estakado Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 So after weeks and weeks of NC and getting a lil better, she calls and asks me how I am doing....first off had I known it was her on the phone I woulda just took a message and/or called her later, but i didnt and I was kinda happy to talk to her although I tried not to show it. Anyways I told her that I was doing fine and then I said I gotta go. The messedup part is I called her back and said that she shouldna called. She was cool with me though and thanked me for some stuff that I did for her. I let her know that I still cared for her [DUMB MISTAKE!] and after that I hurried off the phone. I was normal....now this call racked my brain. OKay now for the dumb part, I woke up today and I called her. She answered the phone with "whats wrong?" and then I asked where she was...and she said she was at m***'s house. I then told her that she knows how I feel about her and that I truly care for her and that if need be I would drop everything that I am doing if she really needed me. I then told her after that to just dont call me anymore, dont call me at all and that I am fine and moving on, I am dating but I am not enjoying myself at dates because she is still in my heart, I also told her that that our current situation sux because that there are alot of positive things going on in my life and I wanna call her and tell her but I just cant...and again I stressed for her not to call me. I hung up on her. I miss her sooo much, but I know that if I talk to her then I would just ruin it. It sux to know that I am in this state. I love her soo much but she doesnt care. I can only hope to GOD that she gets through whatever she needs to get through in order to decide if she wants to come back to me. On my end, I start my new job next week and I am excited! I hope to just keep busy and kick ass there, join a gym and continue to learn to live with myself. I still cant believe that she jumped on another relationship immediately after ours ended and today I feel sad that she may never call me again, but I had to stick up for myself. I had a dumb idea to send her mail [she still gets some] to her in a big package and include with it a movie and music that she likes as a surprise...I still wanna send it but I guess I really shouldnt. She's prolly mad at me for telling her not to call me and she prolly thinks I'm crazed. I've searched my feelings and I really really love this girl, the problem is that she doesnt seem to care about me that way no more and I know if I try and send gifts and or talk then I might mess it up. I hope to GOD she will come back but I just gotta keep movin. Someone post some sense to me please.....thanks guys!
sid3 Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Sounds like you know what's up. You shouldn't send the stuff, let the guy she's with now get her things. Just like you told me not to send my ex a b-day card. Why give them the satisfaction of us showing them how we feel about them when they do us like that. And I think your right in telling her not to call you. She has made her choice, now she wants to call you and to hear that you still care for her. That's not fair to you! Glad to hear your excited about the new job, I hope it goes well for you.
MESO Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I think although we want them to know that we will be there for them emotionally, its not a good idea to tell them that.... They know that if they ever have any problems we will be there waiting with open arms ready to console them... So meanwhile tehy can find the hottest and most available guy there is and there personality wont matter much to them... Because eventually when tehy need the emotional comfort tehy kno you will be there waiting Im probably way far off with your scenario but, thats way i feel with my situation
mr_miner Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 estakado - It sounds like you're trapped between the "are we going to get back together?" phase and the "I'm moving on!" phase. Going through both at the same time is absolute hell, I know it. And the reason it's hell is because it's essentially impossible to move on from something that you haven't accepted as being over or that you don't want to be over. You have to go one way or the other on this--either try to get back together with her or decide you don't want to be with her and move on. Only you know her well enough to decide if she's worth it or not, but I will say this: getting over someone is obviously a very difficult, uphill battle, and so you have to do some serious thinking before you take any steps that might totally erase the progress you've made. Trying to get back with her is like jumping off the mountain when you're a few feet away from the summit. If it doesn't work out, you're back at square one and have to go through the hell of it all over again. But again, that judgment is for you to make. Good Luck.
