Blah Toolz Posted April 24, 2004 Posted April 24, 2004 I never thought it would happen like this, but it did. My gf and I had been very close for 2 years, and she had even asked me to give her a promise ring at one point. I told her I wasn't considering anything like that just yet, but I really did love her and enjoyed being with her more than anything. We had been camping together last summer, recently went on a trip to Florida together, and were just practically inseparable. Towards the end, we had been fighting a little more, mostly over jealousy issues on both her part and mine. I would tell her that I was going to have a night where I would simply go and chill with some of my boys at my friend's house, and she would okay it, but reluctantly. She would end up calling me at least 10 times in a row while I was at the party, and I would tell her that I was simply chilling with my friends, and just having a night out with the guys. She couldn't seem to see my side of it, and would accuse me of hooking up with girls at the parties, or cheating on her constantly. I too expressed a little jealousy with her, but mostly because she was a girl, and girls are prone to flirt. I told her that flirting made me feel a little uncomfortable, but I told her that she was hot, and that I sometimes took it as a compliment if other people looked at her. Then one weekend, she went on a trip with her female friend (I'll call her Beth) and stayed there for two nights. I called her on the trip and vice-versa, and everything seemed like it was going alright. However, everything started going downhill the night she came back. The night she called me and said she was home, I was working. She called me up and asked me to go see her, and I said "Well, I'm working right now. How about when I get out?" She said "Forget it, I'm hanging out with Beth." I was pretty dissed by this, figuring she had just spent all weekend with Beth and she couldn't even wait an hour or two for me to get out of work? We didn't see each other that night or the night after, and I told her that I didn't like how she had kept ditching me for her friend now. She told me that it was nothing like that, so I drove to her house one night so that we could talk about it. This is where the **** hit the fan. We got into an argument over how we weren't spending time with each other, and I ended up saying "Fine, I don't like the way it's going. I don't think I want to be together anymore." She seemed upset, but she didn't disagree with me. She said she was going to Beth's house, and I left, a bit dejected. We still talked on the phone, and about a week later I went to her house to tell her that I wanted to get back together and I missed her. She had lied to me about where she had been sleeping over. She said she was sleeping over Beth's house, but instead she and Beth had been sleeping over a guy's house that Beth was now hooking up with. She said she didn't want to tell me because I would "freak out." She ended up coming back to her house so that I could talk to her, and she said some really mean things to me. She said she hated how I called her a slut, which wasn't true, and how my mom hated her, and how I was always late. I told her that I was working on it, and I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes. I told her that I never called her a slut, and that my mom not liking her was beyond my control. I still loved her despite, I told her. She said she hated me, and that we should break up because it was "for the best." She said she still was attracted to me, and that maybe if things got good again we could go out again in the future. About a month has gone by, and I've tried to forget about her, but it's tough, because she's in two of my classes. We don't really talk as much, I've noticed, and yesterday at work, I went in with a note that said that "I loved her, and wanted her to please take me back," along with a picture of us I cut into a heart. She was really genuinely happy about this, and said it "was so cute." She said again that she just wants to be friends for a while, and she wants to hang out with me over the summer, etc. I told her I was fine with this, I just wanted her to be happy. I don't know, my friends all tell me to move on -- but there's something diff. about her. I used to be a playa in high school and my first year of college, but I really like this girl. I think that the fact we were together for 2 years is more than a simple fling, and is at least worth fighting and trying for. But she seems to not even care anymore. After class I'll see her rush right into a car with her friend Beth. When she talks to me on the phone now, she seems to busy to talk. I am moving on as well, and have hung out with girls both in groups and on dates, but I don't know what to think. Does she simply want some time to be single, or has she really forgotten and doesn't care about the 2 yrs. we spent together? Should I not contact her for a while? We still have 6 classes left together, so it will be a little tough, and it's like getting kicked in the nuts everytime she acts like she doesn't care or has forgotten about the bond we've had. Sorry for the long ass post, but I really needed to vent this ****.
Author Blah Toolz Posted April 24, 2004 Author Posted April 24, 2004 Thanks, a lot of people have said that it's not impossible right now for us to get back together -- but she probably wants a little space for a while. I realize that she fights with her mother a lot, and that we do still love each other -- but it's probably best that we both move ahead for a little while. What makes you think she will come around, though?
