livingnightmare Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Ok after going through this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t202024/ I have not been in a relationship since in any form (not even sexual) and had completely put my guard right up, never wanting to have a relationship again then..... I feel so stupid writing this and cant understand what is going on? I met some one over the net by accident in the PC gaming world Im male shes a female... we got good friends straight away (all this has happned within the last 2 weeks) we talked and understood about relationships and hurt blah blah the little miss u msgs, sending hearts and kisses, pet names, was even told that she likes me, she told me she had been hurt previously and I really felt like this is someone special, I was thanked that I dont get jealous over her male friends on line so took this at face value and really dropped my guard I let her in. I confessed that my feelings had got pretty strong and she backed right off saying she doesnt need any more burden on her shoulders, told me off the rules I had broken what men shouldnt say and do (I done 7 out of 10 I reckon) How do people stop feeling like this so quick she even told me that women loose interest just like that and then said if I was to take it slow with a woman that has got scared off it could still work and the woman could fall for me???????? Im so confused right now and as small as this situation looks I am upset and feel like Im in love (cant see how that is though and realise its a crush or infatuation is it? *1) I cant even eat and sleep properly, Ive not even met her, she says she has alot of emotional problems going on and she is broken. The thing is my help through my previous problem was the gaming world and gaming clan I belong too which she now visits daily, I cant leave this place its my only refuge, can anyone help me out with what is going on here, what I should do? what is going on in my mind or heart that I feel like this so sudden with someone Ive never met? *1 Are my feelings to do with the previous situation I was in, swearing to never drop my guard but now doing so? can anyone shed some light on this? or maybe probe some answers from questions you have? any contribution and what I should do will be listend too Thanks! Edited January 25, 2012 by livingnightmare
Author livingnightmare Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Anyone?? Yes this sounds stupid, But I really need help understanding If I have any underlying problems remaining from my previous relationship.
Philosoraptor Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 From what I've read you seem to have some self esteem problems. You have not found acceptance within yourself and seem to need reassurance from other people. Would I consider this love? No, not really. It seems to be an attachment of sorts as she was giving you the kind of assurance that you needed and you clung to that. Once you've found a stronger sense of self you will realize this as well. On her side, she was hurt before and needed to feel good again. Once she did she did not need that from you anymore. She said "girls move on quick" but that's just because she had no true attachment. Maybe she didn't realize it because she was hurting, but she was using you to feel better. Once she got her feet on the ground she had no need for the reassurance you were offering her, so she just backed off.
Author livingnightmare Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Thank you for your input Philosoraptor it is much needed and appreciated at the moment, Yes I realise I do have some major self esteem problems, and I am starting to see this a bit clearer now. When I dig deep I do not accept my self for who I am but I have no idea how to change this? I haven't given up in this area I'm just so unsure of how to go about it. The blows I was dealt from that previous relationship knocked me for six and though over the pain I still am not with full inner peace this has effected me in many areas in my life, I was once a guy who was never afraid of anything but now somehow see fear on a regular basis in many areas. I had a good chat with this person this morning and knowing we dont have a chance anyway asked them where do I fully stand, I already new the answer but that reassurance monster just needed to hear it so I can forget and channel my energy else where. I guess I now must start working on my self with a clear goal in mind to improve my mental well being which is low in all honesty, Would anyone have any good advice? Links, Books I should read to help me along this journey? It is much in need of at the moment and my hand is out willing to take all the help I can get! Thank you for reading.
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