Author estakado Posted June 18, 2004 Author Posted June 18, 2004 Ah Scylla and Charybdis soo true.... I really love this girl though, if I do want to part take in trying to get her back what should I do? I mean I got to think of a way to reach her without being too clingy or disturbing. I am willing to take the time. I'm now used to her not gonna call me. what sux is that I told her not to call me and I used NC to stay outta her way in order for her to catch a glimpse of what it is to miss me and to take time for herself. I did call her last nite but it was all business, I mentioned some unpaid bills and that I was gonna take care of them....thank goodness it was a voicemail. The other small problem is that I have given her covered health care from my job which will end tonite. Should I sign her up with health care from my new job? I know I shouldnt but I truly love her and care about her that much to make sure that she is healthy....BUT I know that I shouldnt care at all since she made a choice...yeah maybe I shouldnt tell her at all about it and continue with NC till she calls me again. Its just the next time she calls me, how should I act? I want her to not think that I am "waiting" or too excited about her call, but I also dont want to play all my cards at letting her know that I am getting successfull. Also I dont want to tell her how much I miss her or get all mushy...it sux because I feel that way and I want to be honest with her but I know that she wont care about my honesty. I hate this because I have some crazy feeling that she doesnt really know what she wants and that she is with this dude just because she is lonely, it cant be that this guy is the greatest all the time...this dude cant be better than me. I just wish that she would let me know whether I should fight for her even for a small chance than just to let her be a 8 year memory. Maybe I am crazy and that I just need to let this go. It sux because I had a LTR before and I let that go even though I got dumped. It just this one for me feels like she is the one and that I should give this the best that I can. Maybe its too late because its been 2 months that she's been going out with this dude and she said that she has made plans with her life such as going back to school and whatnot...then again I dont see any evidence that she has any interest at completing those plans. We used to be such a team and it kills me... Going through all of this, I am willing to give this the best that I have either way. I just dont want her to be the one that got away. I keep myself soo busy and I've made alot of progress, my friends and family are not really worried about me no more and no longer ask me how I am feeling. I can now say that I am feeling good. GOD, I still miss her! Okay guys I promise not to call her so I wont mess this up....if I do call her I wanna make sure that the call is a good usefull call not something that is pathetic. This weekend...more movies, BBQ with family, workouts, paintball and housecleaning! YAY! HELP ME!
CurlyIam Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Stay strong, my friend! Yell, scream in the woods,work out, but STOP THINKING ABOUT HER. She will not call. She is not with you anymore. You are doing the right thing: moving on! Don't be afraid of these moments of weakness. The important thing s that they passed. And that they are moments! LEarn to accept she has rejected you; Think of her in another man's arms, touching her! Get angry. Feel resent! Just don't feel love! Don't send her anything, block her out of all you can and tell yourself it is over. You'll be so low, you won't believe it. But than you'll start healing. Now go, start this, you have lots of stuff ot do!!
dreamguy Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 estakado: "I love her soo much but she doesnt care. I can only hope to GOD that she gets through whatever she needs to get through in order to decide if she wants to come back to me." Dude, you're not giving her the chance to show you that she cares (in case she does) ! You call her to tell her never to call you again. You're contradicting yourself and that makes you sound like a wacko. "I just dont want her to be the one that got away." You don't want her to be the one that got away. Do you want to be the one who drives her away ? You're pushing her away, you're forcing her to lose all remaining interest in you (even as a person she once knew). Don't do it. Mr_Miner is right: "You have to go one way or the other on this--either try to get back together with her or decide you don't want to be with her and move on. Only you know her well enough to decide if she's worth it or not" By the way I loved this line: "Trying to get back with her is like jumping off the mountain when you're a few feet away from the summit. If it doesn't work out, you're back at square one and have to go through the hell of it all over again." Good one Mr_Miner I just loved it ! sid3 welcome back among the living ! Glad to know that you're not only seeing things clearer but you're giving good advice to others ! Way to go ! That's the attitude. When you help people it feels great ! Doesn't it ?
Blah Toolz Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 Hey dreamguy... so what exactly is he supposed to do? Force the issue of them getting back together again so it pushes her even further away anyways? If she really wanted to get back together with him... then she would most likely call him up even if he told her not to call. I don't think that hanging around her like a wounded puppy dog is going to make any matters better. I think no contact is the way to go for now.
Author estakado Posted June 20, 2004 Author Posted June 20, 2004 Thanks guys: So I dunno, I caved in and called her and I didnt come off all mushy, what I did say was that I wanted her to be a part of my life and if this is what is has to be then it is what it is. I did set some ground rules on what our current relation is such as I dont want to hear any talk about the dude and she agreed. She did say that she was very sorry how things turned out and that she is happy to talk to me. On the business end, there are still some bills and whatnot that are in both our names and we are working together to take care of that...I should be able to clear it up by mid-July. Getting back together with her might sound like a pipe dream, but I honestly truly love her....but yeah its not being returned...I guess I havent reached a full limit or felt like I tried as much as I should...but then again she is outta my life. The convo was good and I played it smooth by actually listening to her talk...maybe I somehow forgot to do that...or maybe she is just waaack. So I maybe took a step back by calling her and I am still pissed about some things but I didnt show it. I broke down again [yeah stupid me] when i thought of her but thank GOD didnt call her today. Keeping busy is key and I am doing it. Its cool bros, I'm gonna be strong about this because I have a feeling that on her end things just arent complete. I am starting to see some more understandings. I've spent more time with family this weekend...[capt kirk voice]got to keep with my list....Just paid rent and it sux without my ex not around to help. I had another crazed idea to come through and see her while I bust out an engagement ring...LOL! Whooo thank goodness I didnt come through with that. Yeah life sux! Please provide more ass-kickin so I can keep movin on. Whats really cool about this is that every day is better....starting not to care as much now, its just the weakness...when it comes in...it stays for a while.
