lie covered in sin

[undecided]

ok...

i dont want to talk to my friends, basically because they are much gossips. they probably already know its so bad.

 

ive been with a few people in my life. im 22. all relationships have ended in me getting hurt and cheated on.

i met my current situation girl in college after i had gotten out of a relationship a month or two before (was cheated on bad)

we started seeing each other and dating, she lived in the same building as me so i saw lots of her. she had only been with one person before me. she was near perfect, everything i was looking for. i told her from the start that i had been hurt before, give everybody one chance, and that i wont put up with bull s***. we didnt get physical until a few months into the relationship. then i accepted her as my girlfriend. i only had to set her straight a few times, not that i thought she would do somthing, just that she was in a position to compormise trust. she was good after that. 3-4 month into the relationship she told me she loved me. that was too soon for me as i am hard up to trust, as from being hurt so often. we had a good relationship, even when she moved an hour away for the summer and came back to live down the street for another 2 semesters. a year went by, and although i did start to feel i loved her i was unsure for awhile and held it back for fear of what i was getting into if i told her.

-we have different outlooks on the planning for the next 10- years. i plan on being succesful and want to hold off on marriage and family until im settled and comfortably succesful . she wanted to get married and have children like in 3 years. now this led me to believe her college majour is a sham, and just a time saver until she has kids to be a stay home mom. im not okay with a non-independant woman, or a woman that cant support herself and living off of me. my belief is that is wrong. i believe in a dual income family. my parents work their *** off. her family is wealthy and her mom doesnt work. i dont like her mom (shes crazy) and she doesnt like me.

anyway she got fed up with me holding my love back from her and she left me. this was in march. i was devistated. -the way i deal with breakups, is i dont talk to them ever again. i feel this is best in helping me heal.- i was emotional for weeks, couldnt eat, sleep... so i fought to get her back and started talking to again. after 3.5 weeks i got get back and couldnt be happier. i asked her if she was faithful to me she said she had kissed a guy. i had been faithful to her, i couldnt even think about doing anything.

 

now here comes the ****

 

that was in march. its now almost july. we went out this weekend all weekend, i usually pay for everything anyways -i dont like it but her parents think i should (though they are wealthy and crazy and dont like me) but i do it because i love her. now sunday she asked me what i would do if she was unfaithful. i said i would dump you in a second. now i wouldnt have told her that if i though she was, because if that were true there was no way she would tell me. anyway by 2am monday morning she confessed to doing more with the guy she kissed in march, 2 weeks after she left me for being wrong about me not loving her. 2 weeks. now this isnt like her. she isnt a slut. but she hurt me like the others have. 2 weeks is too soon. it makes me feel she didnt care about love -he didnt love her obviously. so now in total she acted like a slut right after leaving me for the wrong reason, and lied to me about it. this is the worse thing that she could do. it bothers me immensly. she is tainted to me, and i think the appeal she had is gone, now that she appears to be like the others that hurt me. she is sorry and has been crying about it for the past few days, she says she loves me and would die for me it was a mistake, it wasnt like her, it was too soon, but she said we were broken up. this past month a roomate i set up with the girl across the hall had their pre wedding gathering, and my girlfriend does want to marry me. i dont think i could marry a person that has done this to me. i think this will hurt for the rest of my life. im the kind of person that does hold grudges. i hold grudges with people i dont even know. but i dont think sh deserves to be forgiven even if i could forgive her.

 

i dont know what to do -i still love her but i dont know if i could ever get over this. before i knew, i could picture us married in the future. but now..

[neptoon]

I don't think you should go back to her because of the way you feel about it. If it's something that bothers you, you cannot un-see it. It will affect your relationship forever.

 

Sometimes, these things can drag on and on and when you get back together, you end up fighting about the same flipping thing over and over again until you're ready to take each other's eyes out.

 

Invest your time in healing your wounds from being cheated on. You need to re-gain trust in the world again and these wounds take time to heal.

 

Plus, you and her don't have the same views of what you want out of life (she wants to be a stay-at-home housewife and you want an independent working woman). In the long run, this will cause major problems and heartache. Don't prolong the pain, it's better just to bite the bullet now and let it go. Don't compromise what you are looking for.

[undedcided]

im 50/50 on this. i dont think i can forgive or forget, but i think if i can then things might work out, i may not marry her but i may have a good relationship. i think shes living in aa fantasy land about the marrige and not working thing. people just cant really do that anymore, with more life experience i think she will realize this. she has always had everything paid for her, she has no licence, never really had a good job, or a job for more than 4 months for that matter.

 

but the other side of me thinks i cant ever forgive her and will never emotionally get over the lie, 2 weeks is too soon to start fooling around with other people. sure she thought i wasnt ever going to talk to her again when she left me.... but she did the same thing that sluts did to me. and then lied about it.

[WarningSign]

I see this situation very differently. Please try to understand her point of view. You guys were broken up, meaning it was completely okay for her to be with another guy. She most likely did not hook up with some guy because she had forgotten about you and fell for the guy; she did it because she was on the rebound. It obviously meant nothing to her, because as far as I know, she doesn't even keep in contact with the guy (Right?). It was just a rebound thing, remember, and it IN NO WAY means that she didn't care about you. She might just have thought it was completely over and was trying to forget it all by being with another guy temporarily.