Author Blah Toolz Posted April 26, 2004 Author Posted April 26, 2004 So what should I do, try to stop talking to her once school is over? Give her some time... lay low, move ahead myself, but continue making contact with her on occasion?
epiphone Posted April 26, 2004 Posted April 26, 2004 Leave her be for a while for sure, easier said then done but i'm under the impression that your in college and seem to be pretty popular. Go out have fun. this girl will probably be in the back of your mind for a looong time, but that doesn't mean you can't go hang out with guy friends as well as girl friends anytime you wish. Focus on other things and don't let her run your life. good luck
Author Blah Toolz Posted April 27, 2004 Author Posted April 27, 2004 Yeah, you're right man. You're absolutely right. I was driving myself crazy, always clinging to a tiny shred of hope -- or interpreting certain actions she would do as wanting me back. But if she really wanted me back, she wouldn't blow me off, and she would come up to me and say "Let's try and work this out," because I've tried everything else. God's way of telling you that you're doing something wrong is pain, and that's all I've been experiencing after trying to show her that I was still the man she fell in love with. Oh well, just let time takes its course now. Lay low, move ahead, and have some fun.
Author Blah Toolz Posted April 30, 2004 Author Posted April 30, 2004 Well, haven't called her in a while now, and I don't plan on doing it. I'm starting to get past the stage of blind emotion now, and although I still miss her -- I'm starting to realize all of the negative aspects that I don't miss at all. Like being nagged, being called up every 5 minutes, etc. I have a lot more time to do what I want to do, chill with the boys, hit the gym for as long as I want without conflict from her, etc. I am also starting to realize the perks of being single, especially with the summer just around the corner... I do still miss her though, and I wish it didn't change so dramatically like this. It's like I've lost a best friend, because we went from being so close for 2 years, to barely talking at all. It just hurts that it seems like she doesn't care, and that all the good memories and times that we had together almost seem to be going down the drain somewhere... forgotten. It would be nice to know that she misses me as well, but I guess only time will tell. Any other tips anyone... I seem to be getting better now without contacting her and falling into her traps. I got some good friends.
cryshuh_jj Posted May 1, 2004 Posted May 1, 2004 She will eventually come around. If she really loves you like you say she does then things will eventually work out. It just takes a lot of time.
Author Blah Toolz Posted May 4, 2004 Author Posted May 4, 2004 Well, just had my second to last class with her. I just take it as it is, and we talk to each other in a friendly manner... laugh a bit, joke around. It's better than the total silent treatment, as I can't exactly enforce a full "no-contact" rule as of yet. It's still enjoyable to talk with her, just goof around... almost like old times. Kind of sucks when she talks about things that she's been doing without me, like seeing movies with her friends, etc. but I have to let her do what she wants to do. I can't force her to hang out with me anymore. After class, it still hurts. Because after class, we always used to go to lunch together, and then have the whole day together if neither of us had to work... but now we just say "Bye, I'll talk to you later," to each other. It hurts, because I think of all the awesome times we had in the past 2 years together, how close we were... and it's like I'll never get to experience that again with her. It hurts because I still love her so much... but I figure that if she wanted to hang out, she'd probably tell me... because she knows how I feel. Ah well. I'll keep venting, and maybe time will change my story.
cryshuh_jj Posted May 4, 2004 Posted May 4, 2004 Yeah maybe time will change the story. It's just the waiting part that seems unbearable. It's almost as if you don't want her to think you are waiting around for her, but if she did decide she wanted to be together again you would probably give it no thought and give it another try!