CurlyIam Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 Engagement ring? You really need your a$$ kicked. What's your age? How long have the two of you been together? You need time, for you do not understand that YOU NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM HER. She is gently pushing you away and you take her words and twist them around... You need for her to hurt you really bad, only than will you understand it is over between the twoof you... I would like nothing more than to be wrong, but I don't think so! Dn't take this lightly, estakado. Either you try to get her back, or you move on! But choose, as you aren't making any progress in none of the directions!
Author estakado Posted June 20, 2004 Author Posted June 20, 2004 Hey CurlyIam: We've been together for 8 years, I think that I missed my window of opportunity which is why she decided to end it. Its true, I am not really making too much progress on both ends, although keeping busy and time is doing great things for me. I got up and walked my neigborhood today and today is the first Sunny day that I could honestly say that I liked. I know the recipe on how to move on, its just that this feeling in my heart trys to tell me to fight. The stupid thing is I want to follow my gut instinct to try and contact her and win her back. Even more stupid is that I dont know how...which makes me think that am I truly in love or am I just lying to myself. I wished that I was on a different planet so that there is not a % chance of contact possible at all. Her lil brother called me yesterday after paintball and he was bored [No one cares/has time to try and entertain him at his house, plus Mom works to pay bills] so he stayed over, I took him to the beach, watched movies and we are gonna play basketball today before I drop him off. Yeah people say that when breakups happen and family is involved the best thing is to cut it off too, but I cant ignore that a young kid needs a positive influence. What sux is that she forgot to even wish him a happy b-day...not even a gift. Meanwhile, life struggles are kickin in and my $$$ is gettin thin, good thing that I didnt even spring for the ring since I my bills need more attention...and I have to stop the drinking and going out on dates too since it is costly and getting no where. Yeah crazed ideas! I'm still on NC, which is great because I dont wanna bug her. Man do I need a fling or something else to come through and make me take my mind off her. The girls that I've met are cool but not enough depth...and I'm trying my best everyday to move...lil by little. On my end again, I really wanna get her back, but I guess that there are alot of stuff that I need to work on myself before I even try and/or if she seen already what I have/am then I guess its not enough. Its just that I am better than all of this and that she hasnt even seen the rest of me yet. So yeah maybe she doesnt miss me...it just sux that she doesnt because she has this dude to get her past it. Anyways more cleaning and re-org here in the castle today...just gonna play some b-ball, make a lunch, hang wit the kids then take them back home...then back to my empty home. In the morning I'll go running again. I found a box of comic books today...I'll read them one more time. Please help me cope
dreamguy Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 Blah Toolz, when I said he has to go either way I didn't mean that he should leave her alone (and go on with his life) or relentlessly pursue her (to win her back). If he decides to win her back then no contact or decreased contact is the way to go. If he was really running after her day and night (declaring his feelings every time) after she broke up with him then Absolutely No Contact is the only option for now. Estekado "So I dunno, I caved in and called her and I didnt come off all mushy, what I did say was that I wanted her to be a part of my life". Come on man ! You think this was not mushy enough ? You know better than that ! What you said means so many things at the same time. It means "I love you", "I can't live without you", "I don't want anyone else but you"... etc... I really think that whenever you contact someone after a break up, the call by itself is enough to let them know you care about them and you're still thinking about them. Trust me, do not add anything more to that. Be casual and wait for their reaction. Let them feel their game is not working (in case they're playing one).
sid3 Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 I think your coping pretty good. You've had some dates, still care about the kids(good character) keeping busy and want someone back that you spent 8 years with. Don't feel bad about making the call. I don't think telling her you want her to be a part of your life is all that bad. You were being honest, there is no shame in that. Their are no rules in these matters only opinions, which will vary greatly. Nobody knows your situation better than you, do what you think is right. I hope to be doing as well as you are here in the near future, I'm still abit of a mess, but working on it. Nothing wrong with going with what your heart says, but make sure you use your head too! Not doing that is pretty much why I am here. Hang in there; there are better days ahead!
