bamaguy20 Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 I need help...my ex girlfriend, on and off for year , dated serioulsy for a year...so been with this girl for two years..and i never really thought i had feelings for her...all the sudden a couple months ago she breaks up with me.....she starts hanging out with a couple new people...one is a guy i know she has a crush on...he is my fraternity brother...it kills me to see this....now this all happend 3 months ago....im doing a lot better feeling a lot better about not being with her, and the thought of her possibly being with another guy...we have been at same schools but next year i am transfering to go to another school to be with friends from highschool, because i feel being around her and seeing her possibly date another guy isnt good for me. I just want to know, how can I make this last push and get over her...the thought of things that happend does bring tears to my eyes, but nothing near the extent that it was when this was fresher. To top it all off, we got in a huge fight couple weeks ago when we got back form school....(we live in the same city at home) and i let her know what a follower she was being, letting these new people who are complete losers and going no where in life make up her mind for her. I can see her going down the same, wrong path as these two people..she used to be everything she had into me, and then when or about when we broke up she started relying on these people for everything, this other guy inparticular.....I want to get over her, I dont want to feel the pain that I do, i just dont know how...does anyone know any solid ways to help get over a girl that I was so deeply in love with...I have a lot of freinds and support at home and at the school i am going to next year which is why i am going, but really i know i have to get over her on my own, and i just dont know how..ive prayed to god to help me get over this, because i dont know what else to do...like i said it doesnt hurt as bad as before, but its still lingering on.....any help at all from anyone would be great thanks.
hla76 Posted May 22, 2004 Posted May 22, 2004 I have been in your situation a few times.I know you are probably still hurting and all because you loved or still do love her.Why don't you try to start dating again.It might help.And who knows you may find the girl of your dreams.There is somone out there for eveyone.It might take awhile to find her,but you will one day.I wish you all the luck and I hope your heart ache does away soon.
Author bamaguy20 Posted May 23, 2004 Author Posted May 23, 2004 thanks for the words of encouragement....actually theres this girl ive been friends with since highschool....dated my best friend, we hooked up once a very long time while my best friend and her were dating...swore id never do it again, and havent...shes a cool ass girl, awsome to talk to, shes been listening to me about my problems and such with my current ex girlfriend......now her and my best friend arent exactly dating, she doesnt love him anymore..but he is absolutly in LOVE with her...i wanna start dating again, i find it easier to date someone you already know or have been friends with and really from everyitng weve been talking about i coudl totally see us being together for a very long time, but at the same time i dont want to date my best friends girlfriend/exgirlfriend whatever youw ant to call it..because thats more or less what happend to me down at school this past semester....ex started hanign out with my fraternity brother a lot, and who knows whats going to happen with them next year when im not around...but at the same time..i dont want to stop myself from doing something i think is right because of someone else....i really do like this girl and could see myself with her..dont know what to do..
hla76 Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 That is a hard one because it is your bestfriends ex.I have also been in a situation like that before.I will tell you a lil about that story.When I was married me and now exhusband split up and my bestfriend ran in to him one day.They got talking for awhile and far as she told me they went down to some beach yype place and had sex.my best friend did this to me.The person I thought I could trust with everything in me.She never told me in person though.She called me and left it on the answering machiane.When I heard that it killed me inside and out.It took me a long time to talk to her again.But she was the one who had to come to me and apologize.I forgave her and we are friends again,but now I can not and will not trust her as much as I used to.I would not even trust her around the guy I am with now if they were alone.She has stopped by a couple of times here when I was not home.She thought I was home but I was out and my boyfriend was home alone.I asked him if she tried anything and he said no.He does not like her too much.He never has.I dont think he would lie to me either.I just get very causious when it comes to her being alone with my guy.Even if it is for 5 minutes.I just dont have that trust I had for her when we first became friends.So if I were you I would talk to your friend first about how you feel about his ex.He might get angry,but just take it and stand there.Let him get all his anger out and try not to get angry back.It would just make matters worse.He might understand,than again he may not.But I dont think you want to loose your best friend either.I know I didnt want to and now things are a lil different between us.she does not know that I dont trust her as much anymore but she has lost that trust.and this all happend about 5 years ago.so your best bet would to be talk to your friend before you make any move and so you dont loose your best friend(brother).I hope I was a lil bit of a help to you.And good luck and let me know how things go.
