expos Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 be HONEST.... If a guy is has a good personality, is good looking/cute, has a nice job, seems very together..... but has never been married and has 2-year old child from a previous girlfriend.... would you date him or be completely turned off by him???
Fayebelle Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Date him- but it would take me a looooong time to begin a relationship w/the child. I don't believe in BF/GF coming in and out of children's lives. Also- his level of attention and care for his child would have a HUGE impact on how I view him. Don't even consider asking me out if you are a dead beat dad!
YellowLioness Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 ANNND he expected me to be a role model. I'm really not that mature yet, nor am I ready to be anyone's role model! So, if a guy had a baby, I'd probably refrain from dating him. Bad past experiences ruin it for the next guy, I know!
Author expos Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 well...here's my situation....I'm that guy (oh, and the good looking thing..take it with a grain of salt ). I love my son dearly...but I'm about to embark on dating again and I have no idea what I'm in for. Sometimes, I feel as if I don't a have a legitimate shot getting a date because some women see that as too much baggage.
arnicka Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Tricky one. Being single, young & childless I'd be hesitant to enter the relationship. Definitely wouldn't think any less of the guy, but would definitely worry about how my interactions w/him affected the child. If it were the type of dating situation where it would be just him and I on our dates and the child wouldn't enter the picture (maybe be at a sitter's or day care etc) then I'd see no problem in doing so. If I met the child as a "friend" of their father's I'd be comfortable with that; wouldn't be comfortable going on dates w/the kid and his dad though. But, if the relationship progressed and there was "staying power" to it, I would be comfortable becoming a part of the child's life. I mean after all, if you love the parent you have to love the child, no matter how much of a trial it is; otherwise you're just at risk for doing some damage to their relationship. Yea it's a tricky one, but it can be worked through. I definitely wouldn't see the child as a handicap...maybe this question depends on the age of the kid and their willingness to welcome an "outsider" into their life.
Fayebelle Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Everyone has a deal breaker- if a new woman's deal breaker is kids- she's not meant for the 2 of you. YL had a point though- you do have to consider a woman's role in your child's life too. If you have a skanky 1 nter over- make sure your kid is w/your ex. I think men who are good father's are attractive- my BF now lived w/a woman and her 2 kids and if it wasn't for her he'd still see them now- I think that's sexy.
YellowLioness Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 She does have a point. The whole one night stand things can really mess with a kid. When I saw (we'll call him Tony) Tony, his son Tyler told me horror stories of all the girls he had had over in the past. I worked with one of them, and she was horrible! This was one of the many reasons that I broke up with him. He's just a horrible dad. He sold pot in front of his boy. I do smoke it, but I believe that children should not have to be subjected to the underbelly of dealing.
Fayebelle Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Just Teasing! No YL- I am quite positive all of your 1 ntrs were all about class Really though- that guy was an obvious "Don't" in my book for dating dads (due out this X-mas makes a great stocking stuffer!) Once you have a child- their needs, physical AND emotional, should always come 1st
Author expos Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 Well...my son is with my ex-girlfriend. We have joint custody...and I actually get along with my ex-girlfriend quite well. We've made it a point to talk hlghly of eachother to our son, despite our relationship not working out. We have to on with life and not be bitter about whats happened. Believe me, my dates will not meet my son until they've shown to me that they want to have a relationship. I'm probably going to go through a lot of ups and downs in the dating game for the next couple of years....and their is no guarantee that I've ever find the girl I'm looking for. This particular girl that I might have a date with in two weeks is one that I've thought about for the last 6 years, so my date won't necessarily be a "date", but more of a meeting. I just want to find out more about her...because I know nothing about her personally at this point. If nothing comes of it...I'll live.
savethedrama4allama Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Personally it would depend on what kind of relationship you had with the child's mother. The child is no problem with me, but its mother would have to be totally out of the picture, and only in contact with the you for matters concerning the child. If she was immature, manipulative, or got in my face for any reason, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. I'm sure you will have no problem provided your relationship with the ex is in the correct spot. Good luck to you!
Fayebelle Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Good Luck! If nothing else you SOUND prepared for the dating scene
Bubbles Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 When I started dating again after my separation I had two criterias that had to be met before I would even consider dating a fellow. #1 They had to have been married already or in a "live-in" relationship with the childs Mother. #2 They had to have children. These were absolute for me......I'll explain why. If I meet someone who has not been part of either of these things then they will never truly understand MY life. I never expect someone to understand my life unless they have lived a similar one. The person has to understand that I have an ex-husband whom the new man will meet and will come in contact with myself and the children on a regular basis. Most people who have never been married with children do not handle that type of situation very well. You don't need someone pulling jealousy trips on you because of your past. I think it would be best if you dated a "single Mom" with whom you can share the joys/worries of your child WITH you. You can have "afternnon dates" to get the children together to play and that would give you a chance to view this woman WITH her children. How a person acts with their children is a true example of who they are as people. Do not attempt to make physical contact with this lady in front of the children! Remember......there is a time and a place for everything and in front of the children is neither the time nor the place. Any chance that this woman would have at being accpeted by the children will get thrown out the window if the kids even see you holding hands or hugging. Just my humble opinion, Bubbles
Author expos Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 OK...so here's the situation This girl has no idea who I am! So it leads me to this question: What would you think if some guy (you have no idea who they are) called you out of the blue one day and asked you for date? Also, where would you guys want to meet? (I'm thinking a coffee shop or a public place to sit a talk.) And finally...would make the best impression on a girl? Clothes, etc.....anything that would help me chances?