Blah Toolz Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 Sup thar bro, you'll make it through -- I know how tough it can get, just keep it going like you've been doing. Hey man, you don't need a fling to make it through either. I've had a few meaningless ones... and although they boost the ego a bit, you still feel empty afterwards. I remember this girl cuddling up with me before we fell asleep at my friend's house, and all it did was bring up memories of my ex. You'll make it, something that helps me get through is just knowing that things can only get better... we're down in the cellar right now, and there is only one way to go, and it's up. May not seem that way, but it's true. By the time all this **** is just a distant memory in our minds... we'll be better people, and we'll be better off. We'll have gotten done what we need to get done.
Author estakado Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 I'm gettin better and better about this. The worst part is still the weakness. I mean that I started my day off pretty cool, I got up got ready, did some breakfast and go to running. When I'm all done with that, I get into other things like reading, TV and cleaning then I check the time and then it hits me....I break down because I wonder what she is doing and what she is up too, and I wonder stupid stuff like what did she eat today and if she is happy, which I'm pretty sure that she is. I am happy that she is happy though. GOD, I miss her smile. I look at the clock and it just kills me..I have soo much time on my hands, but there is soo much hangin with friends, running, cleaning and writing that I cant take no more. I hate this because I really really, love and miss my relationship. Now that its on me, everyday pain is tripled now, stuffs much more expensive....I force myself out there and it is gettin better, I just want to this pain gone, find the real me and get it on with life again. I soo much want to call her and hear her voice, and tell her soo much about me and, but I know my mushy crap would prolly just make her sick. And dammit her ghost still haunts me because I still get some of her mail and companies call her up. Give me a medal though because I havent called.
mr_miner Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 estakado - I commend you. I'm sure it's tough as hell man. I know what it feels like to try to kill time with these lame tasks like cleaning up the house. Sometimes that sounds so great just because it might keep the demons away for a little while longer. The bottom line though man is that this is a perfectly natural way to feel. Getting over someone is a complete rollercoaster: you can be ok one minute and then everything goes to complete hell the next minute. But you sound, from your previous posts, like youve been pretty strong during this whole madness. Just continue that. If you absolutely cannot stand it, give her a ring. It might hurt more than it helps, but only you know what's best for yourself. Normally, I'd recommend no contact during these situations, but you really seem to want this girl back. If you do, youve got to just sacrifice your pride, put all these apprehensions aside, and work it out with her. Otherwise, you'll be gnawed away to nothingness by the regret over not trying to get her back.
Blah Toolz Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Sup bro, haha, I like this little theme we have going of posting in each other's topics. It really does help us to get through it though, and that's cool if it does. I know what you mean about wanting to call her up and tell her about what's been going on... because I want to do the same thing. I want her to tell me all about her day and everything that went on just like she used to. It's like we were partners, ya know? But here's how I look at it now: she's not the same girl I once knew and loved. I think that's the way you should look at it too. How can she be the same girl? It's obviously a big change dumping someone that they've been with for so long, like you and I, so they wouldn't respond the same way. It's alright bro, you'll make it. Sometimes things happen for a reason... I know you had good memories, because I remember the memories I had with my ex. But remember, maybe you'll find someone to make even better memories with... someone that will love you for the rest of your life the way you are, and not need "space for herself, or time to test the waters." Peace, keep it going... remember that you're the man, and your own man, and you can do this on your own. You were happy before you met her, and you can be happy after.
dreamguy Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 You were happy before you met her, and you can be happy after. nice thought Blah Toolz ! Estekado, I'll give you 2 medals if you keep up the good work !
