Being friend with the ex soon after breakup with limited contact

August 17, 2004

Hi all,

Need some advice.

I just recently broke up with my gf....now my ex, I had been going out with her for over 4 nearly 5 months. She said that she didn't feel as if it was working out, I also think that we rushed into the relationship too soon without knowing each other was the reason why it went so bad, she told me this herself, she told me that she is now with another guy but she has known him for a year, it's not so much the fact that she has left me which upsets me its the fact how quickly she moved on, she was honest enough to tell me even though she knew it would be for herself and me, i respect her for that but in some ways i know that i wont ever be able to get her back but it aint impossible. Yes she has someone but my relationship didn't last, people go through loads of people before they meet the right one, she has been hurt very badly in the past, one of the reasons for this was because she hardly knew them, just like me but i have never hurt her or treated her bad at all. Maybe she is making a mistake...she is my one true love so that kinda makes it hard but is there anything i can do for example be her friend and get to know her? Because one day her current relationship might end and she might regret leaving me and wanna come back to me, i hope that is the case but maybe if i like stay and be her friend will that in the long run help me into getting back with her?

I know you might say move on etc but i really wanna be with her no matter how long it takes, i read lots of real lfe and seen lots of real life relationships where the woman regrets leaving the guy and when they are dumped wants the other guy back, what can i do to make sure it happens to me. It might never happens but you cant say something didnt work out when you dont try and persistance pays.

Since the break up i have been her friend and talk to her but not hardly as much as we used to, for obvious reasons but surely with being her friend its gonna be hard for both of us but can i have advice on this and with being her friend.

I am over it, the fact she left me dont bother me its more the fact that she moved on in record time, her happiness is important to me though, i just want her to be happy.

She told me a week after we split that she cares even though she dont show it or realise it. That meant a lot to me.

Thanks

August 18, 2004

is there anything i can do for example be her friend and get to know her? Because one day her current relationship might end and she might regret leaving me and wanna come back to me, i hope that is the case but maybe if i like stay and be her friend will that in the long run help me into getting back with her?

If you want to be her friend, be her friend. As long as it doesn't break your heart everytime you see her (like it does some people who end on bad terms, but since you didn't...) and it makes you happier, go for it. My advice, though, is that if she does end up breaking up with her new bf and needs a shoulder to cry on, don't be the rebound guy. Wait a bit, keep getting to know her, and see if it's meant to be. Good luck:).

P.S. Don't put your life on hold for her. If you find someone else who interests you don't hold back from getting to know them just because you're pining over your ex.

August 18, 2004

If you know without question that you would take her back if she wants to come back... great and good luck. However don't sit around and wait for her. Go out with other girls, who knows you may find someone you relate to even better. If in time she does want to come back to you, and you still feel that she is the one...then good for you, but see other people in between. And maybe you should stop talking to her for a month or so. Then re-initiate contact, and talk every once in awhile. But I wouldn't recommend trying to talk to her on a fairly regular basis.

August 18, 2004

Thanks for your replies,

She told me she still cares for me and is being as supportive as she can in he circumstances. She is also my one true love and im hers, well at least i was.

On the phone when i speak to her i make sure the calls are very limited but we still get on really well.

But she still flirts with me and stuff, its odd though considering that she has a bf, on the phone i heard her cry and say she loves me and that im cute and P.H.A.T (Pretty Hot and Tempting) , but i pretended i didn't hear.

Thats the confusing bit, she wants me back but she has a boyfriend and wont come back so it's all confusing.

I wont try NC because i hardly speak to her, and i just giving her space anyway, and i guess that she will come back if it's meant to be.

I don't have false hope though, i know that only she can make that decision, also my nan is ill with cancer and i been going through a lot, partly why she left because she felt i need space to get things sorted. I do respect her for it.

She even said that even though we are no longer going out that she will always be there for me.

Just confused though.

August 18, 2004

Jack,

here's a repost of a good reply from another member here a few months back......

They're the smarter gender because they're less honest. I don't care how much you try and deny it - love is a game. Either start playing smart or prepare to have your soul hollowed out and served to you with a side of torturous lament. I have lived through the worst of them (barely) and I can tell you without a shred of doubt that they ALL come back if you were a "nice guy" to them. The bad news is that they come back even more screwed up then when they left and you are toast if you take them back. Ever had sex with a girl who's in a relationship with someone else? I rest my case. It's not hard to get them to cheat. They rationalize it without reason and they would rather beg forgiveness than chance the truth because truth must be faced - forgiveness is self-absolving. That's the bad news - here's the worse news...

You can't get what you want. You can't take her back because you'll just be thinking of all the crap she's already put you through. True - crap makes things grow, but that's where my cynicism "stems" from. Go see a counselor and if he / she doesn't commit suicide after hearing about how everything sucks and life isn't fair - then you're not as bad off as you feel. Always remember that you aren't the one that made the mistake, but you can't get her back because of the fact that you want her back. Life's a bitch - treat it like one.