Fayebelle Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Did you meet online??? Don't think I'd say yes- but if she does... DEFINATELY a public place. Clean and neat clothes - I dunno try NOT to look like a serial killer!
Author expos Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 I've never met her either...here's how it happened: I've been attracted to this girl that I last saw about 4 years ago. We were both college athletes on different sports teams. I played football...she played soccer. She's 24 and I'm 25 now. I've always had this odd fascination with her. I'd say it was a slight crush . At the time I was dating somebody else (and had a baby with her), so she was completely off limits to me. I've never spoken to this girl, so I believe she has no idea who I am. She has now transferred a different school and I have not seen this girl since 2000. It is now 2004 and I have located her phone number. But it's her family's phone number in her hometown. I have the feeling she'll graduate soon and I'll never get my chance to meet her. For some reason, I've been drawn to this girl...and I don't even know her. The desire to dial her home phone number and ask how I would go about contacting her at school is pretty strong...but a daunting task. I have no guarantees that a relationship will work between us, but no one can kill me for at least making the attempt. Life seems just too short these days...and I have to figure out the reason why I've thought about her in what seems like ages. She goes to a school where a close friend of mine also goes...so their is some security there. My biggest obstacle is that I'll have to talk to a family member of her's first...and if I'm lucky...they'll relay the message to her that I called. Yep...this sounds crazy....any advice?
Fayebelle Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 So you know her name.... How did you get her #? Do you have Anyone in common (friends, classmates, etc...) Personally - if I had NO IDEA who you were and you called me out of the blue- after tracking me down- I'd be SUPER SPOOKED. Sorry- that's just me. If you have someone in common- go that route.
Author expos Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 We have nobody who serves as a mutual friend. I know one girl that played on her soccer team...and she might know me. I got her hometown number through the "People Search" option on Yahoo. Is their any way to come across not so "spooky"?
alicia24 Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 I would date him, but i would be very cautious. I just got out of a relationship where my boyfriend had a 6 year old daughter. We got along great and his daughter really liked me but there was so much drama with his baby's mama that i finally came to my breaking point. She would use the kid against him and he would feel so guilty for being happy with a new girlfriend. She would fill the kids head with untrue stories about him and I and he never really did anything to stop this. I realize that people are different, so just be aware that the girls you date are very aware of the kids mom and it can cause a lot of tension and stress.
Scangie Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 I totally agree with Fayebelle -- I don't think I would ever go out with a guy with absolutely no knowledge of him, even if it was to a public place. Is there any chance you could meet for drinks or coffee or something with a group of people (including people that she knows)? And then, if there is a spark, follow up with a one-on-one date. This is really brave of you -- good luck!
Fayebelle Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 You found her HOME # on Yahoo! That scares the crap out of me (not b/c of you but b/c some creepy crawly might take the same approach!) Did you by chance find an e-mail address for her? That may seem less threatning... Definately ask her to bring along someone she feels comfortable with- it may be less romantic but you won't have ANY romance if she is scared of you. I dunno- if you can't find any other resource- give it a try. What's she gonna say "Sorry guy I don't know- I won't go out w/you- please don't call again" No harm no foul.
Author expos Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 I'm afraid not...I would have gone that route already. My best bet is just meeting her somewhere like restaurant/coffee house. I don't see why this is any different than a blind date.
Fayebelle Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Originally posted by expos I'm afraid not...I would have gone that route already. My best bet is just meeting her somewhere like restaurant/coffee house. I don't see why this is any different than a blind date. B/C most blind dates have a known and trusted go- between. Internet friends that meet at least have some interaction before the phone- let alone a face to face meeting.
Bubbles Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 The difference being...........SHE does'nt know about it! Silly! You had better not scare her! Why don't you call her friend first? See what her friend says...rather than just calling her out of the blue. You know this could be totally taken out of context for you......you know that right? Call her friend first and see if she can help you arrange anything. 'Bubbles
Scangie Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 This is VERY different than a blind date! Do you know places she hangs out? Just bumping into her there & introducing yourself would seem less spooky than a phone call out of the blue from someone she doesn't know. At least then, she would have the opportunity to check you out. ETA: I just re-read your post re: having her home number, not her current number. Be prepared to be turned down by her family if you have to go that route -- I don't think my parents would give out my contact info if they didn't know who they were giving it to!
Author expos Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 OK...I think I found her email...and I've sent her a brief message. It may bounce back as "undeliverable: mailer daemon" but it was worth the try. Wish me luck...thanks for the advice!
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