Author estakado Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 dreamguy, Blah Toolz & mr_miner: Thanks for the support fellas! The whole deal about being dumped sux, I mean I see the power and less impact from her perspective and that she's moving on with this dude just to lessen any impact, but I can hear it in her voice, feel it in my heart, see it in her eyes that she is not really happy. BT you are right, maybe she isnt the same person that I met at the mall years back. My crazed thoughts have me CSI'ing this whole deal: See she used to have 2 best friends, During this whole time her best friend #1 and her had a falling out since last summer. They ended their friendship and it was hard on her and she now relied on best friend #2 who is now getting married [to a cool dude that I am friends with] But I found out from best friend #1 that Best Friend #2 was the one that use to double talk and put doubt on my girl's relationship talking about "what you guys are still together?" and putting seeds of doubt to think that I wasnt good enough for my girl. So her friends come into play here...what sux is that I confided in Best Friend #2 all my feelings about my girl and I bet she just told her that I was some pathetic loser that is crazed and lost it by being all depressed. Anyways I dont call Best Friend #2 anymore and I dropped out of her wedding because I dont want to see my girl the maid of honor at the wedding while I am feeling this way.... But on to the ring, I dunno, being with this NC thing, I am getting mentally stronger each time the weakness leaves me. I think that in my whole heart that if I give it a final shot, I can know where I stand in all of this. I know that I can walk away from this knowing that I did give it all that I had and that I can let her know that she has lost me forever! I will feel like crap but I already am feeling this way and I know what I need to do to walk truly walk away, because there is no going back after trying something like that. She would have to be dying in order for me to even want to see her again after that. The deal is though, should I be crazed and spring the ring on her at the wedding? or should I do it after/before the wedding? Or should I abort this whole crazy scheme because after all it is crazy. What would you guys do in a situation similiar to this? The sad after effects is that will this change anything? It just sux because I want to end this on my terms. I dunno if I can stand to be my ex's friend and long for her. Yeah this plan is crazy maybe, I dont think I should do this at all. Its just the alternative to the plan is easy....just keep doing what I am doing and eventually get over her....its just that 8 years for me of just me and her day in and day out me caring for her and taking care of her when she was sick, laughing, playing and or had a bad day is hard to beat. I just wish that I could move away and be away from all of this and the sad part of reality is that I already am. Wow tomorrows another day, I'll hit the beach and hopefully I'll beat you all posting at the dating section. Yeah right.... Man this sux! Worst summer of my life!
dreamguy Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 estekado, You're not alone. I'm having the worst summer in my life by far. The deal is though, should I be crazed and spring the ring on her at the wedding? or should I do it after/before the wedding? Or should I abort this whole crazy scheme because after all it is crazy. What would you guys do in a situation similiar to this? I'd say you can do it after the wedding. So what's the hurry. Wait a bit longer before deciding to go with this "final shot" of yours and, if you still feel you wanna do it in a few days, then maybe you should. Remember this though, once you do it then it has to be final. No going back and calling her again. 1) wait till you know you can live with it if it doesn't bring her back. 2) wait till you're sure you are not just acting this way because you're in the "down" phase of the "up and down" cycle we all go through. If this is the case then you might regret it once you get back to the "up" cycle and feel you can keep doing what you are doing and eventually get over her or even meet someone new.
Author estakado Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 Thanks bro! Yeah I really have to think this through still. I am happy at least that I am through the most of the worst of this. Today is tuesday and I dont start my new job till Monday. So I have a whole week of figuring things out and get through this. Yeah if this is it then, I could walk away from the table knowing that I got dealt with bad cards and that I busted. Man if I could just read her mind and/or if she had a friend that I could trust, I could figure out what she really feels about me. Knowing this could save alot of time on my end. She is soo busy helping her friend with the wedding and her job that she doesnt have the time for me. NC though is in gear still.
dreamguy Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Today is tuesday and I dont start my new job till Monday. So I have a whole week of figuring things out and get through this. I used to think like you... I changed and now I see things differently. I'd say "Today is Tuesday and I dont start my new job till Monday. So I have a whole week to have some fun, go out, do things I always wanted to do and use this time for myself because I deserve it more than anyone else in the world !!!!" Get out there and kick some ass !! Moping around for her won't increase chances that she'll come back, it'll only increase chances that you'll lose your head and do something foolish (such as calling her to say how you feel). Man if I could just read her mind. Don't we all wish that in situations like these but you can't do it, can you ? You know... wisedom is accepting what you cannot change, having the courage to change what you should and having the intelligence to recognize one from the other ! You can't know what she's thinking and/or make her love you back (if she doesn't). You can change how you feel over time (depending on how you act). Don't just sit there to kill time. Use time for your own benefit !