Author Blah Toolz Posted May 4, 2004 Author Posted May 4, 2004 Yeah, I want to give it another try... But at the same time, I'm starting to enjoy some of the perks of being single. I just really miss being able to hang out with her... to hold her, just lay next to her and cuddle in bed. Just the intense, close relationship we had for the past 2 years -- seeing each other day. It doesn't seem like she wants to get back together now... or even hang out with me. Maybe once school ends, she knows that there'll be no excuse for us to see each other... maybe she'll realize she misses me? I don't know... it just hurts, we went from being so close to this. It's like I've lost a best friend as well.
cryshuh_jj Posted May 4, 2004 Posted May 4, 2004 it's almost like you have all of this free time and you know exactly who you want to spend it with, but she doesn't want to spend it the same way. you used to hang out with her all the time and now that she isn't there you have a hell of a lotta time to miss her. losing her as a best friend would be really hard to deal with but does it hurt her to lose you as a friend or are you still the same person you were in a relationship. if she thinks she didn't lose a friend then she still thinks she has you to go to when things are not going so good but when it comes to you she has better things to do than listen. as hard as it sounds give her the cold shoulder next time you see her. maybe it will make her think about if you still want something to do with her.
Author Blah Toolz Posted May 5, 2004 Author Posted May 5, 2004 Well, giving her the cold shoulder wouldn't matter. I only have one class left with her anyways, and then I'm assuming that I won't be seeing her over the summer. We don't call each other anymore... which is kind of different, because we would call each other several times a day over the time we were together, and would see each other nearly every day. Sometimes I think... "Man, I wish I could go back in time and change such and such," and stuff like that, but I know that everyone makes mistakes. It just hurts, I still get depressed at times... doesn't seem like I've been getting much better yet. Before I go to bed, it's hard not to think about all the good times I had with her, spending a whole summer together camping, the nights we would stay up together talking and cuddling, the true love that we would show towards each other... and that I may never be able to have that with her again. She doesn't seem to miss me right now... and it hurts. The change just seems so drastic. But I'll give her space, like everyone has suggested -- and it makes sense. I hope that she'll realize that she misses me one day... hopefully. It would hurt to think that she would never think about me again in a good way. I still love her... and it's hard to get over it.
calithin83 Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 hey there:)....well u already showed her that ure sorry and that u care, so if she still wants to remain friends, its time for you to start moving on...and show that u dont care even if it means faking it..u gotta be strong....cos if she sees u weak she wont have the chance to miss u when she sees u would be available for her, so if she sees that ure happy being single, and seem like u have forgotten her, she might come around to u....but as long as u keep doing the chasing or showing some kind of affection she wont come back..... anyways give it some time...maybe u both need the space..give it 2-4 weeks or more....eventually she should come around and if she never does, i guess u have to accept its over and really move on. I know you love her alot but the fact that ure mom didnt like her already is a bad thing, dont u want a girl that ure mom will like? either way what counts is what u like, and what u love, but just for now remain strong, stay positive, workout, hang out with friends, and dont blame ureself for the mistakes u made, everyone makes mistakes.... take care..
Author Blah Toolz Posted May 6, 2004 Author Posted May 6, 2004 I broke down worse today than I have since the break-up. Just been thinking of everything... how much I miss her. Then I was thinking about a quote that is on her buddy profile on AIM: "Never make someone your priority, if you're only their convenience." I never, ever wanted to make her feel unloved. Some days I might not have expressed how much I loved her, and I realize I should have done it every day. I've been thinking about writing a letter to her, just telling her that I never meant to make her feel unloved, ever -- and that I never meant to make her feel as if she was not the first priority in my life. I never intentionally put anything as a priority over her. Tomorrow is the last class, so I figure that I could give her the letter... and then just leave her be. As I won't have any excuse to see her over the summer... and I'll be giving her space. Does anyone think this is a bad idea? I've already given her a note in work that said "I love you with all my heart," along with a picture of her and I cut into a heart. She was genuinely happy to get it, but she said to me, "I just want to be friends for a while." We haven't really spoken over the phone for about a week now... and this was also the last time I was over her house to drop off a t-shirt. We spoke for a little bit, and when I said I had to go, she started calling my cell phone about 10 times in a row. I was only upstairs talking to her mom, and so when I went back downstairs... we had a good conversation about some of the good times we had together -- reminiscing. It's hard to think that tomorrow in class may be the last time I ever see her. Does anyone have some advice for me?
