, even though she tells me that there isn't anyone else that "she loves." I don't think she wants to date another guy, I just think she needs time to think, and sort things out. It just kind of scares me because she told me "it scares me to think I may never date another guy." -- heh. I don't think she is really interested in anyone, and I don't think she is out to hurt me. Her mom says that she didn't say anything about another guy either... so I don't think that's what this is about.

 

So what I'm asking, is what should I do? I don't want her to think that I'm becoming real close with her mom, and then she'll group me in that category with her. I mean, yes it's cool to know her mom is helping me out; but at the same time I don't want my "ex" to think that I'm annoying or anything by talking with her mother. Next question is what should I do about my ex? Should I call her and ask her to do things? I mean she said she wants to be friends, and I talked to her tonight online and it seemed like she enjoyed talking with me. I just think she wants things to go back to how they were before I left --- and honestly that's what I want too. The only reason I talked about the future and stuff is because I thought that's what she wanted... stupid mistake.

 

But yeah. I just don't know how to handle this, or what to think of it. How should I act around her? How much attention should I give her (I don't want to smother her again, she needs space and time)? What sort of thoughts do you think are going through her head, what is she feeling about this (annoyed? bothered? sad??) -- she cried last night but when I talked to her today she seemed so indiferent towards it all, like it was all fine and dandy. Does she want things to work out between us? She said she loved me tonight when she went to bed... I just don't know.

 

Please help! Thanks!

[Mundy]

Hi,

I know exactly what you are going through my friend. It happened to me about six months ago. I made the mistake of trying to get back with my ex and not giving her space. I will pass on the advice i was goven.

If you give her space and she comes back to you, it will last. If she does not well then you have closure.

Giving her space is a hell of a lot harder i know because when anything happnes you want to pick up the phone and tell her. You wonder what she is doing ! Is she missing you and you just want to hold her.

The only thing i can tell you is to be careful. My mistakes were that i still acted like i was dating her. Going out to the movies, walks and all that ! It is very diffucult. Looking back i should not have done it but i loved her so much just like you love your girl.

Anyway you have to try and move on, but at the same time dont close the door on it. What i am foing is trying to move on but still have some contact with the ex. We have kissed a lot since we broke up and that is the worst ! Be careful not to fall into that, as it is hard to say no but it has to be on the right terms.

Anyway my advice may not be right, as i need advice too !! But anyway just to let you know there are others in the same boat as you.

Good luck

 

P.S by the way i am not giving up on my ex, i will get her back !

[Frylock]

I just wish I knew if she missed me... but I'm pretty sure she doesn't right now. I just don't understand it, she was so happy just a week ago, and now she wants to be away from me. What's worse are the thoughts that she might start fooling around with some other guy to try and get that "excited" feeling back. Will that feeling ever come back with us if we get back together? I just don't know... I'm scared to think I've lost her.

[Frylock]

Tonight she is going to a football game, a dance, and a party afterwards. It hurts because I was going to be going to these things with her and now suddenly, I'm not. There had been a change in her schedule as well, lately she has been giving people rides home from school, making her show up late. I sat outside one day just thinking about things, and I saw her car drive by... 15 minutes later it drove by again, 15 minutes later it drove by again... and finally she came home, almost an hour late. It leads me to believe she was sitting in her car driving around talking with another guy, in fact I know that's what was going on. I just don't know if she's interested in someone else, or what, and doesn't want to tell me because she's scared she will hurt me. If she wants to go separate ways I wish she would just tell me and not leave me hanging in the middle.

 

Should I just break off contact with her and find someone else? I don't want to do that, because I know that she will probably find someone else, and that is the worst part. I just hope she isn't happy with him.

 

edit:

It's like she wants to be friends still. She invited me to dinner for Sunday night with her family and some of her friends. She said she wants to be friends and see what happens. I'm just so worried that she is interested in someone else though! What do I do? I can't ask her... I don't want to go behind her back and talk to her parents about it... I just wish I knew what she was thinking! Is she just trying to hold on to me? Should I just tell her I'm leaving? Should I get a new girlfriend and show her I'm OK without her, maybe make her jealous? I don't want her to hurt, but it just bothers me so much that she shows no emotion toward me anymore.