tanbark813 Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Ok, I need some strategies to control my suspicion and baggage enough to not annoy my gf with unnecessary questions and accusations. I'm tired of letting past experiences with untrustworthy girlfriends negatively affect my current relationship. I'm not looking for high-level, philosophical advice like, "Trust her until proven otherwise". I'm looking for applicable strategies for actually being able to trust her. It's the whole "fake it 'til you make it" idea. One strategy I had in mind is that if I ever start to get that suspicious feeling in my gut I can simply ask myself, "If I trusted my gf fully, would I need to ask this question?". Things like that. Anyone out there have any useful methods for controlling paranoia and suspicion?
EnigmaXOXO Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Anyone out there have any useful methods for controlling paranoia and suspicion? Nope. Okay...philosophical advice aside...have you tried hooking her up to a lie detector? Could be kinky. My preferred method is a light bulb and cattle prod.
tiki Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Originally posted by tanbark813 Anyone out there have any useful methods for controlling paranoia and suspicion? Paxil?
johan Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Not fool proof, but it helps me: 1) I remind myself that it isn't logical for her to be with me and to be fooling around with other guys. My girlfriend could move on to someone else in a snap. Without a real mean streak, she wouldn't really need the complications and there would be no need for her to waste her time with me. So she's choosing to be with me. 2) I am completely honest and faithful to her. I treat her right without acting like a jerk and trying to spoil her all the time. Some guys would take her on trips and buy her gifts and shower attention and affection on her all the time. Not me. No act. The version of me she's with right now is the same version she's going to get 10 years from now. It's not always pretty, but if she didn't like it, she'd be gone already. I'd rather know now. 3) If she were to cheat on me, that would reveal a flaw in her character, not mine. And, because I've been true to myself all along, the greatest pain I should feel if it happens is the anger I'll feel for wasting all this time. 4) She couldn't fool me for long. I can be patient enough to wait for real evidence. I don't need to be hyper-vigilant and suspicious all the time. It's like fishing with a bobber. The bobber naturally gets knocked around by the water and wind, and it's easy to think "that could be a fish". When a fish hits for real, there's no missing it. 5) If she were to reject me, I'd have to go back to being single, which sucks, but I've gone through it before. Worst case scenario is that I keep going through women until I start getting old ones who are too tired to go out and mess around. I still get insecure, but not as bad as I was. For me it has a lot more to do with how I feel about myself than how I feel about her.
EC Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Thanx Johan. I'm in an LDR and flip out on my bf a lot of times about 'what could' happen when in fact nothing has happened. Your advice helped me lots. Thanx!
hugznkisses21 Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 I hear ya man! Im in the same boat myself. What I found works is writing down (may be a girl thing- writing in a journal) Everything that he (she) does for me (you) and everything I love about him that makes him soo special an important. And when I get those feelings I read them back at that moment (instead of calling him up and drillling him with qeustions that may make him feel i dont trust him) and then I realize all these things (touches, words, sweet things, etc) that he does does for me, why would he do all those things if he didnt love me that much. And then I feel better cause sometimes you need to calm your mind down a bit before it gets away. You realize all the amazing things that make the relationship so special and that they do it all for you. But i do see where you are coming from tanbark. Im still struggling...i feel insecure and bring in outside factors into my relationship. But like some great advice I got was those people/relationship are exacally that those people and realtionships they are not what you have now.....it is just you and her and no one else. That is what is it about. Bringing in the past especially other people is not good. I have struggled with being cheated on and I have to realize that that is my ex not my boyfriend now and we are something different that has nothing to do with that.
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