 

Try to understand HER side. But, keep in mind, she did lie to you. But ALSO keep in mind that she told you the truth later, probably because she felt bad hiding it from you. She also felt so bad after she told you that she was upset for days.

 

I'm not telling you to get back with her; I am telling you to try to understand her and forgive her. I want you to try to "get" what she did and why she did it. And, take into consideration what Neptoon said. If after thinking about her point of view you still feel the same and like you can't trust her anymore, then DON'T get back into it. One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. I have learned that you can't be in a good, healthy relationship unless you completely trust the other person and they completely trust you in any situation. I also agreed with Neptoon who said that "you and her don't have the same views of what you want out of life." Because of that, you and her probably wouldn't have a strong relationship in the future. It's important to find someone that you want (obviously). Never settle for less, and never ignore the BIG things that you don't like (in your case, do not ignore the fact that your future plans are VERY conflicting).

 

My advice, the bottom line: Forgive her. Have a calm (not heated) conversation that you should split ways, and work out any knots so that you have nothing to be angry or concerned about in the future. And then move on. It will be extremely difficult, and you might be depressed and upset for a while. But the pain will go away.

 

I am sorry you have to go through something like this, but it's just life and I know you'll get through it.

[undecided]

we talked a bit, and her old roomate called me. i guess her bf of 3 years cheated on her a few weeks ago with her other roomate. yikes.

worried about my gf though, i get the feeling that she might hurt herself if i just leave her. the relationship is worth saving, i do have feelings for her so i will give it time to settle with us before i make any hard decisions and to see how i feel and if i can even stand looking at her. im in no rush. but like i told her roomate i feel like she cheated on me, and i dont think i can forgive her, i think this pain will stay with me forever. but i am willing to see how it goes. 2 years does deserve that.

 

i registered too. i plan to give back as much as i can to help others.

[supermom]

Also though, she may have been sad and depressed like you...sometimes it's like an acceptance issue. She didn't cheat on you though, you were broken up and you need to remember that.

 

People are human, now, if she did this during your relationship, I can see you being as upset as you are, but you were broken up, yes it's okay to be upset, but I'm sure she is very sorry for what she did and loves you as well.

 

Give her another chance if you can...if not though, end it, but don't be mean....

 

 

 

Remember..you were broken up

[undecided]

i cant think that way, i dont think i ever will. if she would have told me the truth when we were talking about getting back together i would have left right then and there. absolutly. 14 days.. is nothing.

 

i was sitting here after that post thinknig im ok, then i got to thinking about the girl that her roomates 3 year bf cheated on with and it got me thinknig about a guy who was at a party... and now im just sick to my stomache that its him

 

i dont know if i can do this.

[Jonny Madness]

Tough situation. You sound a whole lot like me so I thought I'd respond. A girl I was very much in love with and trusted did the same thing, only we were still together. She SAID she kissed the guy, but now that I'm older and wiser I know much more probably happened. A lot of girls do this. It's their way of clearing their conscience with a confession, but sugar coating it to make the consequences less severe. I chose to "forgive", but in the year we stayed together after that, I did not look at her the same ever again. She was no longer that girl who could NEVER hurt me, so my feelings changed no matter how much I wanted to get back to where we were. It can't happen, but maybe that's just me.

 

No matter how long you're together, you'll always know in the back of your mind that there are certain situations where a cheap thrill is more important than your feelings. I'm sure she regrets it, I'm sure it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. But, it's done, and she's made her bed and she must lie in it. And so must you. Maybe other guys can get over this type of thing, but you can't change how you feel. No matter how much it hurts for both of you, her mistake may have made it impossible for you to be together. It sucks, but that's the game of love, my friend.

 

It sounds like your still confused about all this. One thing I can tell you for sure, you shouldn't make a decision while the wound is still fresh. You probably need some time by yourself to think. I bet you're thinking "what if she does it again if I tell her I need time". It's possible, and after the first time - you will NEVER find out about a second time if it were to happen. She will learn that keeping it to herself is less painful for both of you.

 

That's my take anyway. I've since learned to kick 'em to the curb after the first time, and NEVER go back. That's how I need to be because I have a very fragile heart, and I fall in love very deeply and completely. Hell, my last girlfriend was gone after I only suspected she cheated. I know there is a girl I can trust out there, so I refuse to waste more time than I need to on girls that I can't.

 

Good luck, man

 

Jonny Madness

[tanbark813]

I think you need to stop whining and start being a man.

 

You guys were broken up. She was free to do whatever and whomever she wanted. End of story.

 

If you decide you can't handle it, then of course let her know. But this is your problem, not hers. She didn't do anything wrong.

 

And believe me, I tend to take the guys' side in relationship problems, and have been cheated on myself so I, like you, have no tolerance for it. But what she did wasn't cheating. It sounds like the break-up was very clear. You said yourself you cut off all contact with her.

 

You can't break up with a girl, cut off all contact, and then expect her to not move on and go be with someone else. It doesn't work like that.