Author bamaguy20 Posted May 24, 2004 Author Posted May 24, 2004 yeah im still considering what to do here......you seem well informed..id like your opinion on somethign else.....back to my ex girlfriend.....it appears and somewhat feels, definatly not completly though, that i am getting over her..that awful pain in my stomach is gone, and what have you..its only when i imagine her with that complete low life in my fraternity at school that i feel AWFUL.....i dont even know 100% that they will date or hook up or whatever next year, but its a definate possibilty......how do i finally rid myself of her completely and not let things like that bother me???? any ideas at all..because i hate thinking about her with other guys it makes me so sick to my stomach..how long is this going to go on for!???
Miss_Behavin143 Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 But it really won't take that long. I'm going through a divorce (a slowwww one it's been in the process for a year.) and, my husband left me for another girl. The thing about it was.. after I thought about it so much, him cheating on me, him being with her, him just leaving me period.. I got to this point where I was so angry or whatever... I just didn't care anymore after that. Now, I'm like. Whatever with him. I hope he's happy with his girl.. and as long as he leaves me alone, I'm cool. I always believed that if you've really loved someone "you'll always have that special place in your heart for them" but, I'm living proof that is not always the case. maybe it will be different for you.. I guess I just know for a few weeks, I cried, I was hurt, it was probably more of being rejected than anything, then I got angry, and after 3 or 4 weeks.... I just didn't care anymore. At All. Now, I've moved on.. and I'm worried about my relationship with my NEW boyfriend of 8 months. lol So, just give it time! As for your friends girlfriend, that's a wishy-washy kinda thing and I'll tell you why. I don't know how long they were together? But, if you two were to take a step and be together, if something happened, you have to think about how long she had been with your best friend for? Would she go back to him? and would that cause more drama between all 3 of you than it's really worth pursuing?! I don't know if that makes sense or not.... but, you just need to think about how their relationship was, how long it lasted, the emotional ties between them, before you try to step into his place... kinda? Yeah, okay that probably made no sense... so Roll Tide and good luck.. *smiles*
Author bamaguy20 Posted May 24, 2004 Author Posted May 24, 2004 yeah like...she treated him badly, she cheated on him several times....(once with me....) wasnt exactly honest about everything..but deep down she never really loved him the way he loved her....he allowed her to walk all over him..much the way my ex is allowing a couple of new people she met to do to her now that weve broken up.....ive sat and talked with this new girl, we have always been really good friends...shes explained to me, that she just doenst love him anymore...ive explained my whole situation with my ex to her, and ive heard her say things ive never thought id hear her say..and thats what makes me think she might be a different person, as i too am acompletly differnet person now that i broke up with my ex....no longer am i out there just looking to have sex with or hook upw ith girls...having been out of a very serious relationship for a little over three months now, im looking for a girlfriend, much like someone i had before....and this girl used to be the same way into one night stands, and the such, but after talking to her, we really seemed to connect on the same level and appear to be looking for the same thing, thats why i think things could possibly work, and even though she was one of my best friends girlfriend, i know things will never work out between them..but again i dont really want to date my friends girlfriend and be that guy....i just dont know what to do...
Miss_Behavin143 Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 When I think about the girl that breaks up with her boyfriend and dates his best friend.. I think that's just wrong. When I think about the guy that dates his best friends ex girlfriend... I think that's more than wrong! I don't mean it bad, but... I think alot of people would feel that way. Of course, alot of people would say it's okay, too. I think it's just more a thing about respect for that person. and you really really need to consider being with someone whose had a past like that period... especially cheating on her boyfriend, not including the one night stands, but.... hey.. what do I know? Could it really be more a thing of infatuation.. and being infatuated with the idea of being with her, or whatever, maybe because it IS kinda risky because she was your best friends girl.... or could it be the fact that ya'll both have nobody, you can relate to your relationships (or lack there of right now) and it's making ya'll both vulnerable? Just a thought? I'm not trying to be mean, at all! Lord knows I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes..