Author estakado Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 Hey DG: I'm getting there bro, thanks for reading my crazy schemes. Yeah I know what you mean about doing things for myself, its just that right now the pockets are thin from paying rent, food and going out [which I shouldna done] so I've done some domestic stuff at home here, read some books and magazines, did the tv, walked to the park, jogged the hood. Getting through this is tough [as you know] cuz yeah I got a million other things I should be doing but my broken heart is keeping me locked into this pain. I'm starting to realise that alot of this pain is me holding on to hope, and learnin to let go everyday has been making me feel better. I just have to stop holding it in and scream yell and let it all out....man being in the roller coaster phase sux. What I am also starting to learn is that from now on, I'm gonna get myself straightend out, to the point where I will have my life on track financially and mentally, so that if someone does come through in my life, I wont need to depend on them to fill it, I would rather just have them as an addition to something that I built, and if it dont work out then I'll know to drop them first and be solid with the castle that I built. Its all good bro, just gonna keep venting here till there is no more. I hope that I am not painting a picture that I aint doing anything good for me, which I am doing its just I'm at that point that there is soo much you can do. Next week will be a better week I know because of all the new things for me to learn and I cant wait for the $$$ so that I can get these bills payed. I'm hoping to get back to full gear by August and at December I wanna go to Hawaii for the holiday. So yeah lots to look forward to. Meanwhile if anyone else has some ideas or wants to vent, please post here. I know all us dudes got like 5 different threads with the same theme going on. Yeah tough talk but I gotta keep this movin....please bear with me when the weakness sets in again. Sandler was right love stinks!
dreamguy Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 What I am also starting to learn is that from now on, I'm gonna get myself straightend out, to the point where I will have my life on track financially and mentally, so that if someone does come through in my life, I wont need to depend on them to fill it, I would rather just have them as an addition to something that I built, and if it dont work out then I'll know to drop them first and be solid with the castle that I built. That's the mood you need to set yourself in !! That you don't necessarily need anyone in your life to make it. If someone likes to come along and join you in the ride, then they'll be most welcome as guests until they really prove themselves worthy of your time, love and money. I'm hoping to get back to full gear by August and at December I wanna go to Hawaii for the holiday. Damn I wish I could be there instead of you !! lol. Hope you have fun.
Author estakado Posted June 25, 2004 Author Posted June 25, 2004 She came over, Cant get into previous details right now since I am in shock, but I gave it my best shot. No more posts about me going through pain as now I have to live with it for a while. Its over now, the funny thing is that I didnt cry, I guess there wasnt any tears left. It kills me that someone can do something against the way they felt about you a good 7 years past. Perhaps there was alot of red flags that I missed, but on my end I always felt kept my love on point. Being a college student, working a full time job and having my son for the weekends is alot of work and responsibility. Perhaps she was feeling somewhere else a long time ago...regardless she is moving on even though she is crying and feeling sorry and guilty that she left me. In my words to her, I didnt do anything to cause guilt, she knows that she left me and on my end I am sick of feeling low and sick of hoping for her return. Of all the time she spent here at our house, she just mentioned the other guy and how great he is and all of the plans that they made, and this is all of within 2 months of them dating. She says that they have plans to marry. I dont know why but I listened to her, then I asked her if she loved me and she said she cant. I looked into her deeply, she shed tears. She says that she tells him everytime she misses me or when I cross her mind. She is soo close but far away. She says all these things to throw in my face to make herself feel better and away from my memory. Tries to make me feel a little worthless/powerless in this situation. She also tells me how much that she wants us to be friends, like how am I supposed to be friends with her? Is she gonna go to the movies with me? Shop for things? Play Basketball? Play Paintball with me? Make music with me? Cheer me up on a bad day? Because thats what friends do. She says that she will always there for me....I asked where were you last nite or the nite before. There wasnt any answer only tears. My mission is clearer now and although I wish everything in the world and everything that I am that I could be with my girl...its just a pipe dream. She broke my heart. When she left, I told her that I loved her, I whispered it in her ear. Then I closed the door, watched her leave, watched her cry. Then I just blanked out....25 mins later I checked the clock and I couldnt believe that I was zoned out for that long. I picked myself up, started cleaning and straighting things in my house, did dishes, just did like normal things and I didnt shed one tear. She called later on, and I let the machine answer, she said thanks for the movie, letters and music. After this, I realised that there is no more hope, she is GONE! and it is her loss! She thinks that she's seen all that I have to give and provide and she is soo wrong! The girl that was in my house looked like my honey but it became clear to me that she was someone else now, someone that got with some dude right after we ended, someone that is soo scared to be alone that she took the first wolf at her door. She wished me a happy life....I told her that I had one before. No more callbacks, No more crying, no more wasted days and nights. I'm gonna live starting at the end of this post. Looking over everything, its just all me now, its just all me that I need to lookout for and take care of. I answer to no one. I've been robbed and now I succeed in getting everything back day by day. Get rich in life or die trying! Thanks for all the support guys. Please post if you have any thoughts.
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