Best of luck in these worst of times,

August 18, 2004

They're the smarter gender because they're less honest. I don't care how much you try and deny it - love is a game. Either start playing smart or prepare to have your soul hollowed out and served to you with a side of torturous lament. I have lived through the worst of them (barely) and I can tell you without a shred of doubt that they ALL come back if you were a "nice guy" to them. The bad news is that they come back even more screwed up then when they left and you are toast if you take them back. Ever had sex with a girl who's in a relationship with someone else? I rest my case. It's not hard to get them to cheat. They rationalize it without reason and they would rather beg forgiveness than chance the truth because truth must be faced - forgiveness is self-absolving.

I agree with this, one time we agreed to go on a break, she went with another guy but after a few days she cam back to me.

You said that they ALL come back if i was a nice girl to her, which I was and still am, im a nice person by nature.

Even if she comes back worse than when she left it wouldnt bother me, isnt a realtionship about bad times and overcomin them just as much as the good times?

NO realtionship be it with a girlfriend, or even family is free from problem, but the way that is worked is by sticking together and working it out.

She will come back....maybe soon.......even later but at least there is hope and at least i aint lost her for good.

I kinda felt we were better as friends because many people dont lose there friends, i will still speak to her but not as often as i used to, i got work and other things to focus on and in a way it was kinda holding me back, but at least i know that one day there might be the chance to sort it out.

She been with a lot of abusive guys, mayube shes just not sure what she wants?

But at least we got off on good terms, can be good friends and can talk freely about everything, that means more than being with her because even though im not going out with her in some ways i have still got her in another way in my life and that means more to me.

Shame it didn't work out but if i give her time and space then who knows? you cant predict the future, so might as well make the most of it, life is too short to worry about thing that might or might not happen.

It will be her loss though, but i still wanna be single, gotta focus on my ill nan and other things so in a way she helped.

August 19, 2004

They're the smarter gender because they're less honest. I don't care how much you try and deny it - love is a game. Either start playing smart or prepare to have your soul hollowed out and served to you with a side of torturous lament. I have lived through the worst of them (barely) and I can tell you without a shred of doubt that they ALL come back if you were a "nice guy" to them. The bad news is that they come back even more screwed up then when they left and you are toast if you take them back. Ever had sex with a girl who's in a relationship with someone else? I rest my case. It's not hard to get them to cheat. They rationalize it without reason and they would rather beg forgiveness than chance the truth because truth must be faced - forgiveness is self-absolving.</b>

ummmm..someone is a bit on the umm bitter side? Try not to generalize if you want to be respected or ppl to sympathize with you. I suppose because of your current problem-guys are innocent, eh? Well, you might want to look closer....

August 19, 2004

Hi all,

My circumstance have now changed.

For obvious reasons i dont hardly see my ex but i do speak to her on this internet site.

Today she used another name and i spoke about my ex of how i missed her and love her...blah...blah.

Anyway she told me that i should tell my ex how i feeel, i knew it was her so i phoned my ex and told me, she was so happy and that.

But she then told me she loved her boyfriend and that she still loves me....obviously i was confused but she is using her other name saying "dont ever give up on her" and "her being happy is a good sign" "she might come back to you, i hope she does because your a nice guy".

She said that on the other name.

I think she wants me back, i know its her using the other name but i aint told her, i am playing along, the split was recent so i dont see how she can quickly love someone just like that, maybe she dont really have a guy because i not seen one and if she did then why would she be on the internet?

I think its a test to see how strong my love for her is.

Thanks please reply positive ok lol

August 19, 2004

Hey man... I know you said you don't want to... but you should try NC! It's tough to do sometimes, but worth it.

If you're anything like I was(2 weeks ago), you came to this site for some unbias views/advice about your problems... In saying that, can you really trust someone who will hide under false names, to trick you into spilling your guts?

I know you have strong feelings for this girl... but it doesnt sound like she knows what she wants? If you keep contacting her(phone, IM, whatever) you're allowing her to make a safety net outa you. Try No Contact man... if you keep caving every time... she may feel she can have her cake and eat it too!

August 20, 2004

Hi,

In my circumstance though i don't see what No Contact will achieve, we are still very close friends, we split on good terms and shes found someone else, it is hard but at least we ended on good terms.

She has moved on and so must i but will that mean we shouldnt be friends?

She has someone else and i don't see how No Contact can get her back and change her feelings.

My personal opinion but please tell me otherwise.

Thanks

Originally posted by unclejo23
Hey man... I know you said you don't want to... but you should try NC! It's tough to do sometimes, but worth it.

If you're anything like I was(2 weeks ago), you came to this site for some unbias views/advice about your problems... In saying that, can you really trust someone who will hide under false names, to trick you into spilling your guts?

I know you have strong feelings for this girl... but it doesnt sound like she knows what she wants? If you keep contacting her(phone, IM, whatever) you're allowing her to make a safety net outa you. Try No Contact man... if you keep caving every time... she may feel she can have her cake and eat it too!

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Being friend with the ex soon after breakup with limited contact

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