Author bamaguy20 Posted May 24, 2004 Author Posted May 24, 2004 yeah, you bring up a good point...i think its the fact that we are both vulnerable now...as both of our serious relationships are done..i got dumped, and she doesnt love the guy shes been with for two and a half years anymore, and isnt fufilled anymore by one night stands and the sort.....i mean its not like shes breaking up with him FOR me..it just worked out that we both are single more or less at the same time...but id unno..mabye part of me wants her as a girlfriend because its just easier...easier than having to go out and meet people..i need to fill that void that was left by my ex-girlfriend..and the thought of her possibly dating this guy she hung out with a hellof a lot this past year after we broke up makes me want to find someone of my own..
Miss_Behavin143 Posted May 25, 2004 Posted May 25, 2004 I think you said it. ESPECIALLY now that I hear this girl was with your best friend for how long?!? that's a long time... and that makes it even more so sound like you two are being very vulnerable because of your circumstances. It just so happens that ya'll have broken up with your ex's at the same time, and that ya'll have something in common to talk about and console each other on, but I'm telling you.... this doesn't sound like a good idea to pursue it with her for many reasons. She may just be confused and end up wanting to be with her ex again. They were together for a long time! and it may just so happen, you want someone just to have someone right now, and she's there for you........ but be careful or you may end up being the one that gets hurt in all this. Because... she's been with her ex a longggg time to be soo certain all the sudden that she's done. She may change her mind... if you do want to be with her..... I'd give her a few months and make sure that she is in the right state of mind, and really IS done with him, and hasn't just been "confused", you know? you may find that you've just been "confused" also.. MAYBE NOT though... do what your heart says.. but, by your posts... I can already tell that you know you shouldnt be with her. ... but... maybe I'm wrong? I wish u the best of luck.. I know that's a reaally sucky situation. God. Roll Tide, still. *smiles*
Author bamaguy20 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 haha...... well...I've stumbled back on to this site, a little over 4 years later (somehow remembering my old name/pw). I re-read a lot of what I was posting at the time..and wowww does it bring back memories. So, to top a 4+ year old thread....Just thought Id like to say you guys were all 100% correct....No contact works. Time heals all. I would move on. I really didnt believe you at the time I've since graduated college, met a girl along the way and have been together for the past 2 1/2 years, have been living together for the past year. Things are great, Im living in sunny California and couldnt be happier. Just wanted to say thanks to you all for helping me get through one of the most difficult periods of my life. edit: ha..after re reading this thread, the girl i'm with is NOT the rebound chick I was describing above...thank god for that!
chrisanderson Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 good stuff! Nice to see that there is hope at the end of the tunnel. Did your ex ever try contacting you?
Author bamaguy20 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 well, there was no contact int he forms of " hey lets try it out and get back together again". We went no contact, for about 2 years, minus happy holiday texts, etc. All that talk of "well be together in the end".....was just that: TALK. People say that during moments like we were going through...and honestly, dont let yourself take it seriously..I know I did, and its what kept me hung up on her for so long. I'm at the point now where i can honestly say I have ZERO feelings for her...havent had any feelings at all for about 2 1/2 years. We talk occasionally from time to time now, I do like keeping in contact with a person I was that close with for so long..but theres no hidden meanings or anything in th emessages...We just talk like regular friends and have no hopes or desires of getting back together. Time truly does heal all wounds. It took me about 2 years to get completely over it....but it happened..
chrisanderson Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Good stuff man. Can't wait to get where you are. Thanks alot for coming back to give us the update!
Author bamaguy20 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 I'll tell you what the "experienced"() members told me when I was in your shoes........without knowing your circumstances go no contact, understand TIME will heal wounds. If you are like I was, you will probably say, yeah but THIS situation was different yadda yadda......Our brains all function very similiar....memories are nothing more than chemical reactions...these reactions become less and less profound and meanignful the more time passes...Just believe that. Its surreal looking back at my posts 4 years ago....I thought I had things figured out and where and who I was giogn to be, not to mention who I would be with....now, I couldnt in a million years see myself with the ex described in this post....fast forward 4 years, I graduated college, moved to california, and now live with a girlfriend I met at the college I transfered to, and will be applying to law school this fall. 4 things I NEVER could have foreseen. That is the beauty of life...you never know whats in store for you next...Trust in that, and trust things will pick up for you.
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