pixiegrrl28 Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 I would give her the letter, and then just let her be. The ball will be in her court and then she will know exactly how you feel. Then, there won't be any what ifs!! How long have you been broken up? Just give her the space she needs, and give her a chance to realize what she is missing. At least she will know that you are willing to make amends for what you did. You didn't realize what you had until she was gone. So, now it is her turn.
picasso Posted May 7, 2004 Posted May 7, 2004 Don't send the letter, pal. She wants you to leave her alone. While she is genuinely happy to have a *sweet* guy to put her and him in a heart, she DOES NOT want a man who lets her walk all over him. She's not going to come out and say you don't arouse me anymore, but what she means by "I'd like to be friends" is "I am not romantically attracted to you" She may tell her friends about how syrupy romantic you are, and they probably envy her and tell her that she's so lucky, and she should give you another chance but SHE DOESN'T THINK SO. I do agree that eventually she will come around, meaning that eventually she'll realize how unconditionally you love her, and be down low and need that brotherly love. She'll feel like she was such a fool for not realizing how great you were, and how much you loved her and how much she actually loved you deep inside, yada yada yada. But women aren't romantically attracted by their BROTHERS that is taboo. I'm sorry to give you tough love, brother, I know how it hurts BELIEVE ME - 2 yrs of happiness is a lot to lose but not tremendous. p
Author Blah Toolz Posted May 7, 2004 Author Posted May 7, 2004 Yeah... I was just on emotional crack last night... I was really missing her. I saw her in class today, and I just pretty much chill and talk to her like we're friends. It still feels like we're pretty close, but... I'm just letting it unfold now. I'm not going to force anything... and I decided against the letter as well. I'm just going to give her space, I know this now. On a good note, I asked this hot blonde for her number and she gave it to me without hesitation... made me feel a bit better, and I think just meeting and hanging out with someone new will make it so that this break-up isn't running my life.
Author Blah Toolz Posted May 13, 2004 Author Posted May 13, 2004 I'm starting to get over it... but that doesn't mean it's getting any less confusing. I stopped calling her for a few weeks. And just this past weekend, I started getting calls from her out of nowhere. The first few I didn't answer... because I was drunk and partying up in Boston, so I didn't hear the calls. But she had been pretty consistent with the calls... at around 12 or 1am. In class, she acts like she is my best friend. She even says..."Blah blah blah, I called you on such and such a date. Do you remember what day that was...?" I told her I didn't know. She replies with "That was the first day we ever had sex." Wow. After that class she followed me outside and just wanted to talk to me. Wanted to talk to me like I was best friends or her boyfriend again. She calls me again tonight at about 11pm... and I pick up, considering I'm just going to see her in class for our finals tomorrow anyways. She wants me to go to her house and help her study. I tell her what we need to study, and she says "Oh, I figured we could study together. You could come sit with me." I tell her that it's too late, but thanks for the offer. She says "Fine, I gotta go work on the stuff then." I don't know how to handle her, because part of me wants to hang out with her again -- but I'm not going to rush over to her house at 12am at her convenience. I'm not her boyfriend anymore. It seems like she is showing some signs of regret, but I'm not ready to chill with her again yet. She's too erratic. Besides... I've got a date tomorrow night with a sweet girl I met (an older woman, 24, OH SNAP), and I want to get to know her. It's just hard to know what my ex-gf's intentions are. I still care for her a lot, and I would hate to lose her from my life completely -- but I think I need more time away from her. Anyone think that is the best path to take? I don't know exactly if she's showing regret, still wants me around, or what... confused here.
Author Blah Toolz Posted May 15, 2004 Author Posted May 15, 2004 She calls me quite a bit now... recently late at night, and most recently today to ask if I wanted to go to her little brother's baseball game with her. It's just confusing -- I told her I wouldn't be able to make it, but thanks for the offer. As I said in the previous post, she's been acting really friendly again with me, and even came right out with that comment about "That was the first day we ever had sex." I think I need a bit more time away from her, and I know I said that last post -- but it's a bit relieving to vent. Does everyone think that I should take more time away from her, or perhaps hang out with her when she initiates contact?
Author Blah Toolz Posted May 17, 2004 Author Posted May 17, 2004 I know this is my fourth or fifth post in a row... but can anyone give me a little more advice on my current situation?
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